Thursday, July 16, 2009         Edition: #4058
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71-year-old movie actor & Sundance Film Festival founder Robert Redford has wed his 51-year-old artist partner Sibylle Szaggars in Hamburg, Germany (apparently she likes turkey neck) . . . Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman’s adopted 14-year-old son Connor is receiving acting tips from a real veteran, 16-year-old Miley Cyrus, job-shadowing her while she works on-set (he made his bigscreen debut in the Will Smith film “Seven Pounds” last year) . . . A new report suggests Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo dumped girlfriend Jessica Simpson immediately after he picked up her phone and discovered text messages from her ex-boyfriend John Mayer (is there anyone left whose body hasn’t been John’s wonderland?) . . . “America’s Got Talent” judge David Hasselhoff says he’s thinking about doing a UK version of his vintage TV show “Baywatch”, swapping sun-kissed California beaches for the windy British shoreline in a show called “UK-Watch” (OMG he’s been drinking again, hasn’t he?) . . . And now that Ryan Seacrest has a new $45-million deal to remain on “American Idol”, negotiations are on to retain Simon Cowell, and observers predict his deal may top $150 million-per-year, making him the highest-paid TV star in history (like he needs it – he made $72 million last year from all sources).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Beyonce (“I Am Sasha Fierce”).
• “Emmy Awards” – Nominations for this year’s primetime TV awards, including the 2nd reality TV host award, are announced today.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Pitbull (“I Know You Want Me”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Chris Cornell (“Scream”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (CBS) – Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines & Trying Times”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Grizzly Bear (“Yellow House”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – 1980s hair band Twisted Sister.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Black Eyed Peas perform their newest single, “I Gotta Feeling”, then 2 dancers are sent home on the live results show.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Daughtry (“Leave This Town”).

• Aerosmith – First guitarist Brad Whitford was sidelined (banged head on Ferrari), then singer Steven Tyler (torn leg muscle from ‘jumping around’), now bass player Tom Hamilton will be sitting out some dates on the Aerosmith/ZZ Top tour as he recuperates from ‘non-invasive surgery’. Maybe these guys are getting too old for the road?
• The Beatles – Pre-orders are now being taken for the September release of the “Box of Vision” collection. It includes a remastered version of their core catalogue, a 200-page book, and a storage kit to organize all 32 discs. Cost is $80 plus shipping. Quite reasonable if you figure it out by the pound.
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly broken down in tears after being called ‘fat’ in media reports and now feels pressure to lose weight. Word has it she’s gained 14 lbs in just 1 month while on a break from her “Circus” world tour. No worries though, a tour’s never over till the fat lady sings.
• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – They’ve added 25 more dates to their “Workin’ On a Dream” tour. It’s already sold over 1.5 million tickets. The new dates are expected to push that number over the 2 million mark.
• Guns N’ Roses – That Los Angeles blogger who leaked new songs from the “Chinese Democracy” album online has been sentenced to 2 months of home confinement. How cruel!
• Jay-Z – He says he hopes to release a series of 3 books: one memoir, one business book, and one about the meanings behind his lyrics.
• Michael Jackson – In the past 2-and-a-half weeks, more than 2.3 million of his albums have sold in the US alone.
• Phil Vassar – His new country tune “Bobbi With an I” is about a guy who dresses in women’s clothing in order to get free drinks during ladies’ night at a bar. The video features actor James Denton (“Desperate Housewives”).

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Bridget Jones 3” – 40-year-old actress Renee Zellweger has signed on to appear in a 3rd movie about the hapless diary-keeper. The first film grossed $282 million worldwide in 2001, while the 2004 sequel, “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”, raked in $262 million. It’s thought the new film will concentrate on Bridget’s quest to have a baby in her 40s.
• “Cinderella” – “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson is reportedly set to star as the princess in a gothic musical reworking of the classic tale, currently being written by outrageous rocker Marilyn Manson. The 19-year-old is planning to move to NYC to attend university later this year but says it won’t have any impact on her work, if the right role comes along. And this is it?
• “Green Lantern” – 32-year-old actor Ryan Reynolds (“The Proposal”) has landed the coveted lead role in this upcoming live-action film based on the DC Comics hero. He competed for the ‘Green Lantern’ lead against Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover”) & Jared Leto (“Panic Room”).
• “Sucker Punch” – “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens is going against type, taking on the role of a foul-mouthed hooker named ‘Blondie’ in this upcoming action film set in a 1950s brothel. She admits ‘there’s not a whole lot of clothes’.
• “Thor” – Natalie Portman has agreed to take a role in this upcoming Marvel Comics movie to be directed by Kenneth Branagh. She’ll play ‘Jane Foster’, who in early comic-book stories was a nurse who became ‘Thor’s first love. Zach Braff has the title role.


Santiago, Chile entrepreneur Dennis Hennings has hit upon a successful business idea in which he instantly transforms your boring living room into a neighborhood pub. A work team installs a temporary bar, bar stools, and a fully stocked wall of liquor. You just sit back and party it up with friends while bartenders and waiters provide prompt service. When the party’s over, the work team promptly tears everything down. (So you can go back to lying on the sofa watching TV.)
– “Independent Online”

If you’ve ever wondered who’s in control, you or your cat, a new study at Britain’s University of Sussex confirms … it’s the puss. They exercise this control using a specific type of urgent-sounding, high-pitched meow. Usually we think of purring as a sign of happiness, but this purr-cry sound is used when felines want to be fed. The study shows humans find the mixed call difficult to ignore. Researchers suggest the embedding of a cry within a call is a subtle means of eliciting a response. (Basically it translates to ‘fetch!’.)
– “China Daily”

The newest trend in Internet fraud is ‘vacation hacking’, a sort of cyber tourist trap. Criminals are targeting travelers by creating phony wi-fi hot spots in airports, hotels, even aboard airliners. Vacationers on their way to fun in the sun, or already there, think they’re using designated wi-fi access points. But instead, they’re signing on to fraudulent networks and delivering everything on their laptops to the crooks. (That’ll teach you for taking your laptop on vacation!)
– Fox News

About 75% of those polled in a survey on aging say the most notable sign a guy is ‘getting up there’ is his out-of-style clothing. Some of the more undesirable ensembles cited: ‘white shoes, a white belt, and after-dinner-mint colored polyester jacket’. Or how about ‘greying ponytail, faded rock concert T-shirt and jeans’. (What about pants pulled up to the neck?)
– “Social Studies”

A group of ‘wine terrorists’ in France has been attacking shops that sell cheap wine from Spain and Italy in southwestern France. They accuse the merchants of cutting prices to unreasonably low levels which put French wine makers out of business. In their latest attack, the group pulled the plugs on 8 huge vats at a wine co-operative and let more than 1 million-bottles-worth of red, white, and rosé pour into a river. (Which river would that be and how fast can we get there?)
– “Telegraph”


New medical research suggests that it’s not just lack of exercise but the long hours we spend on our butts at home & work that are driving an epidemic of chronic ‘lifestyle’ diseases. Even those who follow the recommended guideline of 30 minutes of brisk exercise a day risk undoing that good work by spending the remaining hours of their waking day planted on their posteriors. University of Queensland’s Neville Owen says sitting too much is not the same as lack of exercise; it actually causes unhealthy chemical changes in the body. (And your legs to fall asleep.)
– “The Age”

Indiana University scientists are working on an anti-obesity pill that could reduce the fat stored by overweight people by almost a half … in a week. Tests on mice have shown the drug decreases body weight by 25% and fat content by 42% after just 7 days. After a month, the weight of the mice reduced by 28% and their fat mass by 63%. But don’t expect to lay your hands on this wonder drug anytime soon. Researchers say it could take a decade before it’s ready for testing on human patients. (Don’t sell your elliptical trainer yet.)
– “Daily Mail”

Scientists with the US Planetary Society have picked the first crew to fly to Mars. Those chosen for a mission to be launched in October include specimens of brewer’s yeast, thale cress, and a microbe known as ‘Conan the Bacterium’. Together with several other microscopic organisms, these representatives of Earthly life will be carried aboard a robotic Russian spacecraft that’s scheduled to be return to Earth in 2012. The experiment is designed to determine if living organisms can survive in space for long periods. (Wow, Martians are gonna think we’re really primitive!)
– “The Observer”

A new listing of tired phrases that restaurateurs should retire from their menus …
• ‘Garden Fresh’ … Unless there’s a garden outside the back door, this is likely untrue.
• ‘Grilled to Perfection’ … What is perfection? Ever see a stove with a ‘perfection’ setting?
• ‘Homemade’ … Whose home? The busboy’s? Restaurant food is made in the restaurant.
• ‘Melt-In-Your-Mouth’ … If a piece of steak actually melts in your mouth, it’s likely not steak.
• ‘World Famous’ … The number of menu items that actually achieve global fame is minuscule.
(And what have you seen on a menu that makes you snort?)
– “Chicago Tribune”

Japanese industrial production has plummeted almost 40% during the recession and with it, the demand for robots. Much of the world’s largest fleet of mechanical workers is now sitting idle as Japan suffers its deepest economic turndown in more than a generation. (“Will work for oil!”)
– “New York Times”


1943 [66] Jimmy Johnson, Port Arthur TX, sports analyst (“Fox NFL Sunday”)/former NFL coach (Miami Dolphins, 2 Super Bowls-Dallas Cowboys)

1952 [57] Stewart Copeland, Alexandria, Egypt, classic rock drummer (Police-“Every Breath You Take”, “King of Pain”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1967 [42] Will Ferrell, Irvine CA, movie actor (“Blades of Glory”, “Old School”)/ex-TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1995-2002)

1971 [38] Ed Kowalczyk, York PA, rock singer (Live-“Lightning Crashes”, “Turn My Head”)

1994 [15] Mark Indelicato, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (‘Justin Suarez‘ on “Ugly Betty” since 2006)

• “Get to Know Your Customers Day”, a day for you sales types to get out from behind the desk and go out into the field and meet your market. After all, customers aren’t just people who send you cash; they’re living, breathing individuals who send you cash.

• “Talk To a Telemarketer Day”. Instead of just angrily hanging up, take a moment to be polite and friendly. Learn who and where they are, then angrily hang up.


1988 [21] Edmonton Oilers superstar hockey player Wayne Gretzky marries Hollywood starlet Janet Jones (“Police Academy 5”)

1999 [10] Magazine publisher John F Kennedy Jr (“George”), his wife Carolyn, and sister-in-law Lauren are killed when the plane he’s piloting crashes off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard MA


1969 [40] Apollo 11 lifts off on its way toward the 1st manned lunar landing

1981 [28] Shukuni Sasaki spins a record 72 plates simultaneously (only he could understand what it’s like trying to hold this show together!)

[Fri] “(500) Days of Summer” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Hot Dog Day
[Sat] Mandela Day Celebration (NYC)
[Sun] Ice Cream Day
[Mon] Hug Your Kid Day
[Mon] Lollipop Day
This Week Is … Avoid Boredom Week
This Month Is … Family Reunion Month


• Rear window fogger.
• Passenger airbag in trunk.
• Drifter in the backseat who says, “Hey, your door is open.”
• Hydraulic roadkill scoop.
• Intermittent steering.
• Pre-filled ashtrays.
• Ceiling fan.
• 37 smelly circus clowns.

What outfit or article of clothing do you like to see your partner wearing most? And least?

• “I wonder where the mother bear is?”
• “It’s probably just a rash.”
• “Nice doggie.”
• “Hey, watch this!”
• “I’ll hold it while you light the fuse.”
• “What does this button do?”
• “Are you sure the power is off?”
• “Duck? What duck?”
(Ask listeners for more!)

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Today’s Question: Over the course of a lifetime the average person consumes 2 gallons of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pool water.

If you keep blowing your own horn, people are going to be quick to get out of your way.

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