Monday, July 27, 2009        Edition: #4065
Sheet For Brains!

• Jennifer Lopez has denied she is set to take over from Paula Abdul as a judge on “American Idol”, saying she’s ‘just a fan’ of the show. Rumors recently began circulating that she’s being lined up to step into Paula’s shoes. A rep says J-Lo’s ‘too busy’ working on a new album and promoting the just-wrapped movie “The Back-Up Plan”. (In the biz, this is known as fishing for a gig.)
• Facebook had more than 307 million unique visitors in April, while MySpace had less than 125 million, according to the latest data from comScore. Those lagging numbers are one reason News Corp has announced it’s planning to transform MySpace into an online videogaming destination. (Pretty much guaranteeing the next stats will show Facebook even further ahead.)
• Late actress Farrah Fawcett, who died last month from cancer, has left most of her estimated $6-million estate to her 24-year-old drug addict son Redmond. However, his inheritance will be tightly controlled by 2 trustees appointed to make sure the money supports his journey into sobriety rather than giving him the means to destroy himself. Meanwhile, it’s said that she left her long-term partner, 68-year-old Ryan O’Neal, a grand total of … nothing. (What we want to know is how an aging actress who barely worked in the last 15 years accumulated $6 million.)
– Mail Online
• Any hope actress Kate Hudson & MLB superstar Alex Rodriguez had of maintaining the ‘just friends’ facade has been put to rest as the celeb couple was shot passionately smooching by photogs at the New York Yankees annual picnic Saturday. (Just before the 3-legged race?)
– “NY Daily News”
• Gee, what a surprise! 25-year-old Norwegian dancer Omer Bhatti has reportedly personally denied he is Michael Jackson’s secret son. Though he apparently lived with the late ‘King of Popping’ at his Neverland ranch for 8 years, he’s said to have now admitted they were just ‘best friends’. (With certain privileges.)
– “Sunday Mirror“


• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Meiko (“Meiko”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Diana Krall (“Quiet Nights”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Adele (“19”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Gavin DeGraw (“Chariot”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Spinal Tap (“Back From the Dead”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Dave Matthews Band (“Big Whiskey & The Groogrux King”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – The Fray (“The Fray”).
• “Young Money Presents: Americas Most Wanted Music Festival” – Tonight the 21-city North American tour headlined by Lil Wayne, Young Jeezy, Soulja Boy Tellem, and Drake kicks off in Scranton PA.


• Billy Currington – “People Are Crazy” tops “Billboard’s” ‘Country Songs Chart’ this week.
• Billy Joel – Tonight’s scheduled “Face to Face” tour concert with Elton John in Albany NY has been canceled because he’s still battling flu-like symptoms that also shut down a weekend show in Buffalo NY. Reps promise the concerts will be rescheduled.
• Jane’s Addiction – They’ve been forced to cancel their upcoming Australian tour due to the hospitalization of drummer Stephen Perkins for treatment of … an infection in his elbow. (There have been some of the strangest injuries among rock bands this summer!)
• Katy Perry – Her favorite way of addressing a minion when she needs a drink is reportedly to hold out her arm and snap her fingers. (Are we a bit self-involved?)
• Kings Of Leon – Their latest album, “Only By The Night”, has been certified Platinum by the RIAA, for shipments of 1 million units
• Nas – A judge has ordered him to pay almost $40,000 per month in support to estranged wife Kelis who gave birth to a boy, named Knight, on Wednesday. The pair had previously failed to reach agreement over payments. (Almost a half-mill a year? Time to write some raps!)
• Van Halen – Eddie Van Halen is recovering from hand surgery to alleviate pain from a bone spur, twisted tendon, and a cyst in the joint of his left thumb. (Speaking of odd injuries …)

• Keep Kids Occupied: If you don’t have your kids in some type of summer camp, you’ll need to have some enriching activities to keep them stimulated so boredom doesn’t create misery for all of you.
• Pace Yourself: While summer offers many opportunities for fun activities, keep in mind that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to some. You need down-time as well as fun time.
• Set Boundaries: While co-workers are away someone has to pick up the slack. Just be careful not to take on too many of your vacationing co-workers’ responsibilities.
• Try a ‘Staycation’ (where you stay home & relax) or ‘Playcation’ (where you stay in your hometown, but plan fun events), the new vacations of choice for those who can’t spare the time or money for a traditional vacation. Often they can be even better at reducing stress levels.
• Take a Mini-Vacation:  If you don’t have the time, money, or ability to take a full-blown vacation, you can achieve many of the same benefits by taking just 1 or 2 days off. It’s time enough to get you out of your rut.
– About .com


A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … playing in the sand is yet another fun thing that may be bad for your health. University of North Carolina researchers warn that beach-goers who dig in sand are 13% more likely to get a stomach ailment and 20% more likely to get diarrhea than those who sit quietly under a beach umbrella wearing a helmet. (Okay, we made that last part up).
– “Curious Times”
• Scientists say … 120 kids are injured every day while playing in the shower or bathtub. A study in the August issue of the journal “Pediatrics” notes that a total of 43,000 children head to the emergency room each year after slipping or falling in a tub. (Which is fine because they won’t need baths anymore now that they’re never allowed to go outside and play.)
– NBC News
• Scientists say … a fully functional artificial human brain could be built within the next 10 years. Henry Markram, director of the UK’s Blue Brain Project, has already built elements of a rat brain and contends that developing a synthetic human brain would be useful in finding treatments for mental illnesses. (As well as helping blondes screw in a lightbulb.)
– BBC News

• Sydney, Australia – Cops have arrested a postal worker who they claim delivered thousands of customers’ letters … to himself. Residents in the Roseville suburb have complained for months they weren’t receiving mail, so police began surveillance of a letter carrier based on a tip. The carrier wasn’t motivated by money, he just delivered letters until his shift was over and whatever he hadn’t delivered by quitting time, he brought home. A search uncovered a stash of some 5,000 letters in his home. He’s facing more than 2 years in jail if convicted. (There are other jobs where quitting before completion would matter more … surgery, for instance.)
– AP
• Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – A Saudi fast-food restaurant is offering a new way for the camel-crazed country to enjoy a favorite delicacy by being first to offer … baby camel burgers. Local Hashi Meals is having such success with the new menu item, a second location is opening soon and further additions to the chain are expected. Experts say camel meat is healthy because it is low in fat. (The only country where you go to a restaurant to get a hump.)
• Patna, India – Farmers in the eastern Indian state of Bihar are attempting to embarrass the weather gods into bringing some badly needed monsoon rain by asking their unmarried daughters to plow the parched fields … naked. It’s one of the most trusted social customs in the area and the villagers have vowed to continue the practice until it rains heavily. India has suffered its worst start to the vital monsoon rains in 80 years, causing widespread drought. Elderly village women have been helping the girls drag the plows. (Ew, thanks for that mental picture.)
– Reuters

DIRTY DESTINATIONS: has compiled a list of some of the world’s most germ-laden tourist attractions. Among them …
• The Blarney Stone: Last year alone, about 400,000 people kissed the stone at Blarney Castle near Cork, Ireland, an odd practice that purportedly gives you the ‘gift of the gab’. It’s safe to say the number of people who’ve placed their lips on the rock now totals multi-millions. Yuck, stranger spit!
• Oscar Wilde’s Tomb: At the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, author/playwright Oscar Wilde’s body rests in a tomb bespeckled with the lipstick marks of visitors from all over-the-world who’ve shown their literary appreciation. The kisses are so prolific that Wilde’s name on the tomb is difficult to discern. All those lips … and you don’t know where they’ve been!
• The Wall of Gum: This brick wall in Seattle WA is home to millions of pieces of used chewing gum that have been stuck on by passers-by since the early 1990s. A rainbow of colors is piled several inches thick, spanning an area about 15 ft-high (4.5 m) & 50-ft-wide (15 m). It’s a sticky situation!


About 50,000 blogs are created each day according to “Huffington Post”, which is one of them.


1968 [41] Julian McMahon, Sydney, Australia, TV actor (‘Dr Christian Troy’ on “Nip/Tuck” 2003-10)

1975 [34] Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, MLB All-Star 3rd baseman (NY Yankees)/baseball’s highest-paid player at $33 million this season, pushing his career earnings over $230 million/boyfriend of Kate Hudson & formerly Madonna

1977 [32] Jonathan Rhys Meyers (O’Keeffe), Dublin, Ireland, TV actor (‘Henry VIII’ on “The Tudors”)/movie actor (“August Rush”, ‘Bend It Like Beckham”)

• “Korean War Veterans Armistice Day”, commemorating the 1953 negotiated cease-fire that ended the war on the Korean peninsula. During the 3 years of fierce struggle, over 600,000 Allied lives were lost.

• “Sleepyhead Day” in Finland (‘Unikeonpaiva’), commemorating the Ephysus Martyrs, who are said to have slept in a cave for 200 years starting in 200 AD. On this morning many families throw water on the face of the last person still in bed. Aw, you gotta love the Finns.

• “Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day”, to help them get to know their real environment.

• “Walk on Stilts Day”, celebrating the feat most often seen in parades and at the circus. Stilt-walking is an ancient art that only requires a pair of stout sticks and lots of practice. (And maybe some extra padding in case you take a tumble.)


2003 [06] Legendary comedian Bob Hope dies of pneumonia at age 100 (Toluca Lake CA)

2007 [02] “The Simpsons Movie” opens in theaters


1888 [121] 1st ‘Electric Car’ is demonstrated (finally they’re coming back over 120 years later!)

1996 [13] Canada’s Donovan Bailey wins Olympic gold, running the 100-meter sprint in 9.84, setting a new world record (Atlanta GA)


[Tues] Milk Chocolate Day
[Tues] Beatrix Potter Day
[Wed] Lasagna Day
[Thurs] Cheesecake Day
[Thurs] Father-In-Law Day
[Fri] System Administrator Appreciation Day


Moby Dick Week / World Footbag (Hackysack) Week


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You’re in your late 40’s, and the most money you’ve made so far is by selling Amway out of your parents’ basement.
• What you refer to as ‘investing in additional resources to better solidify your corporate infrastructure’, most people would call ‘finding a new cardboard box for your lemonade stand’.
• Your 2-cent raise at the Nike factory now doubles your net income.
• Your most recent hostile takeover involved standing behind elephants holding a shovel.
• The first word in your job description is ‘Sanitation’, and the second is ‘Engineer’.
• You slept your way to the top of a pyramid scheme.
• Two words: Rodeo Clown.

Let’s see how many of these vintage TV ads you remember …
• What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
a. Flintstones’ Vitamins.
b. The Buttmaster.
c. Wonder Bread. [CORRECT]
d. Cod Liver Oil.

• Finish this classic commercial slogan: “You’ll wonder where the yellow went …
a. … when you use Tide.”
b. … when you clean your tub with Kaboom.”
c. … when you use Lady Clairol.”
d. … when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.” [CORRECT]

• What do M&Ms do?
a. “Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.” [CORRECT]
b. “Make your tummy happy.”
c. “Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.”
d. “Melt your heart.”

• Finish this classic commercial slogan: “Brylcream …
a. … smear it on!”
b. … a little dab’ll do ya!” [CORRECT]
c. … tame that cowlick!”
d. … greaseball heaven!”

Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with? Least like?


My uncle is quite the sportsman. Yesterday he nailed a 10-lb bass. And he was only using a putter!


Today’s Question: 45% of people who have THESE don’t use them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Vacation days.


Wrinkles are sure signs of where smiles have been.

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