Monday, July 1, 2013        Edition: #5014

Can You Believe This Sheet?

✳ Simon Cowell has allegedly snubbed Brit singer Cheryl Cole’s invitation to join her for her $75,000 30th birthday bash last night in Los Angeles. She’d reportedly hoped it would be the perfect opportunity to end their long-standing feud. The pair famously fell out when Simon dropped her as a judge on the US version of “The X Factor”, replacing her with Nicole Scherzinger. Cheryl subsequently refused to rejoin the British version of the show.
– “Sunday People”
• Zach Braff, Lena Dunham, and Melissa McCarthy have been named to the inaugural list of ‘Innovators Who Are Changing Hollywood’. Former “Scrubs” star Braff is selected for popularizing crowd-funding entertainment projects on “Girls” creator Dunham is chosen for paving the way for other female TV writers. And actress McCarthy, whose role in “Identity Thief” was originally meant for a man, is honored for shaking up gender stereotypes.
✳ An upcoming recipe book by disgraced celebrity chef Paula Deen that had already shot to #1 in advance sales on has been canceled. Ballantine Books has announced it will not publish “Paula Deen’s New Testament: 250 Favorite Recipes, All Lightened Up”. It declined to elaborate on why it decided to scrap the book by the queen of Southern cooking, but there’s no doubt it’s related to her recent highly publicized use of a racial slur. “Paula Deen’s New Testament” was intended to be the 1st book in a 2-book deal with Ballantine.
✳ Chilean actor Pedro Pascal has been cast in a key role for the upcoming season of fantasy TV series “Game of Thrones”. The former “Graceland” star will portray ‘Prince Oberyn Martell’, a character author George RR Martin also refers to as ‘The Red Viper’ in the books the hit TV show is based on. Pascal will make his series debut in the 4th season of the drama, due to air on HBO in 2014.
✳ 43-year-old singer-actress Jennifer Lopez has only been dating 26-year-old Casper Smart for 18 months but has reportedly told pals she’s so in love that she doesn’t need a prenuptial agreement before she ties the knot with the back-up dancer. An inside source says it’s J-Lo’s way of convincing herself, her exes, and the world that Casper is not just a rebound like some critics claim. Lopez insists that their love is real, the source says, just like she did with Marc Anthony … and Cris Judd … and Ojani Noa. You know what they say – 4th time’s a charm!
– “OK! Magazine”

• “American Ninja Warrior” (NBC) – In the 4th season debut, competitors face 6 obstacles in the qualifying round.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jon Bon Jovi (Bon Jovi). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Superhumanoids (“Parasite Paradise”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Lumineers (“The Lumineers”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Harry Connick Jr (“Every Man Should Know”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Family Of the Year (“Loma Vista”). Rerun.

• Aerosmith – They’re releasing a new documentary, “Rock For the Rising Sun”, on July 23rd.  It not only chronicles their 2011 tour of Japan but details the group’s reconciliation after a turbulent period in their history.
• Alice In Chains – Tonight they kick off a North American tour in Vancouver BC. The trek runs though October 26th in Las Vegas.
• Avril Lavigne – She and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger were married in the South of France on Saturday, reports E! News. Lavigne, who divorced Sum 41 rocker Deryck Whibley in 2010, previously said she wanted ‘to go all out with this wedding’.
• Beyoncé – “Forbes” magazine reports she pulls in an average of $2 million in every city she performs in.
• Bon Jovi – Since 53-year-old guitarist Richie Sambora quit the “Because We Can” tour in April citing ‘personal issues’, he and frontman Jon Bon Jovi have not spoken. But Sambora now tells, “It’ll all work out in the end” and promises they will eventually resolve their issues.
• Eminem – In the newly-released documentary “How To Make Money Selling Drugs”, the 40-year-old rapper admits he didn’t realize at the time how close his addiction to Vicodin, Xanax, and Valium brought him to death.
• Jay-Z – He’s trying to set up a performance on the roof of NYC’s Ed Sullivan Theater in conjunction with an appearance on “Late Show with David Letterman” (CBS) next Monday. He’s currently in the process of receiving approval from the city.
• Kanye West – Producer Rick Rubin tells “Daily Best” there might be a 2nd album of “Yeezus” material. But that’s only a maybe. Kanye is known for creating an excess of material during the making of his albums, much of which never ends up going public.
• Michael Jackson – Paris Jackson should soon be back to normal following her June 5th suicide attempt. While visiting Las Vegas to see the new “Michael Jackson: ONE” show by Cirque du Soleil, Jackie Jackson confirmed: “She’s getting better. She should be out soon.”
• Rolling Stones – A “Telegraph” reviewer says the Stones pulled off ‘one of the greatest rock & roll sets that Glastonbury has ever seen’ as the they played on the famed Pyramid Stage for more than 100,000 fans Saturday, largest crowd ever for a headline act at the festival.
• Taylor Swift – Members of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church are planning to protest her upcoming concert in Kansas City after branding her a ‘dirty, pirate hooker’ due to her busy dating life. Twitter quote: “She works her ‘girl next door’ country singer shtick, while hopping from one young man to the next and strutting across the world stage like a proud whore.”

A new ranking of the best-of-the-best in various entertainment genres is set to be published in this Friday’s edition of “Entertainment Weekly” magazine. A few highlights …
✓ All-Time Best TV Series … “The Wire” (2002-08).
✓ All-Time Best Movie … “Citizen Kane” (1941).
✓ All-Time Best Album … “Revolver” by The Beatles (1966).
✓ All-Time Best Book … “Anna Karenina” by Leo Tolstoy (1873-77).
✓ All-Time Best Play … “Death Of a Salesman” by Arthur Miller (1949).

A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … that two-thirds of adults tilt their heads to the right when they kiss. We owe this valuable knowledge to a researcher in Germany. (In a related story, it is very easy to get a research grant in Germany.)
• Scientists say … men get dumber as they get older. Research presented to the American Association for the Advancement of Science shows that men lose large chunks of brain cells and several points of IQ between the ages of 18 and 50. (Wow that’s scary, considering the average 17-year-old guy is a complete moron.)
• Scientists say … we spend about 30% of our waking hours using some form of media exclusively. Ball State University researchers have also found we spend another 39% of our time using media while also doing another activity, such as listening to radio at work. (Or texting about a TV show we’re watching while working on a laptop and checking email on a tablet.)

According to the Neil Strauss book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”, making moves on women is both an art and a science. Among the many rules of the game …
• Show no interest at first, followed by intense attention. This is called the ‘push-pull’.
• Never stoop to buy your target a drink, let her buy you one.
• Toss in a casual insult (a ‘neg’) that conveys lack of interest. (“Those are nice nails; are they real?”)
• Lie about having to leave soon in order to the target’s anxiety. This false time constraint conveys a sense of immediacy. (“I’ve only got 10 minutes. Can I share them with you?”)
• Always get her phone number.
– CP

The word ‘jaywalking’ is derived from the American slang ‘jay’, a popular term in the early 20th century meaning a rustic newcomer unfamiliar with city ways. (In other words, a ‘rube’.)


1945 [68] Deborah Harry, Miami FL, classic rock singer (Blondie-“Call Me”, “Heart of Glass”)

1952 [61] Dan Aykroyd, Ottawa ON, movie actor (“Driving Miss Daisy”, “Blues Brothers”)/ex-TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1975-79)

1967 [46] Pamela Anderson, Ladysmith BC, TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2012, 2010)/movie actress (“Borat”)/former TV actress (“Baywatch” 1992-97)/model (6 “Playboy” covers)/ex-Mrs Rick Saloman (2007-08)/ex-Mrs Kid Rock (2006)/ex-Mrs Tommy Lee (1995-98)

1977 [36] Liv Tyler (Rundgren), NYC, movie actress (“The Incredible Hulk”, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)/daughter of Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler & former “Playboy” playmate Bebe Buell

• “Canada Day”, the country’s national day which celebrates nationhood in 1867. It was first established as a holiday in 1879. Canada’s 146th birthday bash on Parliament Hill in Ottawa features Carly Rae Jepsen, Metric, Terri Clark, and singing astronaut/YouTube sensation Chris Hadfield.

• “Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day”. Some of the most frightening flavors we’ve found are ‘Chicken Wing’, ‘Garlic’, ‘Lettuce & Potato’ and – mmm! – ‘Raw Horseflesh’.

• “Half-Year Day” or “Second Half Of the Year Day”, when 6 months are gone and 6 more are still to come. So how’s it going so far?

• “International Chicken Wing Day”, celebrating the tasty chicken tidbits that used to be tossed out. The idea of drenching fried wings in hot sauce is said to have hatched in 1964 at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo NY when unexpected guests showed up.

• “International Joke Day” celebrating humor from around-the-world. Nothing like a joke in Farsi! Have listeners call in with brief jokes in other languages. Don’t have them explain them, just laugh uproariously.

• “Postal Worker Day” in America, to honor past & present postal workers for their service and dedication in serving the American people. 50 years ago today (1963), the US Postal Service introduced the Zone Improvement Plan, better known as the ‘ZIP Code’.

1915 [98] Australian actress Annette Kellerman appears in the 1st nude movie scene, in the film “Daughter Of the Gods”

2007 [06] Britain’s Prince William & Prince Harry throw a massive concert in memory of their late mother, Princess Diana, on what would have been her 46th birthday (Wimbledon UK)

2008 [05] The BBC broadcasts a previously unseen film interview with John Lennon & Paul McCartney that had been discovered languishing in a London garage

2009 [04] Michael Jackson’s untimely death a week earlier sends all his albums back into the “Billboard” top 10, including “The Jackson 5’s Ultimate Collection” at #5

1941 [72] Bulova Watch pays $9 for the 1st ‘Network TV Commercial’

1983 [30] Rev Ronald Gallagher finally stops preaching at the Baptist Temple in Appomattox VA, winding up the ‘World’s Longest Sermon’ … 120 hours

[Tues] World UFO Day
[Wed] Compliment Your Mirror Day
[Wed] Stay Out Of the Sun Day
[Thurs] Independence Day (USA)
[Fri] Calgary Stampede begins
[Fri] Bikini Day
This Week Is … Unassisted Homebirth Week
This Month Is … Horseradish Month


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “Nice shoes. Wanna put them in that carton over there?”
• “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because the movers are going to be here soon, so we should put it in bubble wrap.”
• “If this bed’s not rockin’ … maybe it’s not worth taking to the new place?”
• “Your father must have been a thief, because I can’t find the duct tape.”
• “The word of the day is ‘tarp’. What do you say we go back to my place and spread the word?”
• “Mind if I put my junk in your box?”
– First published in “BS” 2008.

• ‘Bald Is Beautiful Night’ – Salute hairless men at a sports event or club party that celebrates baldness. Hand out ‘Bald is Beautiful’ T-shirts, stage a ‘Bald Parade’ and have station personnel wear bald skull caps. Perfect for a sports game in a ‘dome’.
• ‘Can You Connect?’ – A morning crew member challenges people on the street to hit a fungo with a ball and a bat (use a Nerf ball if you’re indoors or in a high traffic area). If they hit the ball on the first try, they win baseball tickets.
• ‘Diamond Dig’ – In cooperation with a local jewelry store you invite women to compete for a chance to win diamonds. The 10 finalists are each given a paint-stirring stick and allowed to tear up the field after a sports event or concert in a search for winning tokens.
• ‘Millionaire For a Minute’ – Winner gets to live the high life, but only for a day. Line up sponsors to provide an exotic car rental, gourmet meals, luxury accommodation, etc.
• ‘Paper Poker ‘ – Ask people on the street to pull a bill out of their wallet and play serial number poker with a morning crew member. If they lose, give ‘em a token prize. If they win, they get the bill your crew member is holding … a 100-dollar bill.
• ‘Stroller Derby’ – Young dads race while pushing baby dolls in strollers. When they get to the end, they have to change the doll’s diaper and then race back to the start. More times than not, the dolls go flying because dads are more concerned about winning than delivering the doll.
• ‘Win a Used Car’ – Classic rock or oldies stations announce the ‘Classic of the Day’. First listener to call in when it’s played wins a car of the same year. Who wouldn’t want to win a vintage classic? For a laugh, throw in the odd lemon like a ‘78 Gremlin.
– First published in “BS” 2003.

I am a nobody; nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

Which were bathing caps originally invented to prevent?
a. Clogged drains. [CORRECT. Consumers were told they’d also help preserve hair follicles.]
b. Bad hair days.
c. Romantic interest of any kind.
– PA News

☎ July is “Cellphone Courtesy Month”. What phone etiquette faux pas really ticks you off? How about …
✗ Talking loudly on the phone in a public place.
✗ Texting while dining with someone in a restaurant.
✗ Taking calls while in a serious conversation.

Question: The price of THIS has gone up almost 50% in the past year.
Answer: Buffalo wings.
– “Wall Street Journal”

The road to success is always under construction.

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