Wednesday, July 18, 2007        Edition: #3577
Sheet Happens!

TODAY production on the new Tom Cruise movie “Valkyrie” is scheduled to get underway in Berlin, the story of the failed assassination plot against Adolf Hitler during WW2 (after all that government kerfuffle about banning shooting, the German Federal Film Fund has actually agreed to provide $6.5 million in funding) . . . Actor/director Mel Gibson has sold his 76-acre Connecticut estate for a staggering $40 million to an unnamed buyer but don’t worry, he’s far from homeless, with other properties in California, Australia, Costa Rica, plus the entire Fijian island of Mago . . . The worldwide take for “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix” after a single week – about $333 million . . . ABC News anchor Charles Gibson is on top of the evening news ratings but is lowest paid of the big 3: Katie Couric (CBS) makes an estimated $15 million-a-year; Brian Williams (NBC) more than $10 million; but Gibson’s salary is estimated at a paltry $8 million . . . Hip-hop mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs claims he’s been inundated with some 10,000 job applications after advertising for a new Personal Assistant on MySpace . . . Word is Diddy’s ex-, Kim Porter, wants a million-a-year in child support, which shouldn’t be a prob as he’s now worth an estimated $320 million . . . He’s walked away from the series without giving notice, but “TV Guide” says Mandy Patinkin will return for a single episode of “Criminal Minds” (CBS) ‘to wrap up his story’ . . . “Grey’s Anatomy” reject Isaiah Washington will guest-star in a 5-episode arc on NBC-TV’s new drama “Bionic Woman” (by which time he’ll likely say something totally inappropriate & get canned again) . . . “Hairspray” actress Queen Latifah is getting into the fast-food biz, opening a FatBurger franchise in Miami (cool, junk food with an honest name!) . . . And “Simple Life” star Nicole Richie has made the monumental error of opening her mouth again, this time to announce to the world that she only dates circumcised men – it’s the one thing she ‘always looks for’ in a guy (no wonder creepy Joel Madden qualified so easily).  

• Barbra Streisand – She’s performing her first UK concert in 13 years TONIGHT at London’s O2 Arena (formerly the Millennium Dome), with tix priced at $200-to-$1,000.
• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they receive the ‘President’s Award for Excellence in the Arts‘ at the Vietnam Veterans of America convention in Springfield IL. The award recognizes their 2006 tune, “8th of November”, inspired by a 1965 battle fought by US troops in Vietnam.
• Carrie Underwood – Her as-yet-untitled new album is officially set for release OCTOBER 23rd.
• Coldplay – Chris Martin’s appearance in a 2003 homemade horror film called “Slashed” is coming to YouTube. The film was made by Northern Irish rockers Ash, who murdered off Martin’s character.
• Enrique Iglesias – He’s on TONIGHT’s “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Jason Aldean – TONIGHT the “Johnny Cash” country singer is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC). His new single is “Laughed Until We Cried”.
• John Legend – THIS AFTERNOON he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Keith Urban – He credits rehab with saving his marriage to actress Nicole Kidman. He spent 90 days at the Betty Ford Clinic in Palm Springs CA to treat alcoholism last year.
• Rihanna – TONIGHT she does a guest shot on “Canadian Idol” (CTV).

• ‘Couching Distance’ – The distance you can reach without leaving the sofa. (“Honey, can you pass me the Pringles? They’re not quite within couching distance.”)
• ‘Floordrobe’ – A variation of the word wardrobe describing a pile of discarded clothes on the floor. (“Mom, have you seen my navy hoodie? It’s not in the closet or even the floordrobe!”)
• ‘NIFOC’ – ‘Naked in Front of Computer’. (Just what you wanna see in a chat room.)
• ‘Tech Sabbatical’ – Taking time away from computers, e-mail, PDAs, and all other electronic gadgetry to refresh relationships with friends and family. (You know … get a life.)

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 76% of employees, both male & female, say they prefer working for a male boss.
• 73% of houses in North America have at least 1 yellow room.
• 72% of women say it would be unforgivable to forget their name on a first date.
• 60% of criminals are caught wearing Nike Air Trainers.
• 37% of working dads say the only way they would leave their job is if their spouse could support them.
• 10% of kids have a diary.

• A Houston, Texas woman is suing  25-year-old Vivid Video star Lara Madden for stealing her name and using it in the adult film industry. Syvette Wimberly was a high school rival of Madden and was devastated to learn her name was being used as Madden’s stage name in videos with vulgar titles. (Talk about payback!)
• A 43-year-old German psychologist is facing up to 5 years in jail for taking advantage of a patient with multiple personalities. He allegedly used one for sex, another for housecleaning, and a third to lend him money for high-end vacations. (Saw this movie – the 4th one has a knife!)
• Cops in the Romanian seaside resort of Mamaia have arrested a 23-year-old whose BMW was swerving side-to-side all over a busy road. They were shocked to find a drunk driver … with no driver’s license … who was naked … and has no hands. (Kind of makes your morning commute seem like a piece of cake, doesn’t it?)

The highest-grossing North American concert tours through the first half of 2007 …
5. Kenny Chesney – $33.2 million in ticket sales/average ticket price $64.58
4. Celine Dion’s Las Vegas show – $41.8 million/$137.36
3. The Police – $41.9 million/$115.79
2. Justin Timberlake – $42.3/$73.83
1. Rod Stewart – $48.1 million/$76.93
– “Pollstar”

• In Germany, 34-year-old ornithologist Rita Oenhauser has just celebrated the massive accomplishment of bringing together her 2,000th pair of parrots since starting a ‘dating agency’ for them several years ago at her bird sanctuary near Berlin. Parrots mate for life and remain faithful to their partners … but first they gotta find one! (“Peter, this is Polly. Polly, this is Peter.”)
• In England, ‘No Man’s Land’, a granite fort that lies a mile off Portsmouth in the sea, is on the real estate market after the previous owner went bust. Originally built in 1880 to protect a nearby naval base, it now boasts 21 bedrooms, a pool, numerous Jacuzzis, a gym, an amusement arcade … and 5 bars! It’s expected to sell for circa $8 million.
• In Australia, 24-year-old Brisbane rugby player Ben Czislowski has finally found out why he’s been experiencing shooting pain in his brain for the past 4 months … he’s had an opponent’s tooth imbedded in his head since APRIL 1st. That’s when he butted heads with a rival, causing a nasty gash that required several stitches and an eye infection later. His opponent broke his jaw in the incident and also lost several teeth. The one that was buried in Czislowski’s skull now sits on his nightstand. (Now that’s tough!)

A new ranking of the top money-making fashion models …
5. Alessandra Ambrosio – $6 million-a-year
4. Adriana Lima – $6 million-plus
3. Heidi Klum – $8 million
2. Kate Moss – $9 million
1. Gisele Bundchen – $33 million
– “Forbes Magazine”

A total of 3,009 people in Changsha, China have set a new Guinness World Record for skipping simultaneously. The 3-minute feat broke the previous rope-jumping record of 2,472 set in Hong Kong 2 years ago.
– Red Net

• According to the publishers of “The Collins English Dictionary”, the most common noun in English is ‘time’.
• A state agency in Beijing admits that 20% of all Chinese products fail quality tests, reports “The Independent”.

“A smoker, not very clean, vain, cowardly, unfaithful, the Frenchman has come to embody the depraved morals of old Europe.”
– France’s “Paris Match”, castigating the portrayal of Frenchmen as the bad guys in the new Bruce Wills film “Live Free or Die Hard”. The magazine claims typecasting bad guys as French has become prevalent in a slew of Hollywood films in recent years, including “Oceans 12 & 13”, “The Matrix Reloaded”, and “Mission: Impossible”.
• “I want to do a movie that’s a sexy, erotic love story about people over 70.”
– 69-year-old actress Jane Fonda, telling “The Sun” about the new wrinkle she has planned.


1940 [67] Joe Torre, Brooklyn NY, MLB manager (4 World Series championships-NY Yankees)

1940 [67] James Brolin (Bruderlin), LA CA, movie actor (“Catch Me If You Can”, “Traffic”)/Mr Barbra Streisand since 1998

1941 [66] Martha Reeves, Eufaula AL, oldies singer (“Wild Night”, Martha & the Vandellas-“Dancing in the Street”)

1950 [57] Jack Layton, Hudson QC, federal NDP party leader since 2003

1954 [53] Ricky Skaggs, Lawrence County KY, country/bluegrass singer/musician (“Cryin’ My Heart Out Over You”, “I Don’t Care”)/CMA Entertainer of the Year (1985)

1967 [40] Vin Diesel (Mark Vincent), NYC, movie actor (“xXx”, “The Fast & the Furious”)

1975 [32] Daron Malakian, Glendale CA, rock singer/guitarist (System of a Down-“Hypnotize”, “BYOB”)

1980 [27] Kristen Bell, Detroit MI, TV actress (‘Veronica’ on “Veronica Mars” 2004-07)

• “Caviar Day”, saluting the mega-expensive roe (eggs) of the sturgeon fish, proving once and for all that we’ll eat just about anything if we give it an attractive name.

• “Chrysanthemum Day”, a favorite of spelling bee organizers everywhere!

• “Get Out of the Doghouse Day”, a day to ask for final forgiveness for whatever minor crimes you’ve committed.

• “National Baby Food Festival”, the 17th annual through Saturday in Fremont MI, home of Gerber Products. Events include the ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’, the ‘Famous Baby Crawl’ where little gaffers compete for a $5,000 life insurance policy, and the ‘Adult Baby Food Eating Contest’.
PHONER: 800.592.2229 / 231.924.2270

• “Stick Your Tongue Out Day” for some long forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder … only 1 in 14 people can do that!

2006 [01] TV talent contest “The One: Making a Music Star” debuts (ABC/CBC), hosted by George Stroumboulopoulos (“The Hour”), but is canceled after 4 episodes due to low ratings

1992 [15] Whitney Houston weds Bobby Brown at her Mendham NJ estate in front of 800 guests that include Ray Charles, Dionne Warwick, Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin, and Donald Trump (both Bobby and the estate are now gone)

1978 [29] Intel Corporation is founded, producer of the most widely used microprocessors in the computer industry

1994 [13] Crayola introduces 1st ‘Scented Crayons’ (mmm, smells like wax!)

1980 [27] World record set for ‘Catching a Grape in Your Mouth’ (319 feet, 8 inches)

[Thurs-July 28] Capital Ex (Edmonton)
[Fri] Moon Day
[Fri] Chess Day
[Fri] Lollipop Day
[Fri] Special Olympics Day
[Fri] “Hairspray”; “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”; and “Sunshine” open in movie theaters
[Sat] “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” is published
[Sat] Junk Food Day
[Sun] Rat Catcher’s Day
This Week Is … Lyme Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is … Outdoor Month


• ‘Pintron’: Explodes if you hit him in the back too hard.
• ‘Nutcrusher’: Only effective against male Decepticons.
• ‘Segtron’: Everyone’s favorite personal vehicle, now in robot form.
• ‘Optimus Priss’: The very educated, wimpy brother of Optimus.
• ‘Hippibot’: From robot to VW Hippie Van. Bongs sold separately.
• ‘Grampsor’: Creaks way louder when transforming.
• ‘Whorenado’: From Olds Cutlass to streetwalker at the first sign of $20.
– BBSpot

If you go to a concert to see the Plain White T’s, what kind of shirt do you get?

Gayle Westmoreland of Columbia MD is the author of “Hands: Stop Shaking Them!”. She recommends we cease the icky, germ-spreading custom of shaking hands and replace it with alternatives. Such as? Arrange interview via email:

What would entice you to join a fraternal order like the Shriners, Elks, Lions, or Kiwanis Club? (Many of these organizations are attempting to update their image and attract younger members by welcoming women, offering family programs, and phasing out ‘ritual ceremonies’.)

Nobody likes a smart-ass, so the object of this game is for your contestant to strive to be WRONG as you run through the questions rapid-fire. If they get all the answers incorrect, they win! The correct answers which they can NOT give are in parenthesis …
• 77% of guys know the price of a beer at their favorite watering hole but they don’t know this about their partner. [Bra size.]
• What does Lemmy, the heavily tattooed menacing frontman for heavy metal band Motorhead, collect as a hobby? [Toys from inside Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs.]
• While in Australia, you buy yourself some ‘Budgie Smugglers’. What are they? [It’s Aussie slang for tight-fitting men’s bathing trunks, ie: a Speedo.]
• What do many medical schools pay women as much as $200 to do? [Allow med students to practise gyno exams.]
• While visiting China, people keep referring to you as a ‘Sleeve-Cutter’. What do they think you are? [Gay. In Chinese slang, gays are also said to be ‘fond of the leftover peach’.]

Today’s Question: During a lifetime THIS will take up 2 years, 7 months of the average man’s life.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: The bathroom.

Better one word too few than one too many.

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