Friday, July 27, 2007        Edition: #3584
Sheet For Brains!

TODAY Britain’s BBC launches its online iPlayer service, offering all the network’s TV programs on-demand (they must be watched within 30 days & they delete themselves after being viewed once) . . . TODAY’s edition of “OK! Magazine” features the ‘shocking’ Britney Spears interview/photo soot during which she reportedly had a meltdown (word is she ruined $20,000-worth of designer dresses during the session, wiping her greasy hands on one after eating fried chicken & using another to clean up a mess from her dog) . . . SATURDAY wannabe contestants for the 7th season of “American Idol” line up for wristbands in San Diego to secure a spot when actual auditions begin MONDAY (the judges also visit Atlanta, Charleston, Dallas, Miami, Omaha, and Philadelphia before the season debuts in JANUARY) . . . SUNDAY the “Exposure” short film competition premieres (CBC-TV & online), sort of a Canadian version of “On the Lot” (most movies get made up here anyway) . . . The Walt Disney Co has become the first major movie studio to ban smoking onscreen, eliminating it from Disney-brand movies and discouraging it in films released by Touchstone and Miramax . . . Australian actor Guy Pearce (“Factory Girl”) and Mark Ruffalo (“Zodiac”) are battling it out for the lead role in a new London stage version of “On the Waterfront“ (the movie role won Marlon Brando a 1955 Oscar & made him a star) . . . “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul has been unceremoniously dumped as choreographer, costume designer, and executive producer of the upcoming live-action “Bratz” movie, based on the extremely popular fashion dolls (any day now she’ll remind us again that she’s never been drunk in her life) . . . And hey guys, 26-year-old hottie actress Jessica Alba is on the singles market again, having broken up with 28-year-old boyfriend Cash Warren and instructing an assistant to move his stuff out of her house (oh man, dude, did you ever blow it!).

• Backstreet Boys – They’re planning an as-yet-untitled comeback album for OCTOBER. Wait a sec, didn’t they already make a ‘comeback’ in 2005 with “Never Gone”? Kevin Richardson will sit this one out and presumably all future attempts to bring Backstreet back.
• Classified – TODAY the Enfield NS rapper/producer does “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic).
• Eric Clapton – His all-day “Crossroads Guitar Festival” SATURDAY in Chicago will feature Alison Krauss & Union Station, BB King, John Mayer, Sheryl Crow, Vince Gill, and Willie Nelson among many others. Proceeds go to his  Crossroads rehab center in Antigua.
• Guns ‘N Roses – SATURDAY 4 of the 5 original members are reuniting for a gig at LA’s Key Club, celebrating the 20th anniversary of their debut album “Appetite For Destruction”. Axl Rose is iffy as he’s touring with the band’s current line-up.
• Katharine McPhee – TONIGHT the “American Idol 5“ runner-up performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Silversun Pickups – TONIGHT the “Lazy Eye“ guys do “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Snow Patrol – TOMORROW they’re the musical guests on a rerun of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by sitcom actress Julia Louis Dreyfus (“The New Adventures of Old Christine”).
• Sugarland – TODAY they perform “Everyday America” on “Good Morning America” (ABC).
• Tim McGraw/Faith Hill – All proceeds from TONIGHT’s concert in Biloxi, Mississippi go to relief efforts to help those still affected by 2005’s Hurricane Katrina.

• “I Know Who Killed Me” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Lindsay Lohan plays the nice, quiet daughter of wealthy parents who is left physically and mentally altered after a brutal attack by a deranged assailant. This is the movie she made while in ‘rehab’ … the last time. Her latest bust won’t likely help ticket sales. Julia Ormond & Neal McDonough co-star.
• “No Reservations” ( PG Dramedy ): Catherine Zeta-Jones stars as an uptight master chef whose perfectly ordered world is shattered by an aggressive new sous-chef (Aaron Eckhart), and the arrival of her newly-orphaned 9-year-old niece (“Little Miss Sunshine’s” Abigail Breslin). Zeta-Jones researched the role by waiting tables in a high-end NYC restaurant … for one night.
• “The Simpsons Movie” ( PG-13 Comedy ): ‘Homer’ (voice of Dan Castellaneta) must save his beloved hometown of ‘Springfield’ from a total idiot (himself) who has doomed it to destruction with a nuclear plant mishap. Interestingly, 20th Century Fox registered the film’s Internet domain in 1997, 9 years before the movie was green-lighted. Co-stars the voices of Julie Kavner, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer & others. To maintain secrecy, the producers personally shredded the script after each voicing session. If hype translates to dollars, this will be a blockbuster.
• “Who’s Your Caddy?” ( PG-13 Comedy ): After a rap mogul (Outkast’s Big Boi) cons his way into a membership at a snooty golf & country club, those in charge look for ways to rid themselves of both him and his rowdy entourage. Co-stars Li’l Wayne & Jeffrey Jones (the principal in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”), who’s finally landed a role after pleading no contest to a felony charge of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for explicit photos in 2002.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … complaining to friends just increases girls’ misery. Excessively discussing problems with close friends appears to increase anxiety and depression in young and adolescent girls. Boys of the same age, on the other hand, appeared to be immune to the effects. (‘Cause all they talk about is video games and sports.)
• Scientists say … marriage helps alleviate depression, even if the marriage is just a so-so relationship. (This marriage is killing me … but I’m not really down about it.)
• Scientists say …  eating fish containing Omega-3 fatty acids (like salmon) can actually improve your mood, according to “Cosmopolitan” magazine. (The kind of mood the boss is in this morning, he’s gonna have to suck back an aquarium.)
• Scientists say … laughter helps breast milk fight allergies. Huh? Yep, “New Scientist” magazine reports that breast-fed babies in a Japanese study experienced milder allergic symptoms such as rashes if their mothers laughed prior to feeding sessions. (So, apparently milkshakes are good for you!)

• The British government is spending over $1 million to develop a recyclable car made from hemp. The most likely first use for hemp-based materials will be replacing internal parts currently made from plastics. As the technology develops, hemp could also be used to replace body panels and other large components. (“Sorry I can’t give you a ride, dude. I smoked my crankshaft.”)
• They say we’re supposed to talk to our plants. Now a team of NYU graduate students has created the talking plant. Their system called ‘Botanicalls’ uses sensors attached to the plant to determine its needs. They triggers a phone call to the owner that uses a voice simulator to communicate with them. Plants may ask for more light, or water … or just say thank-you. Owners can in turn call their plants to ask how things are going. (Just what you need … someone else in the house to argue with!)

Researchers at Harvard Medical School claim obesity is socially contagious, spreading from person-to-person. Study results suggest that when a person becomes obese, the chances that a friend will also become obese increase by 57%. It seems that, consciously or unconsciously, we’re influenced by others when deciding how much to eat, how much to exercise, and how much weight is too much. (Ever notice couples ‘grow’ to look like each other?)
– “GQ”

The average mid-size SUV has grown 10 inches (25 cm) in length, 4 inches (10 cm) in width and gained 474 lbs (215 kg) since 1997, according to vehicle research website Compact sedans are an average 2 inches (5 cm) longer, 2 inches wider, and 374 lbs (170 kg) heavier. Mid-size and large sedans also weigh hundreds of pounds more. Automakers claim they’re just catering to the desires of customers. Boosting the size of vehicles helps foster brand loyalty so buyers will stick with models they like even when their incomes grow. (Not to mention their butts.)
– “USA Today”

In his book “The Power of Play”, Tufts University professor David Elkind claims that the average child has lost 12 hours of free time per week over the past 20 years. A recent KidsHealth poll of children aged 9-to13 seems to agree. 76% of kids surveyed wish they had more free time. 41% feel stressed-out ‘always’ or ‘most of the time’. (We wonder … can you catch stress from your parents?)
– “Social Studies”

People swallow about 8 spiders in their lifetime. Mmm … yummy.


1940 [67] Bugs Bunny, Hollywood CA, long-eared rodent actor (makes debut in “A Wild Hare”)

1968 [39] Julian McMahon, Sydney, Australia, TV actor (‘Dr Christian Troy’ on “Nip/Tuck” since 2003)

1975 [32] Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, MLB All-Star 3rd baseman (NY Yankees)/baseball’s highest-paid player at $27.7 million for 2007, pushing his total career earnings over $175 million

Keyboardist Rick Wright (Pink Floyd) is 64; Cartoonist Jim Davis (“Garfield”) is 62; Rock drummer Dan Konopka (OK Go) is 33.

Rock singer/bassist Geddy Lee (Rush) is 54; Documentary filmmaker Ken Burns is 54; Mrs Bruce Springsteen/singer Patti Scialfa (E Street Band) is 54; Country singer Martina McBride (“This One’s For the Girls”) is 41; R&B/pop singer Wanya Morris (Boyz II Men) is 34; Movie actor Stephen Dorff (“World Trade Center”) is 34; TV actress Allison Mack (“Smallville”) is 25.

• “Gilroy Garlic Festival”, the 29th annual through Sunday in Gilroy CA, highlighted by the ‘Garlic Queen Pageant’. What … they check for breath?
• “Great Texas Mosquito Festival” through Saturday in Clute TX, home of the world’s largest mosquito, ‘Willie Man Chew’. Participants put on their bug repellent and celebrate with the ‘Mr & Mrs Mosquito Legs Contest’ and a ‘Mosquito-Calling Contest’.
• “Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day”, to help them get to know their real environment.

• “Accountants Day”, honoring all those people who seem to know the cost of everything but the value of nothing.
• “Drive-Thru Day”, saluting businesses that serve you while you’re in your vehicle. Of course there are drive-thru restaurants, banks, car washes & coffee shops, but what’s the weirdest ‘drive-thru’ service you’ve come across? Hair salon? Dentist? Funeral home?
• “Milk Chocolate Day”, an excuse for chocoholics everywhere to cow down!

• “Baseball Hall of Fame 2007 Induction” in Cooperstown NY. THIS YEAR’s honorees are Tony Gwynn, who won 8 batting titles, and Cal Ripken Jr, who played in a record 2,632 consecutive games.
• “Lasagna Day”, celebrating the famous Italian heart attack-on-a-plate that’s become a worldwide fave. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice. However, everybody seems to have their own secret ingredient. What’s yours?
• “Full Moon of July”, variously known as “Father’s Moon”, “Wort Moon”, and “Buck Moon”. Abnormal behavior around Full Moon time is not restricted to humans. A new study has found that injuries and illness among dogs and cats also seem to be higher. Researchers don’t know why.
• “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, an annual community event that started more than a hundred years ago when a farmer noticed it always seemed to rain on July 29th. They now claim it has rained on this date every year since 1796. It’s a good excuse for an annual party & the ‘Miss Rain Day’ beauty pageant.

2003 [04] Legendary comedian Bob Hope dies of pneumonia at age 100

1888 [119] 1st ‘Electric Car’ is demonstrated (Toyota has just announced road testing is underway for its ‘Plug-in HV’, a new hybrid model that can be recharged via a standard electrical outlet, so it looks like the idea is finally gonna fly … 120 years later!)

1900 [107] ‘HJ Heinz Company’ is formed (famous for its ‘57 Flavors’)

[Mon] Cheesecake Day
[Mon] Arnold Schwarzenegger turns 60
[Tues] Mutts Day
[Wed] Girlfriends Day
[Wed] Respect for Parents Day
This Week Is … Salad Week
This Month Is … Culinary Arts Month


• Which came first … the chicken or all the stuff that ‘tastes like chicken’?
• The Egyptians worshiped the sun. Why don’t the British worship the rain?
• Since life is short, shouldn’t we be eating our dessert first?
• If you have an ant farm, can you apply for a government subsidy?
• Just how happy is a lark? And why the hell is it so happy?

Which celebrity would you most like to hit with a shovel?

If you hate breaking up relationships, you’re in luck. A new website offers the services of ‘Breakup Butler’ & ‘Breakup Bitch’, either of whom will break the news for you. You just provide your partner’s e-mail address, and a prerecorded ‘Dear John’ message is sent out. Click the preview buttons to get an audio sample …

• “How Normal Is Your Guy?” – Glamour
• “Will You Need a Prenup?” – Cosmopolitan
• “Are You Having an Emotional Affair?” – Redbook
• “What’s Your Lipstick Personality?” – Woman’s Day
• “What’s Your Decorating Style?” – Chatelaine
• “What’s Your Dog Thinking?” – Ladies’ Home Journal

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Maroon 5 – “Makes Me Wonder”
4. R Kelly f/Usher – “Same Girl”
3. Fabolous f/Ne-Yo – “Make Me Better”
2. Rihanna – “Umbrella”
1. Fergie – “Big Girls Don’t Cry”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

You’ll never be half the man your mother was.

Today’s Question: You’re 4 times more likely to do THIS on your way to work than on the way home.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sing in your vehicle.

Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.

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