July 23, 2009

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Thursday, July 23, 2009        Edition: #4063
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

Assault charges against “24” actor Kiefer Sutherland for head-butting fashion designer Jack McCollough in a Manhattan nightclub in May have been dropped because ‘the alleged victim will not co-operate with prosecutors’ (BS translation: He was paid off) . . . Pseudo-actor/reality TV personality Stephen Baldwin (“I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!”) has filed for bankruptcy, revealing he is $2.3 million in debt (who would ever lend this loser that much?) . . . Paul McCartney’s ex-, Heather Mills, has purchased a vegan food company, the Redwood Wholefood Co (interestingly, Mac’s late wife also ran one – Linda McCartney Foods) . . . Actress Evan Rachel Wood (“The Wrestler”) wears nothing but black nail polish and a pout as she poses on her hands & knees for the August issue of “i-D Magazine” (farewell dignity!) . . . 28-year-old former “Sopranos” actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler (‘Meadow Soprano’) is returning to TV on “Ugly Betty” (ABC), with a recurring role throughout the upcoming 4th season (debuting October 9th) . . . 23-year-old actress Megan Fox (“Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen”) has reportedly turned down a role opposite Daniel Craig in the upcoming 23rd ‘James Bond’ film, an insider suggesting the role wasn’t ‘big enough’ for her (the ego seems to be getting there) . . . And former acting twins Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are going to be inducted into the Council of Fashion Designers of America this October, chosen for ‘their contribution to fashion’ (BS translation: We’ve run out of people to honor who’ve actually done something in their lives).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – David Cook (“Come Back to Me”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – One time teen idols David and Shaun Cassidy.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – ‘80s hair band Twisted Sister.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Ginuwine (“Last Chance”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Flo Rida (“Roots”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Two dancers are eliminated; actress Katie Holmes performs a tribute to Judy Garland.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Jason Aldean (“Big Green Tractor”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Demi Lovato (“Here We Go Again”). She’s just split with Miley Cyrus’ 20-year-old rocker-brother Trace because they’re ‘never in the same place at the same time’.

• Amy Winehouse – Her father Mitch has been in talks with manufacturers and PR firms in an attempt to licence her name for a fragrance. (Mmm, smells like upchuck!)
• Billy Joel – A month after separating from 3rd wife Katie Lee, the 60-year-old is reportedly now seeing 49-year-old former soap actress Alex Donnelley (“The Young & The Restless”). She’s been a frequent visitor to his home in Sag Harbor NY, according to the “New York Post”.
• Jackson Browne – He & the Republican National Committee have settled a lawsuit out of court over GOP presidential candidate John McCain using his classic hit “Running On Empty”. The Republicans also issued a public apology and pledged to respect copyrighted works in future. (Whenever they get caught.)
• LeAnn Rimes – 36-year-old actor Eddie Cibrian has split from his wife Brandi Glanville, amid rumors he’s been cheating on her with the 26-year-old country singer.
• Led Zeppelin – Guitarist Jimmy Page has ruled out the possibility of a videogame (ie: “Rock Band”, “Guitar Hero”) based on the legendary band, saying their musical compositions are ‘impossible to replicate’. (BS translation: Make us a better offer.)
• Marc Anthony – Jennifer Lopez’s singer-husband has become a minority shareholder in the NFL’s Miami Dolphins. The football team was purchased by New York entrepreneur Stephen Ross in January for $1 billion. (Still cheaper than season tickets.)
• Michael Jackson – He’s rumored to have a 4th child, 25-year-old Norwegian dancer Omer Bhatti, said to be the result of a ‘one-night-stand’ in 1984. Bhatti is believed to be seeking a DNA test to prove his lineage. (Michael in a one-night-stand … with a woman? Snort!)
• Rascal Flatts – This week they became the first country act to offer an iTunes pass for fans to receive downloads of previously unreleased music, such as live concert recordings, studio rehearsals, and unreleased demos. A total of 28 tracks will be released on iTunes this summer.
• Taylor Swift – Tonight she’s the headline act at the annual “Cheyenne Frontier Days” in Cheyenne WY.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Idaho Stop’ – Driving behavior whereby a vehicle, particularly a bicycle, slows down but does not come to a complete stop at a stop-sign.
• ‘Phantom Fat’ – Similar to a ‘phantom limb’, this is lost body fat that is still perceived to exist by someone who used to be overweight.
• ‘Testosteroaming’ – The masculine pursuit of wandering around with a group of buddies in search of male bonding activities. For example, Woody Harrelson and Owen Wilson’s current party vacation in Italy.
• ‘Wallet Neuropathy’ – Lower back pain caused by sitting on an overstuffed wallet kept in a back pants pocket. A problem for fewer and fewer of us over the past year.


New research suggests it’s not a coincidence that countries in hot climates tend to lag behind in economic productivity. A new study from MIT has found that any year which had an increase in average temperature of 1 degree corresponds with a 1.1% drop in per-capita gross domestic product. Put simply, when it’s really hot it’s unlikely we’ll work as hard. (Okay, so where are all the rich Inuit people?)
– NPR.org

Johns Hopkins research finds 2-out-of-5 of us experience tension headaches, women being slightly more susceptible than men. Gender aside, people in their 30s experience the most tension headaches, as do the more educated. Nearly 50% of people with graduate degrees suffer from occasional stress headaches. ([Co-host] doesn’t suffer from them, he’s a carrier.)
– “Science”


The iPhone ads claim ‘There’s an app for just about anything’, and now that includes an app for … finding marijuana. For $2.99 users can download ‘Cannabis’, an application that finds the closest place to get legal medical marijuana. You put in your location and the program shows the nearest doctors who write prescriptions for marijuana and the pharmacies that fill them. Dissenters say the app has no useful purpose; if someone is prescribed medical marijuana they know where to get it. That may be true, but the app also allows users to find places to buy marijuana in countries where it is legal. (Pick any street in Amsterdam.)
– ABC News


Based on a poll of some 3,000 TV fans, these are the programs that really get you hooked …
5. “The Wire” (7%)
4. “Heroes” (9%)
3. “Friends” (10%)
2. “Lost” (17%)
1. “24” (19%)
– Lovefilm.com


When it comes to ‘piercing preference’, what are your favorite holes? A poll of close to 25,000 people finds the majority of both men & women say they find a pierced belly-button can be a bit of a turn-on. Pierced ears place 2nd with 23% of the vote. Just 4% find a pierced nose sexually exciting. (Especially if there’s a hunk of Kleenex hanging from it.)
– PA News

After centuries of teaching their children to drink wine with every meal, the city of Milan, Italy is trying to enforce a ban on the sale and consumption of alcohol to anyone under age 16. The new law comes into effect after a study showed that one-third of 11-year-olds in Milan have alcohol related problems. From now on, anyone caught serving a teenager alcohol faces a fine of up to $700. (Wait till college to become a useless drunk!)
– BBC News

According to a new online poll, these are the movie cartoon characters we like most …
5. ‘Genie’ – “Aladdin”
4. ‘Cruella de Vil’ – “101 Dalmatians”
3. ‘Mickey Mouse’ – “Fantasia”
2. ‘Buzz Lightyear’ – “Toy Story”
1. ‘Sheriff Woody’ – “Toy Story”
–  Moviefone.com


• Zoos in China use female dogs as surrogate mothers for baby tigers, lions, and bear cubs.
• A new scientific element added to the periodic table cannot be named after a living person.
– BBC News


1961 [48] Woody Harrelson, Midland TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, “White Men Can’t Jump”)/former TV actor (1989 Emmy Award-“Cheers”)

1965 [44] Slash (Saul Hudson), Shiplake Bottom UK, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, ex-Guns N’ Roses-“November Rain”)

1967 [42] Philip Seymour Hoffman, Fairport NY, movie actor (“Doubt”, 2006 Academy Award-“Capote”)

1971 [38] Alison Krauss, Decatur IL, country/bluegrass musician/singer/songwriter/producer (“Essential Alison Krauss”, w/Robert Plant-“Raising Sand”)/26 Grammy Awards, more than any other female artist

1972 [37] Marlon Wayans, NYC, comedic movie actor (“GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra” [opening Friday], “Dance Flick”)/brother of Dwayne, Keenen Ivory, Damon, Kim, and Shawn Wayans

1976 [33] Jonathan Gallant, Mississauga ON, rock bassist (Billy Talent-“Rusted From the Rain”, “Surrender”)

1980 [29] Michelle Williams, Rockford IL, pop singer (“When Love Takes Over”, ex-Destiny’s Child-“Lose My Breath”)/Broadway actress (“The Color Purple”)

1981 [28] Steve Jocz, Ajax ON, rock drummer/guitarist/vocalist (Sum 41-“Pieces”, “Still Waiting”)  FACTOID: The band has wrapped up their tour with The Offspring and are now back in the studio to finish their new album.

1989 [20] Daniel Radcliffe, London UK, movie actor (‘Harry’ in the “Harry Potter” movies)

• “Gorgeous Grandma Day”, either honoring every kid’s favorite spoiler … or some sort of weird fetish that we won’t get into.

• “Hot Enough For Ya? Day”, when it should be legal to assault anyone who asks you the overused, plain-as-the-end-of-your-sweat-dripping-nose question. A few years ago in Phoenix AZ it was so hot a woman who fainted face-down on the pavement was rushed to hospital and treated … for burns. Now THAT’S hot!

• “Leo the Lion” astrology sign begins (through August 22nd). Leos are said to be warm of spirit, eager for action, and driven by a desire to be loved. (They also cough up hairballs.)

• “Louisiana Watermelon Fest”, the 46th annual through Saturday in Farmerville LA. Seed-spitting attendees also participate in the ‘Watermelon Hunt’, ‘Watermelon Eating Contest’, and ‘Best Dressed Watermelon Contest’. Ah, watermelon … a sure sign of summertime!
NET: http://lawatermelonfestival.com

• “Vanilla Ice Cream Day”, celebrating the favorite flavor of the masses … by far.

1993 [16] Janet Jackson makes her movie debut in “Poetic Justice”, co-starring Tupac Shakur


1999 [10] 3-day “Woodstock ‘99″ festival, marking the 30th anniversary of the original, kicks off at an old military base in Rome NY and later ends in a melee of flames & vandalism (performers include Red Hot Chili Peppers, James Brown, Counting Crows, Creed, Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock, Jewel, and Dave Matthews Band;Canadian performers include Our Lady Peace, Tragically Hip, Alanis Morissette)

776 BC [2785] 1st ‘Olympics’ in Greece consists of a single 200-meter race … by naked runners

1982 [27] Introduction of ‘Diet Coke’ (the sensible accompaniment to your whopper & fries)


2000 [09] Tiger Woods wins the “British Open” to become the youngest golfer (24) to win a career ‘Grand Slam’ of golf (The Masters, PGA Championship, US Open, and British Open)


[Fri] Cousins Day
[Fri] Drive-Thru Day
[Fri] Tell An Old Joke Day
[Fri] “The Answer Man”; “G-Force”; “Orphan”; and “Ugly Truth” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Day Of the Cowboy
This Week Is … Animal Agriculture Week
This Month Is … Women’s Motorcycle Month


• Have you ever worn sandals with socks?
• Have you ever had a Casio Calculator Watch?
• Do you offer your Twitter account to strangers before your name?
• Do you have a “Star Trek” uniform … homemade?
• Did you spend your entire vacation chasing lizards?
• Has the Pope asked you for tips on celibacy?
• Have you turned up at a party 2 hours before anyone else?
• Have you held a party where no one turned up … in your mommy’s basement?
• Do you catalogue your iPhone music collection using a spreadsheet?

[Co-host] is a bit late today. She has a flat tire … on her house.

2 of the following statements are absolutely true; one is a load of hooey. But which?
• The height of the Eiffel Tower in Paris can vary by as much as 6 inches, depending on the temperature. [True. It’s made of 9,441 tons of steel which expand or contract with heat.]
• Venetian blinds were invented in Venice, Italy. [BS. They originated in Japan.]
• Summer on Uranus lasts for 21 years. [True, but then so does winter.]


What are your dating deal breakers? Bad hygiene, lack of financial stability, embarrassing table manners … what would make you walk away from someone great?

Today’s Question: You’ll find THESE in every Canadian province except Newfoundland.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Skunk.


If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

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