Friday, July 3, 2009        Edition: #4054
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

To ‘commemorate the sudden & tragic death’ of Michael Jackson, the tribute issue of “OK! Magazine” offers a ‘a free DVD for every reader!’ (the cheesy tie-ins keep multiplying) . . . Jermaine Jackson says he wishes it was he who died instead of his superstar brother (probably so does Michael!) . . . 36-year-old pseudo-actress & sorta-author Tori Spelling, who’s already published the autobiographies “STORItelling” & “Mommywood”, reveals she’s just finished a children’s book that will be launched in about a year (appropriate, seeing as she writes in crayon) . . . “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul has a cameo role in the upcoming summer TV series “Drop Dead Diva” (Lifetime), playing – a judge (stretch!) . . . In an attempt to stop drivers from speeding, life-size cardboard cut-outs of Brad Pitt dressed as a cop have been erected around the city of Omsk, Russia (if this were here, they’d all be stolen by now) . . . “So You Think You Can Dance” host Cat Deeley admits she’s watched the movie “Pretty Woman” over 20 times (obsession?) . . . And the stars of teen vampire drama “Twilight” will be immortalized with their own ‘Barbie’ dolls, coming to a store near you this November (well, fangs a lot!).

• “American Idols Live!” – Sunday the 2009 tour of the season’s top 10 finalists begins in Portland OR. They’ll hit 50 cities through September 15th.
• “Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular “ (CBS) – Saturday Neil Diamond performs; fireworks explode over the Charles River in Boston MA.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Taylor Swift (“Fearless”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight John Legend (“Once Again”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Bat for Lashes (“Two Suns”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (CBS) – Tonight Keane (“Perfect Symmetry”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Rick Ross (“Deeper Than Rap”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning Brad Paisley (“American Saturday Night”).
• “Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular” (NBC) – Saturday fireworks explode over NYC.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Tim McGraw hosts; Ludacris, T-Pain are musical guests.
• “Spectacle: Elvis Costello With …” (CTV) – Tonight singer/songwriter Rufus Wainwright.
• “Today Show” (NBC): This morning Rob Thomas (“Cradlesong”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Incubus (“Monuments & Melodies”).

• Aerosmith – This week’s Cincinnati OH concert was ‘postponed due to an injury within the band’, but there’s been no news of any such thing occurring. Could it be they didn’t sell enough tickets? Their recent Boston concert reportedly had over 3,000 empty seats in the 10,000-seat pavilion and reps went up to the lawn seating and recruited fans for a $20 upgrade fee. And that was in their hometown! (Maybe we’re tired of paying $200-plus after service charges?)
• Alan Jackson – He’s recorded “The Star-Spangled Banner” for the Fourth of July celebration in Newnan GA. Both he & his wife, Denise, grew up there. They’ve just listed their Tennessee home for $38 million, the highest-priced residential property for sale in the Nashville area. The 19,000-sq-ft house with 6 bedrooms, 9 baths, a 9-car garage, basketball court, boathouse, and 2 ponds sits on 135 acres of property.
• Green Day – Tonight their first North American tour in more than 3 years begins in Seattle WA. The first leg will cross North America through the summer and finish up with 2 shows in Los Angeles on August 26th.
• Jonas Bros – 21-year-old Kevin Jonas, the eldest of the brothers, proposed to his 22-year-old former hairdresser girlfriend Danielle Deleasa on Wednesday. He tells “People” her reaction was: “Yes, yes, yes, like 500 times super fast in-a-row.” They met 2 years ago. There’s no wedding date set as yet.
• The Killers – Their 2009 tour rider reportedly contains the following odd request: “(3) Pairs of Mens Briefs Underwear (Size 32)”. Given that it’s a 4-piece band, who gets left out? Or maybe somebody goes commando?
• Michael Jackson – Amid yet more confusion and muddled communication, his family has now issued a statement saying there will be no public or private viewing at his Neverland Ranch. “Hollywood Reporter” is now saying the funeral is scheduled for 10 am Tuesday at the Staples Center in downtown LA. AEG Live, which owns the basketball arena and adjacent Nokia Theater, will reportedly use both facilities as well as the surrounding plaza.
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Frontman Josh Homme’s wife Brody Dalle has let it slip that her hubby, John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin) & Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) are currently holed up in an LA recording studio working on an album that’s being kept under wraps … well, until now.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “Glamour” magazine she avoids the wild celebrity party scene because she’s not interested in ‘getting wasted’.

A single mega-colony of ants has colonized much of the world, scientists have discovered. Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US, and Japan belong to the same interrelated colony, and will refuse to fight one another. It may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination. The irony is that humans likely created the mega-colony by transporting the bugs around-the-world.
–  BBC News

Based on total income in the past year from movies, endorsements, and other sources …
5. Cameron Diaz … $20 million.
4. Sarah Jessica Parker … $23 million.
3. Meryl Streep … $24 million.
2. Jennifer Aniston … $25 million.
1. Angelina Jolie … $27 million.
– “Forbes Magazine”

Japanese robotics engineers have thrown down the gauntlet to the soccer world, claiming a team of ‘bots will be able to beat the “World Cup” champs by 2050. The Robot Laboratory in Osaka has issued the challenge, saying it’s very confident their boast can be achieved. As of now, the lab’s 38-cm (15-inch) robot, ‘VisiON’, has learned to recognize a ball and give it a good kick. It’s also able to identify opponents and shield possession of the ball. One great advantage the robot possesses is 360-degree vision. And in preparation for its “World Cup” championship, cocky programmers have already perfected the robot’s victory stance.
– “The Scotsman”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … perfectionism can kill you. Research published in the “Journal of Health Psychology” has found that people who expressed a strong motivation to be perfect were over 50% more likely to die over the course of the study. (They know that’s accurate because they went back and double-checked the numbers … 15 times.)
– “Curious Times”
• Scientists say … watching TV can affect your kids’ sleep. It somehow blocks the sleep hormone melatonin. Conversely, the study at Italy’s University of Florence found a 30% increase in levels of the sleep-regulating hormone in kids who abstained from watching TV, videogames, and computers for a week. (Unfortunately, they all died of boredom.)
– “The Independent”
• Scientists say … making your bed is bad. Researchers at Kingston University in England found that mites thrive in the cool moistness underneath sheets & blankets of a properly made bed. They’re far less likely to live through the day in the warm, dry conditions of an unmade bed. (There’s your excuse, kids. You’re welcome.)

Outside of fairly lean Colorado, there’s little good news in the annual report on American obesity. Obesity rates among adults rose in 23 US states over the past year and failed to decline in any, says the new ranking from the Trust for America’s Health. Mississippi is still king of cellulite (5th year in-a-row) with a 32.5% rate of adult obesity. But with 31.2%, neighboring Alabama is threatening to take over as the fat capital.
– AP

Who’s the biggest musical icon of the past century? Let’s break it down …
• Frank Sinatra (‘Chairman Of the Board’): 150 million records sold, 7 #1 singles, 11 Grammy Awards.
• Michael Jackson (‘King of Pop’): 750 million records sold, 13 #1 singles, 13 Grammy Awards.
• Elvis Presley (‘The King’): 1 billion records sold, 17 #1 singles, 3 Grammy Awards.


Louisville, Kentucky pastor Ken Pagano has announced his New Bethel Church will embrace ‘responsible handgun owners’ at its annual “Independence Day” service. To that end, he’s encouraging his congregation to bring (unloaded) guns to church. Pagano admits firearms can be evil but says they can also be useful, and he’s just trying to promote responsible gun ownership and gun safety.
– AP


Counting this Tuesday’s Yemenia Airways disaster over the Indian Ocean, there have now been 13 airliner crashes since 1970 that yielded a sole survivor. 6 of those survivors were minors and 4 were crew members. No one can figure out why crew members and children tend to be disproportionally represented in these sole-survivor events.


1962 [47] Tom Cruise (Thomas Mapother IV ), Syracuse NY, movie star (“Mission Impossible 1-3”, “The Last Samurai”)/wed to actress Katie Holmes (2006)/ex-Mr Nicole Kidman (1990-2001)

1962 [47] Thomas Gibson, Charleston SC, TV actor (‘Aaron Hotchner’ on “Criminal Minds” since 2005)

1964 [45] Yeardley Smith, Paris, France, TV voice actress (‘Lisa Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1969 [40] Kevin Hearn, Grimsby ON, pop musician (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Week”)

Advice columnist Abigail Van Buren (“Dear Abby”) is 91; NY Yankees owner George Steinbrenner is 79; US first daughter Malia Obama is 11.

Oldies singer Huey Lewis (“I Want a New Drug”) is 59; Pop singer Marc Cohn  (“Walking In Memphis”) is 50; TV actress Edie Falco (“Nurse Jackie”) is 46; TV actress Kathryn Erbe (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) is 44; Rock singer-guitarist Jason Wade (Lifehouse) is 29; Country singer-guitarist Dave Haywood (Lady Antebellum) is 27.


• “Calgary Stampede”, the 97th annual rodeo & 10-day festival through July 12th in Calgary AB. This year’s performers include Emerson Drive, George Strait, Kenny Chesney, Reba McEntire, Taylor Swift, and Terri Clarke.
• “Compliment Your Mirror Day”. Participation consists of complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you. (This is much more fun if you have a prescription for medicinal marijuana.)
• “Dog Days of Summer” through August 11th, traditionally the hottest time of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The name comes from the ancients, who would sacrifice a brown dog at this time to appease Sirius, the Dog Star, believing that star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather. “Air Conditioning Appreciation Days” run simultaneously to celebrate the contribution of AC to a better way of life (and a really high electricity bill). Today is also “Stay Out Of the Sun Day” (unless you’re working on a melanoma collection).
• “Roswell UFO Festival”, through Sunday in Roswell NM, a celebration of the infamous day in 1947 when a UFO purportedly crashed on Hub Corn’s ranch and launched an entire industry of UFO/military conspiracies. Events include a ‘UFO Parade’, ‘Alien Costume Contest’, and a performance by ‘80s band Jefferson Starship.
• “World Wife Carrying Championships”, the 14th annual 2-day event in Sonkajarvi, Finland in which men from around-the-world tote their wives (or a female friend) around an 830-ft (250-m) obstacle course in hope of winning her weight in beer. The current record is 55.5 seconds.

• “Barbecue Day”, celebrating the time-honored tradition of roasting flesh over an open flame. Interestingly, ‘barbecue’ in Canada is either the implement (“It’s time you cleaned that caked-on grease off the barbecue”) or the process (“I’m gonna barbecue some venison steaks, thanks to Uncle Gordie bagging that buck last fall”). But in the US, ‘barbecue’ more often refers to the food (“Hoo-ey! Smoky Joe serves up the most lip-smackin’ barbecue!”).
• “Country Music Day”, celebrating the roots music movement that began in America some 80 years ago with the advent of the Carter Family & Jimmie Rodgers. Country is actually a mishmash of several other music styles, including traditional folk, Celtic, blues, gospel, hokum, and old-time music. (How come there aren’t any ‘All Hokum, All the Time’ radio stations?)
• “Independence Day” in the USA. Among the more unusual “4th of July” festivals: “International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest” in Eau Claire MI; “World’s Greatest Lizard Race” in Lovington NM; and the annual “Sidewalk Egg-Frying Challenge” in Oatman AZ. It’s also the excuse for the annual vegan observance “Independence From Meat Day”.
• “Tour de France”, the 96th annual staging of the world’s premiere cycle race runs through July 26th, covering a total distance of 3,500 km or 2,175 mi throughout France. (Does the winner do a victory lap?)

• “Workaholics Day”. Let’s face it, if you choose to work on a beautiful summer Sunday, you truly are obsessed. Keep your nose to the grindstone long enough and all you’ll end up with is a bloody nose!

2007 [02] Action-adventure “Transformers” opens in movie theaters, starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Josh Duhamel (eventually cleans up over $700 million in worldwide box office)

1928 [81] 1st ‘Television’ goes on sale (not many takers at a then sky-high price of $75)


1988 [21] Rocky Kenover sets world record by skydiving 403 times within 24 hours, averaging  1 jump every 3 minutes using 7 planes, 10 pilots, and 50 parachute packers

[Mon] Running Of the Bulls begins (Pamplona, Spain)
[Mon] Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
[Tues] Chocolate Day
[Tues] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
[Tues] Tell The Truth Day
[Thurs] Craven Country Jamboree opens (Craven SK)
This Week Is … Canned Luncheon Meat Week
This Month Is … Tahiti Awareness Month


Some of these officious sounding titles are from “Star Wars” movies, others from modern-day Iran. Which are which?
• Imperial Ruling Council [“Star Wars”]
• Supreme Leader [Iran]
• Army of the Guardians [Iran]
• General Ministry [“Star Wars”]
• Galactic Senate [“Star Wars”]
• Supreme Chancellor [“Star Wars”]
• The Special Clerical Court [Iran]
• Assembly of Experts [Iran]
• Third Senate [“Star Wars”]
• Guardian Council [Iran]
– Thanks to Lindsay Moore.


The sole purpose of children’s middle names is so they can tell when they’re really in trouble.


Which cartoon character do you resemble the most?


Today’s Question: THIS clothing accessory has actually been around since about 700 BC.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The button.


He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

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