Friday, July 17, 2009        Edition: #4059
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
37-year-old actress Jada Pinkett Smith tells “Shape” magazine she & actor hubby Will Smith ‘got it on’ while being driven to the Oscars ceremony in February (thanks for sharing hon’, but that’s really TMI) . . . “Pirates Of the Caribbean” actor Orlando Bloom has had his Los Angeles mansion broken into, burglars reportedly making off with some of his ‘personal possessions’ (panty raid?) . . . 46-year-old movie star Johnny Depp says his ‘dream role’ would be to play 88-year-old musical legend Carol Channing in a biopic of her life (now that would be Oscar-worthy!) . . . Brad Pitt tells “Wired” magazine it is only acceptable to send text messages while using the bathroom (gee, thanks for the tip) . . . 26-year-old reality TV socialite Brittny Gastineau (“Gastineau Girls”) is denying she was duped & made a fool of in the new “Bruno” movie, insisting she was ‘always in on the joke’ (BS translation: I would have caught on if I wasn’t dumb as a stump) . . . Michael Jackson’s unofficial biographer Ian Halperin claims the investigation into the so-called King of Pop’s death will result in charges against 3 people, 2 of them doctors and another who’s definitely not (was it Tito?) . . . And “National Enquirer” reports Michael’s pop, sleazy 79-year-old Joe Jackson, has secretly set about soliciting advice from ex in-laws Lisa Marie Presley & her hard-nosed mom Priscilla Presley on how to turn Neverland into a perpetual money-machine like Graceland, which has netted the Presleys hundreds-of-millions (is there no end to this guy’s sleazy greed?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Bayfest” (Sarnia ON) – Tonight Tim McGraw headlines, with opening act Jason Blaine. Saturday Brad Paisley performs, with opening act Doc Walker.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Today Gavin Rossdale (“Wanderlust”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Chris Cornell (“Scream”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (CBS) – Tonight The Dead Weather (“Horehound”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Metric (“Live It Out”).
• “Mandela Day Celebration” (NYC) – Saturday Alicia Keys, Aretha Franklin, Josh Groban, Cyndi Lauper, Jesse McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Will.i.am, and Wyclef Jean headline a tribute concert hosted by Whoopi Goldberg honoring human rights leader Nelson Mandela at NYC’s Radio City Music Hall.
NET: http://www.mandeladay.com
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actress Anna Farris hosts; musical guest Duffy.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning All-American Rejects (“Gives You Hell”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Demi Lovato (“Here We Go Again”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Cotton Bay Village in St Lucia wants to talk to her about close to $40,000-worth of damage to the villa she stayed in during her 8-month Caribbean break. The resort is alleging she caused cigarette burns, broken furniture, and wrecked plumbing. Meantime, her marriage to (loser) husband Blake Fielder-Civil is now officially over as she was granted a divorce by a London court yesterday.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s taken on a new role as the international spokesperson for the World Hunger Relief organization.
• Daughtry – Tonight they play Seattle’s Paramount theater as part of the 3rd annual “Summer Krush” concert  series. Portions of the show will air on tonight’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” (ABC).
• George Strait – Saturday he’s the headliner at the annual “Cheyenne Frontier Days” in Cheyenne WY.
• Kid Rock – Today & tomorrow he’s hosting a massive “Block Party” at Detroit’s Comerica Park stadium. The bash gets underway at 2 pm each day and includes a battle of local bands, a chili cook-off, and a classic car show. The concerts also feature Alice In Chains and Lynyrd Skynyrd.
NET: http://www.kidrock.com
• Paul McCartney – His concerts tonight & tomorrow at the NY Mets’ new Citi Field in NYC sold out in 5 minutes so a 3rd show has been added for Tuesday. The Beatles christened the Mets’ Shea Stadium in 1965, and McCartney played the final shows there with Billy Joel last year.
• Rascal Flatts – Saturday they perform a stadium show at Wrigley Field in Chicago, with opening act Darius Rucker and special guest Vince Gill.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:

• “(500) Days of Summer” ( Limited Release PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Zooey Deschanel (“Yes Man”) & Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“3rd Rock From the Sun”) star in this quirky rom-com about a woman (named ‘Summer’) who doesn’t believe true love exists, and the greeting-card writer who falls for her. The hot soundtrack includes tunes by The Black Lips, Regina Spektor, The Smiths, Wolfmother and France’s First Lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Critics love this one.
NET: http://www.foxsearchlight.com/500daysofsummer/

CRASH COMEDY LESSONS:
Orange County CA is about to offer drivers who are required to take traffic classes the option of attending … comedy traffic school. The Superior Court in the OC has hired a new provider that offers comedy traffic schools and online courses along with traditional traffic classes. Included in the options that become available in August: the ‘Comedy for Less Traffic School’ and the ‘Pizza 4U Great Comedians Traffic School’. Both use an amusing approach to refresh drivers on the rules of the road. (Then you’re re-tested by a guy wearing a Groucho nose & glasses.)
– United Press International

NEW NAME, STILL TALL:
Known as the Sears Tower since it opened in 1973, the tallest building in the United States officially changed its name yesterday to Willis Tower. That’s because London-based insurance brokerage Willis Group Holdings is leasing 140,000 sq ft of the skyscraper and moving 500 employees into the building. Sears Roebuck & Co was the original tenant before leaving in 1992. A real estate investment group now owns the 1,450-foot, 110-story skyscraper.
– “Chicago Sun-Times”

KILLER ACCESSORIES FOR GUNS:
The technology for firing a bullet hasn’t changed a whole lot over the years, but the accessories that can be mounted on guns are a different story. It seems there’s no end to the gizmos & gadgets available to the modern hunter. Among the odd equipment designed to be installed on rifles: a BORS tactical computer with USB port, an iPhone mount, and … a cup-holder. Ready, aim, sip! (A new way to have a shot with a beer chaser.)
– “Wired”

BS INTERNATIONAL MOOS:
• At a wedding in Suvereto, Italy the plan was to have the bride’s bouquet thrown from a microlight plane flying over the wedding party as a line of women waited to catch it. Then things got weird … the flowers were sucked into the plane’s engine causing it to catch fire and explode. The aircraft plunged into a hostel. The passenger on the plane who tossed the bouquet suffered multiple fractures and was taken to a hospital in Pisa. (Take heart, brides-to-be. No matter what happens at your wedding this weekend, it’ll never suck this bad!)
– BBC
• A motorist in Bochum, Germany who mistook a train tunnel for a road kept driving for 200 meters along railway tracks before he realized. Despite the bumpy ride, he didn’t notice anything was wrong until the car ground to a halt after the suspension collapsed. Crews had to be scrambled in the middle of the night to stop trains and remove the wedged vehicle. The 29-year-old now faces drunk driving charges. (Ya think?)
– Ananova News
• Faced with a free-fall in tourist numbers due to the financial crisis and a reputation for unfriendliness, the Paris Tourist Board has made a simple request of Parisians … smile. Visitors to Paris, the world’s most visited city, have fallen 17% from a year ago. To counter the slump, the board has set up stands manned by teams of ‘Smile Ambassadors’ to welcome tourists. (They’re also asking waiters to drop their noses by 35 degrees.)
– Reuters
• A  31-year-old novice nun in Torino, Italy is suing her ex-boyfriend after he uploaded naked photos of her on Facebook. The jilted boyfriend says he posted the pics taken during a 2006 vacation in Sicily because he wanted to stop his former lover from becoming a nun. Despite her requests, he’s refused to take them down. Now the nun is suing. Meantime, lots of comments are being posted on the web page’s wall, including: “If all the nuns are like that, I want to become a priest!” (How insulting! Everyone knows priests only like choir boys.)
– AHN

BS AMAZING FACT:
There’s a 56-to-1 scam ratio among work-at-home job ads, according to a new study by  training & development firm Staffcentrix. Researchers advise job-seekers to be leery of any home-based work offer that’s touted with phrases like ‘make money fast’, ‘no experience necessary’ or ‘work in your pajamas’. (And especially ‘work without pajamas!’.)
– CNN.com

BS CHRONOMETER 07.17.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [74] Donald Sutherland, Saint John NB, movie actor (“Fool’s Gold”, “Cold Mountain”)/”24″ star Keifer Sutherland’s pop/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2000)/Order of Canada (1978)

1947 [62] The Duchess of Cornwall (Camilla Parker Bowles Windsor), Plumpton UK, Prince Charles’ longtime mistress whom he finally wed in April 2005 (she’s 434 in dog years)

1952 [57] David Hasselhoff, Baltimore MD, TV personality (“America’s Got Talent” judge since 2006)/movie actor (“Click”, “Dodgeball”)/former TV actor (“Baywatch” 1989-2000, “Knight Rider” 1982-86)

1960 [49] Mark Burnett, London UK, really rich TV producer/writer (“Survivor”, “The Apprentice”, “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”)/TV director (“MTV Movie Awards”)

1975 [34] MIA (Mathangi ‘Maya’ Arulpragasam), London UK, pop singer/songwriter/fashion designer/artist (“Paper Planes”)

1976 [33] Luke Bryan, Leesburg GA, country singer (“Do I”, “All My Friends Say”)

SATURDAY –
Baseball manager Joe Torre (LA Dodgers) is 69; Virgin entrepreneur Richard Branson is 59; Federal NDP leader Jack Layton is 59; Country singer Ricky Skaggs (“I Don’t Care”) is 55; Movie actor Vin Diesel (“Fast & Furious”) is 42; Rock guitarist Daron Malakian (System Of a Down) is 34; Movie/TV actress Kristen Bell (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) is 29; TV actor Chace Crawford (“Gossip Girl”) is 24.

SUNDAY –
Classic rock guitarist Brian May (Queen) is 62; Filmmaker Atom Egoyan (“Where the Truth Lies”) is 49; Pop singer Urs Buhler (Il Divo) is 38; Rock drummer Jason McGerr (Death Cab For Cutie) is 35; TV actor Jared Padalecki (“Supernatural”) is 27.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Capital Ex” in Edmonton, through July 26th. This year’s entertainment includes Aaron Lines, Emerson Drive, Hinder, Howie Mandel, K-os, Our Lady Peace, Paul Brandt, and Thornley. We still kinda miss the old name “Klondike Days”.
NET: http://www.capitalex.ca

SATURDAY –
• “Caviar Day”, saluting the mega-expensive roe (eggs) of the sturgeon fish, proving once and for all that we’ll eat just about anything if we give it an attractive name.
• “Chrysanthemum Day”, a favorite of spelling bee organizers everywhere!
• “Hot Dog Day”, a highlight of “National Hot Dog Month”. And vegetarians are in luck too – July is also “National Veggie Hot Dog Month”. The Hot Dog & Sausage Council estimates that, in the past year, a whopping  $3.4 billion was spent on hot dogs & sausages in the USA alone. The idea of slapping a wiener on a bun is attributed to one Anton Feuchtwanger, a Bavarian sausage seller. Thank goodness he didn’t name it after himself! (“I’ll have a foot-long Feuchtwanger, please.”)
• “Stick Your Tongue Out Day” for some long forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder … only 1-in-14 people can do that!

SUNDAY –
• “Flitch Day”, based on a custom begun in the 15th century in which monks offered a ‘flitch’ or side of bacon as a prize to any married couple who could prove they had lived together in harmony and fidelity for the past year. Very few ‘took home the bacon’.
• “National Ice Cream Day”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Sunday of July, “Ice Cream Month”. Based on ice cream consumption figures, the top flavors are: vanilla (30%), chocolate (10%), butter pecan (4%), strawberry (3.7%) and chocolate chip mint (3.2%).
NET: http://www.idfa.org/facts/icmonth/page1.cfm

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1955 [54] ‘Disneyland’ opens in Anaheim CA, billed ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ (a live TV broadcast of the event is hosted by Walt Disney, Art Linkletter, and Ronald Reagan)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1902 [107] Buffalo NY engineer Willis Carrier installs 1st ‘Air Conditioning System’ in a Brooklyn NY printing plant (for the next 20 years, his invention is used primarily to cool machines, not people)

1917 [92] British royal family 1st uses surname ‘Windsor’ in attempt to rid itself of its German heritage (and the hard-to-spell ‘Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .

1941 [68] NY Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio doesn’t get a hit, bringing his ‘Consecutive Game Hitting Streak’ to a close after 56 games since May 16th (a record that still stands)

1982 [27] 52-year-old Don Bennett of Seattle WA becomes 1st ‘One-Legged Mountain Climber’ to hop to the top of 14,408-ft Mount Rainier

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Get Out Of the Doghouse Day
[Mon] Hug Your Kid Day
[Mon] Lollipop Day
[Mon] Ugly Truck Day
[Tues] National Junk Food Day
[Wed] Hammock Day
This Week Is … Independent Retailers Week
This Month Is … Horseradish Month

BULL’S BITS


BS THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A COP:
• “I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.”
• “Aren’t you that guy from the Village People?”
• “I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.”
• “I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.”
• “You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?”
• “Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.”
• “So, uh, you on the take, or what?”
• “Gee, Officer … that’s terrific … the last officer only gave me a warning too!”
• “Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.”
• “Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?”

BS PHONE STARTER:

What was the most valuable piece of advice your parents ever gave you?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You know what I did before I got married? Anything I wanted to.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: 84% of us think it’s totally unacceptable to do THIS while on vacation
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Put towels and/or belongings on a pool/beach chair to ‘save it’, then leave.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

It’s easy to suggest the solution when you don’t understand the problem.


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