July 14, 2000     Official Show Prep of Rattana     Edition:  #1846

WHERE VARIOUS VOCATIONS VACATION:
• Boxers vacation at SMASHED-IN HEAD Buffalo Jump AB.
• Lawyers like it in SUE Ste Marie.
• Oil Executives enjoy the gas-PAY in Quebec.
• Pharmacists fill up MEDICINE Hat AB.
• Sex shop owners head over to DILDO NF.
• Football quarterbacks like Rogers PASS BC.
• Cribbage players enjoy WinniPEG. (Ouch!)
• Pig farmers? Where else? HAMilton.
• Jewelers get going to GOLDEN BC.
• Pianists play along the Florida KEYS.
• And unwed mothers end up in COME-BY-CHANCE NF.
(Have listeners suggest more of these.)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A Seattle-based audio entertainment Website has unveiled a new music format called ‘MiniVan’, described as “a softer experience for soccer moms” (oh, they just discovered ‘EZ Rock’?) . . . Darva Conger will pay her mother’s dental bills with proceeds from posing naked in “Playboy” (she’s showing her cavities in order to have mom’s fixed) . . . The new permanent home of the Academy Awards in Hollywood will be called the ‘Eastman Kodak Theater’, name rights which will cost the pic people a whopping $75 million (and you a buck every time you buy a roll of 24).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
The much-anticipated movie version of the Marvel Comics superhero series “X-Men”, stars Patrick Stewart as ‘Professor X‘ and Ian McKellen as his arch rival ‘Magneto’ (check out the background in outdoor scenes – that’s Toronto!). Dud movies based on Marvel Comics – “The Punisher”, “Judge Dredd”, “Captain America”. Hit movies based on Marvel Comics – just one, “Blade”, starring Wesley Snipes.

DOGS TO WED, PAVING THE WAY FOR PRINCE CHARLES:
A pair of German Shepherds will be formally married THIS WEEKEND in Alden NY because their owners were so touched when ‘Zak’ the male turned down a Whopper to sniff out his true love ‘Lakata’ the female. The whole beastly affair will be televised on “Animal Planet”. (Any dissenters wishing to stop the ceremony will need a garden hose.)

NATIONAL NUDE DAY NEWS:
If you dream about being naked in a public place, don’t worry. According to research from the American School of Metaphysics, being naked in a dream is quite normal and actually very common. (If you’re naked and livestock is involved — would that make a difference?)

WE LIKE “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”:
A poll of 20 legendary songwriters the likes of Paul McCartney and Brian Wilson for UK magazine “Mojo” has picked The Beatles’ “In My Life” as the ‘Greatest Song Ever Written’, followed by the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction” and “Over the Rainbow” from “The Wizard of Oz”. (Right about now, Beethoven really IS rolling over.)

TINKLE TREATMENT:
According to “Natural Health” mag, a sure cure for summer sunburn is – your own urine! Yup, a mixture of pee and olive oil applied overnight is said to sooth pain, reduce redness and prevent peeling. And, they say, there’s no odor. (When it comes to sunburn, I say piss on it!)

THE BULL SHEET 07.14..00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .

1913     [87] Gerald Ford, Omaha NE, accident-prone 38th US President (1974-77)
1949     [51] Tommy Mottola, Sony Entertainment president/ex-Mr Mariah Carey
1966    [34] Matthew Fox, Crowheart WY, TV actor (Charlie Salinger-“Party of Five”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1951    [49] Jessie Ventura (James George Janos), Minneapolis MN, Minnesota Governor/former wrestler (Jesse ‘The Body’-WWF)/sometime movie actor (“Batman & Robin”, “Predator”)
1961    [39] Lolita Davidovich, Toronto ON, film actress (“Gods and Monsters”, “Jungle 2 Jungle”)
1972    [28] Scott Foley, Kansas City KS, TV actor (Noel Crane-“Felicity”)/movie actor (“Scream 3″)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Antigonish NS] Highland Games weekend (Hoot mon, I can’t get my caber up!)
[France] “Bastille Day” national holiday (French kiss a French poodle!)
[Toronto] Molson Indy weekend

TODAY is “National Nude Day”, the climax of “Nude Recreation Week”. (Hey, your outfit’s wrinkled!)

The 29th running of the “Canadian Turtle Derby” rears its ugly head TODAY-Sunday in Boissevain MB. Makes you wonder — do turtles get blisters on their feet from kids going “vroom vroom vroom”?
PHONER: Ivan Strain (204-534-6000/204-534-7227) or Wayne Pringle (204-534-6280/204-534-2359).

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    [01] Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time” album crosses the 5-million-unit sales mark

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1990    [10] Prince Edward Island’s ‘Fast Eddy’ McDonald completes record 8,437 loops with a yo-yo in 1 hour
1990    [10] World’s largest cherry pie weighs in at 37,740 lbs and is served up from a 20-foot diameter pan (Oliver BC)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Cow Appreciation Day
National Laundry Workers’ Week
Get Along With Your Ex Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
SFX THEATER: (You tell the story, a listener on the phone provides the SFX.)
Today’s story is called “Summer Vacation” . . .
The family was all EXCITED about their summer vacation. (SFX) Father HONKED the horn at the neighbors as he backed out of the driveway. (SFX) Mother SIGHED. (SFX) “Wow,” she said. “Do I ever need a break!” The family drove 15 hours on the busy highway with the kids YELLING in the back seat the whole way. (SFX) When they arrived, father cranked up the CREAKY pop-top camper. (SFX) The 1st night it RAINED. (SFX) The 2nd night it RAINED. (SFX) The 3rd night there was a severe THUNDERSTORM. (SFX) Father had had enough! He cranked down the CREAKY pop-top camper (SFX), drove 15 hours on the busy highway back home with the kids YELLING in the back seat the whole way. (SFX) As they turned into their driveway, Mother SIGHED. (SFX) “Wow,” she said. “Do I ever need a break!”

BS TAG LINE: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.


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