Thursday, July 3, 2008        Edition: #3811
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Actress Angelina Jolie has checked into a hospital in the south of France where she’s expected to remain until she births her twins, which she’s previously said were due in AUGUST (French magazine “Closer” claims the world’s biggest event of 2008 has already happened) . . . Actress Kate Hudson (“Fool’s Gold”) & former cycling champ BF Lance Armstrong have been spotted doing lunch with her mom, actress Goldie Hawn, further fueling rumors that things are getting serious (or at least that he’s picking up the tab) . . . Former child actress Tatum O’Neal (“Paper Moon”) has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with her JUNE crack bust in NYC and could have the charge dismissed if she attends a drug treatment program (this is almost as lenient as Britain!) . . . George Clooney’s ex-, Sarah Larson, has been spotted having dinner with British action actor Jason Statham (“The Transporter”) in Las Vegas (is she a date or a ‘package’?) . . . Actor Dennis Haysbert, who played ‘President David Palmer ‘ for several seasons on “24” (FOX/Global), says his role an African-American Commander-in-Chief may have helped open the eyes of the American people and cleared the road for Barack Obama to run (and he didn’t even laugh when he said it) . . . 10 of THIS SUMMER’s top 20 TV shows are reality or game shows, led by “America’s Got Talent 3“ (which ‘The Hoff’ will claim is all due to him) . . . And Nigel Lythgoe compares fellow “So You Think You Can Dance” judge Mary Murphy to “American Idol’s” Paula Abdul, claiming her occasional insanity makes the show fun to watch (or maybe makes you contemplate strangling).

• “Rothbury Festival” – TODAY-Sunday this new music event held 3 hours NW of Detroit MI is highlighted by performances by Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, and Widespread Panic, among many others.
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC/Global) – The top 12 comedy acts are determined as Richard Belzer & Steve Schirripa return as talent scouts.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – 2 of the 14 performers are voted off after OneRepublic (“Apologize”) performs.

• The Beatles – THIS WEEK the BBC is airing a long lost interview featuring John Lennon & Paul McCartney talking about the day they met and their songwriting partnership. The footage sat forgotten for 44 years in a London garage until film fan Richard Jeffs realized it was a piece of music history.
• Dave Matthews Band – 46-year-old sax player LeRoi Moore has been injured while riding an ATV on his Virginia farm during a break between concerts. He’s currently in hospital listed in fair condition.
• Jay-Z – A federal judge has given the okay to a class-action suit filed by current & past employees of his 40/40 Club in NYC, which alleges wage and labor laws have been violated.
• Madonna – After almost a week of rumors surrounding the state of her marriage to Guy Ritchie, a rep has flatly denied that they are divorcing.
• Shakira – The “Hips Don’t Lie” singer is the latest artist in talks with concert promoter Live Nation about a multimillion-dollar Madonna-style contract that will cover touring, merchandising and recording. A deal is expected to be completed before the end of the year.
• Taylor Swift – In a truly odd pairing, she’s set to perform in an episode of “CMT Crossroads” with rockers Def Leppard. The show will air in NOVEMBER.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Barbarella” – Director Robert Rodriguez’s planned $70-million remake of Roger Vadim’s 1968 cult sci-fi classic that starred Jane Fonda is in jeopardy. The project was almost axed because of his decision to cast girlfriend Rose McGowan (“Charmed”) in the lead role. The studio thought a bigger box office draw was needed. The removal of McGowan has reportedly caused the show biz couple to split up, which would also impact Rodriguez’ planned remake of “Red Sonja”, which he’d lined up for McGowan to star in.
• “Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill!” – Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino wants adult film star Tera Patrick for his upcoming remake of the 1966 cult film about 3 women on a violent road trip. Patrick says she’d love to take on the role and is honored to be considered. The original movie by infamous director Russ Meyer has been called the “Citizen Kane” of trash cinema.
• “Friends” – After the success of “Sex & The City: The Movie”, a bigscreen adaptation of the hit 1994-2004 sitcom is again being discussed. David Schwimmer previously claimed he’d never play ‘Ross’ again but limited success in other projects since may have changed his mind. Jennifer Aniston was also initially not stoked on the idea but an insider suggests the possibility of a ‘huge payday’ may convince her to join up with former castmates Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc, Courteney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow. Let’s face it … they could all use the work.
• “Sherlock Holmes” – An upcoming comedy version of the classic detective story is being planned, starring Sacha Baron Cohen (“Borat”) as the pipe-smoking sleuth and Will Ferrell (“Blades of Glory”) as his faithful sidekick ‘Watson’. The as-yet-untitled film is still in the idea stage but it’s thought that having 2 of moviedom’s funniest guys take on the iconic characters should prove hilarious.
• “Tropic Thunder“ – A fictional energy drink featured in Ben Stiller’s upcoming action comedy is being turned into a real product. ‘Booty Sweat’ pops up throughout the movie (opening AUGUST 15th) and Paramount Pictures want to cash in by marketing it alongside the film. The storyline is about a group of actors shooting a big-budget war movie who are forced to become the soldiers they are portraying.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … women lie more successfully than men. For instance, studies suggest that close to 75% of females fib about how much money they spend. (Hardly any … oh, do credit cards count?)
• Scientists say … broccoli beats prostate cancer. Just a few portions per week seems to switch on genes that prevent the 2nd-leading killer of men from developing. (The #1 killer of men, of course, is relationships.)
• Scientists say … watermelon has ingredients that may increase libido. (Just in case your love life’s the pits.)
• Scientists say … there are 70 sextillion (70 thousand million-million) stars in the visible universe, according to new calculations by the Australian National University School of Astronomy. (And not one of them is named Jessica Simpson.)

Stats show that Texas Hold ‘Em is the #1 poker game online. A few tips on how to increase your odds of success …
• If there are X people sitting at the table, then play only 1/X of your hands. If there are 10 of you playing, statistically you will only hold the winning hand a 10th of the time. Fold the rest.
• Once you have decided that your hand is worth playing, play it aggressively – raise!
• Don’t play when you are in a bad mood or being influenced by alcohol.
• Don’t just study your own hand. Concentrate also on what your opponents are up to.
• Bluffing is overrated. It’s far better to simply play strong hands and discard weak ones.
(And a final tip if you truly want to avoid losing money … unplug your computer.)
– “Focus Magazine“

THIS WEEK in Tokyo, Japan lingerie maker Triumph International unveiled its environmentally friendly … ‘Solar Power Bra’. The eco-lingerie features a solar panel worn around the stomach, which can produce enough electricity to charge an MP3 player or cellphone. The bra is made of organic cotton that has met the international textile safety standard ‘Eco-Tex’. It’s also equipped with 2 refillable pouches, which can store drinking water and alleviate the need to carry around environmentally-unfriendly plastic bottles. And, yes, it comes in a lovely Earth-friendly shade of green. (Unfortunately for fumbling guys, a hi-tech remote control is not included.)

It seems the commonly-held belief that having kids will bring you happiness is nothing more than an urban (suburban?) myth. Florida State University research suggests that those of us who are parents are about 7% less likely to report being happy than those who are childless. The research also shows that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child and doesn’t return until the last child has left home. Bottom line: no group of parents – whether married, single, step-parents or even empty nest – reports significantly greater emotional well-being than people who’ve never had children. (Now they tell us! Can we throw them back?)
– “Newsweek”

A 5 o’clock shadow may be considered a bit scruffy but according to new research it’s the look women love. A study at the UK’s Northumbria University has found that women are more attracted to men with stubbly chins than those with either clean-shaven faces or full beards. Women in the study, aged 18-to-44, describe men with stubble as ‘tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine’. And they pick them as the best romantic partners, either for a fling or long-term relationship. (In related news, anyone want to buy a slightly used Remington rotary shaver?)
– “Globe & Mail”

• Over the July 4th holiday weekend, an estimated 150 million hot dogs will be consumed in the United States.
– “Social Studies”
• It’s estimated Americans will spend about $2.5 billion on food & booze for “Fourth of July” celebrations.
– “GQ”
• The planet Saturn has a density lower than water. So if there was a bathtub large enough to hold it (which would be pretty weird to begin with), Saturn would float!
– “New Science”
• Freaky animal-kingdom fact: sand-dollar larvae can clone themselves when in danger. Researchers believe this is so they have twice the chance of survival if one gets eaten. (This would be really cool if it worked with real dollars.)
– “Cosmopolitan”
• Starbucks, has just announced it’s closing 600 of its ‘underperforming’ stores in the USA. (These days people can’t afford $4-a-gallon gas AND $4-a-cup coffee.)

• “I wish you were gay, considering your choice of men.”
– Pamela Anderson’s mother, according to the marriage-challenged sometime actress.
• “I toured with him for a year and every night he stroked the inside of my thigh but we barely even spoke.”
– Singer Sheryl Crow, on her strange experiences with Michael Jackson when she was a back-up in his stage show in the late 1980s.

1958 [50] Aaron Tippin, Pensacola FL, country singer (“Kiss This”, “There Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong With the Radio”)

1962 [46] Tom Cruise (Thomas Mapother IV ), Syracuse NY, movie star (“Mission Impossible 1-3”, “The Last Samurai”)/wed to actress Katie Holmes (2006)/ex-Mr Nicole Kidman (1990-2001)

1962 [46] Thomas Gibson, Charleston SC, TV actor (‘Aaron Hotchner’ on “Criminal Minds” since 2005)

1964 [44] Yeardley Smith, Paris, France, TV voice artist (‘Lisa Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1969 [39] Kevin Hearn, Grimsby ON, pop musician (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Week”)

• “Compliment Your Mirror Day”. Participation consists of complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you. (This is much more fun if you have a prescription for medicinal marijuana.)

• “Dog Days of Summer” through AUGUST 11th, traditionally the hottest time of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The name comes from the ancients, who would sacrifice a brown dog at this time to appease Sirius, the Dog Star, believing that star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather. “Air Conditioning Appreciation Days” run simultaneously to celebrate the contribution of AC to a better way of life (and a really high electricity bill). TODAY is also “Stay Out Of the Sun Day” (unless you’re working on a melanoma collection).

• “Le Festival d’été de Québec” (“Québec City Summer Festival”) kicks off with a concert by Van Halen. THIS YEAR’s festivities feature 400 shows by some 200 entertainers over 11 days. The 400th anniversary of the founding of Québec City is being commemorated throughout 2008.

• “Roswell UFO Festival”, through MONDAY in Roswell NM, a celebration of the infamous day in 1947 when a UFO purportedly crashed on Hub Corn’s ranch and launched an entire industry of UFO/Military conspiracies. The fun includes an ‘Alien Parade’, a ‘Flying Saucer Pancake Eating Contest’, the ‘Alien Haunted House’, and ‘UFO Disc Golf, Soccer & Mud Volleyball’.

• “Independence Day” in the USA. Among the more unusual “4th of July” festivals: “International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest” in Eau Claire MI; “World’s Greatest Lizard Race” in Lovington NM; and the annual “Sidewalk Egg-Frying Challenge” in Oatman AZ. It’s also the excuse for “Barbecue Day” and the vegan observance “Independence From Meat Day”. Music artists participating in celebrations include …
– Chris Rock, Kanye West, and Mary J Blige among the headliners at the “2008 Essence Music Festival” though Sunday in New Orleans LA.
– Rascal Flatts performing with the Boston Pops Esplanade Orchestra on the “Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular” (CBS).
– Ted Nugent who’ll celebrate by playing his landmark 6,000th concert, in his hometown of Detroit MI. It’s part of the rocker’s 50th career tour.
– Willie Nelson’s hosting his annual “4th of July Picnic” at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Selma TX, featuring David Alan Coe, Merle Haggard, and Ray Price.

2007 [01] Action-adventure “Transformers” opens in movie theaters, starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Josh Duhamel (eventually cleans up over $700 million in worldwide box office)  FACTOID: “Transformers 2” is due in theaters JUNE 26, 2009.

1928 [80] 1st ‘Television’ goes on sale (not many takers at a then sky-high price of $75)

1988 [20] Rocky Kenover sets world record by skydiving 403 times within 24 hours, averaging  1 jump every 3 minutes using 7 planes, 10 pilots, and 50 parachute packers

[Fri] US Independence Day
[Fri] Jonas Brothers tour begins (Toronto)
[Fri] 13th World Wife Carrying Championships begin (Sonkajarvi, Finland)
[Fri] Country Music Day
[Fri] Calgary Stampede begins
[Sat-July 27] 95th Tour de France
[Sat] Workaholics Day
[Sun] Fried Chicken Day
[Sun-July 14] Running Of the Bulls (Pamplona, Spain)
This Week Is … Canned Luncheon Meat Week
This Month Is … Tahiti Awareness Month

He says he wants to concentrate his efforts on the charity work of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, but the real reasons he quit just might be …
• Wants to free up more time to finally finish installing Windows Movie Maker.
• Depressed about no longer being richest person in the world, couldn’t work any more.
• Too much spam on his Microsoft account and too embarrassed to switch to g-mail while still employed.
• Felt bad about Windows Vista, decided quitting was less painful than seppuku.
• Wants to pursue a career in baseball, but may return in a couple of years.
• Steve Jobs threatening to go public with pictures of a MacWorld encounter he’d rather forget.
• The Borg called; they need him.
• Someone took his red Swingline stapler.
– Adapted from

Rich people are just poor people with yachts.

Today’s Question: 21% of us really, really enjoy THIS food … but don’t eat it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fortune cookies.

Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.

Have a happy 4th, all!

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