Tuesday, July 10, 2007        Edition: #3571
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

TODAY it will be announced which of the 14 Springfields in America will get to host the premiere of “The Simpsons Movie” on JULY 26th (we’re rootin’ for Springfield MA, home of 94.7 WMAS!) . . . TODAY the “Tomb Raider”-inspired, online animated series “ReVisioned” debuts on the broadband net ‘GameTap’, with actress Minnie Driver voicing the role of ‘Lara Croft’ . . . TONIGHT “The Second City’s Next Comedy Legend” debuts (CBC) with sketch comedy performers from all over Canada judged by “SCTV” alum Joe Flaherty and comedians Elvira Kurt & Nick Napier (finally a comedy contest in the country where the best comics come from!) . . . TONIGHT the new TV competition “Singing Bee” debuts (NBC) in which host Joey Fatone (“Dancing With the Stars”, *NSYNC) challenges contestants to accurately sing the lyrics to popular songs (bringing bad karaoke out of bars and into your home!) . . . THIS WEEK a selection of movie-star-turned-princess Grace Kelly’s personal possessions are on display at Monaco’s Grimaldi Forum to mark the 25th anniversary her death in a car accident (what, she doesn’t get a tribute concert from geezer rockers?) . . . “Transformers” actress Megan Fox claims Hollywood is so awash with drugs that she’s 1 of only 5 people she knows who doesn’t indulge in illegal substances (the other 4 are in rehab) . . . Celebrated 69-year-old actor Dustin Hoffman will finally direct his first movie 30 years after his last attempt (when he fired himself), stepping behind the camera for the upcoming legal drama “Personal Injuries” . . . In an effort to kick-start sales, Sony has slashed the price of its PlayStation 3 by $100 (down to $499) and will introduce a new version with a bigger hard-drive for storing downloaded content such as video games & hi-def movies . . . And a new poll on the ‘Biggest All-Time Party Animals in Show Biz’ is not surprisingly topped by Lindsay Lohan, followed by Paris Hilton and former nose-candy canoodlers Kate Moss & Pete Doherty (hmm, don’t see Peter Mansbridge on the list anywhere).

• Busta Rhymes – TODAY he’s due in Manhattan court again after turning down a plea deal that would have sent him to jail for a year. He’s been arrested 4 times in 10 months and faces 2 assault charges and a count of driving on a suspended license … as well as DUI charges.
• Chris Daughtry – His debut album, “Daughtry”, is the best-selling album of the year to date, with 1.7 million physical and digital copies sold.
• Grateful Dead – A bio-pic on the legendary rockers is in the works, based on 35-year roadie. Steve Parish’s 2004 book “Home Before Daylight”. Guitarist Bob Weir will serve as music coordinator on the movie.
• Interpol – TONIGHT they perform “The Heinrich Maneuver” on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Joss Stone – TODAY she slips off her shoes to sing on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Mims – TONIGHT at 8 pm ET the “This Is Why I’m Hot” hitmaker appears live in the 3D virtual world created by website There.com, the latest online social networking site that allows users to create an avatar of themselves.
• Shakira – The “Beautiful Liar” singer, who is part Lebanese, has canceled her summer concert in Lebanon due to heightened security and political tensions.
• Silverchair – TONIGHT the Aussie rockers guest on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel).

• “The Astronaut Farmer” ( Adventure Drama ): Billy Bob Thornton stars as an astronaut who opts to retire in order to save his family farm. But when he begins to tinker on a rocket in his barn, his neighbors get curious, the media gets interested, and the government gets concerned. Co-stars Virginia Madsen & Bruce Dern.
• “The Last Mimzy” ( Family Fantasy ): A box of toys from the future gives a couple of kids amazing superpowers, which they use to terrorize their parents and teachers, as well as to do good deeds … but mostly to terrorize. Stars Timothy Hutton (“The Good Shepherd”); Rainn Wilson (“The Office”); Joely Richardson (“Nip/Tuck”); and a bunch of kids. Partially shot in Vancouver.
• Also released TODAY: “You’re Gonna Miss Me”, a documentary about reclusive blues singer Roky Erickson; and “2006-2007 Stanley Cup Champions”, the story of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks’ road to the NHL championship.

Reports out of India say that prisoners are refusing to leave a jail in Bangalore ever since a Hare Krishna team won the contract to cook food for inmates. The prison is now filled to more than twice its capacity, with some prisoners refusing to apply for bail in order to get the tasty prison grub. As one inmate explains: “When we are getting tasty, nutritious food 3 times a day here, why should we go out and commit crimes?” (The latest tool in crime prevention – bacon.)

It may not sound like the most sensible business model, but one of Venice’s most opulent casinos has begun offering courses to wean addicts off gambling. Venice Casio, which occupies a beautiful Renaissance palace on the Grand Canal, is one of just 4 legal gambling establishments in Italy. It netted over $300 million LAST YEAR. Head honcho Mauro Pizzigati says he wants to remove the ‘demonic image’ of the casino as a place of lost souls. Industry observers say his program is akin to putting nicotine patches on packets of cigarettes. (Or a chastity belt on Lindsay Lohan.)
– “La Repubblica”

In an attempt to deal with the thousands of bags that go missing from airports each year, London’s Heathrow airport is testing out a new technology that uses a microchip embedded in baggage labels to store a passenger’s information and will act as a tracking device so missing bags can be located. Heathrow is one of the world’s busiest airports, serving 68 million passengers LAST YEAR. (You still won’t have your bathing suit when you get to your beach resort … but you’ll know that it’s in Pago Pago.)
– “GQ”

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 74% of couples say they will become more romantic when they retire. (Eww, thanks for THAT visual picture!)
• 70% of pet owners believe their pets would save them in an emergency. (Swim Nemo swim!!!)
• 57% of women fantasize about an older male boss at work. (Aw, isn’t his ear hair cute?)
• 30% of people break their diets with pizza. (Does beer count?)
• 29% of employed Canadians admit to calling in sick either to take an unscheduled day off or extend a vacation. (It’s called ‘I-Can’t-Go-Back Monday’.)
• 14% of us now have some form of piercing on our bodies. (Such as the backstabbing we constantly get around here …)

A flotilla of plastic ducks, adrift on the high seas for 15 years, could soon land on the coast of Wales. Tens of thousands of the bath toys have bobbed around the globe since 3 containers full of them were washed off a ship in the middle of the Pacific in 1992. Some have landed in Indonesia, Australia, and South America. Those still adrift have crossed the Arctic Ocean, traveled down the US Eastern Seaboard and made their way across the Atlantic. The ducks, now bleached white by sunlight and salt water, are now collectors’ items fetching up to $1,000 apiece. (Note to self: Buy 98-cent rubber duckie and can of white spray paint …)
– “Social Studies”

Since 1981, the USA has spent as much on its war on drugs (in today’s dollars) as it did on the entire war in Vietnam: $600 billion-to-$800 billion.
– “The Atlantic”

Japanese electronics giant Hitachi is working on a ‘brain-machine interface’ that analyzes slight changes in the brain’s blood flow and translates the brain motion into electronic signals. Scientists say the technology could have huge implications for medical research, but Hitachi’s research team is more interested in using it to develop a hi-tech TV remote control. That’s right, a TV set that changes channels … when you think about it. (When you lose this remote, you’re really fried!)
– “The Australian”

• In NYC, veterinarian Cindy Brussler gets $250 per house call to treat the dogs of wealthy owners. Some clients have even hired private planes to fly her to vacation homes and other places when a pooch is in peril. Brussler contends dogs are members of the family, so when money’s no object owners stop at nothing to ensure their well-being.
• In Germany, a squirrel went on a rampage and attacked several people, biting & scratching and seemingly impossible to fight off. That’s until it crossed paths with one Guenther Mittelbaum, a 72-year-old pensioner who beat the beast into submission … with his walker.
• In Salem, New Hampshire, bettors at Rockingham Park Raceway saw the odds in a horse race change before their eyes when a deer leapt onto the track and join its 4-legged brethren in one of the daily races. It didn’t collect any laurels, however, because it bolted into nearby woods when it was all over. (“And it’s Bambi in the stretch and heading home …”)

In the past year, passengers have been kicked off airliners or detained at airports for breastfeeding, cursing, kissing, uncontrolled coughing, and even carrying a sippy cup of water. Here’s some advice from experts on how to get aboard and stay onboard without problems …
• When you go through security, treat it like you’ve been pulled over for speeding.
• Be polite, answer any reasonable questions, and just keep thinking about getting ‘er done so you can move on with your life.
• Don’t ever make jokes about terrorism.
• Whatever you wouldn’t do in a place of worship, don’t do on a plane.
– AP

• You’d have to drive a late-model car for 100 miles (161 km) to produce as much pollution as a gas-powered lawnmower does in 1 hour.
– Plentymag.com
• Setting your lawnmower blades high so they don’t ‘scalp’ your grass and mowing once a week is the single greatest thing you can do for your lawn.
– Trey Rogers, professor of Turf Grass Management at Michigan State University, in his new book “Turf Geek”.

“Say or do something that’s out of the ordinary. It’s not about what perfume you’re wearing or if your shoes are cute. If you do something with purpose that is different than what everybody else does, then it makes you stand out.”
– Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine, advising teenage girls how to get a guy in the new edition of “Seventeen” magazine.


1931 [76] Alice Munro, Wingham ON, Canadian author (“Dance of the Happy Shades”, “Who Do You Think You Are?”) who’s won 3 “Governor General’s Awards”, 2 “Giller Prizes”, the “Trillium Book Award” and the “Canadian Booksellers Award”

1946 [61] Roger Abbott, Birkenhead UK, TV comic (CBC’s “Royal Canadian Air Farce” since 1973)

1947 [60] Arlo Guthrie, Brooklyn NY, folk singer (“City of New Orleans”)/Woody Guthrie’s son

1954 [53] Neil Tennant, North Shields UK, classic rock singer (Pet Shop Boys-“West End Girls”)

1970 [37] Gary LeVox, Columbus OH, country singer (Rascal Flatts-“Stand”, “Life Is a Highway”)  FACTOID: “Take Me There” is the first single from Rascal Flatts’ new album, “Still Feels Good”, set for a SEPTEMBER 25th release.

1971 [36] Adam Foote, Toronto ON, NHL defenceman (Columbus Bluejackets)/Team Canada member (1996/2004 World Cup of Hockey, 1998/2002/2006 Winter Olympics)

1976 [31] Adrian Grenier, born on a commune in NM, TV actor (‘Vincent Chase’ on HBO’s “Entourage” since 2004)/movie actor (“The Devil Wears Prada”)

1980 [27] Jessica Simpson, Abilene TX, pop singer (“These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”, “A Public Affair “)/movie actress (“Employee of The Month”, “Dukes of Hazzard”)/ex-Mrs Nick Lachey (2002-05)

• “Don’t Step On A Bee Day”, a warning to kids and grown-ups that now is the time when going barefoot can mean getting stung by a bee. Likely from the same fear-mongers who thought up “Don’t Sit On a Cactus Day”.

• “Major League Baseball All-Star Game”, being played in San Francisco CA.

• SHOULD BE JULY 12TH “Orangemen’s Day”, also known as “Orange Day”, commemorating the 1690 Protestant victory over Roman Catholic forces in the Battle of the Boyne in Ireland. Always a good day for riot.

• “Pina Colada Day”, the one day of the year you can play Rupert Holmes’ cheesy oldie “The Pina Colada Song” … as long as you blow it up real good after a couple of bars.

1946 [61] 1st ‘Drive-In Theater’ in Canada opens in Hamilton ON

1965 [42] 1st #1 hit for the Rolling Stones, “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”

1996 [11] 1st fashion house to debut its collection simultaneously on a Paris catwalk and online (Yves Saint Laurent)

[Wed] Pet Photo Day
[Wed] International Town Criers Day
[Wed] UN World Population Day
[Wed] Cheer Up the Lonely Day
[Wed] Nicole Richie’s DUI court date
[Wed] “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] “Captivity” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] National Nude Day
This Week Is … Laundry Workers’ Week
This Month Is … Recreation & Parks Month


• Were Third World countries unhappy before television?
• Do bilingual people have to meditate longer to get 2 languages out of their heads?
• How come we’re always getting ‘overwhelmed’ but never just ‘whelmed’?
• What if you finally ‘find yourself’ and you’re not that impressed?
• Where are all the overweight mannequins?
• Can a cat be ‘sick as a dog’? How about ‘healthy as a horse’?

Maryanna Korwitts is a self-described ‘nameologist’, basically a consultant who analyzes the impact of names. She’ll detail the pros & cons of various baby names as well as advise adults on adjustments to their names to create a desired impact. She charges up to $350 for a package including 3 half-hour phone calls and a personalized manual describing a name’s history, linguistic origins, and personality traits. And she actually answers her own phone!
PHONER: 800-750-6649 / 630-420-1887 (Name Structures, Downers Grove IL)
E-mail: info@namestructures.com

Suppose you could only have 1 child. Would you prefer it to be a boy or a girl? (In a Gallup Poll, 37% picked a boy, 28% a girl. Apparently the remaining 35% said “Wha’?”)

The world isn’t perfect … but I’m not through with it yet.

Today’s Question: More men than women say they would do THIS for their partner if asked.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lose Weight.

Whatever you do, someone is offended.

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