Wednesday, July 4, 2007        Edition: #3567
Get a Load of This Sheet!

After some complicated court maneuvering, OJ Simpson’s hypothetical tell-all book “If I Did It” is now owned by Ron Goldman LLC (a corporation set up by the family of murder victim Ronald Goldman) and will likely be re-titled “Confessions of a Double Murderer” when it’s shopped around to publishers (would you buy a copy?) . . . Queen Elizabeth II’s youngest son, Prince Edward, and his wife Sophie are expecting their 2nd child in DECEMBER, a future sib for their 3-year-old daughter Lady Louise (Little Lord Fauntleroy?) . . . 24-year-old actress Cameron Diaz has been named as the ‘other woman’ in divorce papers served to 39-year-old celeb magician Criss Angel by his estranged wife (he just signed a $200-million deal for an ongoing casino show in Vegas – explaining how he might end up with a babe like Diaz) . . . Apple’s new iPhone is so hot that stars who accustomed to receiving complimentary copies of the latest gadgets aren’t getting any freebies (even famed publicist Liz Rosenberg says she’s been unsuccessful in getting one for her clients who include Madonna, Liza Minnelli, and Cher) . . . 17-year-old ‘Harry Potter’ star Daniel Radcliffe has become the youngest actor ever immortalized as a waxwork at Madame Tussauds in London (yech, even his ears are full of wax) . . . Jessica Simpson’s new movie, “Blonde Ambition”, has now had its release date pushed back – twice (now due the last week of AUGUST) because it’s apparently so bad (rumors are circulating that the film may be shelved indefinitely) . . . Canadian director Roger Spottiswoode’s movie drama “Shake Hands With the Devil”, based on Roméo Dallaire book about the 1994 Rwandan genocide, will debut at the “Toronto International Film Festival” (SEPTEMBER 6-15) . . . Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has rejected a proposal by movie director Oliver Stone to make a bio-film about him because Stone is part of the ‘Great Satan establishment’ (apparently he also sat through that convoluted mess called “Alexander”) . . . And an attorney for Nick Lachey & gf Vanessa Minnillo is said to be working hard to keep racy photos of the couple doing the nasty off the web and out of tabloids (unfortunately, the lawyer is ruining Nick’s master plan to generate cheap publicity).

• Billy Currington – The “Tangled Up” country star has had to cancel a series of summer concerts due to a severe case of laryngitis. Doctors have placed him on voice rest until the end of JULY.
• Bobby Valentino – TONIGHT the “Anonymous“ singer does “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Kelly Clarkson – TODAY she sings “Never Again” on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV). She’s just signed with Nashville-based Starstruck Entertainment and Reba McEntire’s husband, Starstruck CEO Narvel Blackstock, will become her personal manager. Reba & Kelly’s duet “Because of You” is currently zooming up country charts.
• Ne-Yo – TONIGHT he performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• The Police – The reunited classic rockers were the most requested concert ticket during the first half of 2007, according to the latest Ticketmaster stats.
• Rascal Flatts – Their new single “Take Me There” was co-written by Kenny Chesney and will be included on their upcoming album “Still Feels Good”.
• White Stripes – They’re taking TODAY off before hitting Toronto, Montreal, London ON, and Ottawa THIS WEEK. But who knows where they’ll suddenly show up after SUNDAY’s impromptu mini-concert at the Eastview Bowl bowling alley in Saskatoon.

“Tarzan’s” best bud is still alive! ‘Jiggs’ the chimp was captured in Africa and brought to Hollywood where he became the legendary ‘Cheeta’, starring in 12 “Tarzan” movies in the ‘30s and ‘40s, before retiring in 1967 after making “Dr Doolittle”. Like many of his Hollywood contemporaries, he loved nothing better than relaxing away from the film set with cold beer and cigars. Now aged 75 he lives in a California animal sanctuary, and is officially the ‘World’s Oldest Chimpanzee’.
– PopBitch

Just got yourself a BSc did you? Congratulations, here are some of the careers you may now be qualified for …
5. Whale-Feces Researcher – A crappy job, literally.
4. Forensic Entomologist – Solving murders by studying the maggots which infest dead people.
3. Olympic Drug Tester – Watching grown people pee for a living.
2. Elephant Vasectomist – Pass the vice-grips please.
1. Hazmat Diver – Swimming through the most toxic filth on the planet including sewer systems, nuclear reactors, and oil spills … and then cleaning them up.
– “Popular Science”

The very word ‘infant’ means ‘unable to speak’. That’s why babies are forced to communicate by crying. Most babies spend as much as 50 minutes a day exercising their lungs. Some even more. Mothers will not be surprised to hear that studies have shown a link between babies who continually cry and mothers who suffer from postnatal depression.
– “Weekend Telegraph”

• Under new legislation in Scotland, kilt wearers could face prosecution if they do not have a licence for their ‘sporran’, that large pouch worn suspended from a belt in front. The law is designed to protect endangered species such as badgers and otters, whose fur used to be favored by sporran makers. The new rules, designed to bring Scotland into line with other European countries, will also cover fishing flies made from animal hair. (What about Sean Connery’s backhair?)
• Authorities in New Zealand have blocked a couple’s bid to officially name their new son ‘4real’, saying that numerals are not allowed. Pat & Sheena Wheaton say they decided on the name shortly after seeing their baby for the first time as a fetus during an ultrasound exam and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival. (A local judge says to ‘4get it’.)
• A couple in Staffordshire, England have now married each other … 3 times! Steve & Tina Potter, sweethearts since they met at 14, first wed in 1978. After 3 years and 2 kids, they split up. Then they fell for each other again and remarried in 1984. But after 9 years and 1 more child, the marriage broke down and they divorced in 1993. They were reunited at a family wedding in 1997 and remarried again in 2007. (Hey, 6th time’s a charm!)

Shark attacks get far more press coverage but more people visiting beaches have died in recent years from falling into holes dug for … sandcastles. That’s right, some 16 people have recently had the life sucked out of them due to lethal encounters with hazardous sandcastles. That’s why, on some beaches, lifeguards are now warning kids not to dig holes that are too deep. (“Just a minute there, junior. Before you go any further I need to measure your moat.”)
– “New England Journal of Medicine”

A new Communications Workers of America survey on high-speed Internet access around-the-world finds the USA ranks a distant 6th with a median speed of 1.97 megabits per second (mbps). The top 5 countries for surfing speed …
5. Canada (7.6 mbps)
4. Sweden (18.2)
3. Finland (21.7)
2. South Korea (45.6)
1. Japan (61)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Psychologists says our need to create elbow room, basically a personal ‘no-go’ zone around our bodies, is governed by some interesting rules. 18 inches is intimate, 4 feet is reserved for good friends, and anything farther is for mere acquaintances and strangers. Adults are more tolerant of invasions into personal space from people close to their own age than from those older or younger. On sidewalks, pedestrians allow beautiful women more room to get close than average-looking women. Couples get more leniency as well. It seems attractiveness and numbers are perceived as forms of power and domination. (As well as a big guy with a knife.)
– “Psychology Today”

• Cats groom themselves with their tongues right after eating. If they don’t do this, or do it only briefly, they might not have liked the food. (There are cats that DO like it?)
– McClatchy-Tribune News Service
• A dog’s intelligence is estimated to be equivalent only to that of a 14-month-old child. (No wonder they drool and whine.)
– “Sunday Telegraph”

• “If there was one, then there wouldn’t be enough doctors to support it.”
– Former Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant shooting down rumors of a reunion tour, adding that he hadn’t heard anything about the idea before it recently received media coverage.
• “I do not have an alcohol problem. I am not David Hasselhoff. This is not a pattern.”
– Actor John Stamos, explaining  to “TV Guide” that his bizarre Australian TV appearance LAST MONTH was the result of popping Ambien to combat jet lag.


1930 [77] George Steinbrenner, Rocky River OH, NY Yankees owner since 1973/shipping magnate (American Ship Building Company)

1938 [69] Bill Withers, Slab Fork WV, oldies singer (“Ain’t No Sunshine”, “Lean on Me”)

1943 [64] Geraldo Rivera, Brooklyn NY, obnoxious TV journalist (FOX News’ “At Large with Geraldo Rivera”)

1958 [49] Kirk Pengilly, Kew, Australia, rock guitarist (INXS-“Pretty Vegas”, “Need You Tonight”)/TV personality (“Rock Star: INXS” 2005)

• “American Independence Day”. Among the more unusual “4th of July” festivals: “International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest” in Eau Claire MI; “World’s Greatest Lizard Race” in Lovington NM; and the annual “Sidewalk Egg-Frying Challenge” in Oatman AZ. It’s also the excuse for the vegan observance “Independence from Meat Day”. Music artists participating in celebrations include …
– John Mellencamp: He’ll be backed by the Boston Pops Esplanade Orchestra when he performs several of his hits on the “Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular” (CBS).
– Martina McBride: She’ll open the “Macy’s Fourth of July Spectacular” with her hit single “Anyway” (NBC).
– Steve Azar: He’s headlining a 4th of July concert near the Washington Monument in Washington DC. The free show is sponsored by the US National Park Service.
– Willie Nelson: He’s hosting his annual “4th of July Picnic” at the Gorge Amphitheater in George, Washington, the first time the event has taken place outside of Texas.

• “Barbecue Day”, celebrating the time-honored tradition of roasting flesh over an open flame. Interestingly, ‘barbecue’ in Canada is either the implement (“It’s time you cleaned that caked-on grease off the barbecue”) or the process (“I’m gonna barbecue some venison steaks, thanks to Uncle Ray bagging that buck last fall”). But in the USA, ‘barbecue’ is the food (“Smoky Joe’s Hickory House makes the best barbecue around.”)

• “Country Music Day”, celebrating the roots music movement that began in America 80 years ago with the advent of the Carter Family and Jimmie Rodgers. Country is actually a mishmash of several other music styles, including traditional folk, Celtic, blues, gospel, hokum, and old-time music. (How come there aren’t any ‘All Hokum’ radio stations?)

1970 [37] Radio personality Casey Kasem begins counting down the hits as “American Top 40” debuts on a Los Angeles radio station

2002 [05] Elvis Presley’s remixed “A Little Less Conversation” hits #1, 25 years after he died

1937 [70] 1st successful ‘Helicopter Flight’

1939 [68] NY Yankees ‘retire’ 1st baseball uniform (Lou Gehrig’s #4)

2000 [07] Russian inventor Roman Kunikov tests his ‘Gasoline-Powered Boots’, which allow the wearer to cover as much as 13 feet-per-stride at a speed of up to 25 mph

1993 [14] Some 2,000 naked participants attend the “Nude Chili Cookoff” in Devore CA

[Thurs] Workaholics Day
[Fri] Beyoncé tour begins (New Orleans)
[Fri] “American Idol” tour begins (Sunrise FL)
[Fri-July 15] Calgary Stampede
[Sat] New Seven Wonders of the World announced
[Sat] This summer’s most popular day for weddings (7/7/07)
[Sat] Eva Longoria/Tony Parker wedding (Paris)
[Sat] “Live Earth” concerts worldwide
[Sat-July 29] 94th Tour de France
This Week Is … Canned Luncheon Meat Week
This Month Is … Tennis Month


According to a preference poll, these are the condiments most of us place on a patty …
5. Mayonnaise (34%)
4. Cheese (40%)
3. [TIE] Onion/Mustard (51%)
2. Bacon (64%)
1. Tomato (70%)
– Sterling Silver Premium Meats

• When giving a gift in Japan, which hand should you present it with?
a. Right.
b. Left.
c. Both. [CORRECT. It’s viewed as a gesture of respect & humility.]

• According to a new study, how long does it take the average 20-something guy to become fully aroused?
a. A heartbeat.
b. 10 seconds. [CORRECT]
c. 10 minutes.

• What’s the most reproduced photograph in history?
a. The one of US Marines raising the flag at Iwo Jima. [CORRECT]
b. Marilyn Monroe’s skirt-lifting subway-vent ‘accident’.
c. The ‘Blue Marble’ photo of Earth from space taken by the crew of the Apollo 17 spacecraft.

Sometimes opportunity knocks when you’re just too damn tired to answer the door.

Today’s Question: In the past decade, there’s been a 15% decrease in the number of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Public telephones.

If you’re happy … don’t ask questions.

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