Wednesday, July 11, 2012       Edition: #4784

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

Actor Tom Cruise has gone straight back to work on the California set of sci-fi film “Oblivion” after his lawyers reached a speedy divorce settlement with ex-wife Katie Holmes that was announced Monday (the quicky divorce has quickly made it a non-story – smart!) . . . Actor Charlie Sheen tells “Playboy” he’s had 2 eerie encounters that he cannot explain in recent months in which he’s seen dead people, saying: “I just accept stuff like that and don’t try to figure it out” (oh oh, did somebody fall off the wagon?) . . . A Boston city bus has slammed into an on-set trailer where Sandra Bullock’s is shooting the buddy-cop movie, “The Heat”, co-starring Melissa McCarthy (no word on whether it had to stay above 50 mph) . . . Stacy Keibler has been wrestling with food poisoning while staying with actor-boyfriend George Clooney at his estate on Lake Como, Italy (fortunately, he has good bedside manner) . . . Meantime, Kiebler is among the names being bandied about to replace Steve Jones as host of “The X Factor” (FOX), Simon Cowell said to be also considering Kelly Osbourne, Mario Lopez, and Khloe Kardashian (oh please, no!) . . .”Game Of Thrones” star Kit Harington has been forced to miss a planned appearance at San Diego’s “Comic-Con” this weekend after breaking his ankle (will not affect the show’s upcoming production schedule) . . . Self-possessed famous person Victoria Beckham tells “Business Life” her only competitor is herself (you’re still losing, hon) . . . 49-year-old EL James (Erika Mitchell), author of mega-selling “Fifty Shades of Grey”, has lucked into one of the publishing world’s biggest success stories and will be upgrading her home to a 7-bedroom 17th-century Queen Anne mansion in London – with wine cellar, walled garden and Summer house – listed circa $4.6 million (wannabe novelists everywhere now hate her) . . . And 74-year-old actress Jane Fonda has felt it necessary to tell “Hello!” magazine that she’s now having ‘the best sex’ of her life with her 70-year-old partner (uh, thanks for that mental picture!).


• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 4 acts move on to the top 24.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Birdy (“Birdy”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Serj Tankian (“Harakiri”) performs on the outdoor stage.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Young the Giant (“Young the Giant”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Veteran rapper Doug E Fresh.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Zac Brown Band (“Uncaged”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 20 finalists perform.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – A second night with Glen Frey (“After Hours”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Jana Kramer (“Jana Kramer”).


• Adam Lambert – The 2009 “American Idol” runner-up’s name is being floated as a possible judge on the show. Why? Jennifer Lopez currently has no plans to return for a 3rd season, and co-judges Randy Jackson and Steven Tyler aren’t necessarily locked in either.
• Adele – It turns out the pregnant singer is actually very pregnant! A source tells that she her due-date is in September. If true, it seems her lack of public appearances due to throat troubles enabled her to keep her pregnancy a secret.
• Destiny’s Child – Beyoncé’s father and ex-manager Matthew Knowles says he’s putting out 2 Destiny’s Child catalog records with new material this November and he’d love to see a reunion tour. Considering that ‘B’ fired her father as her manager last year, that seems unlikely.
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl’s hometown of Warren, Ohio has unveiled a pair of gigantic 900-lb drumsticks in his honor, setting a new Guinness World Record. They’ll be on display at the Warren Amphitheater through September, then relocated to the town’s David Grohl Alley.
• Jay-Z – The Brooklyn Nets co-owner will play the first 3 concerts at the NBA team’s new arena,  the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, September 28-30. The 7,000 tickets for each show will reportedly be modestly priced under $30.
• Lady Gaga – She tells a press conference in Perth, Australia she plans to announce her next album’s title this September. Quote: “On the next album, there’s a lack of maturity, it’s a tremendous lack of maturity or sense of responsibility.” (Wha’?)
• Little Big Town – They co-wrote and recorded the theme song for the new ABC-TV show “Good Afternoon America”, which debuted this week. They were also involved in recording the program’s promo campaign. The new talk show is anchored by Josh Elliott & Lara Spencer.
• Marilyn Manson – He tells celebrity website that rumors linking him to a relationship with pop singer Avril Lavigne are bogus … because he’d never date a Canadian.
• The Wanted – They’re hoping to hit the road with Justin Bieber when he launches his “Believe” tour in the Fall. The 2 acts share the same manager, Scooter Braun.


New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Chatterboxing’ – Using social media such as Twitter to provide on-going comments about what you’re watching on TV. (As if TV doesn’t make you brain-dead enough.)
• ‘Goat Dressing’ – A real event, created for gay rodeos, in which 2 cowboys attempt to get jockey-style underwear onto a goat. The animal rights group LGBT Compassion is protesting it, noting that goats have been observed limping afterward. (Still less cruel than real rodeo.)
• ‘Manlashes’ – False eyelashes for men. (Well, of course. After ‘manscara’ and ‘mantyhose’, what would you expect?)
• ‘Minigarch’ – A child of one of Russia’s mega-rich ‘oligarchs’, the country’s captains of finance and industry. ‘Minigarchs’ enjoy opulent, excessive, and privileged lives. (How do you say a–hole in Russian?)


A series of film promotions in London called ‘Secret Cinema’ has been a phenomenal success. Movie fans are shelling out $54-a-ticket … without even knowing what film they’ll see. What they’re paying for is an interactive experience involving actors playing parts on a set complementary to the film at a location only revealed on the day of the screening. For “Prometheus”, promoters transformed a 190,000-sq-ft warehouse into a futuristic spaceship, including props from the actual movie. Ticketholders, who were invited to come dressed like scientists, met at a spot nearby and were led to the secret screening by actors. (Coolness!)


Almost daily, new studies come out saying some pill, lifestyle, or habit will either benefit your health or destroy it. Sometimes the studies end up contradicting each other and things that are bad for you end up being good, or vice versa. The following can either enhance your life or ruin it, depending on which study you read …
• Being a Cat Lady – One new study says parasites in cat litter boxes can trigger suicidal tendencies. Another says having a cat can help prevent heart attacks.
• Drinking Coffee – Can protect against skin cancer, says a recent study. Another recent study says coffee will hurt your chances of successfully conceiving through IVF.
• Eating a Low Fat Diet – Can cause nausea and severe mood swings in women. But a 2009 study says low-fat diets actually leave dieters hoping to lose weight the happiest.
• Working – Toiling long hours causes women to gain weight, says a recent survey. But a 2006 study found that working mothers are healthier than those who stay at home.
• Taking Vitamin D Supplements – Can prevent bone fractures in older women, scientists have shown. But a recent government warning says it can possibly cause kidney stones.
• Taking Calcium Supplements – Can cause kidney stones and heart attacks, says government research. Other scientists disagree and think it will help you live longer.
(The result of any given study is often directly correlated to who paid for it.)


A few helpful hints on what seems to be Lady Gaga’s 4-step path to superstardom …
Step 1: Check email for new backing tracks from producers in Sweden.
Step 2: Grab lyrics from songwriting software (keyword optimized to attract gay males and insecure ‘tweens) to plug into Auto-tune machine.
Step 3: Assemble the first 10 items within arm’s reach into an outfit for the day.
Step 4: Count money.


Just how crazy is the accommodation crush for the upcoming London Olympics expected to get? David Weekes, a full-time taxi driver has transformed his iconic black cab into a hotel for one, available for £50 ($78.50) a night. The taxi comes with a memory-foam mattress, pillow, duvet, a bedside lamp … even a Paddington Bear teddy. It also offers a solar-powered fridge, a radio, an iPad, camping chairs, and a portable table on request. But Weekes has 2 stipulations: no smoking and no pets. (Next they’ll be renting out fridge boxes on the sidewalk.)

Leading causes of failed interviews, according to hiring managers across various industries …
✗ Your résumé experience does not seem to match your actual experience.
✗ You display a superiority complex or sense of entitlement.
✗ Your ‘jack-of-all-trades’ experience shows wide breadth but little depth.
✗ You show a lack of passion about your past and about opportunities with a new employer.
✗ You talk more about the accomplishments of co-workers than yourself.
✗ You appear completely unaware of anything that happens(ed) beyond your desk.
✗ Your acquired experience is not ‘transferable’ to another company.


✓ The leadership of Macaque monkeys is determined by which animal has the most friends.
– “New Scientist”
✓ 17% of survey respondents with a household income of more than $50,000 say they would find a nude or clothing-optional resort to be an ‘extremely desirable’ vacation destination.


1934 [78] Giorgio Armani, Piacenza, Italy, fashion designer

1956 [56] Sela Ward, Meridian MS, TV actress (‘Jo Danville’ on “CSI: NY” since 2010, “Once & Again” 1999-2002, “Sisters” 1991-96)

1959 [53] Richie Sambora, Perth Amboy NJ, rock guitarist (Bon Jovi-“Who Says You Can’t Go Home”, “It’s My Life”)/ex-Mr Heather Locklear (1994-2007)/rehab grad

1965 [47] Scott Shriner, Toledo OH, rock bassist (Weezer-“I Want You Too”, “Perfect Situation”)

1970 [42] Justin Chambers, Springfield OH, TV actor (‘Dr Alex Karev’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1975 [37] Nadya Suleman, Fullerton CA, infamous ‘Octomom’ who gave birth to octuplets in January 2009, bringing her family total to 14


• “Blueberry Muffin Day”, celebrating the morning snack that turns your teeth blue.

• “Cheer Up the Lonely Day”, an opportunity to make a lonely person happy by spending some time with them. (Hey, it’s a good day to give [co-host] a call!)

• “Pet Photo Day”, a day to pose your little darlin’ and snap off a few JPEGs. (And don’t forget to further humiliate the critter by decking it out in a dress and funny hat. And be sure to Photoshop the result and add the torso of a platypus.)

• “Slurpee Day”, honoring the signature beverage of 7-Eleven convenience stores. The 1st ones opened their doors in Dallas, Texas on this date in 1946.

• “World Population Day”, declared by the UN as a day to focus on the problems of overpopulation. About 150 people are born each minute. World population crossed the 5-billion mark on this day in 1987; the 6-billion mark in 1999; and is expected to hit 7 billion by 2013.


2007 [05] “Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix” opens in movie theaters (goes on to make close to $940 million in worldwide box office)


2002 [10] Over 200 mourners attend the funeral of John Entwistle in Gloucestershire, England, the longtime bassist for The Who having died of an overdose in Las Vegas


1992 [20] A Japanese rancher outfits his cattle with pocket pagers so he can just dial their ‘beeper’ number to cue them to come running when it’s time to eat


1919 [93] A golfer is said to have played 180 holes in a single day


[Thurs] Simplicity Day
[Thurs] “Big Brother” season 14 debuts
[Fri] “Ice Age: Continental Drift” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Embrace Your Geekness Day
[Fri] Gruntled Workers Day
[Sat] International Nude Day
This Week Is … Farriers Week
This Month Is … Share a Sunset With Your Lover Month


• You’re sweating like Jessica Simpson at a spelling bee.
• Your kids are using asphalt instead of Play-Doh.
• Local farmers’ cows are giving evaporated milk.
• Hot dogs sold by shoddy sidewalk vendors are almost warm.
• You need a spatula to get out of your car seat.
• ‘Business Casual’ at work means a necktie and underpants.
• This morning you got a brain freeze … from your espresso.
• Your Facebook profile includes a photo of your heat rash.
• Your sweat is sweating.
– Adapted from


My life has a superb cast … but I can’t figure out the plot.


☎ What’s the most annoying (non-obscene) gesture used in daily conversation? How about …
• ‘Air Quotes’ – Being sarcastic by saying something while making quotation marks with fingers.
• ‘Talk To the Hand’ – Extending an arm with an upturned hand while looking away.
• ‘Blah Blah Blah’ – Using the thumb & fingers to mimic a yacky mouth.
• ‘Fake Yawn’ – Pretending to yawn to indicate total boredom with what someone is saying.
• ‘Call Me’ – Waggling the thumb & pinky to make a fake phone.
• ‘Wiggling an Imaginary Glass’ – A crude way to order another a drink without speaking.
– Adapted from


The USA has more tornadoes than anywhere else. Which country has the 2nd-most?
a. Canada
b. Russia
c. Australia [CORRECT. 200-to-300 per year.]


Question: A recent survey finds that women’s favorite ‘comfort food’ is ice cream, followed by mac-and-cheese, and THIS.
Answer: Brownies.


Most people like hard work … particularly if they are paying for it.

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