Wednesday, July 25, 2007        Edition: #3582
Bully For You!  

TONIGHT Lindsay Lohan is scheduled to attend the premiere of her new movie, “I Know Who Killed Me”, but her early TUESDAY DUI bust in Santa Monica CA may put a damper on that (wow, she was clean & sober for almost … 11 days!) . . . Meantime Lohan’s next project, the indie flick “Poor Things” is officially a no-go, being shelved while producers try to recast her role (her new film should be titled “I Know Who Killed … My Career”) . . . Brit rocker Pete Doherty will attempt to conquer his drug demons yet again, checking back into rehab for another shot at sobriety (not by choice, a judge ruled it was that – or prison) . . . If he’s as eternal as newly-retired Bob Barker, 49-year-old Drew Carey can look forward to 34 years as the new host of TV game show “The Price is Right” (CBS) . . . Britney Spears has reportedly told friends she’s pregnant with her 3rd child but she’s unsure just who the father is (candidates include her former drug counselor, her bodyguard – and Larry Birkhead) . . . The 18-minute 3-D finalé has made “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix” a goldmine for IMAX theaters, where the film has taken in a record $92,000-per-screen during its opening week (it’s playing in 126 IMAX theaters worldwide) . . . Unconventional artist Christo (“The Gates”) is proposing to build a new temporary artwork, ‘The Mastaba’, made of 390,500 empty petroleum barrels stacked into the shape of a flat-topped Egyptian tomb (the United Arab Emirates is interested in hosting the work) . . . In Austria, a TV channel screening the 1965 movie classic “The Sound of Music” non-stop has been launched in Salzburg, where the film was shot and still lures 70% of all tourism . . . 3 former Harvard University classmates are accusing 23-year-old Mark Zuckerberg of stealing the idea, software, and business plan for his Facebook social networking site while working as a programmer on their planned ConnectU site (Facebook is expected to make $150 million in ad revenue THIS YEAR) . . . And “Ghost Whisperer” star Jennifer Love Hewitt tops “King” magazine’s new ranking of all-time ‘Worst Celebrity Albums’ thanks to her 5 horrific recording efforts, followed by Naomi Campbell, “Sopranos” actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler, “America’s Got Talent” judge David Hasselhoff, actress Jada Pinkett Smith, and “Shrek” actor Eddie Murphy (who can possibly forget that lovely ballad “Put Your Mouth On Me”?).

• The Editors – TONIGHT the UK indie rockers perform “The Weight of the World” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/City TV).
• Interpol – “The Heinrich Maneuver” bassist/keyboardist Carlos D (Dengler) says he’s cleaned up his act after a series of online attacks targeted his bad behavior. The fan reaction convinced him it was time to get sober after years of living the wild life.
• Ja Rule & Lil Wayne – The “Uh Oh” duo has been busted separately for illegal firearms following a NYC concert. Rule was stopped for speeding; Wayne for smoking weed. Uh oh!
• Jennifer Lopez – TODAY she’s a guest on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Keith Urban – He says he’s never away from wife Nicole Kidman for more than 2 weeks at a time. That’s tough to do when he’s on tour and she’s shooting a movie Down Under.
• Stephen Stills – TONIGHT the geezer rocker performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Tupac Shakur – The late rapper’s mother Afeni Shakur is seeking a court order to stop his former record label from selling his unreleased recordings. He’s been dead 11 years now, how much more crap is in the can?
• Velvet Revolver – Guitarist Slash showed his gratitude at a recent tribute at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas by returning a guitar that he stole … from the dressing room of the Hard Rock Café in Orlando FL.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Reversal of Fortune’ – In the world of competitive eating, this is insider jargon for ‘throwing up’. (“And Kobayashi is working on his 94th hot dog … oh my! He’s just suffered a reversal of fortune all over his shoe.”)
• ‘TMI’ – Sharing ‘Too Much Information’, something we’re becoming increasingly comfortable doing. Psychologists blame this ‘over-sharing’ on our narcissism and the desire to short-cut acquaintanceships into friendships. (“It’s a pleasure to meet you … wanna see my appendectomy scar?”)
• ‘Tombstoning’ – Jumping into water from a high-point like a cliff or bridge. The craze has claimed several lives in Britain THIS SUMMER. (Back in the day, this was known as ‘suicide’.)

A recent study from the New England Research Institute suggests that the so-called ‘male menopause’ is a myth. Professor John McKinlay says the symptoms of hot flashes, excessive sweating, depression and a lack of libido can be simply explained by … laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. The study finds that testosterone levels decline gradually, about 1% per year, far less than the drop in hormone levels of middle-aged women. And McKinlay says smoking, drinking and weight-gain have far more impact on hormones than aging. (Then he got into his red Corvette convertible and sped off with his 23-year-old girlfriend.)
– ANI Science & Health

New research suggests that Wednesday may be the most focused day of the week for many employees. Professor Glenn Pettengill of Michigan’s Grand Valley State University has found that workers in the financial sector perform best on this day because their decision-making skills are at optimum levels. And UK business consultant Gladeana McMahon says it’s the best day for creative thinking because your brain is fully engaged with work but you still have plenty of midweek energy. (Wednesday … it’s more than just ‘Hump Day’!)
– “The Guardian”

Stats show that gardening is now North America’s #1 leisure time activity with some 79 million people now sporting green thumbs. (Hey, it’s a chance to grow something that you have control over when it’s older, and also something to do outside while spying on the neighbors.)
– AP

What’s the best rock act to see live? According to a new online poll, these bands are best …
5. U2
4. Rage Against the Machine
3. Pearl Jam
2. Radiohead
1. White Stripes
(Montréal’s Arcade Fire ranks 10th.)
– “Rolling Stone”

A recent poll by eBrain Market Research shows that less than 47% of seniors enjoy attending weddings, compared to 60% of the rest of the population. But if you’re getting married, it’s a
good idea to invite them anyway. Why? Seniors give the most expensive gifts!

The latest erotic adventure for well-heeled travelers seeking romantic thrills is said to be joining the ‘Mile Below Club’. You do that by renting a private luxury submarine that features sleeping quarters with panoramic windows. That allows exhibitionists to indulge their fantasies in front of all the exotic fish. (“I can’t go through with it, honey. That puffer is staring at us!”)
– “Social Studies”

• Doctors were recently mystified by the case of a Carbondale, Colorado man experiencing strange bumps on his head accompanied by excruciating pain. Finally, an eagle-eyed medic noticed the lumps were moving and proceeded to remove 5 botfly larvae that had burrowed into the patient’s head. Turns out the poor guy picked up the infestation during a trip to Belize THIS SUMMER. (They’ll no doubt be adding that to the tourism brochure … ‘eco-challenges!’)
• In Oakdale, Minnesota a dog named Pepper got into the purse of a family friend and ate $750 worth of cash. Owner Debbie Hulleman was forced to recover the loot by sifting through doggy doo and vomit. She then repeatedly soaked and rinsed the money before exchanging it for fresh currency at a local bank. (“I can’t understand it, ma’am. These bills keep sticking together.”)

4. Rocky
3. Jake
2. Buddy
1. Max
4. Lucy
3. Daisy
2. Maggie
1. Molly

THIS SUMMER Tiger Time Lawn Care of Memphis, Tennessee is boosting business by boasting bikini-clad lawn care workers. For a slightly higher fee, the 3-month-old company will have a young girl mow your lawn in a bikini. Observers say the luscious ladies are getting far more attention than the lawns. (The National Organization of Women would like to say thank-you for setting back the feminist cause by 30 years.)

According to a poll of 1,000 drivers, 83% say they drink beverages while behind-the-wheel and more than 70% say they eat. Here are the consumables most likely to cause accidents …
5. Hamburger
4. Chili
3. Taco  
2. Hot Soup                           
1. Coffee                      
– Reuters

• Belgium’s prime minister-elect Yves Leterme is getting heat after it was discovered he doesn’t know his own country’s national anthem. When asked to sing Belgium’s “La Brabanconne”, he mistakenly burst into the opening lines of France’s national anthem “La Marseillaise”. Even worse, he made the gaffe on Belgium’s “National Day” … on national TV. (Before you scoff, let’s see you finish the first verse of our national anthem.)
• In Seaford, England an absent-minded bank clerk has accidentally made a customer a millionaire. Asked to deposit a cheque, the teller mistakenly put the account number in the space where the amount is supposed to go. When the 24-year-old woman checked her balance later, she had a little over $3.6 million in her account. Unfortunately, it disappeared 24 hours later. (This’d never happen with online banking … you’d get another day or two to spend it!)

Bovine methane is a greenhouse gas 20-times more powerful than carbon dioxide. Contrary to popular belief, most of the gas emerges from a cow’s front, not rear.
– “Daily Express”


1955 [52] Iman (Abdulmajid), Mogadishu, Somalia, former model/sometime actress/Mrs David Bowie since 1992

1967 [40] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, TV sitcom actor (“Joey” 2004-06, “Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [38] DB Woodside, Queens NY, TV actor (‘President Wayne Palmer’ on “24“ since 2003)

• “Act Like a Caveman Day”, a day to tune in to your wild and primal instincts. Pass me a thigh bone, would ya?

• “Hot Fudge Sundae Day” because … well, why not?

• “Parents’ Day”, to pay tribute to ‘those whose devotion as parents strengthens society and forms the foundation for a bright future’. Is there a kid anywhere who’ll actually claim to have parents like this?

1990 [17] Before a ball game, Roseanne Barr sings an off-key rendition of the national anthem to a booing crowd at Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego CA, then scratches herself and spits

2001 [06] Mariah Carey cancels upcoming engagements and checks herself into a Connecticut psychiatric hospital suffering from an ‘emotional & physical breakdown’

1871 [136] ‘Perforated Bathroom Tissue’ is patented by Seth Wheeler, Albany NY

1871 [136] 1st ‘Merry-Go-Round’ is patented by William Schneider of Davenport IA

1923 [84] 1st ‘Home Movies’ shown (undoubtedly to an excruciatingly bored audience)

1978 [29] 1st baby conceived outside a mother’s body using the new technique of ‘in-vitro fertilization’ (Louise Joy Brown of Oldham, England becomes the world’s 1st ‘test tube baby’)

[Thurs] All or Nothing Day
[Thurs] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Thurs-Sat] “Just For Laughs Toronto”
[Fri] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Sat] Drive-Thru Day
[Sat] Accountants Day
[Sun] Lasagna Day
[Sun] Full Moon of July (Buck Moon)
[Sun] “Exposure” short film competition debuts (CBC-TV)
This Week Is . . . Equal Parents Week (we want the same rights as kids!!!)
This Month Is . . . Eye Exam Month (that first one’s an ‘E’, isn’t it?)


TONIGHT “Who Wants to be a Superhero 2” debuts (Sci Fi Channel) in which contestants vie to create their own superhero in a competition judged by legendary comic-book creator Stan Lee (”Spider-Man”, “X-Men”, etc). The winner’s creation will be immortalized in its own comic book. Here’s a few that would likely never make the cut …
• ‘Halitosia’
• ‘Decorative Gourd Man’
• ‘PMS Woman’ and her faithful sidekick ‘Yeasty Girl’
• ‘Omelet Makin’ Man’
• ‘The Lapdance Kid’
• ‘Guano Boy’
• ‘Caller of 911′
• ‘Easily-Wedgied Wally’
• ‘The Mighty Colosto’
• ‘Beautiful-From-The-Neck-Down Woman’

• Which is is the only US state capital that doesn’t have a McDonald’s restaurant?
a. Montpelier, Vermont [CORRECT]
b. Bismarck, North Dakota
c. Juneau, Alaska

• “Beer Beats Prostate Cancer” (“The Sun”)
• “Man Disguised as Tree Robs New Hampshire Bank” (
• “Disabled Man Taped to Refrigerator & Robbed” (“Portland Herald Press”)
• “The Sexiest Night Hair Out There” (“Glamour”)
• “Why Moses Wandered in the Desert 40 Years: He Lost the Map!” (“Weekly World News”)

Where has your toddler caused you embarrassment by impulsively deciding to get naked?

Two men run into each other in an airport. The first says “I can’t find my wife.” The second says, “I can’t find mine either, what does yours look like?” “Well”, the first replies, “She’s 5 ft-10, blonde, curvy, wearing a mini-skirt and high-heels. What does yours look like?” “To hell with her”, says the second guy, “Let’s look for yours!”

Today’s Question: Over the past decade, THIS has happened to 64 daytime soap opera characters.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They’ve been in a coma.

A stranger is just a friend you don’t know.

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