July 10, 2000         Zee Bull is Back!          Edition:  #1842

BS SIGNS YOU’VE SENT YOUR KID TO A BAD SUMMER CAMP:
• Weekly prizes awarded for ‘Best Rash’.
• You get 10-page letter from your son detailing his love for the Reverend Moon.
• Youngsters take turns being ‘camp doctor’.
• Your daughter starts using a lot of prison slang.
• Your kid comes home with a ‘Beer Drinking Merit Badge’.
• During a nature hike, one counselor plays the banjo and another tells your son he has a real pretty mouth.
• It’s called ‘Mr & Mrs. Johnson’s Camp for Kids Whose Parents Don’t Love Them, Don’t Want Them Around, and Won’t Even Pay for a Halfway Decent Camp’.

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “E! Online” reports that “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” is now the biggest seller in the history of online book sales, with more than 700,000 copies pre-ordered before it went on sale SATURDAY. Other amazin’ “Harry” fax – the first printing totaled a staggering 5.3 million copies, and Canada Post made about 10,000 special deliveries SATURDAY to fans who ordered the book from Chapters.ca.
• Britain’s “News of the World” claims Britney Spears & ‘N Sync’s Justin Timberlake are engaged. (We don’t believe it either.)
• Friends of Dennis Quaid tell “People” mag he’s devastated by the breakup of his marriage to Meg Ryan, who’s reportedly been engaging in public displays of affection with actor Russell Crowe. But several female extras from Quaid’s football flick “Any Given Sunday” tell the mag he’s no saint, frequently pawing their equipment. Meantime, “Star” reports that Meg was spotted buying aluminum handcuffs, a pair of black leather pompoms and a sexy cheerleader outfit at a sex shop! (Crowe may soon be “Sleepless in Seattle”!)
• “Q Online” reports that Eminem’s mom Debbie Mathers-Briggs is taking her own stab at the music biz with a new rap track called “Why Are You Doing Me Like You Are?”. She apparently needs the cash because her chart-topping son gives her squat. (“My name is . . . my name is Mom Shady . . .”)
• And because you really care, “National Enquirer” tells us Mariah Carey is auctioning off her toilet seat for charity.(She claims hers doesn’t stink.)

WHO’D VOLUNTEER FOR THIS TEST?
For a Swiss study women were asked to sniff T-shirts that men had slept in for 2 days. Most preferred body odors that differed from their own. Researchers say that’s due to intrinsic survival sense. By picking a mate that has a different scent, a woman passes on broader immune protection to her children.

THE REASON I STRIVE TO SCREW UP:
A 10-year study of some 9,000 professionals  shows that detail-oriented perfectionists make more mistakes than non-sticklers and are, in fact, less productive. Seems perfectionists get sidetracked by little things and are unable to set priorities.

WHY OLD MEN HAVE BAGGY PANTS:
“Men’s Health” mag says that  most men lose an average of 1.4 inches during their lifetime. Uh, that’s in height. The reasons include loss of fluid in spinal discs, weakening of muscles that support the spine, and just plain poor posture.

THE BULL SHEET 07.10.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .

1931    [69] Alice Munro, Wingham ON, Canadian author (Governor General’s Awards for “Dance of the Happy Shades” and “Who Do You Think You Are?”)
1946    [54] Roger Abbott, Birkenhead ENG, TV/radio comic (Royal Canadian Air Farce)
1971    [29] Adam Foote, Toronto ON, NHL defenceman (Colorado Avalanche, Team Canada)
1980    [20] Thomas Ian Nicholas, Las Vegas NV, movie actor (“American Pie”)/TV actor (“Party of Five”) FACTOID: “Hollywood Reporter” says the screenwriter of “American Pie” is getting 7-figures to come up with a sequel to the gross-out yukfest. Most of the main characters are already under contract for a second film.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Intern Appreciation Day”, so go ahead — enjoy a cigar.

THIS WEEK is “Nude Recreation Week”. Why kind of ‘equipment’ do you need?
PHONER: 920-231-9950 (The Naturist Society)

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    [01] US women’s soccer team wins World Cup, beating China 5-to-4 on penalty kicks after 120 minutes of scoreless play at Rose Bowl in Pasadena CA (most notable for Brandi Chastain tearing off her shirt in celebration)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1946    [54] 1st ‘drive-in theater’ in Canada opens, in Hamilton ON (also 1st conception in a backseat)
1965     [35] 1st #1 hit for Rolling Stones (“Satisfaction”)
1995    [05] In his 1st TV appearance after Hollywood hooker incident, Hugh Grant apologizes on “Tonight Show” (propels Jay Leno to #1 and begins his long run atop late night ratings)
1996    [04] 1st fashion house to debut its collection simultaneously on Paris catwalk and the Internet (Yves Saint Laurent)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] MLB All-Star Game (Atlanta)
[Tues] National Cheer Up The Lonely Day
[Fri] National Nude Day
National Laundry Workers’ Week
Hitchhiking Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
KIDS’ CLICHES:

Get a kid on the phone and have them try to finish any well-known cliche like “The early bird . . .” or “Once bitten . . .”, “He who laughs last . . .”, etc.

INSTANT CONVERTIBLE CONTEST:
Offer to give someone a really cool summer with a free ‘instant convertible’. Winner gets the roof of their car sawed off free!

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What takes 40,000 muscles to operate?
A: The trunk of an elephant.

BS TAG LINE: If it ain’t broke, keep fixing it until it is.


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