Monday, July 28, 2008        Edition: #3823
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• Movie star Shia Labeouf (“Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”, “Transformers”) has been busted in Hollywood on suspicion of DUI after he was involved in a car accident. After the collision took place around 3 am SUNDAY morning, the 21-year-old reportedly showed ‘outward signs of intoxication’. (You just blew out a promising career, dude.)
– TMZ.com
• Actress Lindsay Lohan is recovering after being hit by a motorcyclist SATURDAY. She & GF Samantha Ronson had just left a NYC nightclub and were crossing a road when the biker collided with her. She was treated at Manhattan’s Beth Israel Medical Center, then checked herself out around 4 am. A rep says she’s ‘fine’. (But she’s only got about 2 lives left.)
– ContactMusic.com
•  49-year-old “Lord Of the Rings” actor Sean Bean (‘Boromir’) has been arrested on suspicion of domestic assault and questioned for 6 hours by London police. His 29-year-old new wife Georgina (#4) filed a complaint alleging he assaulted her during an argument. She later dropped all charges. (After Bean’s lawyer explained the meaning of the words ‘gravy train’.)
– “The Sun”
• Drew Barrymore’s ex-BF Justin Long has quit his role in her upcoming directorial debut, “Whip It”, because he’s just not ready to return to work after she dumped him. The pair parted ways earlier THIS MONTH after dating for a year. (She costs him a relationship AND a job … cruel!)
– E! Online
• During the filming of “The Dark Knight”, late actor Heath Ledger kept a notebook to help him stay in character, detailing all the things that he felt ‘The Joker’ would find funny. The first entry:  AIDS. (This guy really was a little wacked.)
– PopBitch.com
• Pseudo-comedian Andy Dick has signed on for the “Celebrity Rehab” spin-off show, “Sober Living” (VH1), in a bid to beat his alcoholism. He’ll join other famous-name addicts as they try to piece their lives & careers back together. Dick’s become infamous for numerous embarrassing drunken episodes. (Who’d have thought you can make a living from being a drunk?)
– StarPulse News Blog
• A Russian version of the hit TV comedy “The Office” is going into production later THIS YEAR. Britain’s BBC has negotiated a rights package with Russia’s Channel One, which will screen 24 half-hour episodes in 2009. The show, a creation of UK comedians Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant has now been sold in more than 70 countries, including the US version starring Steve Carell as ‘Michael Scott’. (What’s ‘Dwight Schrute’ in Russian?)
– BBC News
• Actress Kate Hudson’s former cyclist boyfriend Lance Armstrong is considering running for political office. The 36-year-old 7-time Tour de France champion, who currently devotes his time to running his cancer charity, made the announcement about political aspirations at his foundation’s ‘Livestrong Summit’ in Columbus OH, a gathering attended by one John McCain. (Unfortunately, in the political race steroids won’t help.)
– celebrities.glam.com
• And Sue Jones-Davies, the woman who played the messiah’s girlfriend ‘Judith Iscariot’ in the movie “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” (1979), is the new mayor of Aberystwyth in Wales. Among her promises … lifting the 30-year local ban on the movie. (But she’s upheld the ban on ‘Incontinentia Buttocks‘.)
– guardian.co.uk

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Choose or Lose & Kanye West Present: Homecoming” (MTV) – In this hour-long special rapper Kanye West listens to war stories from discharged soldiers as they try to get back to normal life after serving in the Middle East. He also offers help and advice. (As an expert on ?)
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – UK pop duo the Ting Tings are on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – We Are Scientists are onstage.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Producer/rapper Akon is a guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Gnarls Barkley (“Crazy”) performs.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – “I Kissed a Girl” singer Katy Perry faces the panel.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’s apologized to fans in Indonesia after discovering her concert in Jakarta was to be partly sponsored by a cigarette-maker. After anti-smoking groups protested, she’s demanded all association with the company be removed from promo material.
• Blondie – 63-year-old singer Debbie Harry credits her seemingly everlasting youthful looks on injections of … black sheep embryos. Meantime, British scientists who’ve been studying drummer Clem Burke and other percussionists for the past 8 years say that drummers have as much stamina as top-flight athletes. (But not half as smart.)
• Madonna – She reportedly gave actor Gerard Butler a vitamin shot when he fell ill on the set of hubby Guy Ritchie’s new movie “Rocknrolla”. But after she gave him the booster (in the butt no less), he says he felt worse than before. (We always thought she was a pain in the …)
• Maroon 5 – The band says they stay relaxed and flexible when they hit the stage for concerts because they always warm up pre-show with … yoga sessions.
• Rolling Stones – Their former wardrobe assistant, 30-year-old Hilary Olson, has been awarded $1 million in damages after accusing 61-year-old guitarist Ronnie Wood of sexual harassment. Wood was never charged with any offence but neither party can talk about the case due to a confidentiality agreement. Meantime, 20-year-old Russian waitress Ekaterina Ivanova, rumored to be the cause of Wood’s recent marital split, is denying she worked as a prostitute and only ‘dated’ Wood because of his money. She claims they’re ‘completely in love’.
• Taylor Swift – She’s just received her high school graduation diploma … by mail. After her career began to heat up, the 18-year-old country sensation switched from regular school to a private Christian school that offers home schooling. (Or in her case … on-the-road schooling.)
• Toby Keith – He & the Dixie Chicks have canceled plans to appear together in a TV ad about global warming. Sponsored by the Alliance for Climate Protection, the campaign features public figures with opposing political viewpoints speaking out on the subject. It seems these 2 acts are too far apart to even gather in the same room.
• U2 – Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have reportedly asked frontman Bono to be the godfather of their newborn twins. (Meaning the sibs now face a life sentence of listening to some wee little Irishman preaching at them.)

UNRECORDED STUNTS:
A sampling of “Guinness World Record” categories that have been discontinued for health or ethical reasons …
• Heaviest Cat … Discontinued so people won’t force-feed their felines to attain a new record. ‘Himmy’, who lived in Cairns, Australia, is the heaviest previously recorded cat, weighing in at a staggering 21.3 kg (46.8 lbs). It died of respiratory failure.
• Alcohol Consumption … Encouraging people to consume vast quantities of booze could actually prove fatal. Not the best occurrence for a brewer like Guinness to be associated with.
• Weight Applied to People Sandwiched Between Beds of Nails … Who the heck ever thought up this tortuous category? It may even violate the Geneva Convention.
• Longest Period Going Without Sleep – Cancelled in 1989, in part because staying up for days can harm people’s health. The record at the time was held by Toimi Soini of Finland, who stayed up for 276 hours (11.5 days) in 1964. (On the other hand, our morning crew has a collective total of 276 hours of sleep this year.)
– TimesOnline.co.uk

STAR POWER:
“Forbes” new listing of the world’s highest-paid celebrities, based on estimated money accrued in the past year …
10. Rapper/producer Jay-Z ($82 million).
9. Thanks to royalties, retired TV comedian Jerry Seinfeld ($85 million).
8. Classic rock band The Police ($115 million shared).
7. Golfer Tiger Woods ($115 million).
6. Moviemaker Tyler Perry ($125 million).
5. Moviemaker Steven Spielberg ($130 million).
4. Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer ($145 million).
3. Rapper 50 Cent ($150 million).
2. Media maven Oprah Winfrey ($275 million).
1. “Harry Potter” creator JK Rowling ($300 million).
– Forbes.com

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 90% of DVR users skip TV ads.
• 80% of us say we have experienced rudeness at work.
• 61% of survey respondents say they’ve ended a makeout session due to ‘bad oral hygiene’.
• 28% of us go to bed with doors to our home unlocked.
• 22% of sleep time is occupied by Rapid Eye Movement (REM).
• 20% of women keep spare underwear in their vehicle’s glove compartment.

DID YOU KNOW?
• Bedbugs can survive up to 6 months without feeding. (“Toronto Star”)
• Researchers in the UK and Belgium say having obese friends can make you become fat yourself. (bbc.co.uk)

BS CHRONOMETER 7.28.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [63] Jim Davis, Marian IN, really rich cartoonist (“Garfield”)

1945 [63] Rick Wright, London UK, classic rock musician (Pink Floyd-“Another Brick In the Wall”)/Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1996)

1954 [54] Hugo Chavez, Sabaneta, Venezuela, confrontational President of Venezuela since 1998

1973 [35] Steve Staios, Hamilton ON, NHL defenceman (Edmonton Oilers)

1976 [32] Jacoby Shaddix, Vacaville CA, alt-rock singer (Papa Roach-“Forever”, “Last Resort”)

1990 [18] Soulja Boy [DeAndre Way] Chicago IL, rapper (“Crank That [Soulja Boy]”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Accountants Day”, honoring all those people who seem to know the cost of everything but the value of nothing.

• “Drive-Thru Day”, saluting businesses that serve you while you’re in your vehicle. Of course there are drive-thru restaurants, banks, car washes, and coffee shops, but what’s the weirdest ‘drive-thru’ service you’ve come across? Hair salon? Dentist?

• ”Hurricane Supplication Day”, observed annually on the 4th MONDAY of JULY in the Virgin Islands as a day to pray for protection from severe storms. (Seems to be working so far this year.)

• “Milk Chocolate Day”, an excuse for chocoholics everywhere to cow down!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1978 [30] “Animal House” opens in movie theaters and goes on to become the highest grossing comedy of its time, launching “Saturday Night Live” comic John Belushi into superstardom

2006 [02] Actor-director Mel Gibson vents an ill-advised anti-Semitic tirade as he’s arrested for DUI in Malibu CA (pretty much a career killer)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1973 [35] In the 5th-largest concert event of all-time, some 600,000 pack “Summer Jam” rock festival at Watkins Glen NY featuring the Grateful Dead, the Allman Bros, and The Band
OTHER TOP CONCERT EVENTS BY ATTENDANCE …
4. US Festival in Devore, California (1983) … 670,000 people
3. Garth Brooks in Central Park, NYC (1997) … 750,000
2. New York Philharmonic in Central Park, NYC (1986) … 800,000
1. Rod Stewart at Copacabana Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (1994) … 3.5 million

1989 [19] Singer Anne Murray opens the “Anne Murray Centre” in her hometown of Springhill NS, packed with awards, photos & other career memorabilia

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1786 [222] John Molson announces he’ll begin a brewery in Montréal (what would he think of his heirs selling out to Coors?)

1900 [108] 1st ‘Hamburger’, according to some sources, is invented by Louis Lassing of New Haven CT (although the name comes from a sandwich popular in Hamburg, Germany)

1933 [75] 1st ‘Singing Telegram’ is delivered to singer Rudy Vallee on his 32nd birthday in NYC (now you can send balloon-a-grams, candygrams, cookie-grams, stripper-grams …)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1962 [46] Paul Henderson of Omaha NE survives a record 303 consecutive roller coaster rides

1979 [29] A cushioned egg dropped from the top of Toronto’s 1800-ft CN Tower lands unbroken

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Lasagna Day
[Wed] Cheesecake Day
[Thurs] Mutts Day
[Fri] Respect for Parents Day
[Fri] Rounds Resounding Day
[Fri] Girlfriends Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Animal Agriculture Week / Scrabble Week / Single Working Woman’s Week

BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:

A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

BS BUMPER STICKERS WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
• “This car brakes for red lights … like it’s suppose to, jerk!”
• “If you’re close enough to read this I hope you’ve got air bags & really good insurance.”
• “If I’m not flipping you the bird it’s because I think you’re such an idiot, you wouldn’t understand!”
• “Honk if you want me to come back there with my Uzi.”
• “My other car has a left turn signal on all the time too – because I’m a total moron!”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre.

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit we don’t get goosebumps on our faces?
• Whyzit we demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go over 200 km an hour?
• Whyzit when women hold off from marrying men we call it ‘independence’, but when men hold off from marrying women we call it ‘fear of commitment’?
• Whyzit you never hear of anyone being ‘combobulated’?
• Whyzit there are 5 syllables in the word ‘monosyllabic’?
• Whyzit we can’t talk on elevators again?

BS PHONE STARTER:
While tidying up, you come across your teenage daughter’s diary. Would you read it? Why/why not?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Sony Online Entertainment has unveiled its new ‘DC Universe Online’ at the just-wrapped “Comic-Con” in San Diego CA. The game allows players to create their very own superhero or villain to interact with ‘Superman’, ‘Wonder Woman’ et al.
NET: http://dcuo.station.sony.com/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS item, if you ever need to buy it, is often marked up in price by as much as 1,000%.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Frames for your eyeglasses.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is more to life than increasing its speed.

NEW SHEETERS WHO WILL PROSPER:
Welcome aboard to new subscriber Dave Michaels @ Big West Country [CIBW] Drayton Valley AB; and welcome to this week’s samplers: Ray Alex @ HitsFM Selangor, Malaysia; Melanie Trask @ Rock 104.5 [KDOT] Reno NV; Jason Scotland @ FM96 [CFMK] Kingston ON; Stewie Startzell @ 91.3 WYEP Pittsburgh PA; and Brandon Trafford @ 5FM Gauteng, South Africa.


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