Monday, July 21, 2008        Edition: #3818
We Give a Sheet!

• The new ‘Batman’ film, “The Dark Knight”, has set a single-day box office record by taking in $66.4 million on its opening night. That surpasses the previous record of $59.8 million set LAST YEAR by “Spider-Man 3”. (Is this the blockbuster of ‘08?)
• It’s been confirmed 33-year-old Angelina Jolie has left Fondation Lenval Hospital in Nice, France where she gave birth by C-section to twins Vivienne Marcheline & Knox Leon LAST WEEK. The new babes’ $11-million fee for first photo rights will be donated to charity. A statement posted online says she checked out early SATURDAY, accompanied by proud pop Brad Pitt. They slipped out a back entrance to avoid crowds of photogs. (Proving celebs CAN avoid the paps … if they really want to.)
• Photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus standing in a shower in just a wet T-shirt have been doing the Internet rounds. It’s about the 5th set of embarrassingly provocative pics she’s had to deal with. (It’s simple. If you don’t wanna deal with ‘em … don’t make ‘em!)
• Tiny ‘Mini Me’ movie actor Verne Troyer (“Austin Powers”) has settled a $20-million lawsuit against SugarDVD, the distributor that released that explicit footage of him & ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider. But it ain’t over yet. TODAY a hearing is scheduled in which he’ll attempt to prevent Shrider herself from releasing the tape. She’s already confessed to leaking it to the media, acting in revenge after he cheated on her. (Ah, seems he really IS a little prick.)
• “Desperate Housewives” (ABC) creator Marc Cherry has set a deadline for the show to come to an end … 2011. The dramedy, which first hit screens in 2004, will definitely finish after the 7th season, he says. Quote” “We’re going to get out while people still like us.” (Dude, that was like a year-and-half ago.)
• And the spanking new Sony BMG HQ building has opened in the tony Kensington area of London, England. Insiders say Simon Cowell’s office is even bigger than the president’s and features a state-of-the-art AC system with and extractor fan that could – quote – ‘suck a golf ball up a garden hose’. Seems someone is partial to sneaking smokes now and again. Intriguingly, fun-loving construction workers have reportedly left less-than-complimentary messages hidden throughout Simon’s workspace.

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Estelle (“American Boy”) is on.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Classic rockers Def Leppard perform.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Katy Perry (“I Kissed a Girl”) is the guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Alanis Morissette is onstage.

• AC/DC – A musical about them may be in the pipeline, working title: “It’s a Long Way to the Top”. The plot is partly band history and part “Rock Star”, as in the Mark Wahlberg film.
• Barenaked Ladies – Drug possession charges against lead singer Steven Page have prompted the band to cancel a scheduled performance at NEXT MONTH’s “Disney Music Block Party” on Long Island NY in support of their first children’s album, “Snacktime”.
• Billy Joel – FRIDAY he bade a stirring farewell to NYC’s Shea Stadium during a SRO final show at the ballpark. He was joined by an all-star lineup of friends that included Paul McCartney.
• Bon Jovi – They top the  just-released “Billboard Boxscore” midyear concert tour totals with a gross take of $112.4 million. The 2nd-highest-grossing tour for the period (NOVEMBER-through-MAY) is the Spice Girls reunion, which took in more than $70 million from 45 shows.
• Dierks Bentley – After performing weekend concerts in Iowa, he’s returning to Europe for SRO shows in England, Ireland, Norway, and France. (They like country music in France?)
• DMX – SATURDAY he was arrested (again) at a Phoenix AZ mall on a felony charge of ‘taking the identity of another’. After a string of run-ins with the law (a total of 5 THIS YEAR), he’s been booked into Maricopa County Jail.
• Fergie – She’s reportedly joined the all-star cast of the upcoming movie version of the stage musical “Nine”. Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, and Daniel Day-Lewis are already onboard.
• Motley Crue – It seems much of their “Crue Fest” tour show is canned. One reviewer claims frontman Vince Neil doesn’t even bother to sing the chorus to show-closing 1989 hit “Dr Feelgood” … it’s all piped in from offstage.
• Paul Simon – The oldies singer/songwriter has launched a $10-million lawsuit against clock-maker Rhythm USA for allegedly sampling his hit “Bridge Over Troubled Water” in a line of musical wall clocks without permission.
• Rolling Stones – After recent confirmation that guitarist Ronnie Wood is in rehab (again) to battle alcohol problems comes word that his 23-year marriage to former model Jo Wood may be in jeopardy.

So-called ‘Monday morning blues’ are a figment of the imagination, according to Australian scientists, who also say Friday euphoria is a myth as well. Psychologists at the University of Sydney collected info from hundreds of people who were asked on which morning and evening of the week they feel best and worst. A separate study tracked their actual mood day-by-day. The results show that most people dread Monday mornings and love Friday evenings … but only in hindsight or when looking ahead. Their actual mood readings show that, in reality, happiness levels vary little day-by-day. (Well, Thank God It’s Monday!)
– “The Independent“

Delaware-based Dogfish Head Brewery has used a 9,000-year-old recipe to concoct a beer similar to one brewed by the ancient Chinese. The formula for ‘Chateau Jiahu’, which includes rice, honey, grapes, and hawthorn fruit, was derived by archaeologists who unearthed beer residue in pottery jars found in a Stone Age village in northern China. It’s not the first ‘historical beer’ brewed by Dogfish Head. It previously recreated a beer found in a 2,700-year-old royal tomb in Turkey, a concoction it named ‘Midas Touch Golden Elixir’. (We don’t care how historic it is, we can’t swallow anything labeled ‘Dogfish Head’.)
– “National Geographic”

Height progressively decreases as you age. The average loss is about 1 cm for every 10 years after age 40 and, in total, aging can cause a height loss of 3-to-8 cm. And as for your faculties: visual acuity begins to decline in your 40s; the number of taste buds decreases at about 40 in women and starting at 50 in men; sharpness of hearing may decline slightly, beginning at age 50; and the sense of smell may diminish, especially after 70. (BS! A lot of people over 70 smell.)
– “Washington Post“

• Every year about 800 million golf balls are used. Over $630 million is spent annually on them in the USA alone.
• 76% of all golf balls used are recycled.
• Way back in 1457 golf was banned in England because it was considered a distraction from the serious pursuit of archery.
• 50% of adult men have played golf while intoxicated. (The other 50% lie.)

Food safety experts have revealed that organic food is NOT necessarily safer than conventional food. Food science researchers at the University of Nebraska say it’s important to clarify that organic claims do no refer to safety from bacteria. While guidelines have been adopted to keep organic foods free from man-made chemicals, organic products may be just as likely to harbor harmful bacteria such as salmonella or E-coli. (‘Organic’ has become the new ‘Lite’ when it comes to marketing.)

• A California group called Civil Twilight hopes to save energy and reclaim the opportunity for urban stargazing by introducing ‘Lunar-Resonant Streetlights’. The hi-tech lighting brightens or dims in relation to available moonlight. Great idea considering streetlights consume 8% of all the electricity used for lighting worldwide. Meanwhile the Moon and stars – the original nightlights – are obscured from view by light pollution in most populated areas.
• Toyota’s popular eco-friendly hybrid Prius is about to get even greener as solar panels will be installed on the vehicle’s 3rd-generation models coming NEXT YEAR. The panels will be used to partly power the air-conditioning. (That’ll prove handy as global warming accelerates.)
• Researchers with the US Department of Agriculture are training cows to come home via a device called ‘Ear-A-Round’, sort of a solar-powered iPod. So far, they’ve sampled horns, helicopters, and crooning cowboys in an attempt to find the right sound. A field test will be held in AUGUST. (Best retrieving sound so far: “Hey cow, come here!”)

According to a recent study, visiting the same doctor regularly can help you remain healthy. Why? Adults who regularly visit the same physician are most likely to receive preventive treatments such as flu vaccine or breast cancer screening. The bottom line – despite a trend toward larger physician groups such as walk-in clinics, the best health care comes from continuity with a personal physician. (Who’ll spend a grand total of 45 seconds with you after you wait 2 hours in the waiting room.)
– “Journal of General Internal Medicine”

In Brazil, the Piraha tribe in the Amazon jungle does not have a word to describe ‘1′ … or any other number. Massachusetts Institute of Technology scientists have found they have words for ‘some’ or ‘more’ but counting and specific numbers are not useful in their culture.
– “Curious Times”

1926 [82] Norman Jewison, Toronto ON, filmmaker (“The Hurricane”, “Moonstruck”)/Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award at the Oscars (1999)/Order of Canada (1992)/established Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies in Toronto (1986)

1948 [60] Garry (Garretson Beakman) Trudeau, NYC, political cartoonist (“Doonesbury”)/Mr Jane Pauley since 1980

1951 [57] Robin Williams, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Night At the Museum”, Academy Award-“Good Will Hunting”)/standup comedian (Grammy Award-“Robin Williams: Live 2002”)  COMING UP: “Night At the Museum 2: Escape from the Smithsonian” (2009).

1957 [51] Jon Lovitz, Tarzana CA, movie actor (“The Producers”, “The Stepford Wives”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1985-90)/ad pitchman (“Subway”)

1972 [36] Paul Brandt (Belobersycky), Calgary AB, country singer (“Risk”, “What I Want to Be Remembered For”)/CMA Global Artist of the Year (2005)

1978 [30] Josh Hartnett, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Sin City”. “Hollywood Homicide”)  COMING UP: Stars as ‘Raymond Babbitt’ in a stage production of “Rain Man” in London’s West End later THIS SUMMER.

“Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you mow down on every chance you got – burgers, pizza, hot dogs, tacos, fries, chocolate?

2007 [01] JK Rowling’s “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows” is published, the 7th and final book in the record-selling, 10-year series

1990 [18] 250,000 attend “The Wall” benefit concert organized by Pink Floyd founder Roger Waters in East Berlin where the Berlin Wall once stood (performers include The Band, Scorpions, Joni Mitchell, Bryan Adams & Van Morrison)

1984 [24] 1st documented case of a robot killing a human occurs in Jackson MI as an industrial  robot turns and wedges a 34-year-old worker against a safety bar, crushing him

1991 [17] Former Chicago Cubs pitcher Ferguson Jenkins (Chatham ON) becomes 1st Canadian inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown NY

1998 [10] 1st male to compete in competitive synchronized swimming (USA’s Bill May at “Goodwill Games”)

1992 [16] Armenian strongman pulls 2 railroad cars 7 meters (23 ft) … with his teeth

1996 [12] Record for ‘Group Spaghetti-Eating’ is set as 3,000 residents of Alkbissola Marina, Italy consume 300 kg (662 lbs) of pasta, cooked in a single pot and topped with 200 kg (440 lbs) of tomato sauce

[Tues] Rat Catcher’s Day
[Tues] Miley Cyrus releases “Breakout” album
[Wed] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Wed] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Thurs] Cousins Day
[Thurs] Virtual Love Day
[Thurs] Sheryl Crow-James Blunt tour begins (Nashville)

Captive Nations Week / Independent Retailers Week / Make Someone Smile Week / Oil Heritage Week (visit a wallet-sapping service station near you!) / Restless Leg Syndrome Education & Awareness Week

A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

In the book “Centered: Understanding Yourself Through Your Navel”, Berlin psychologist Dr Gerhard Reibmann claims you can predict your life expectancy by navel shape. For instance …
• ‘innie’ or ‘concave navel’ [life expectancy of 65 years]
• ‘horizontal navel’ [68 years]
• ‘off-center navel’ [70 years]
• ‘outie navel’ [72 years]
• ‘vertical navel’ [75 years]
• ‘perfectly round navel’ [81 years]
(And then there’s ‘pierced navel’ – 62 years, the last 30 of which you’ll be too embarrassed to show it to anyone.)

In what unusual location did you ‘lose it’?

You run down the list while a listener or studio guest rates each as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Lip studs as a body adornment.
• Nirvana as an important musical icon.
• Ancient William Shatner as an actor.
• Natural history museums as a pastime.
• Blogs as a source of accurate information.
• Badminton as a backyard activity.
• Podcasts as a form of entertainment.
• Ketchup as a condiment.
• “Guitar Hero” as a videogame.
• Veganism as a way of life.

It’s better to have loved and lost than gone out with that psycho forever.

Today’s Question: 25% of kids do chores. The #1 chore is babysitting. THIS is #2.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Washing the car.

In order to return, first you must leave.

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