Friday, July 20, 2007        Edition: #3579
Why Not Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning?

TODAY a web-only “Canadian Idol” spinoff debuts, “Canadian Idol: All Access”, which sums up the week’s events with behind-the-scenes footage, trips into the “Idol” mansion, rehearsals, etc (NET: . . . TONIGHT at midnight, “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” is released, the final book in the JK Rowling series (gee, had you heard?) in which 2 important characters die (many retailers are predicting it will the biggest selling book in history) . . . To coincide, at least a dozen new or updated ‘Potter’ reference books are being published this year, including “The Making of the Potterverse: A Month-by-Month Look at Harry’s First 10 Years”, “Muggles & Magic: An Unofficial Guide to JK Rowling & the Harry Potter Phenomenon”, and “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Harry Potter” . . . SATURDAY transplanted soccer star David Beckham is scheduled to make his debut with Major League Soccer’s LA Galaxy in a game ESPN will blanket with no less than 19 cameras (including a ‘helicopter cam’ and a special ‘Beckham-cam’), but he may not be fit to play much thanks to an ankle injury (after all the hype, you can be he’ll be on the pitch even if he has to use a Segway) . . . SUNDAY “HGTV Design Star 2” debuts, in which 11 interior designers, artists, architects & craftspeople are pitted against one another in Las Vegas in the hopes of landing his/her own HGTV television show (and what’s the good prize?) . . . In the UK, BBC-TV is set to launch a new reality show called “Singing With the Enemy”, in which musical acts from entirely different genres must live together for a week while attempting to write, record, and then perform a collaborative song (picture a squeaky clean boy-band w/death metal rockers; punkers & Christian country-reggae artists, etc) . . . Danny Glover is joining the cast of “Brothers & Sisters” (ABC/Global) as Sally Field’s latest squeeze . . . Drew Carey is the latest to interview as Bob Barker’s replacement on “The Price is Right” . . . NBC-TV is trying to entice Rosie O’Donnell to guest star on several episodes of “Friday Night Lights” – as a soccer coach . . . And this week’s TV special “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” (NBC/CTV) was so lame it attracted just 4.9 million viewers, about half of competitor “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX), which explains why the idea of making it a series was canned – before it even aired!

• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi is demanding the makers of the coffee-based energy drink ‘Mijovi’ change its name because its too similar to his and also cease using the marketing slogan itsmilife’, as in the Bon Jovi hit song. Entrepreneur Marcus Carrington claims the drink is named after his girlfriend, Jovita, but has promised to quit using the sell-line.
• Counting Crows – SUNDAY they kick off a tour of minor-league baseball stadiums Wilmington DE, with support from Live, Collective Soul and, at a handful of dates, Third Eye Blind. It’s 1995 all over again!
• Fall Out Boy – According to totally unreliable sources, Pete Wentz & gf Ashlee Simpson are expecting a baby. Word has it they plan to wed soon … or maybe soon after.
• Justin Timberlake – TOMORROW he hosts & sings on a rerun of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC).
• Keith Urban – He’s just had wife Nicole Kidman’s first name tattooed on his upper-right arm.
• Marilyn Manson – TONIGHT he guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Mims – TONIGHT he shows “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) why he’s hot.
• Motley Crue  – For his new biography, Nikki Sixx has asked bandmate Tommy Lee and Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash to share their perspectives on what he was like as a drug addict.

• “Hairspray” ( PG Musical Comedy ): An adaptation of the hit Broadway musical, which was in turn inspired by the 1988 John Waters cult classic movie. Newcomer Nikki Blonsky plays tubby teen ‘Tracy Turnblad’ who’ll do anything to get on a local TV dance show, even if it means defying her parents ‘Edna’ (John Travolta in drag) & ‘Wilbur’ (Christopher Walken). Co-stars James Marsden (“X-Men”), Queen Latifah, Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron (“High School Musical”), and Allison Janney (“The West Wing”). Shot completely in Toronto & Hamilton ON.
• “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Adam Sandler & Kevin James star as Philadelphia firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits. They face a series of challenges maintaining the ruse, the toughest being Sandler’s feelings for the lawyer representing them (Jessica Biel). Co-stars Dan Aykroyd, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and out-of-the-closet former *NSYNC singer Lance Bass.
• “Sunshine” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Thriller ): 50 years in the future, a team of 8 astronauts is sent into space for a last-ditch effort to save the dimming Sun, a task that their predecessors failed to complete. But as they get closer to their destination, their ship begins to fail … or is it just their minds playing tricks on them? Stars Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne, and Chris Evans.

Child psychologist Michael Brody has drawn up a 3-point plan to help parents comfort their upset kids should ‘Harry Potter’ meet his maker in the final book …
• Do not think they will be scarred for life. Many parents today think that their children cannot experience any anxiety without help, so they don’t get any practice dealing with it.
• Use the experience as a teaching moment. For younger children, there are 2 big mysteries: where do babies come from, and what happens when people die? It is up to the parents to have a discussion.
• Do not say, “It’s just a book!” You do have to make it clear that this is a fictional character, but to a child ‘Harry Potter’ is very real.
– “Daily Telegraph”

Speaking at this week’s “British Open” championship in Carnoustie, Scotland, South African golfing legend Gary Player has declared the game is rife with performance-enhancing drug use. Amongst the dope he claims players are doing: Human growth hormone and anabolic steroids. But Tiger Woods has dismissed the claims, saying he’s never heard of anyone doing anything. Unlike other sports, professional golf players are not currently tested for drug use. (How are you ever gonna swing a club with arms like smoked hams?)
– “Newsday”

A new bionic hand called the ‘iLIMB’ has been developed that’s said to be a massive advance over previous artificial limbs. The new gizmo can can turn a key in a lock, punch a PIN number into a cash machine, and even hold a wine glass. Scottish inventor David Gow that’s because  his faux fingers can actually bend to grip objects. Covered in artificial skin, the one-size-fits-all hand sells for a little over $17,000. (But you’ll need 2 if you wanna clap.)
– BBC News

PETA isn’t going to like this report. A new study by Australia’s University of Sydney has found that so-called free-range chickens are no more content than caged hens. Researchers measured corticosterone, a hormone produced in response to stress or fear, in eggs from both free-range and caged hens. Surprise! They found the levels in both were similar. Scientists say the reason is likely that free-range hens suffer from a whole other set of stressors, such as surviving temperature extremes, bad weather, and predators. (Well, you’ve convinced me. Now I can’t wait to go to jail.)
– “The Telegraph”

The most popular flavor of edible underwear is cherry.

• “Acting is probably the easiest job in the world. You’re actually only on set for 2 hours-a-day. You’re literally doing nothing most of the time.”
– Vancouver actor Seth Rogen (“Knocked Up”) being refreshingly honest about his profession.
• “He loves cartoons, particularly ‘The Jetsons’ and ‘Sylvester the Cat’. That’s about as exciting as it gets.”
– Simon Cowell’s long-time girlfriend Terri Seymour, describing their scintillating life together.


1947 [60] Carlos Santana, Autlan de Navarro, Mexico, pop musician (“Game of Love”, “Smooth”)/tied Michael Jackson’s record for most awards in a single year by winning 8 of them at the 2000 “Grammy Awards”

1964 [43] Chris Cornell, Seattle WA, rock singer (“You Know My Name” [“Casino Royale” theme], ex-Audioslave-“Be Yourself”, ex-Soundgarden-“Black Hole Sun”)

1966 [41] Stone Gossard, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“Life Wasted”, “Last Kiss”)

1969 [38] Josh Holloway, San Jose CA, TV actor (‘Sawyer Ford’ on “Lost” since 2004)

1997 [10] Billi Bruno, LA CA, TV actress (daughter ‘Gracie’ on “According to Jim” since 2001)

Toronto-born movie director Norman Jewison (“Moonstruck”) is 81; TV actor Edward Herrmann (“Gilmore Girls”) is 64; Oldies singer Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) is 59; Cartoonist Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) is 59; Movie actor/comedian Robin Williams (“Night at the Museum”) is 56; Comedian Jon Lovitz is 50; Calgary-born country singer Paul Brandt (“Didn’t Even See the Dust”) is 35; Movie actor Josh Hartnett (“Sin City”) is 29; “American Idol” runner-up Blake Lewis is 26.

Sudbury-born TV game show host Alex Trebek (“Jeopardy”) is 67; Movie actor Danny Glover (“Dreamgirls”) is 61; Movie actor/director Albert Brooks (“Finding Nemo”) is 60; Classic rock musician Don Henley (The Eagles) is 60; Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe is 60; Movie actor Willem Dafoe (“Spider-Man”) is 52; TV actor David Spade (“Rules of Engagement”) is 43; Movie actress Franka Potente (“The Bourne Supremacy”) is 33.

• “Cheyenne Frontier Days”,  the annual 10-day Western celebration & rodeo in Wyoming known as the “Daddy of ’em All”. This year’s kickoff concert features Bon Jovi. Reba McEntire performs SATURDAY & SUNDAY alongside Trish Yearwood.
• “Hemingway Days Festival”, the 27th annual in Key West FL celebrating the lifestyle of famed author Ernest Hemingway. Apparently you drink like a fish … then put a shotgun to your head.
PHONER: 800.275.5397/305.461.3300 (Carol Shaughnessy)
• “Lollipop Day”, celebrating the 1908 invention of the famous candy on a stick. Pieces of hard candy were put on the ends of pencils for kids to nibble much earlier than that, but the treat had no name. So here’s to lollipops! When it comes to yum, you can’t lick ‘em … er’ actually you can.
• “Moon Day”, the 38th anniversary of the first lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the Moon as he proclaimed “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” while nearly 700 million Earthlings tuned in. Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin joined him later, while Michael Collinsremained orbiting above. Astronauts who’ve walked on the Moon say lunar dust feels like snow, smells like gunpowder … and doesn’t taste too bad.
• “Special Olympics Day”, a day of awareness for disabled athletes.
• “Ugly Truck Day”. Sure a brand new, shiny truck with all the gadgets working is a great thing, but an old ugly truck is something to cherish with pride! Or maybe it’s just a guy thing?

• “All-American Soap Box Derby”, the 70th annual international championship in Akron OH (ESPN). Don’t kid yourself, these streamlined, hi-tech racers aren’t made out of soap boxes any more. Come to think of it … what the heck are soap boxes, grandpa?
• “Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you mow down on every chance you got … burgers, pizza, hot dogs, tacos, fries, chocolate, tofu?

• “Darwin Beer Can Regatta”, a 33-year tradition at Mindil Beach in Darwin, Australia. Participants take to the water in boats made of beer cans (after emptying them first) that must be capable of staying afloat with a crew of at least 4. ‘Darwin Stubbie’ seems to be the beer of choice, perhaps because it holds 75 ounces, or roughly 1.25 liters. Related festivities include a concert and ‘Thong-Throwing Contest’.
• “Hammock Day”, a day to hang one up between 2 trees and wile away the hours … ya slug. How many people can you get in a single hammock?
• “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.
• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’.
• “World Championship Bathtub Race” in Nanaimo BC, the 41st annual competition featuring high-powered ‘racing tubs’, actual bathtubs converted into speed machines. Be careful not to pull the plug!

1992 [15] Madonna appears in “Playboy” magazine photo spread (pre-varicose veins)

1858 [149] 1st ‘Admission’ charged at a baseball game as patrons pay just 50 cents to see NY All-Stars beat Brooklyn 22-18 (however, a plastic cup of watered-down beer was $18.50 … just like today)

1919 [88] Hottest day ever recorded in Ontario at 42.2 C

[Mon] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Mon] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Mon] Democratic presidential candidate debate (CNN)
[Tues] Cousins Day
[Tues] Virtual Love Day
[Tues] Parents Day
This Week Is … Oil Heritage Week (visit a wallet-sapping service station near you!)
This Month Is … Disaster Awareness Month (yeah, thanks for listening this morning)


Thanks to online leaks, we can now unreliably predict these exciting ‘Potter’ plot developments in the final book of the series …
• Harry gets pulled over on the 405 for DUI on a broomstick.
• Professors Dumbledore & McGonagall make out in the invisible-cloak room.
• Nymphadora Tonks shows Harry just how she got her name.
• When Harry finally gives them a moment alone, Ron & Hermione decide to play doctor instead of wizard.
• Hogwart’s School wizards turn out to be far better at basketball than the Washington Wizards.
• Harry falls in love with Clay Aiken, develops a terminal case of Hogwarts, mercifully dies.

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Sean Kingston – “Beautiful Girls”
4. Fabolous f/Ne Yo – “Make Me Better”
3. T-Pain – “Bartender”
2. Fergie – “Big Girls Don’t Cry”
1. Rihanna – “Umbrella”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

• It’s better to have loved and lost than to have gone out with that psycho forever.
• He’s really turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

Today’s Question: Fridays at 4 pm is the prime time for THIS to happen
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pizza orders.

Don’t take your deadlines out on others.

Printer Friendly Version