Wednesday, July 1, 2015        Edition: #5485

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ Tonight & tomorrow Jake Gyllenhaal is set to tackle musical theatre in a new production of “Little Shop Of Horrors”. The “Brokeback Mountain” actor is playing loner ‘Seymour Krelborn’ in the New York City Center’s “Encores! Off-Center” event. The musical also features Ellen Greene, who originated the role of ‘Audrey’ in the stage production and also played the part in the 1986 movie adaptation.
★ PETA is urging animal lovers not to watch the new CBS-TV series “Zoo” because it exploits wild animals, including lions. Spokesperson Brittany Peet says the network is ‘out of sync’ with public opinion and lions belong in the wild, not confined to tiny cages and forced to perform tricks. She suggests the show should use humane and versatile computer-generated imagery, as so many other productions have. The new show, which debuted last night, is based on author James Patterson’s book of the same name.
★ NBC-TV is being lauded by many for cutting ties with Donald Trump over derogatory statements he made about Mexican immigrants while announcing his presidential campaign. The network will no longer carry the “Miss USA” and “Miss Universe” pageants that are co-owned by Trump. He’s already bowed out of “Celebrity Apprentice” in order to run his campaign. NBC has been pressured to dump Trump via a petition on that collected over 200,000 names. In retaliation, Trump says he’s considering suing the network.
★ 35-year-old actress Evangeline Lilly is pregnant with her 2nd child. She already has a 4-year-old son named Kahekili with long-term boyfriend Norman Kali. She’s showed off her growing baby bump in a one-shouldered dress at the Hollywood premiere of her new movie “Ant-Man” (opening July 17th). The premiere, held at the Dolby Theatre, marked the first time the former “Lost” actress has walked the red carpet since the “Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” premiere in 2014. No details on a due date or gender for the expected one as yet.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Show-stopping moments from auditions so far.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Tove Lo (“Queen Of the Clouds”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ed Sheeran (“x”). Rerun.
• “Extant” (CBS/Global) – Halle Berry’s ‘Molly’ returns to space in the 2nd season debut. The series is getting a major overhaul in an attempt to goose ratings.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Vince Staples (“Summertime ’06”, released yesterday).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Faith No More (“Sol Invictus”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Kacey Musgraves (“Pageant Material”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Miguel (“Wildheart”).
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Ne-Yo (“Non-Fiction”). Rerun.

• AC/DC – 3 years after the veteran rockers put their music on iTunes, they’ve announced that their back catalogue will now also be available via streaming services Spotify, Rdio, and the new Apple Music.
• Brandy Clark – She tells “Village Voice”  she’s seen a lot of people wearing ‘tomato’ shirts, supporting female country acts (due to an idiot radio consultant’s dumb analogy that country radio is like a salad), but she really wishes they’d buy recordings by female artists instead.
• Chris Janson – Despite his country hit “Buy Me a Boat”, he tells “Billboard” he doesn’t know the first thing about boats except how to get on one. Quote: “I don’t have a boat. I don’t sail. I never even thought about buying one.”
• Enrique Iglesias – He’s charged with ‘Driving With a Suspended Licence’. After being pulled over by Florida Highway Patrol, he then attempted to swap seats with his tour manager, leading to a further charge of ‘Misdemeanor Obstruction Without Violence’. He’s due in court July 10th.
• Foo Fighters – It looks like they’ll return to performing this weekend after being forced to cancel a string of shows while Dave Grohl underwent surgery on his broken leg. Their special 20th anniversary celebration in Washington DC is a go for Saturday and their North American tour is still scheduled to go ahead in Camden NJ on July 6th.
• Jessie J – The Brit pop star announced last week that she was in hospital recovering from an operation, but would not discuss the cause. After cancelling gigs in England, Belgium, and Denmark she’s now revealed she’s undergone a 2nd surgical procedure. But still no details.
• Lionel Richie – He drew the biggest crowd at this year’s Glastonbury festival in Britain, with more than 100,000 watching his Sunday afternoon set. Now is reporting a huge spike in sales of his albums, including the 2003 compilation “Lionel Richie & The Commodores: The Definitive Collection”.

• “Magic Mike XXL” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): This sequel to the 2012 film picks up 3 years after ‘Mike’ bowed out of the stripper life at the top of his game. He and the remaining ‘Kings of Tampa’ hit the road to Myrtle Beach SC to put on one last blow-out performance. Stars Channing Tatum, Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Adam Rodriguez.
• “Terminator: Genisys” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Arnold Schwarzenegger warned us “I’ll be back” and he is as the “Terminator” series is renewed by director Alan Taylor (“Game of Thrones”, “Thor: The Dark World”). In this 5th installment, ‘John Connor’ sends ‘Kyle Reese’ back in time to 1984. Co-stars Jason Clarke, Emilia Clarke, Jai Courtney.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 54% of unlicensed teens admit they’ve driven the family car without their parents knowing.
• 39% of kids who attend Summer Camp contract poison ivy.
• 29% of guys have worn sunglasses indoors at one time or another because they think it makes them look cool.
• 27% of women say a man’s online dating profile is more attractive if there’s a picture of his pet.
• 13% of us have eaten a dog biscuit
• 10% of us do a crossword puzzle at least once a week.

Meditation has long been said to do wonders for the brain and stress relief but behavioral psychologist Dr Paula Watkins suggests the practice can actually be harmful. In some cases it can trigger depression and anxiety, according to new research that claims meditation may release traumatic memories and psychological issues. Intensive meditation retreats are said to contribute to and heighten this reaction. People with mental illnesses are most at risk, and experts say meditation should not replace therapy in any case. It’s advised that people working through emotional issues should only attempt meditation with help from someone qualified to guide them. (Without meditation, you have no chants.)
– “Daily Mail Australia”

‘World’s Highest-Paid Celebrities’, the first truly global ranking of the highest-paid famous folks on the planet in 2015 …
1. Boxer Floyd Mayweather … $300 million
2. Boxer Manny Pacquiao … $160 million
3. Pop singer Katy Perry … $135 million
4. Boy-band One Direction … $130 million
5. Media personality Howard Stern … $95 million
6. Country singer Garth Brooks … $90 million
7. Author James Patterson … $89 million
8. Movie actor Robert Downey Jr … $80 million
9. Pop singer Taylor Swift … $80 million
10. Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo … $79.5 million
(Surprisingly, Beyoncé is way down at #29 with $54.5 million.)

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Antilibrary’ – A person’s collection of unread books.
• ‘GAFA’ – The leading technology companies (Google, Apple, Facebook and Amazon), seen as one entity.
• ‘Monogamish’ – In a monogamous relationship, but with a mutual agreement that allows occasional infidelities.
• ‘Return Trip Effect’ – The illusion that the return trip takes less time than the initial trip, even when the distance and actual time of both trips are the same.

If you open your eyes in a pitch-black room, the color you see is called ‘eigengrau’.


1952 [63] Dan Aykroyd, Ottawa ON, movie actor (“Driving Miss Daisy”, “Blues Brothers”)/ex-TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1975-79)

1962 [53] Andre Braugher, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Capt Ray Holt’ on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” since
2013, “Homicide: Life On the Street” 1993-2000)

1967 [48] Pamela Anderson, Ladysmith BC, TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2012, 2010)/movie actress (“Borat”)/former TV actress (“Baywatch” 1992-97)

1975 [40] Bryan Devendorf, Cincinnati OH, indie rock drummer (The National-“I Need My Girl”, “Sea of Love”)

1977 [38] Liv Tyler (Rundgren), NYC, movie actress (“The Incredible Hulk”, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)/daughter of Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler & former “Playboy” playmate Bebe Buell

• “Buck Moon”, the Full Moon of July, so-named for the season when buck deer develop new antlers. It’s variously known as “Hay Moon”, “Thunder Moon”, and “Wort Moon”. This month there are 2 full moons, the next on July 31st (a 2nd full moon is popularly known as Blue Moon).

• “Canada Day”, the country’s national day which celebrates nationhood in 1867. It was first established as a holiday in 1879. Canada’s 148th birthday bash on Parliament Hill in Ottawa today features performances by Magic!, Francesco Yates, Gord Bamford, and Marc Dupré.

• “Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day”. Some of the most frightening flavors we’ve found are ‘Chicken Wing’, ‘Garlic’, ‘Lettuce & Potato’ and – mmm! – ‘Raw Horseflesh’.

• “Half-Year Day” or “Second Half Of the Year Day”, when 6 months are gone and 6 more are still to come. So how’s it going so far?

• “International Joke Day”, celebrating humor from around-the-world. Nothing like a joke in Swahili! Have listeners call in with brief jokes in other languages. Don’t have them explain them, just laugh uproariously.

• “Postal Worker Day” in America, to honor past & present postal workers for their service and dedication in serving the American people. 52 years ago today (1963), the US Postal Service introduced the Zone Improvement Plan, better known as the ‘ZIP Code’.

1980 [35] CNN (Cable News Network), the world’s first 24-hour TV news network, makes its debut

2004 [11] Movie actor Marlon Brando (“The Godfather”) dies at age 80

2011 [04] Prince Albert II of Monaco weds Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock at the royal palace (she becomes Her Serene Highness, Princess Charlene)

2007 [08] Britain’s Prince William & Prince Harry throw a massive concert in memory of their late mother, Princess Diana, on what would have been her 46th birthday

2009 [06] Michael Jackson’s untimely death a week earlier sends all his albums back into the “Billboard” top 10, including “The Jackson 5’s Ultimate Collection” at #5

2013 [02] Croatia becomes the 28th member of the European Union

1983 [32] Rev Ronald Gallagher finally stops preaching at the Baptist Temple in Appomattox VA, winding up the ‘World’s Longest Sermon’ … 120 hours

[Thurs] Essence Festival begins (New Orleans LA)
[Thurs] World UFO Day
[Fri] “Fare Thee Well: Celebrating 50 Years of Grateful Dead” (Chicago IL)
[Fri] Calgary Stampede begins (Calgary AB)
[Fri] Wireless Festival begins (London UK)
[Sat] Independence Day (USA)
This Week Is … Unassisted Homebirth Week
This Month Is … Horseradish Month


A sampling of real answers from real men surveyed online …
• “When our parents are far away, alone, and we can’t be there for them.”
• “Becoming a parent yourself … it changes everything.”
• “We’ve been conditioned to think that women are the ones in relationships that cry, but guys do too whether it’s good or bad.”
• “When your best friend – your dog – gets on in years, it gets increasingly difficult to hold it together.”
• “Movies + dogs = forget about it!”
• “The element of surprise coupled with someone returning home after a long time.”
• “The struggle of dealing with a debilitating disease, especially when it’s someone you love.”
• “Music has the power to bring out a range of emotions.”
• “Onions.”
• “Just divorce, period.”

My car mechanic said he couldn’t repair my brakes, so he made my horn louder.

To celebrate “Canada Day”, see if you can name the main ingredient(s) in the following …
• Back Bacon (aka Canadian Bacon, it’s made from pork loin as opposed to regular bacon, made from pork belly)
• Bannock (pan-fried bread)
• Beaver Tails (fried dough pastry, coated in sweet stuff)
• Bloody Caesar (like a Bloody Mary but with Clamato juice instead of tomato)
• Butter Tarts (well duh, butter …  plus sugar, corn syrup, egg, and raisins)
• Montréal Smoked Meat (deli meat made of salted and cured beef brisket with spices)
• Nanaimo Bars (a layer of wafer crumbs topped with custard-flavor butter icing, then covered with melted chocolate)
• Poutine (french fries topped with gravy and cheese curds)
• Timbits (bite-sized roundish doughnuts from franchise restaurant Tim Hortons)
• Tim’s Double Double (a coffee from the same chain, with extra cream & sugar)
– Sourced from /

Thanks to a brand new recording, we now know what “O Canada” sounds like in Arabic …

☎ What’s the grossest thing you ever saw someone do at the beach?

Question: Over half of us say we miss THIS when we go on vacation.
Answer: Co-workers.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Printer Friendly Version