Friday, July 23, 2010        Edition: #4306
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

This Sunday twenty selected YouTube users from around-the-world upload moments of their daily lives for a documentary by filmmakers Ridley Scott & Kevin Macdonald that will capture the global community in one day (the end result premieres at the “Sundance Film Festival” in January) . . . Reacting to claims that Lindsay Lohan is getting special treatment in prison, a Los Angeles sheriff’s department spokesman says she’s being treated ‘like any other inmate in her classification’ (Hollywood prima donna?) . . . “True Blood” (HBO) has launched a comic book series designed to be ‘a companion’ to the TV adventures of telepathic waitress ‘Sookie’ and her vampire friends (BS translation: It’s another revenue stream) . . . 38-year-old actress Christina Applegate & her musician fiancé Martyn Lenoble have announced they’re about to have their first baby and are thrilled by the news (soon she’ll be “Married With Children”) . . . 84-year-old “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner tells Australia’s “Herald Sun” he truly believes that women are ‘sex objects’, but insists that’s ‘not a negative label’ (at least it wasn’t back in 1960 when he was middle-aged) . . . 49-year-old actor George Clooney will be honored with the ‘Bob Hope Award’ at this year’s Emmys (August 29th) for his humanitarian efforts for earthquake-hit Haiti, Hurricane Katrina victims, and the crisis in Darfur (the guy knows how to do stardom) . . . And a rep for Mel Gibson’s ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is furiously denying allegations she attempted to extort $10 million in return for keeping his now-famous phone rants private (naw, it was closer to $50 mill).


• Comic-Con (San Diego CA) – The 40th annual 4-day convention of ‘slabbers’ (comic book collectors) runs through Sunday. Over 125,000 are expected (10-15% in costume). Sneak previews of movies are shown; movie/TV stars make appearances.
• Country Thunder (Twin Lakes WI) – Headliners for the Wisconsin version of the annual country music fest are Kenny Chesney, Miranda Lambert, and Sugarland. Additional performers include Billy Currington, David Nail, Jason Aldean, and Luke Bryan, among others.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Lady Gaga (“The Fame Monster”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Sheryl Crow performs live.
• HullabaLOU Music Festival (Louisville KY) – This weekend’s inaugural multi-genre festival at Churchill Downs racetrack includes performances by Bon Jovi, Colbie Caillat, Dave Matthews Band, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, and Zac Brown Band, among lots more.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Lily Allen (“It’s Not Me It’s You”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight MGMT (“Congratulations”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Rick Ross (“Teflon Don”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Paul McCartney (“Good Evening New York City”).
• “Mad Men” (AMC) – Sunday the critically-acclaimed series returns with its 4th season premiere.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – John Hamm (“Mad Men”) hosts; Michael Bublé is musical guest.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning John Mayer performs for the ‘Summer Concert Series’.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Gaslight Anthem (“The ‘59 Sound”).


• Aerosmith – Tonight they kick off their new “Cocked, Locked, Ready to Rock” North American tour in Oakland CA.
• Beach Boys – Al Jardine confirms the original band is planning a major reunion to mark their 50th anniversary in 2011, likely to be a free concert in an as-yet-determined location. Brian Wilson, however, hasn’t confirmed his participation in any type of reunion.
• Emerson, Lake &  Palmer – Yesterday the dinosaur rockers celebrated their 40th anniversary by playing their first show in more than 10 years, London’s “High Voltage Festival”.
• Katy Parry – Move over perfume pawner Jennifer Aniston, the ‘California Gurls’ singer is teaming with fragrance firm Firmenich to create ‘Purr by Katy Perry’, a new scent set to hit shelves in November. (It’s Purr-fume.)
• Keith Urban – Tonight he headlines the Grammy Foundation’s “Starry Night” benefit concert at UCLA in Los Angeles. The Avett Brothers open the evening.
• KISS – Tonight they launch the 2-month “Hottest Show On Earth” North American tour in Cheyenne WY.
• Paramore – Tonight they headline this year’s 30-city “Honda Civic Tour” as it kicks off in Raleigh NC. Tegan & Sara are the opening act.

• “Ramona & Beezus” ( G-Rated Family Comedy ): A special-effects-free family film that stars 10-year-old Joey King as a grade-schooler who senses her family’s home is danger. Heroically, she uses her boundless energy and enthusiasm to save the day. Co-stars Selena Gomez.
• “Salt” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Angelina Jolie stars as CIA officer ‘Evelyn Salt’, who is accused of being a spy by a Russian defector. She goes on the run, putting all of her experience and skills to use to elude capture, learn the truth of her identity, and hopefully clear her name.


When it comes to a ‘piercing preference’, what’s your favorite hole? A poll of over 20,000 people finds the majority of both men and women say they find a pierced belly-button a turn-on. Pierced ears placed 2nd with 23%. Just 4% find a pierced nose sexually exciting. (Especially if there’s a piece of Kleenex dangling from it.)
– “Social Studies”


A new ranking of the all-time films that left audiences baffled as to what they were all about …
5. Christopher Nolan’s “Memento”, starring Guy Pearce (2000).
4. “The Matrix Revolutions”, starring Keanu Reeves (2003).
3. “Donnie Darko”, starring Jake Gyllenhaal (2001).
2. David Lynch’s “Mulholland Drive”, starring Naomi Watts (2001).
1. “Vanilla Sky”, starring Tom Cruise & Penelope Cruz (2001).
Dishonorable mentions: “12 Monkeys”, “Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind”, “A Clockwork Orange”.

According to a recent study, you’re more likely to have a baby boy if it’s conceived about a month after a heat wave. For a girl, wait till winter! (The way the weather’s going, there will be no girls born in North America this year.)
– “New Scientist”


A new listing of the celeb bod’s that are truly sizzling this summertime …
5. Jessica Biel, Actor.
4. Vanessa Hudgens, Actor/Musician.
3. Ashley Greene, Actor.
2. Jessica Alba, Actor.
1. Brooklyn Decker, Model.
5. Mario Lopez, Actor.
4. Zac Efron, Actor.
3. Taylor Lautner, Actor.
2. Matthew McConaughey, Actor.
1. Kellan Lutz, Actor.
– “Women’s Health” / “Men’s Health”


Coalition forces in Afghanistan have been issued a newly developed heat-ray gun to disperse crowds and repel enemies without injuring them. The ‘Active Denial System’ (ADS) uses a focused invisible beam which causes an intolerable heating sensation but does not permanently harm the skin. When the beam is pointed at a person, it penetrates the skin to a depth equivalent to 3 sheets of paper … burning nerve endings. (Think they’ll even notice? Today’s forecast high in Kandahar is 39 C or 102 F.)
– “Daily Telegraph”


• It’s estimated that 10% of us now have something in our bodies that wasn’t there when we were born.
• Studies show that the human brain reaches 93% of its maximum size when a person is only 6-years-old.
– “Los Angeles Times”


1961 [49] Woody Harrelson, Midland TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, “White Men Can’t Jump”)/former TV actor (1989 Emmy Award-“Cheers”)

1965 [45] Slash (Saul Hudson), Shiplake Bottom UK, rock guitarist (“Slash”, ex-Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, ex-Guns N’ Roses-“November Rain”)

1967 [43] Philip Seymour Hoffman, Fairport NY, movie actor (“Doubt”, 2006 Academy Award-“Capote”)

1971 [39] Alison Krauss, Decatur IL, country/bluegrass musician/singer/songwriter/producer (“Essential Alison Krauss”, w/Robert Plant-“Raising Sand”)/26 Grammy Awards, more than any other female artist

1976 [34] Jonathan Gallant, Mississauga ON, rock bassist (Billy Talent-“Rusted From the Rain”, “Surrender”)

1981 [29] Steve Jocz, Ajax ON, rock drummer/guitarist/vocalist (Sum 41-“Pieces”, “Still Waiting”)

1989 [21] Daniel Radcliffe, London UK, movie actor (‘Harry’ in the “Harry Potter” movies)

Broadway/TV actress/singer Kristin Chenoweth (“Glee”) is 42; Movie actress/singer Jennifer Lopez (“Out of Sight”) is 41; TV actor Eric Szmanda (“CSI”) is 35; TV actress Anna Paquin (“True Blood”) is 28.

Rock guitarist Thurston Moore (Sonic Youth) is 52; TV actor Matt LeBlanc (“Friends”) is 43; TV actor James Lafferty (“One Tree Hill”) is 25.


• “Capital EX”, through August 1st in Edmonton. This year’s entertainment includes April Wine, George Canyon, Hedley, Kardinal Offishall, Metric, Shane Yellowbird, and Sloan.
• “Collingwood Elvis Festival” through Sunday in Collingwood ON, which includes street dances, an Elvis parade, and swap sessions. It culminates with the ‘Elvis Tribute Artist Competition’.
• “Gorgeous Grandma Day”, honoring every kid’s favorite spoiler.
• “Hot Enough For Ya? Day”, when it should be legal to assault anyone who asks you that overused, plain-as-the-end-of-your-sweat-dripping-nose question.
• “Leo the Lion” astrology sign begins (through August 22nd). Leos are said to be warm of spirit, eager for action, and driven by a desire to be loved. (They also cough up hairballs.)
• “Vanilla Ice Cream Day”, celebrating the favorite flavor of the masses … by far.

• “Cousins Day”, to honor all cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t.
• “Day Of the Cowboy”, the 6th annual initiative to preserve Western heritage.
• “Drive-Thru Day”, honoring all businesses that allow you to shop without leaving your vehicle. There are drive-thru banks, coffee shops, fast-food restaurants, florists, ice cream bars, liquor stores, marriage chapels (Las Vegas), and pharmacies.
• “Tell an Old Joke Day”, a good excuse to open up your phone lines and have listeners tell their best joke … but only if they’re under 5-years-old.
• “Tequila Day”, celebrating Mexico’s national booze that’s becoming increasingly popular in other drinks beside margaritas. But we still like it the old fashioned way: a little salt, a slice of lime and … hay carumba!
• “Virtual Love Day”, a day for those who have experienced the ‘excitement, joy, and sorrow’ of an online relationship. (… with a 400-lb truck driver who calls himself ‘HotMama24’.)

• “Act Like a Caveman Day”, a day to tune in to your wild and primal instincts. Pass me a thigh bone, would ya?
• “Baseball Hall of Fame 2010 Induction” in Cooperstown NY. John Fogerty and his song “Centerfield” are honored to commemorate the tune’s 25th anniversary. Fogerty performs it at the event and donates his custom-made, baseball bat-shaped guitar to the museum.
• “Hot Fudge Sundae Day” because … well, why not?
• “Parents’ Day”, celebrated annually on the 4th Sunday of July to salute parents ‘whose devotion strengthens society and forms the foundation for a bright future’. Is there a kid anywhere who’ll actually claim to have parents like this?


1999 [11] 3-day “Woodstock ‘99” festival, marking the 30th anniversary of the original, kicks off at an old military base in Rome NY and later ends in a melee of flames & vandalism (performers include Red Hot Chili Peppers, James Brown, Counting Crows, Creed, Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock, Jewel, and Dave Matthews Band;Canadian performers include Our Lady Peace, Tragically Hip, Alanis Morissette)


1982 [28] Introduction of ‘Diet Coke’ (the sensible accompaniment to your whopper & fries)

2000 [10] Tiger Woods wins the “British Open” to become the youngest golfer (24) to win a career ‘Grand Slam’ of golf (The Masters, PGA Championship, US Open, and British Open)


[Mon] All or Nothing Day
[Mon Aunt & Uncle Day
[Tues] Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
[Tues] Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day
[Tues] Walk on Stilts Day
[Wed] Milk Chocolate Day
This Week Is … Animal Agriculture Week
This Month Is … Women’s Motorcycle Month


• “Getting sorority girls knocked up for 150 years.”
• “Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!”
• “You have to fill your bladder with something.”
• “We don’t make the urine. We make the urine faster.”
• “It’s the thicker-chicker-picker-upper!”
• “The OTHER Thin Yellowish Liquid”

Keyless entry takes all the magic out of opening the door for your date.

What dead person would you least want to be haunted by?


Today’s Question: Experts say one way to reduce stress is to rub THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your earlobes. (“Women’s Health”)


If you can’t see the bright side, polish the dull side.

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