Friday, July 30, 2010        Edition: #4311
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!


Simon Cowell’s replacement as “American Idol” judge may be announced as soon this coming Monday at FOX-TV’s ‘2010 Television Critics Association Press Tour’ (latest name being bandied about – Jessica Simpson) . . . Speaking of whom, Jessica Simpson reportedly ‘made out’ with ex-NFL player-boyfriend Eric Johnson (also a former tight end) throughout a recent lunch date … with her mother (tacky tacky tacky!) . . . 29-year-old rich person Paris Hilton has felt it necessary to inform us she only wears clothes once (“unless it’s like a really cool pair of jeans or a leather jacket”), then gives them away to needy socialite friends (she’s a saint!) . . . Meantime, Hilton’s rep is denying the sorta-actress has been paid $1 million to party with chubby Malaysian billionaire Jho Low in St Tropez, insisting the twosome are ‘friends’ (BS translation: The money’s yet to be deposited) . . . 50-year-old former reality TV star Linda Hogan (ex-Mrs Hulk) has become engaged to 21-year-old Charlie Hill, her boyfriend of 2 years (word has it they’ll wed next Summer on her yacht – ‘Alimoney’) . . . Actor-turned-filmmaker Casey Affleck (brother of Ben) is being sued for $2 million for alleged sexual harassment by Amanda White, a producer on his documentary “I’m Still Here”, which follows actor Joaquin Phoenix’s attempt to become a rapper (Affleck’s lawyer has requested the case be settled in arbitration – does that mean ‘guilty’?) . . . Cash-strapped movie actor Chris Tucker (“Rush Hour” movies) is reportedly set to lose $4 million on the Orlando FL mansion he paid $6 million for in 2007 (with an $11.5-million tax bill, he has little choice) . . . It’s reported newlywed actor Orlando Bloom & underwear model Miranda Kerr are expecting their first child together (no wonder there was a big rush to wed last week!) . . . Actor George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis has just been implicated in a cocaine scandal that’s led to the arrest of 5 people, but likely only as a former user (regardless, George won’t like the tarnish on his squeaky clean rep) . . . And actor Zac Efron reportedly dropped over $2,000 on booze & babes at a NYC strip club the night before the “Charlie St Cloud” movie premiere (whatever happened to the sweet, dorky teen from “High School Musical”?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Court Yard Hounds (“Court Yard Hounds”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Black Eyed Peas perform live.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Raheem DeVaughn (“The Love & War MasterPeace”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Raveonettes (“In & Out of Control”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Green Day (“American Idiot: The Original Broadway Cast”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Madonna (“Sticky & Sweet Tour”), Harry Connick Jr (“Your Songs”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning 3Oh!3 (“Streets Of Gold”).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Carrie Underwood performs as part of the ‘Summer Concert’ series.


• Brad Paisley – Saturday he & Carrie Underwood  play a private benefit concert at the Greenbrier Classic PGA Tour event in White Sulphur Springs WV. Proceeds go to area charities.
• Eminem – His “Recovery” album has now been the top-seller for 5 straight weeks.
• Lady Gaga – Fitness trainer Harley Pasternak tells Britain’s “Heat” magazine when he first took her on as a client, he found her shooting hoops in a gym … in high heels.
• Madonna – She’s been auditioning dancers at a nightclub in London’s Mayfair district for a 6-month tour scheduled for next year. The as-yet-unnamed tour, part of her deal with Live Nation, will see her ‘go back to her roots’. It’s expected to net her in excess of $150 million.
• Maroon 5 – Today they release their new single, “Misery”, via iTunes. The track is from their new studio album, “Hands All Over”, due September 21st. Tonight they kick off a Summer tour in Saratoga Springs NY.
• Muse – Frontman Matt Bellamy & movie actress Kate Hudson are said to be house-hunting in New York after just 4 months of dating.


• “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore” ( PG Animated Comedy ): In this sequel to the 2001 film, the ongoing war between the canine and feline species is put on hold when they join forces to thwart a rogue cat spy with a sinister plan for world conquest. Voice cast includes Bette Midler, Christina Applegate, Neil Patrick Harris, Nick Nolte, Roger Moore, Sean Hayes.
• “Charlie St Cloud” ( PG-13 Drama ): Zac Efron stars as the title character, who attempts to overcome his grief by working as a caretaker at the cemetery where his younger brother is buried. But when a girl enters his life, he struggles between wallowing in the past or pursuing real-world love. Co-stars Kim Basinger, Ray Liotta.
• “Dinner for Schmucks” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Paul Rudd & Steve Carell star in the story of a rising executive who competes in his boss’ malicious contest to see who can bring the nerdiest guest to dinner. Co-stars Zach Galifianakis. Based on the 1998 French film farce “The Dinner Game”.

There are many ways to measure Belgium’s passion for fries, but here’s a really good one: There are more than 5,000 ‘frites’ vendors in the country of 10 million people; that’s 11 times as many stands per capita as there are McDonalds restaurants per American. Belgians consume on average 75 kg (165 lbs) of fried potatoes per person each year, fully a third more than Americans. (History suggests french fries weren’t invented by the French but by the ‘Belch’.)


A new University of Illinois study published in the “Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin” claims that we are most drawn to others who resemble ourselves … and our parents. Researchers think this may explain why incest taboos are found in many cultures, to counter a subconscious natural tendency. (“I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad …”)


First dates can be stressful enough without ordering some foolish food at dinner that’s likely to make you a source of comedy or embarrassment for the rest of the night. Among them …
• Garlic – A surefire way to guarantee your date ends in a handshake instead of a kiss. Ain’t no amount of furtive breath mints gonna mask your stanky breath.
• Ice Cream Cone – On any first date, avoid foods you have to lick. No guy needs that kind of pressure. No woman wants that kind of attention.
• Mexican, Indian, Szechuan, Thai Food – What do all these foods have in common? Spice. And what does spice lead to? A runny nose … perhaps worse.
• Soup – Loaded with possible faux pas such as slurping and back-splash. When your server asks, “Soup or salad?”, the answer is salad … always.
• Spaghetti – It’s impossible to eat gracefully. There’s nothing remotely sexy about watching someone suck up wayward strands of pasta.
• Spinach Dip, Tabbouleh, Pesto Sauce, etc – You might seem cosmopolitan by ordering these but get a little green leaf stuck between your teeth and … you’re a doofus.
• Wings – On a first date, never order food you eat with your hands. You may love a good plate of ribs or buffalo wings, but by the time you’re finished you’ll look like a 3-year-old in a highchair.
• Veal – Depending on the politics of your date, ordering that osso buco is basically like saying, “I believe in torturing baby farm animals.”
– Thanks to Matt Smith


Ivy Bean, the oldest person on, has died at age 104. In some 1,000 tweets the centenarian entertained her 56,000 followers with posts about food, family, and meeting former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

Classic college comedy “Animal House” opened 32 years ago this week (1978). At the time, actor Donald Sutherland refused to accept 15% of the box office gross for his 2 days’ work on the film, demanding $50,000 instead. The decision is estimated to have cost him $20 million.


1947 [63] Arnold Schwarzenegger, Thal, Austria, 38th California governor since 2003/movie actor (“The Terminator”, “Conan the Barbarian”)/5-time ‘Mr Universe’/married to Maria Shriver since 1986

1961 [49] Laurence Fishburne, Augusta GA, movie actor (“21”, “Matrix” trilogy)

1970 [40] Christopher Nolan, London UK, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“The Dark Knight”, “Batman Begins”)

1971 [39] Brad Hargreaves, Marin County CA, alt-rock drummer/vocalist (Third Eye Blind-“Never Let You Go”, “Jumper”)

1974 [36] Hilary Swank, Lincoln NE, movie actress (Oscars-“Million Dollar Baby”, “Boys Don’t Cry”)

1977 [33] Jaime Pressly, Kinston NC, TV actress (“My Name Is Earl” 2005-09)/movie actress (“DOA: Dead or Alive”, “Not Another Teen Movie”)

Movie actor Wesley Snipes (“Blade”) is 48; Author JK Rowling (“Harry Potter”) is 45; Country singer Zac Brown (“Chicken Fried”) is 32; Rock drummer Will Champion (Coldplay) is 32; TV actor BJ Novak (“The Office”) is 31.

Rock singer Joe Elliott (Def Leppard) is 51; Rapper Chuck D (Public Enemy) is 50; Alt-rock singer Adam Duritz (Counting Crows) is 46; Movie director Sam Mendes (“Revolutionary Road”) is 45.

• “Father-In-Law Day”, honoring the spousal parent that’s never been all that impressed with you … so why bother with a card?.
• “National Ukrainian Festival”, the 45th annual in Dauphin MB through Sunday, as thousands gather for traditional foods, singing, dancing, egg-decorating, and the world’s best perogies.
• “Rockhound Gemboree” in Bancroft ON through Monday. The 47th annual edition of Canada’s largest gem & mineral show is expected to attract circa 15,000 collectors from around-the-world. Dude, it’s a rock festival!
• “System Administrator Appreciation Day”, a day to honor that special person in the office who maintains the computer network. (And also monitors your email and web surfing.)
• “Talk In an Elevator Day”. After all, why is it we normally don’t? This is a day to try it out and see what happens.
• “World Championship Bunnock Championship” all weekend in Macklin SK. The game involves throwing 52 horse ankle bones at a target, similar to horseshoes. The heaviest bones are ‘schmeisers’; others are ‘guards’; the rest ordinary ‘soldiers’.

• “Cotton Candy Day”, celebrating the delights of spun sugar on a stick.
• “Mutts Day”, honoring all dogs of mixed breeds. Purebred owners often view them as lesser in many ways but mutt owners know better!

• “Chocolate Fest”, the 25th annual in the resort town of St. Stephen NB through August 8th, highlighted by a daily ‘choctail’ hour, chocolate factory tours, and several chocolate-eating competitions. St Stephen is purportedly where the ‘chocolate bar’ was invented.
• “Girlfriends Day”, either some girl’s greedy grab at gifts from her guy, or perhaps a day for ‘the girls’ to hang out and share woman-to-woman time?
• “Sisters Day”, celebrated annually on the 1st Sunday in August to show appreciation to female siblings. A good excuse to ask listeners the worst dirty tricks pulled on them by sisters.
• “World Wide Web Day”, marking the birth of the Web in August 1990 at the Europe Laboratory for Particle Physics in Switzerland. Tim Berners-Lee & Robert Cailliau developed a prototype Web browser and introduced Hypertext Markup Language (HTML).


1935 [75] ‘Paperback Books’ are introduced, making reading cheaper (and less dangerous when you nod off and the book falls on your face)


2003 [07] ‘SARStock Concert’ in Toronto draws 400,000-plus to see the Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Rush, Justin Timberlake, and others


1962 [48] ‘Trans-Canada Highway’ opens, longest in North America at 7,307 km (4,384 mi)


1988 [22] Ronald Dossenbach begins record ‘Bike Ride Across Canada’ (Vancouver to Halifax in 13 days)

[Aug 2] Civic Holiday (Canada) / Ice Cream Sandwich Day / Picnic Day (Australia)
[Aug 3] National Night Out / Watermelon Day / Green Day tour begins (Chula Vista CA)
[Aug 4] Chocolate Chip Day
[Aug 5] International Beer Day / Underwear Day
[Aug 6] Fresh Breath Day / U2’s “360 World Tour” restarts (Torino, Italy) / Lollapalooza Festival begins (Chicago) / “The Other Guys”; “Step Up 3-D” open in theaters
[Aug 7] Lighthouse Day / Mustard Day / Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day / Professional Speakers Day / Twins Day / Rock On the Range (Winnipeg)
[Aug 8] Date to Create / Happiness Happens Day / Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night / Assistance Dog Day / Teen Choice Awards (Los Angeles)
[Aug 9] International Day Of the World’s Indigenous People / Rock ‘N Rev Festival begins (Sturgis SD)
[Aug 10] S’mores Day
[Aug 11] Ramadan begins (Muslim)
[Aug 12] International Youth Day / Sewing Machine Day / Vinyl Record Day
[Aug 13] Blame Someone Else Day / Friday the 13th (only one in 2010) / International Left Handers Day / Kool-Aid Days / Black Crowes “Say Goodnight To the Bad Guys” tour begins (Milwaukee) / “Eat Pray Love”; “The Expendables”; “Scott Pilgrim vs The World” open in theaters
[Aug 14] Garage Sale Day / Sandcastle & Sculpture Day
[Aug 15] Best Friends Day / Relaxation Day
[Aug 17] Thrift Shop Day
[Aug 18] Bad Poetry Day / Cupcake Day / Mail Order Catalogue Day / “Vampires Suck” opens in theaters
[Aug 19] Aviation Day / Medical Dosimetrist Day
[Aug 20] Virtual Worlds Day / Men’s Grooming Day / “Lottery Ticket”; “Nanny McPhee Returns”; “Piranha 3-D”; “The Switch” open in theaters
[Aug 21] Hug Your Boss Day / Homeless Animals Day / Poets Day / Senior Citizens Day
[Aug 21] Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day / Be an Angel Day
[Aug 23] Day For the Remembrance Of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition
[Aug 24] Full ‘Sturgeon’ Moon / Waffle Day
[Aug 25] Kiss & Make Up Day / Second-Hand Wardrobe Day / Edinburgh International Film Festival begins (Scotland)
[Aug 26] National Dog Day / Women’s Equality Day
[Aug 27] Global Forgiveness Day / Oil & Gas Industry Appreciation Day / Reading & Leeds Festivals begin (UK) / “Going the Distance”; “The Last Exorcism”; “Takers” open in theaters
[Aug 28] Crackers Over the Keyboard Day
[Aug 29] According to Hoyle Day / More Herbs, Less Salt Day / “62nd Primetime Emmy Awards” (NBC)
[Aug 30] Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Aug 31] Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Sept 1] “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC)


A BS sampling a real but ridiculous recent headlines from various periodicals …
• “Missippi‘s Literacy Program Shows Improvement”
• “Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police”
• “Psychics Predict World Didn’t End Yesterday”
• “Dead Man Found in Graveyard”
• “17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree”
• “Iraqi Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support”
• “All You Need to Know About Obama’s Package”
– Excerpted from


Condominiums are not effective birth control.

You can choose your method of dying and the place in which you will die. Where would you like to die and how?

Today’s Question: Only 7 of every 1,000 people will accomplish THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Live to 100.

No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.

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