Wednesday, July 22, 2009        Edition: #4062
Thanks For Being a Bull Market!


Acting couple Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick have reportedly decided to live in different abodes, she in a new $8.5-million, 9-bedroom house in Brooklyn NY with their 3 kids (including 1-month-old twins) while he remains in their Manhattan townhouse (further fueling rumors that all is not well) . . . Santa Ynez Valley planning expert Bob Field is suggesting that Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch should be dismantled and rebuilt in Las Vegas as a permanent attraction, a move he claims would be far cheaper than attempting to restore the property in its present location (BS translation: Not in my back yard) . . . With filming scheduled to start in a week, producers of the upcoming TV show “The Beautiful Life” (CW) are reportedly casting a new female character to replace 23-year-old Mischa Barton, who’s getting psychiatric help after a meltdown (they felt your pain, hon’ – for about 5 minutes) . . . 27-year-old actress Sienna Miller admits her performance in the upcoming movie “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra” (opening August 7th) is ‘not the best acting’ she’s done (the studio is likely thrilled with that endorsement!) . . . Contrary to previous reports suggesting she’d attend NYC’s Columbia University, “Harry Potter” star Emma Watson has now confirmed she’ll be studying literature at Brown University in Providence RI this fall (the only college that would honor a diploma from Hogwarts) . . . And comedian Jamie Kennedy has asked actress-girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt (“Ghost Whisperer”) to marry him while performing stand-up at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach CA (a proposal as a punchline, how romantic!).

• “The Hour” (CBC) – Lily Allen (“It’s Not Me, It’s You”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jewel (“Perfectly Clear”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Cold War Kids (“Robbers & Cowards”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Kelly Rowland (“When Love Takes Over”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Flo Rida (“Roots”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 8 dancers perform; Ellen DeGeneres & Mia Michaels serve as guest judges.
• “10,000 Lakes Festival” (Detroit Lakes MN) – This 7th annual Minnesota music bash through Saturday features the Dave Matthews Band, Wilco, and Widespread Panic.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Mat Kearney (“Nothing Left to Lose”).

• Chris Brown – He’s posted a video on his website apologizing for attacking former girlfriend Rihanna and accepting ‘full responsibility for his actions’. (A little late to save your career, pal.)
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor has deleted his Twitter account, officially ending his tenure on the social network according to “Rolling Stone”.  (Now there’s a refreshing change!)
• Rihanna – Rumors are rife in Britain she may be in a relationship with producer/musician Pharrell Williams. Sure, he’s working on her new album, but he’s also been spending a lot of extra time with her and been spotted leaving her hotel numerous times.
• Trace Adkins – He’s being drawn as a tough Southern action hero named ‘Luke McBain’ for a new 4-issue comic book series to be launched in November.
• Velvet Revolver – Slash tells “Classic Rock” magazine that the band is currently at a standstill because he hasn’t gotten any ‘amazing submissions’ from potential lead singers of late. But he says there’s no rush.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• Bruce Lee bio films – Speaking Monday at a ceremony in Beijing marking the 36th anniversary of his death, his family announced that it’s authorized a trilogy of biographical films about the late martial arts movie star. Lee, whose films included “Enter the Dragon” and “Fists of Fury”, died in 1973 at age 32 from swelling of the brain.
• “Girl Soldier” – 39-year-old actress Uma Thurman will star in this indie drama about a nun who helped rescue 140 schoolgirls abducted in Uganda. The story is based on Kathy Cook’s book “Stolen Angels”, which follows a real-life 1996 raid at a boarding school in which a band of armed rebels abducted young girls to turn them into soldiers and sex slaves.
• “The Green Hornet” – Nicolas Cage is in talks to play the gangster villain and Cameron Diaz is negotiating to play a reporter & love interest in the upcoming action pic that will star Seth Rogen as the masked crime-fighter. The picture is moving full steam ahead for a fall shooting date and  is set for release next summer.
• “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” – A new live-action movie is planned for 2011 that producers hope will help relaunch ‘Leonardo’, ‘Michelangelo’, ‘Donatello’, and ‘Raphael’ in a new film franchise. The sewer-dwelling characters starred in 4 films in the early 1990s that earned more than $323 million worldwide.
• “Grindhouse 2” – Director Robert Rodriguez has signed up Robert De Niro, Jonah Hill, and Michelle Rodriguez to star in his new “Grindhouse” spin-off. The movie is based on a fake trailer that ran before Rodriguez’ & Quentin Tarantino’s 2007 horror film double-bill. Shooting is scheduled to begin late this month.

Biotech start-up VisionCare Ophthalmic Technologies has developed a tiny telescope that can be implanted into the eyes of people suffering from macular degeneration. Once inside the eye, it works like a telephoto lens, acting with the cornea to project a magnified image of whatever the wearer is looking at over a large part of the retina. Clinical trials of the device, which is about the size of a pencil eraser, suggest it can improve vision by about 3-and-a-half lines on a standard eye chart. (You mean there’s something under the big ‘E’?)

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 73% of us wish we had enough money to have someone clean the house on a weekly basis.
• 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
• 47% drink straight from the carton when nobody else is around.
• 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
• 18% of pet owners consider their pet a ‘genius’.
• 5% of us never make the bed.

Japanese toy-maker Takara Tomy has released an updated version of their “Bow-lingual” gadget which can translate your dog’s barking noises for you. The new toy is a talking version of the original which claimed to be capable of analyzing 6 doggy emotions, including joy, sadness and frustration. If you have another $200 to blow, this new toy will voice phrases such as ‘I’m Annoyed’ or ‘Play with Me’ at you. Unfortunately, the gadget is only available in Japanese at present. (Basically dogs say 4 things: ‘Food!’, ‘Drink!’, ‘Run!’ and ‘Hump!’.)

5. The Netherlands (1,401 cups per person annually)
4. [tie] Denmark/Norway (1,442)
3. Austria (1,505)
2. Sweden (1,665)
1. Finland (1,998)
– “Top Ten of Everything”

If you’re going to drink at breakfast, then make it a full meal! The new ‘Bakon Vodka’ is a regular potato-based vodka infused with a savory bacon flavor. The distiller suggests you use it in a Bloody Mary, in a chocolate bacon martini, or as a marinade for steaks. You can find plenty of sweet, fruity-flavored mixtures and infusions these days, so Seattle WA-based Black Rock Spirits decided to do something different and create a vodka that is savory. (Is garlic beer next?)


Columbia University professor Ran Kivetz recently conducted a series of experiments to test the validity of putting our responsibilities ahead of momentary pleasures. The results seem to indicate that doing what we perceive to be ‘the right thing’ often leaves us unhappy in the long run. When we skip a vacation to work overtime or pass up a fabulous vintage Porsche for a used minivan we may congratulate ourselves for a week or two, but as time goes by we invariably regret our ‘responsible’ decisions and wish we’d enjoyed ourselves more. (All this time you thought you were irresponsible, you were just being smart!)
– “Wired”

• All Muslims are Arabs –  Arabs make only 15% of the world’s Muslim population.
• Muslims Are Intolerant of Other Religions: Islam has always mandated respect and freedom of religion for all faiths.
• ‘Jihad’ Means to Wage War: The true meaning of the word is ‘struggle’. There are many forms of ‘jihad’, including jihad al-nafs … struggle against oneself.
• Women Have No Rights: While there are Muslim countries in the world that implement harsh restrictions against women, these should not be portrayed as Islamic law.
• All Muslims are Terrorists: By far the biggest misconception about Islam. Many political dictators and extremist groups use the name of Islam as a strategy to garner followers while their practices go against the true Muslim beliefs.


• The average person has 110 ‘bad mood days’ per year.
– “Harper’s Index”
• According to researchers at Wayne State University, Major League Baseball players who have nicknames live 2-and-a-half years longer on average than those without them.
– “Wall Street Journal”


1940 [69] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy!” since 1984)
• “Sorry, but our new format demands that you phrase your answers in the form of a haiku.”
• “You can’t buy a vowel here, ya dumb ass!”
• “Well, Jessica Simpson seems to have run the entire board during this round of ‘Double Jeopardy’!”
• “You have all that money and knowledge but you’re still going home alone tonight, aren’t you Geek-Boy?”
• “I’m sorry, that’s incorrect; we’re going to have to sever another finger.”

1946 [63] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Lethal Weapon” films)

1947 [62] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (“Finding Nemo”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [62] Don Henley, Linden TX, classic rock/country musician (“Boys of Summer”, Eagles-“How Long”, “Hotel California”)

1947 [62] Gilles Duceppe, Montréal QC, federal Bloc Québécois leader since 1997

1955 [54] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, movie actor (“Spider-Man” films, “The Aviator”)

1964 [45] David Spade, Birmingham MI, TV actor (‘Russell’ on “Rules of Engagement” since 2007, “8 Simple Rules” 2004-05, “Just Shoot Me” 1997-2003)/movie actor (“The Benchwarmers”, “Joe Dirt”)

1973 [36] Rufus Wainwright, Rhinebeck NY [raised Montréal], singer/songwriter (“Hallelujah”, “Rules & Regulations”)/son of folk singers Kate McGarrigle & Loudon Wainwright III

• “Hammock Day”, honoring the most relaxing thing you can swing between 2 trees. It’s the perfect excuse to slow down and loaf during the ‘Dog Days of Summer’.

• “Health, Happiness With Hypnosis Day”, celebrating the therapeutic value of hypnosis as a tool in promoting well-being. (“You are getting sleepy …. very sleepy …”)

• “National Baby Food Festival”, the 17th annual through Saturday in Fremont MI, home of Gerber Products. Events include the ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’ and the ‘Adult Baby Food Eating Contest’. (Which flavor have you found tastes best, parents?)
PHONER: 800.592.2229 / 231.924.2270

• “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.

• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’.

1979 [30] ‘Sony Walkman’ debuts (precursor of the iPod)

1999 [10] 1st version of ‘MSN Messenger’ is released by Microsoft


1979 [30] 1st pro golfer to shoot below his age (67-year-old Sam Snead shoots a 66)

1989 [20] Youngest pilot to fly around-the-world (11-year-old Tony Aliengena, San Juan Capistrano CA)


[Thurs] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Thurs] Hot Enough For Ya Day
[Fri] Cousins Day
[Fri] Drive-Thru Day
This Week Is … Captive Nations Week
This Month Is … Cellphone Courtesy Month


• What is the point of a helmet when you’re skydiving?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you’re sitting there staring at the carpeting?
• Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
• How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
• Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

If you could live in any era of history you wanted, which would you pick?


• Kim Yoo Suk, Olympic athlete, South Korea.
• Dr Ted Kadiver, medical surgeon, Leesburg FL.
• Brad Slaughter, supermarket meat manager, Chelmsford UK.
• Sue Yoo, attorney-at-law, NYC.
• Oliver Loser, political candidate, Denmark.
And what weird professional names have you heard?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Today’s Question: The average teen does THIS 2,272 times per month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Text messages. (Nielsen Co/”TIME”)

What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.

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