Thursday, July 12, 2018 – Edition: #6253

Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Johnny Depp has once again tweaked his Amber Heard-inspired knuckle tattoo. He originally had the word ‘SLIM’ across his knuckles – his nickname for his ex-wife – which he had changed to ‘SCUM’ in the aftermath of their nasty split. But it seems Depp wasn’t happy with the update, because now he is sporting a large red anarchy symbol which tweaks the word to read: ‘SCAM’. And remember, during his relationship with Winona Ryder in the early 90s, Depp tattooed the phrase Winona Forever on his upper right arm. Following their split, he had it altered it to read ‘Wino Forever.’
-DailyMail
★ Indiana Jones won’t be swinging back into movie theaters until at least 2021. The Walt Disney Co. has announced that the planned fifth installment in the “Indiana Jones” franchise will be released in July 2021 instead of July 2020. It was originally scheduled for release in the summer of 2019. Script issues are reportedly behind the delay. Last month, “Solo: A Star Wars Story” co-screenwriter Jonathan Kasdan was brought on to help write the film.
(I’m sure I’m not the first to say it, but Harrison ain’t gettin’ any younger!)
-Canoe
★ Billy Dee Williams, who famously played the galactic gambler Lando Calrissian in “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi”, will reprise the role for “Star Wars: Episode IX.” Chatter about Williams joining the production, which is set to begin later this summer, increased recently days when he bowed out of a sci-fi convention citing a conflict with a movie schedule. In recent years, Williams has returned to the role on the convention circuit, and has been doing the voice of Calrissian for a number of cartoons and video games.
(Just in case you haven’t been ‘Keeping Up With the Calrissians’!)
-HollywoodReporter
★ It appears Roseanne Barr would only agree to talk about what led to the cancellation of “Roseanne” and the creation of “The Conners” if she could control the interview herself. So that’s exactly what she is going to do. After backtracking on the idea of a TV interview, Barr announced via Twitter that she’ll basically interview herself. She’ll post the results on her YouTube channel. She tweeted: “After a lot of thought, I decided that I won’t be doing any TV interviews, too stressful & untrustworthy 4 me & my fans. I’m going to film it myself & post it on my youtube channel in the next week – the entire explanation of what happened & why!”
-Yahoo
★ Dax Shepard admits that his wife Kristen Bell can be a little “Hollyweird” at times, but he wouldn’t have her any other way! Shepard took to Instagram to share a picture of Bell enjoying some down time in the pool. Despite looking as stunning as ever in a cute patterned bikini and sun hat, Shepherd drew attention to one thing that most people choose not to wear when going for a dip. He wrote: “My bride wears gloves in the pool because she hates the feeling of pruney finger tips on skin.”
-MSN

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kathy Griffin, Jim Jefferies, Vance Joy
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Robert Pattinson, Pete Davidson, Brockhampton ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Hugh Grant, Kyrie Irving, Tim Robinson, Jennie Vee & Joe Russo ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Zooey Deschanel, John Mulaney, Arctic Monkeys ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Andy Samberg, Nicole Byer, Dawes
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Dwayne Johnson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kathryn Hahn, Big Boy
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Neve Campbell, James Van Der Beek
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jerry Seinfeld, Nick Foles, Dua Lipa ( R )
• “Hot Wheels: 50th Anniversary Special” (HISTORY): The story of the iconic toy’s journey and the brand’s multi-generational influence on car culture and design.
• “Nick Cannon Presents: Wild ‘N Out” (MTV): The Season 7 premiere features Fabolous and Kevin Hart, who compete in “What the Heckle,” “Remix” and “Wildstyle.”
• “The Gong Show” (ABC): Celebrity judges Jimmy Kimmel, Will Arnett and Anthony Anderson praise, critique and gong unusually talented and unique performers.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake – broke a 54-year-old chart record previously held by the Beatles with his latest album, “Scorpion”. The 25-track collection has landed 7 songs in this week’s Billboard Top 10, besting the Beatles’ 1964 record of 5.
• Justin Bieber – is being urged to tie the knot in his hometown of Stratford, Ontario. Mayor Dan Mathieson is said to be pulling out all the stops to make it happen, going so far as to offer Hailey Baldwin and Bieber a chance to watch the local hockey team, “The Stratford Warriors”, play if the pair get married in winter…or top spot for Justin at the town’s annual Summer Music festival. He also told reporters that he would throw in discount admission to the Bieber exhibit, ‘Steps to Stardom’, at the Stratford Perth Museum.
• Cardi B – is taking her ex-manager to court. She is suing Klenord “Shaft” Raphael for $15 million after he went after her for $10 million earlier this year. She’s claiming he was too controlling over her personal life, and as she became more successful, “so too did Shaft’s greed.”
• The Black Eyed Peas – are heading out on their first European tour in eight years. The reunited group, without Fergie, – are back with new single ‘Get It’ and have announced they are hitting the road for a series of shows later this year as part of their ‘Masters of the Sun’ tour.
• Green Day – Strangely, with U.S. President Trump arriving in the U.K. today, their 2004 hit ‘American Idiot’ has returned to the singles chart, where at last check, it sat at #18. That’s the result of a social media campaign, which encouraged people to buy or stream the song over the past week.
• Steely Dan – The intersection of 112th St. and 72nd Dr. in Queens, N.Y. will be co-named “Walter Becker Way,” in memory of the late Steely Dan co-founder who grew up there. The sign will be unveiled on Oct. 28.
• Miranda Lambert – has been named Artist-in-Residence at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. To mark her residency, she will perform two intimate shows at Nashville’s CMA Theater on September 19 and 26.
• Jason Aldean – That was quick! He and his wife Brittany are expecting a second child. The two are the parents of seven-month-old Memphis.

THERE’S NO APP FOR THAT:
You know the people. The ones who are convinced that their smartphone is listening to them. They’re convinced that the microphone on their device is used to record their conversations and relay information to advertisers…or to the government (or worse yet, to Zuckerberg!). Some even claim that they’ve seen ads for things like dress shirts pop up on their screen after casually mentioning that they need new clothes for work. Some computer science academics at Northeastern University had heard enough people talking about this technological myth that they decided to do a study. For a year, they conducted an experiment involving more than 17,000 of the most popular apps to find out whether any of them were secretly using the phone’s mic to capture audio. The apps included those belonging to Facebook, as well as over 8,000 other apps that send information to Facebook. Sorry, conspiracy theorists: They found no evidence of an app unexpectedly activating the microphone or sending audio out when not prompted to do so. It turns out that the uncanny accuracy of the ads you see almost certainly isn’t the result of the phone eavesdropping on you; it’s just good targeting based on your behavior.
(And the fact that you aren’t as unique as you think you are.)
(So those ads I keep seeing for a topical cream are sheer coincidence?)
(Actually it IS eavesdropping on you…just not with the mic….)
-Gizmodo

DRYER CHEATS:
Sometimes, it seems like it takes FOREVER for the laundry to dry. Here’s a hack: According to one expert, the secret to speeding things up is to add something simple to your load of wet clothes: a tea towel. Cleaning expert Shannon Lush says that doing so can cut drying time by as much as a third.
How does it work? The tea towel wicks the water away and spreads the surface area for the dryer to do its work. So if you’d like to shorten your laundry time AND reduce your electricity bill, give it a shot!
(That’s unless, of course, you have a problem with putting underwear in the dryer with something that you use to dry your dishes!)
(I don’t know what all that meant, but if it saves time and money, I’m willing to go along with it!)
(Please note: The tea towel must be DRY. Don’t ask me how I know that.
-Prima

PLAY-DOUGH:
You already know that the 2018 FIFA World Cup is a HUGE deal. It also has some huge prize money. Here is what teams competing in Russia this year can expect:
➢ 2018 World Cup champion team will receive $38 million
➢ Runner-up: $28 million
➢ Third Place: $24 million
➢ Fourth Place: $22 million
➢ Quarterfinalists: each receive $16 million
➢ Teams eliminated in the last 16: each receive $12 million
➢ The remaining 16 of the 32 competing national teams will receive $8 million each
(I thought they’d be paid in Pounds or Euros…or even Rubles!)
(I would hope they’re making a lot of money…this thing’s been going on forever!)
(And they SHOULD be well paid. These guys are tremendous athletes…and fantastic actors!)
-SportsIllustrated

BODY PARTS:
Here are some human ‘vesitgal traits’…parts of our body that are useless today, but once served a purpose:
☞ Tailbone: Or coccyx, is what you have left of the tail your evolutionary ancestors used to help them balance when they lived in the trees. During early development in the womb, we all had tails, which were eventually absorbed by the body. (A tall tail?)
☞ Goosebumps: We get them when we feel cold, even though they don’t make us any warmer. Why? They’re a reflex left over from when our ancestors had fur. They would make body hair stand up straight to provide insulation and/or to make you look larger to an adversary. (Or just because creepy Uncle Charlie walked into the room…)
☞ Ear: You know how some people can wiggle their ears? Those people just have slightly more function in the ear muscles. Cats, dogs, and primates still use these muscles to turn their ears like a satellite dish to capture sounds all around them. Humans and chimps just move their heads instead, so they eventually lost the need for these tiny muscles. (Although I sometimes wonder about teachers and Moms…)
☞ Wisdom teeth: Because there are people whose wisdom teeth come in and function without any problem, this one is technically a gray area. But those extra molars were definitely more useful for our primate ancestors than they are for us. (Dentists hate those people…)
☞ Appendix: We knew you were waiting for this one. But scientists think your appendix probably still has a function. It is believed that it plays a role in boosting your immune system. (And in acting up at the worst possible time…)
(And up next, according to scientists: The baby toe!)
-Curiosity

BS CHRONOMETER 07.12.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [81] Bill Cosby, Philadelphia PA, comedian/actor (“The Cosby Show” 1984-1992, “Cosby” 1996-2000) In 2018, he was tried and found guilty on three counts of aggravated indecent assault.

1948 [70] Richard Simmons, New Orleans, LA actor/comedian/fitness guru (dedicated his business ventures to helping people lose weight, primarily through his “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” videos)

1951 [67] Cheryl Ladd, TV Actress, Juron, SD (‘Kris Munroe’ on “Charlie’s Angels” 1977-1981)

1975 [43] Cheyenne Jackson, Washington, actor (“American Horror Story” since 2015)

1978 [40] Topher Grace, NYC, movie actor (“Spider-Man 3”, “Interstellar”)/TV actor (‘Eric Foreman’ on “That ’70s Show” 1998-2005) COMING UP… “Breakthrough” 2019

1978 [40] Michelle Rodriguez, San Antonio TX, movie actress (“Fast & Furious” films, “Avatar”)/TV actress (“Lost” 2005-06, 2009-10)

1980 [38] Kristen Connolly, Montclair NJ, TV actress (“Zoo” 2015-17, “House of Cards” 2013-14)

1983 [35] Kimberly Perry, Ridgeland MS, country singer-guitarist (The Band Perry-‘Better Dig Two’, ‘If I Die Young’)

1988 [30] Ta’Rhonda Jones, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Porsha Taylor’ on “Empire” since 2015)

1990 [28] Rachel Brosnahan, Milwaukee WI, TV actress (‘Abby Isaacs’ on “Manhattan” 2014-15, ‘Rachel Posner’ on “House of Cards” 2013-15)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Different Colored Eyes Day”, celebrating the diversity of eye color as well as people with eyes that are a different color from one other. Celebs with what’s called ‘heterochromia’ include late rocker David Bowie, actress Mila Kunis, and actor Kiefer Sutherland.

• “Pecan Pie Day”, celebrating one of the most decadent of all desserts. The crust and pecans aren’t necessary … just the yummy goo in the center! Is it ‘PEE-can or ‘puh-CAHN’? Or is it ‘pee-CAHN’?

• “Simplicity Day”, a day to focus on ways to simplify your life. Which would be …?

• “Eat Your Jello Day”, coincidence that it’s also Bill Cosby’s birthday??

• “Paper Bag Day”, the paper bag has become a household staple. Uses include bringing your groceries home, carrying your lunch, curing your hiccups and making puppets. (And carrying a bottle?)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Embrace Your Geekness Day
[Fri] French Fries Day
[Sat] Shark Awareness Day
[Sat] Grand Marnier Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2008 [10] Twins (a girl named Vivienne Marcheline & a boy named Knox Leon) are born to acting couple Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie in Nice, France

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2007 [11] Rod Stewart is awarded the CBE Order of the British Empire by Prince Charles in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace.

2008 [10] Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood leaves his wife of 23 years and moves in with an 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress (the 61 year-old dad-of-four met the teenager while out drinking and whisked her away to his luxury pad in Ireland) Then they got married. Then got divorced. Then he married Sally Humphries who was 34. They have 2-year-old twins together.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1998 [20] Host country France defeats favored Brazil 3-0 to win its 1st-ever FIFA World Cup, at Stade de France in Saint Denis

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [22] Michael Jordan signs with Chicago Bulls for an NBA-record $30 million-a-season

2015 [03] Novak Djokovic achieves his 3rd Wimbledon title, denying Roger Federer the all-time record of 8 Wimbledon titles (at least until 2017…)

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Horses can only breathe through their nostrils.
✓ When you breathe through your nose, you inhale more air from one nostril than the other — and they alternate roughly every 15 minutes.
✓ Camel’s milk does not curdle.
✓ More energy from the sun hits Earth every hour than the planet uses in a year.
✓ Before mercury, brandy was used to fill thermometers.
✓ Blue whale fart bubbles are large enough to envelop a horse.
-Factsd

BS WHAT THE INTERNET TAUGHT ME:
• That it’s never good to Google terms that you don’t understand.
• That I can make $28,000 per month working from home in my jammies.
• That I should dance like no one is watching. ‘Cuz they’re not. They’re looking at their phones.
• That the grammar and spelling police are always waiting to pounce.
• That I have to scroll down way too far to find my birthdate.
• That there are literally thousands of women whom I’ve never met, waiting to stand me up on a moment’s notice!
• That I can diagnose my own afflictions.
• That there are actually real people on there who will not get all of my clever SpongeBob references.
• That it is a great place for civil political discussion.
• There are a lot of people WAY crazier than me!
-Twitter

THE LAWS OF GOLFING:
• No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
• Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever.
• Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.
• The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
• Every par-3 hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
• Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
• All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
• The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
• The last 3 holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
• Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
– Adapted from FunnyLists.net
-First published in BS in 2017

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the weirdest thing that you’ve seen someone do in their sleep? Or that you’ve been told YOU do?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m never more nervous than when I insist we are out of something and my wife goes to look for herself.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: One in five men have never worn THIS. What?
Answer: A tuxedo

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Wise people are not always silent. But they know when to be.