Wednesday, July 10, 2013        Edition: #5021

Get a Load of This Sheet!

✳ 39-year-old actor/recording artist Yasiin Bey (formerly Mos Def) has endured a painful force-feeding to protest the procedure that is apparently being performed several times a day to prisoners on a hunger strike at Guantanamo Bay. He underwent the demonstration as part of British human rights organization Reprieve’s effort to end the allegedly cruel practice. Bey describes the pain as so unbearable that it felt like his throat and nose were on fire. The video has attracted close to a half-million views on YouTube since being posted Monday. (This is how you protest in the digital age.)
✳ This may be the only instance where being married to Angelina Jolie could be considered a disadvantage to Brad Pitt. In a new magazine article, his actor-pal Matt Damon says being married to a ‘civilian’ (non-showbiz wife Luciana Barroso) allows him to enjoy a level of privacy that Pitt can never hope for. Quote: “I remember telling him that I walk my kids to school, and his face just fell. He was like, ‘You bastard!’.” (Damon can also more easily remember the exact count of how many children he has.)
– “Esquire”
✳ We knew it was only a matter of time, seeing as they haven’t been photographed together since March, but “People” is reporting that George Clooney & Stacy Keibler are dunzo. At least he’s let it seem like she’s the one who did the leaving (using the old ‘she wants to have a family’ chestnut). He also waited to announce it until after she’d landed a new TV show (“Supermarket Superstar”) and a magazine cover (“NewBeauty”). (Poor George, he’ll be so lonely. Yeah, right.)
– “Scandal Sheet”
✳ Kris Jenner won’t be hosting her new TV show alone when it debuts on FOX-TV next Monday. The Kardashian matriarch will be joined by a different co-host on each episode of the daytime talk show, to be called simply “Kris”. Among them: Joan Rivers, Kathie Lee Gifford, Ryan Seacrest, Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, and Tom Bergeron. (Wow, it’s a list of Hollywood’s most obnoxious!)
✳ And 22-year-old “Teen Mom”-turned-adult film actress Farrah Abraham has been asked to cut short her 10-day stay at a high-end rehab center in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida because she’s a ‘disruptive influence on other patients’. She was being treated for alcohol abuse at the Lukens Institute but the ex-MTV starlet has been forced to leave 2 days ahead of schedule. A source says: “She will still graduate from the program, but in less time than it typically takes because her behavior became challenging.” (BS translation: Get this trainwreck outta here!)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Hopefuls perform for the judges as auditions continue.
“Camp” (NBC) – Debut of a new series that follows the antics of a group of campers and counselors at a lakeside Summer camp. Stars Rachel Griffiths, Tom Green.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Bernhoft (“Stay With Me”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Karmin (“Hello”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Eleanor Friedberger (“Personal Record”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Houndmouth (“From the Hills Below the City”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Ciara (“Ciara”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Motown legend Smokey Robinson; Human Nature (“The Motown Record”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – The Whispers (“Thankful”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Blackberry Smoke (“The Whippoorwill”).

• Blake Shelton – He’s scored the top-selling country album for the first half of 2013, with “Based On a True Story …” selling slightly more than 700,000 units through June 30th.
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi has announced a $1-million donation to his home state of New Jersey to benefit the Hurricane Sandy New Jersey Relief Fund.
• The Eagles – Don Henley has verified that founding guitarist Bernie Leadon has joined them for what may be their last world tour, and original bassist Randy Meisner would also have been included had his health permitted. The tour stops next at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre Thursday.
• Elton John – He’ll have to undergo surgery after being struck down with appendicitis while on tour in Europe. The 66-year-old is currently being treated with antibiotics until doctors confirm he is well enough for the operation. His tour is on hold until he recovers.
• Jonas Bros – Tonight their first full tour in 3 years gets underway in Chicago IL, with dates booked through August 16th in Los Angeles. Karmin is the opening act. The tour is in support of their upcoming as-yet-untitled 5th album.
• Lady Gaga – She’s surprised her 39 million Twitter followers by at least temporarily closing her account. Her profile pic has been removed and replaced with the default egg symbol. Speculation is she’s preparing to start the promotional push for her upcoming 3rd album, “ARTPOP”.
• Lauryn Hill – She has now entered prison in Danbury, Connecticut to begin serving her 3-month sentence for tax evasion.
• Mariah Carey – She’s recovering at home after being briefly hospitalized in NYC on Sunday to have a dislocated shoulder reset. She injured herself while shooting a remix of her track “#Beautiful” with rapper Young Jeezy.
• Randy Travis – The oft-troubled 54-year-old former country music star has been admitted to a Dallas TX hospital in critical condition, suffering from a heart condition caused by a virus.

These things are verboten when it comes to backyard grilling …
✗ Tenderizing Tools … Either use marinade or quit buying mule-meat.
✗ Using a Timer … Timers are for eggs. Have some soul. Use look, smell, and touch.
✗ Beer-Can Chicken … An insult to both the beer and the chicken.
✗ Cookbook Next to Grill … Would you put the “Kama Sutra” next to your bed?

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Full Nest Syndrome’ – The stress suffered by middle-aged people who share their homes with both grown-up children who cannot afford to move out, and aged parents with health issues whom they care for. The diametric opposite of ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’.
✓ ‘Ghosting’ – Leaving a social gathering without saying any farewells. One moment you’re at the bar or house party, the next moment you’re gone … like a ghost. The idea is too avoid the meaningless, uncomfortable tediousness of saying goodbye over and over to numerous people. At the end of the night, it’s unlikely anyone will notice you’ve left anyway.
✓ ‘Twerking’ – A dance move in which the hips and booty jiggle to the music but the legs remain stationary. Miley Cyrus has claimed it as her ‘signature move’. Jay-Z can be heard laughing as he raps about her ‘twerking’ skills on the track “Somewhere In America” from his new album “Magna Carta Holy Grail”.

Sat-nav firm Garmin has developed a portable head-up display (HUD) for cars that projects turn-by-turn directions on to your vehicle’s windshield. Working with a smartphone and Garmin app, the gadget projects directional arrows, distances, current speed, and speed limits. The info is projected via the HUD’s attached reflector lens. The system can also provide voice prompts via your smartphone’s speaker or any car stereo equipped with Bluetooth. The system’s available later this Summer for about $130. (Here’s where they get you … regional maps cost about $30 a pop.)
– BBC News

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
∙ 73% of us get a sunburn at least once a year.
∙ 56% of us have an untreated tooth cavity right at this moment.
∙ 45% of men do not know the shoe size of their significant other.
∙ 43% of us have cooked along with a cooking show while in the kitchen.
∙ 11% of women refuse to wear bowling shoes, even if it means missing out on the fun.
∙ 9% of adults say they have NEVER eaten a hot dog.

Like real estate, when it comes to eating, it’s all about location. In a Natick Research study, the authors tested whether the ‘acceptability’ ratings of pre-prepared food would vary when the food was served in different locations (restaurant, laboratory, cafeteria). Not surprisingly, the food in the restaurant was rated highest; however, more surprisingly, the food served in the cafeteria was rated lowest, even below the food in the laboratory. (It’s all about that lady in the hairnet, serving the mashed potatoes by the fistful.)

According to a recent survey of women, these are the most annoying guy habits …
3. Using a new glass every time they get a drink.
2. Splashing the mirror when they brush their teeth.
1. Leaving hair in the sink.
– “Men’s Health Magazine”

2013’s top movies based on worldwide box office …
5. “Oz The Great & Powerful” ($492 million)
4. “The Croods” ($579 million)
3. “Man of Steel” ($587)
2. “Fast & Furious 6” ($696 million)
1. “Iron Man 3” ($1.2 billion)

• Babies learn to grimace in the womb so they can show they are unhappy after birth.
– “Daily Mirror”
• About 80% of both right- and left-handed mothers hold babies in their left arms. Is that to keep the right hand free to do other things, or is there another reason?
– Magazine Monitor


1931 [82] Alice Munro, Wingham ON, short-story author (“Dear Life“, “Runaway”)/3 “Governor General’s Awards”, 2 “Giller Prizes”, “Man Booker Prize” for her lifetime body of work

1952 [61] Kim Mitchell, Sarnia ON, classic rock singer (“Patio Lanterns”, Max Webster-“Let Go the Line”)/afternoon drive personality @ Q107 [CILQ] Toronto

1953 [60] Rik Emmett, Toronto ON, oldies singer-guitarist (“When a Heart Breaks”, Triumph-“Rocky Mountain Way”)

1970 [43] Gary LeVox, Columbus OH, country singer (Rascal Flatts-“Banjo”, “Take Me There”)

1972 [41] Sofia Vergara, Barranquilla, Colombia, TV actress (‘Gloria Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1976 [37] Adrian Grenier, Santa Fe NM, TV actor (“Entourage” 2004-11)/movie actor (“The Devil Wears Prada”)

1980 [33] Jessica Simpson, Abilene TX, fashion designer (“Jessica Simpson Collection”)/sometime movie actress (“Dukes of Hazzard”)/TV personality (“Fashion Star” since 2012, “Newlyweds” 2003-05)

• “Don’t Step On a Bee Day”, a warning to kids and grown-ups that now is the time when going barefoot can mean getting stung by a bee. And with the recent disappearance of millions of the crop-pollinating critters, we need to save every one we can!

• “Hot Dog Night”, a highlight of “Hot Dog Month”, when you’re encouraged to enjoy some good old fashioned ‘tube steak’ in the way you like it best … grilled, boiled, or zapped in the microwave.

• “Piña Colada Day”, saluting the refreshing tropical cocktail that originated in San Juan, Puerto Rico. The name means ‘strained pineapple’ in Spanish, which makes perfect sense as the traditional recipe calls for pineapple juice, light rum, and coconut cream poured over crushed ice. Mmm! Don’t forget the mini umbrella!

1946 [67] 1st ‘Drive-In Theater’ in Canada opens (Hamilton, Ontario)

1965 [48] The Rolling Stones have their 1st #1 hit, “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”

1996 [17] 1st fashion house to debut its collection simultaneously on a Paris catwalk and online (Yves Saint Laurent)

1913 [100] World’s highest temperature ever recorded … 134 F (57 C) in Death Valley, California

[Thurs] Craven Country Jamboree begins (Saskatchewan)
[Thurs] Cheer Up the Lonely Day
[Thurs] Slurpee Day
[Thurs] World Population Day
[Fri] “Grown Ups 2”; “Pacific Rim” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Laundry Workers Week
This Month Is … Parks & Recreation Month


These are real but really, really weird retail offers from the past and present …
• Free Rifle with Every Truck Purchased!
• Free USB Mouse With the Purchase of a Bottle of Whiskey!
• Buy a Phone, Get a Tent!
• Free Earbuds With the Purchase of Face Wash!
• Buy a Hyundai and If You Get Fired, Send it Back!
• Buy Fabric Softener, Get a Pizza Cutter!
• Free Funeral Giveaway!
• Buy Her a Diamond, Get a Free Hunting Rifle!
• Free ‘Air Guitar’!
• Apply for a Credit Card & Receive a Free 2-Liter Bottle of Pepsi!
– Condensed from

☎ What’s your best (believable) excuse for blowing off a social engagement you don’t want to attend?

Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.

Beaver (kit)
Eagle (eaglet)
Eel (elver)
Elephant Seal (weaner)
Hippo (calf)
Partridge (cheeper)
Rat (kitten)
Rooster (cockerel)
Shark (cub)
Zebra (foal)

Question: At this very moment, there are 370,000 people doing THIS.
Answer:  Sitting on airplanes.

Experience should be a guidepost, not a hitching post.

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