Friday, July 31, 2009        Edition: #4069
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!


Actor Nicolas Cage has slashed the price on his Hollywood mansion, re-listing the property at half the original $35 million being asking (apparently voicing ‘Speckles’ in “G-Force” didn’t pay so well) . . . Famous person Lindsay Lohan is facing a $37,500 bill from LA’s luxurious Chateau Marmont hotel after allegedly failing to settle her tab following a recent stay (“Call me irresponsible …”) . . . Meantime, a rep is denying rumors Lohan will appear on TV reality show “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!”, calling the stories ‘completely ridiculous & untrue’ (BS translation: She’ll be needing more money) . . . Paris Hilton is launching her own cellphone game, “Paris Hilton’s Diamond Quest”, on India’s Reliance Mobile network (with a billion people, there’s better odds of finding some who don’t hate her) . . . 36-year-old Brit actor Jude Law is keeping his lips zipped about the identity of the woman who’s expecting his 4th child,  apparently the result of a brief fling last year (maybe he should keep something else zipped?) . . . The vehicle Kristen Stewart drove in the first “Twilight” film now belongs to 17-year-old Sterling Biegert of Flower Mound TX, whose parents bought it for her as a gift, and she’s now renting out the red Chevy pickup to raise funds for charity (a sneaky way to get your tank filled up!) . . . And Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen (Mrs Tom Brady) has had her ‘baby bump’ airbrushed out of her latest ad campaign, London Fog saying it digitally flattened her stomach in order to ‘respect her privacy’ during her pregnancy, which she has yet to admit (maybe she’s just fat?).

• “All Points West Music & Arts Festival” – The 2nd annual tonight through Sunday in Jersey City NJ features Jay-Z, Tool, and Coldplay headlining each of the 3 nights.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Lady Antebellum (“I Run to You”), John Mayer (“Where The Light Is: John Mayer Live In Los Angeles”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Kelly Clarkson (“All I Ever Wanted”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight the Killers (“Sam’s Town”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Jimmy Buffett (“License to Chill”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight the Dave Matthews Band (“Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Seth Rogen (“Funny People”) hosts; musical guest is Phoenix.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Kings Of Leon (“Only By the Night”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Ben Harper & The Relentless7 (“White Lies For Dark Times”).

• Blink-182 – They refuse to play their new track “Up All Night” on their current tour because they want fans to hear it when it’s officially released, not as a YouTube version recorded live.
• Dolly Parton – The Broadway production of “9 to 5: The Musical”, for which she wrote the score, will close September 6 due to disappointing ticket sales.
However, a new touring production of the musical will be launched in Nashville next year.
• Kid Rock – He’s not a big fan of Twitter, labeling it ‘gay’. He says if he has anything to say that’s relevant, he bottles it up and squeezes it onto a record somewhere.
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve earned their first gold digital single certification for “I Run to You.”, recognizing 500,000 digital downloads.
• Lady Gaga – The 28-year-old says she’s tiring of overseas promotion duties because she’s homesick for New York: the concrete, the bars, her family & friends.
• Michelle Branch – Her new album “Everything Comes & Goes”, due for release this Fall, features a collaboration with Dwight Yoakam. It’ll be her first solo
album in 6 years.
• Motley Crue – Sunday frontman Vince Neil’s latest Las Vegas foray, Feelgood’s Rock Bar & Grill, will finally have its grand opening celebration after several delays.


• “Aliens In the Attic” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): A bunch of kids have to save their vacation home from an invasion of aliens. Cast includes Ashley Tisdale (“High School Musical”), Doris Roberts (“Everybody Loves Raymond”), and Andy Richter (“The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien”). Shot entirely in New Zealand. Originally titled “They Came From Upstairs”.
• “The Collector” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): An ex-con plots a heist at his new employer’s country home, unaware that a second criminal has also targeted the property, and rigged it with a series of deadly traps. Stars Andrea Roth (“Rescue Me”) & Josh Stewart (“Dirt”). From the writers of the “Saw” films IV-VI.
• “Funny People” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Judd Apatow’s latest comedy features Adam Sandler as a seasoned comedian who learns he has a terminal medical condition. His desire to form a genuine friendship inspires him to take a relatively green performer (Seth Rogen) under his wing as his opening act. Some say the film represents a real-life ‘passing of the torch’.

International cancer experts have moved tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation into the top cancer risk category, deeming them as deadly as
arsenic and mustard gas. A new analysis of about 20 studies concludes the risk of skin cancer jumps by 75% when people start using tanning beds before age 30. (So, that tanning salon investment has turned out to be really solid, huh?)
– AP

10. Chocolate: Try to clean melted chocolate off the steering wheel without swerving.
9. Carbonated Soft Drinks: Fizz in the nose. Lids that leak.
8. Jelly Donuts: It’s not possible to eat one without watching the center ooze out.
7. Fried Chicken: Greasy hands. You’ve got to wipe them off while you’re driving.
6. Ribs & Wings: What’s more distracting than licking your fingers?
5. Hamburgers: From the grease to the toppings, it could end up on your hands and the steering wheel.
4. Chili Dogs: Huge potential for drips and slops down the front of clothing.
3. Tacos: Any food that can disassemble itself will leave your car looking like a salad bar.
2. Soup: Many people drink it like coffee and run the same risks.
1. Coffee: Even with a travel lid, hot coffee can find its way out of the opening when you hit a bump.


Psychologists at Queen’s University Belfast in North Ireland have conducted a series of experiments on 42 felines to discover if they are left- or right-pawed. In 2 of the experiments, in which the cats had to reach for a toy mouse, they were ambidextrous. But in the 3rd experiment – in which bits of tuna were placed in a jar for cats to fish out – they showed a definite paw preference: 20-of-21 females used the right paw; 20-of-21 males used the left. (Ask any cat to ‘shake a paw’ and you’ll find out they’re neither.)


• Men are more likely to forget things than women, even though women generally have more to remember, according to a new study by Britain’s National Lottery.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• The National Weather Service says 2009 has seen the coldest July in Chicago since the official recording station was moved away from the lakefront back in 1942. The average temperature this month has been a mere 68.9 F (20.5 C).
– CBS News


1965 [44] JK (Joanne) Rowling, Yate UK, mega-selling author who’s gone from struggling single mom to world’s first billionaire author in a single decade/her character ‘Harry Potter’ shares the same birthday1978 [31] Zac Brown, Dahlonega GA, country singer (Zac Brown Band-“Chicken Fried”, “Whatever It Is”)

1978 [31] Will Champion, Southampton UK, rock drummer (Coldplay-“Viva La Vida”, “Clocks”)

1979 [30] BJ Novak, Newton MA, TV actor (‘Ryan Howard’ on “The Office” since 2005)

1986 [23] Evgeni Malkin, Magnitogorsk, Russia, NHL hockey player (2009 Stanley Cup-Pittsburgh Penguins, 2009 Conn Smythe Trophy for playoff MVP)

Rock singer Joe Elliott (Def Leppard) is 50; Rapper Chuck D (Public Enemy) is 49; Alt-rock singer Adam Duritz (Counting Crows) is 45; Movie director Sam Mendes (“Revolutionary Road”) is 44.

Movie director Wes Craven (“Scream”) is 70; TV actress Mary-Louise Parker (“Weeds”) is 45; Film director-screenwriter Kevin Smith (“Clerks”) is 39.

• “Cotton Candy Day”, celebrating the delights of spun sugar on a stick.
• “Mutts Day”, honoring all dogs of mixed breeds. Purebred owners often view them as lesser in many ways but mutt owners know better!
• “National Ukrainian Festival” in Dauphin MB through Sunday, as thousands gather for traditional foods, singing, dancing, egg-decorating, and some of the world’s best perogies.
• “System Administrator Appreciation Day”, a day to honor that special person in the office who maintains the computer network. (And also monitors your email and web surfing.)
• “World Championship Bunnock Championship” all weekend in Macklin SK. The game involves throwing 52 horse ankle bones at a target, similar to horseshoes. The heaviest bones are ‘schmeisers’; others are ‘guards’; the rest ordinary ‘soldiers’. It’s thought the game was developed in the early 1800s by the Russian military.

• “August”, originally the 6th month of the Roman year which was called Sextilis. In the year 8 BC, Emperor Augustus Caesar persuaded the Senate to change the month’s name to ‘Augustus’ in his honor. If it weren’t for him, today would be the 1st of Sextilis!
• “Girlfriends Day”, either some girl’s greedy grab at gifts from her guy, or perhaps a day for ‘the girls’ to hang out and share woman-to-woman time?
• “Respect for Parents Day”. So what’s the best way to gain respect … setting an example or creating fear?
• “Rounds Resounding Day”, a day to sing rounds. Altogether now, “Row, row, row …”

• “Chocolate Fest”, the 25th annual in the resort town of St. Stephen NB through August 8th, highlighted by a daily ‘choctail’ hour, chocolate factory tours, and several chocolate-eating competitions. St Stephen is purportedly where the ‘chocolate bar’ was invented.
• “Ice Cream Sandwich Day”. Who cares why? Chow down!
• “International Forgiveness Day”, celebrated annually on the 1st Sunday in August as a time to forgive and to be forgiven. C’mon, let it go!
• “Sisters Day”, celebrated annually on the 1st Sunday in August to show appreciation to female siblings. A good excuse to ask listeners the worst dirty tricks pulled on them by sisters.

1995 [14] Walt Disney Co acquires Capital Cities-ABC Inc (including ABC-TV) in a $19-billion deal

1893 [116] 1st patent for ‘Shredded Wheat’ (Ohio’s Henry Perky)

1922 [87] 1st ‘Water Skis’ (Minnesota’s Ralph Samuelson)


[Aug 1] Sweet Corn Day / World Wide Web Day
[Aug 2] Friendship Day
[Aug 3] Civic Holiday / “Sugarland: Live On the Inside” airs (ABC) / Watermelon Day
[Aug 4] Chocolate Chip Day / National Night Out
[Aug 5] International Beer Day / Underwear Day / Full Moon
[Aug 6] Hiroshima Day / Fresh Breath Day / Creed Reunion Tour begins (Pittsburgh)
[Aug 7] Lighthouse Day / Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day / Professional Speakers Day / 2009 Lollapalooza Festival begins (Chicago) / “A Perfect Getaway”; “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”; “Julie & Julia” open in movie theaters
[Aug 8] Garage Sale Day / Date to Create / Happiness Happens Day / Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
[Aug 9] Assistance Dog Day / International Day Of the World’s Indigenous People / Veep Day
[Aug 10] S’mores Day / “Teen Choice Awards” (FOX)
[Aug 12] International Youth Day / Sewing Machine Day / Vinyl Record Day
[Aug 13] International Left Hander’s Day
[Aug 14] “Bandslam”; “District 9”; “Ponyo”; “The Time Traveler’s Wife” open in movie theaters
[Aug 15] Best Friends Day / Relaxation Day / Homeless Animals Day / Sandcastle & Sand Sculpture Day / Provincial Acadian Day / Woodstock Festival 40th anniversary
[Aug 17] Thrift Shop Day
[Aug 18] Bad Poetry Day / Cupcake Day / Mail Order Catalogue Day
[Aug 19] Aviation Day
[Aug 20] Virtual World’s Day / SuperEx begins (Ottawa) / Air Guitar World Championships begin (Oulu, Finland) / “Project Runway 6” premieres (Lifetime)
[Aug 21] Men’s Grooming Day / Poets Day / Senior Citizens Day / Ramadan begins (Muslim) / CNE begins (Toronto) / “Inglourious Basterds”; “Post Grad”; “Shorts” open in movie theaters
[Aug 22] Hug Your Boss Day / PNE begins (Vancouver)
[Aug 23] Day For The Remembrance Of the Slave Trade / Ganesh Chaturthi (Hindu)
[Aug 24] Waffle Day
[Aug 25] Kiss & Make Up Day / Secondhand Wardrobe Day
[Aug 26] Dog Day / Women’s Equality Day / La Tomatina (Bunol, Spain)
[Aug 28] Crackers Over the Keyboard Day / Outside Lands Music & Arts Festival begins (San Francisco) / Street Scene Festival begins (San Diego) / “The Final Destination”; “Halloween II”; “Taking Woodstock” open in movie theaters
[Aug 29] According to Hoyle Day / More Herbs, Less Salt Day / Michael Jackson Tribute Show (Las Vegas)
[Aug 30] Holistic Pet Day / Toasted Marshmallow Day / Virgin Mobile FreeFest (Columbia MD)
[Aug 31] MuchMusic 25th anniversary / Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Sept 1] Madonna’s “Sticky & Sweet World Tour” wraps (Tel Aviv)


Some of these are real names of past or present musical acts, some are totally made up. Which are which?
• Pear Shaped Girls [fake]
• Shroud of Touring [fake]
• Cap’n Crunch & The Cereal Killers [real]
• Alien Proctology [fake]
• Hitler’s Bikini [real]
• Sushi Fry Cooks [fake]
• Inhale Mary [real]
• Chicks With Hicks [fake]
• Albino Toilet Boys [real]
• Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program [real]

What article of clothing should your partner never wear, but you don’t have the guts to say so?

From Martha Stewart to Michael Vick, prison consultants are a hot new commodity among celebs, politicians, and white-collar criminals heading to the hoosegow. Consultants help lobby for good prison placement, mitigate sentence length, and offer crash courses in prison culture. Tim Miller of San Diego-based ‘Dr Prison’ says his non-profit consultancy helps new cons look at themselves in ways they may not see themselves.
PHONER: 877.237.7747

Are the noises in my head bothering you?


Today’s Question: 1-in-5 women have left work at least once for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: To use their home bathroom.

Time and words can never be recalled.

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