Monday, July 13, 2015        Edition: #5493

Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

★ Actor John Stamos has entered rehab for substance abuse. Reports say he checked himself into a residential treatment program following his arrest and hospitalization for DUI in June. Production on Stamos’ next project, “Grandfathered”, is not expected to be affected. The FOX-TV comedy is slated to premiere September 29th, with production scheduled to begin in mid-August. Stamos pulled out as co-host of the 2015 Emmy Awards nominations on Friday afternoon. Uzo Aduba (“Orange Is the New Black”) and Cat Deeley (“So You Think You Can Dance”) will now announce the nominees this Thursday.
★ Film director Quentin Tarantino assembled the team from his upcoming Western movie “The Hateful Eight” for a panel at Comic-Con in San Diego CA on Saturday. During the session, Tarantino announced that legendary film composer Ennio Morricone will write the score for “The Hateful Eight”, marking his first Western score in 40 years. Morricone is best known for his innovative music for the so-called spaghetti Westerns of the 1960s-70s (made on the cheap in Italy), particularly “The Good, the Bad And the Ugly”. Tarantino’s “The Hateful Eight is scheduled to open in theaters January 8, 2016.
★ And actress Mila Kunis appears to have finally confirmed she is indeed wed to Ashton Kutcher in an new interview published Saturday in “The Telegraph”. The couple are rumored to have tied the knot over the 4th of July weekend. In the article, 31-year-old Kunis repeatedly refers to Kutcher as her husband. Despite 37-year-old Kutcher’s busy schedule, Kunis says he still makes plenty of time for his family. Quote: “My husband is an incredibly hands-on dad. When my child was born, I was breast-feeding and he said, ‘That’s your connection, I want to change every diaper’.” Kunis & Kutcher first met when they starred together on “That ’70s Show” (1998-2006). They started dating in 2012 and announced their engagement in 2014.

• AC/DC – A New Zealand judge has sentenced drummer Phil Rudd to 8 months of home detention after he pleaded guilty to threatening to kill a man, along with possession of methamphetamine and marijuana. He could have faced up to 7 years in prison.
• Black Eyed Peas – Scooter Braun has signed them to a management deal at his SB Projects. Braun already manages Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande and many others. The deal involves the group as a whole and not their individual solo careers.
• Blake Shelton – His latest release, “Sangria”” is the most-played country song for the 2nd week-in-a-row.
• Easton Corbin – His new album, “About to Get Real”, has debuted atop the ‘Billboard Country Albums’ chart.
• Imagine Dragons – Their track “Radioactive” has now reached Diamond status (10X Platinum) in terms of sales & streams, according to the RIAA. It has sold 7.7 million downloads and been streamed more than 366 million times.
• Jimmy Eat World – Frontman Jim Adkins is releasing a series of 6 solo singles digitally, 1 per week throughout 6 weeks this Summer, alternating between new originals and covers. Adkins is currently on a solo tour of North America; a European leg is coming in August-September.
• Johnnyswim – “Johnnyswim: Live at Rockwood”, a new live album from the Nashville-based husband-and-wife duo, will be released this Fall. The recording takes place at their SRO performances tonight & tomorrow night at NYC’s Rockwood Music Hall.
• Madonna – The hacker who leaked her “Rebel Heart” album early has been sentenced to 14 months in prison. Charged in an Israeli court, Adi Lederman must also pay a $4,000 fine. The stiff sentence is described as ‘an uncompromising message’ to any future hackers.
• Rihanna – Her latest release, “Bitch Better Have My Money”, has been surprisingly remixed by Korn. The veteran rap-rock band has added a heavy guitar line to the tune. The original version is expected to appear on Rihanna’s as-yet-unannounced 8th album.
• Taylor Swift – “Montréal Gazette” reports that she asks photographers at her concerts to sign a contract stating that photos can only be published once and then must be deleted. Friday night Swift honored the World Cup champion US women’s soccer team by bringing them onstage at her gig at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford NJ.
• The Weeknd – It’s been announced his 3rd album, “Beauty Behind the Madness”, is being released August 28th. It has already debuted at #1 on the iTunes pre-order chart.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Kintsugi”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – A Thousand Horses (“Southernality”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – King Tuff (“Black Moon Spell”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Nate Ruess (fun.).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – OAR (“The Rockville LP”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 20 perform for the judges in the season’s first live show; a special secret performer (shhh!) takes the stage.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Echosmith (“Talking Dreams”).

University of Colorado sociologist Maren Scull spent 2 years interviewing and observing male strippers who dance for women. She’s found that male strippers report higher self-confidence and self-esteem thanks to their forays into exotic dancing. The men earn less than their female colleagues, and few take in more than $100 a night, so most have little rationale to stay in the business for the money. By contrast, cash is the main motive cited by women who strip (a 2010 study found they average $74,000 per year). Instead, men who make their living dancing for women seem to do it because they get positive affirmation out of being found desirable. (The difference between men & women …. men don’t mind being objectified.)
– “Medical Daily”

Stuff that scared us 20 years ago that doesn’t get much attention anymore …
✗ Acid Rain
✗ The Hole in the Ozone Layer
✗ Killer Bees
✗ Stephen King
✗ Y2K
✗ Satanic Cults
✗ Soviet Nukes
– Condensed from

Since the heyday of 1980s metal, parents have worried that the evils of metal bands like Slipknot ruin the lives of impressionable teens. But according to a recent study, most metalheads from 30 years ago have since grown up to be well-adjusted adults, and their affinity for an edgy subculture – Satanic lyrics and all – may have actually helped. The study has found that metal lovers remember being happier as teens than non-fans, and are less likely to regret the things they did at that point in their lives. While they do admit greater alcohol use in their younger years, there is no significant difference in life experiences or current psychological functioning between metal fans and their peers. All in all, metal fans have led pretty normal lives. (Except for some really creepy tats they can’t get rid of.)
– “The Guardian”

✓ How few clothes are conducive to breastfeeding.
✓ That you really don’t mind your own kid’s boogers/barf/poop/pee.
✓ Just how many flipping diapers you need on a daily basis.
✓ Old ladies love to peek into your buggy.
✓ That babies have freakishly sharp fingernails no matter how frequently you trim them.
✓ That it’s entirely possible to fall asleep standing up in the shower.
✓ How frequently you feel the need to consult Dr Google.
✓ You can be immensely proud of your child for just burping.
✓ Bath time can be terrifying. Wet babies are slippery little suckers.
✓ Baby socks just do not stay on. Ever.
– Adapted from “Metro”

People will do a lot to avoid having to take the stairs. They’ll wait for an elevator, even if it’s going to take longer. Or they’ll walk far out of their way just to get to an escalator. In a new study, an urban planner and a psychologist observed almost 34,000 pedestrians using 13 stairways and 12 pairs of escalators in shopping centers in Montréal QC, and found that people will usually take the escalator unless stairs are much more convenient. Doubling the distance between the stairs and the nearest escalator increases the likelihood that someone will climb by 95%, according to their statistical analysis. (Biggest problem with taking the stairs is often … trying to find them!)

• Music fans in Finland can get refunds from disappointing concerts.
– BBC News
• You can board an airplane carrying up to an ounce of marijuana at Portland International Airport as long as you are flying within the state of Oregon (where pot is now legal).


1942 [73] Harrison Ford, Chicago, IL, movie actor (“Indiana Jones” movies, “Star Wars” films)  UP NEXT: “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”, opening December 18th.

1957 [58] Cameron Crowe, Palm Springs CA, movie director-screenwriter (“Almost Famous”, “Jerry Maguire”)/musical documentary maker (“Pearl Jam Twenty”, “The Union”)

1962 [53] Tom Kenny, Syracuse NY, voice actor (“Spongebob Squarepants”, ‘Rabbit’ in “Winnie the Pooh”)

1963 [52] Fatboy Slim (Norman Cook), Bromley UK, club DJ/pop musician (“Praise You”, “Funk Soul Brother”)

1974 [41] Deborah Cox, Toronto ON, club/dance/R&B singer (“Higher”, “Beautiful U R”)

1988 [27] Steven R McQueen, LA CA, TV actor (“Vampire Diaries” 2009-15)/grandson of legendary late actor Steve McQueen

2005 [10] Kyle Harrison Breitkopf, NYC, TV actor (‘Henry Bennigan’ on “The Whispers” 2015)  BS FACTOID: He’s named after fellow birthday celebrant Harrison Ford.

• “Embrace Your Geekness Day”, a great day to be a Geek … or to know a Geek. Some people view the term with a negative connotation. Are they jealous of your knowledge and skills, perhaps? Yeah, that’s it.

• “French Fries Day”. The ‘french’ has nothing to do with France, but the method of preparation. Food that’s chipped into pieces is said to be ‘frenched’. It’s thought that french fries most likely originated in Belgium.

• “Gruntled Workers Day”. We always hear about ‘disgruntled’ workers, but what about people who are happy with their jobs and can’t wait to go to work each day? Gruntled workers, this is your day … ya eager-beaver keeners.

• “International Town Crier’s Day”, an annual salute on the 2nd Monday of July to the ‘ancient and honorable art of town crying’. (A good day for time checks like “7 o’clock and all’s well!”)

1990 [25] The romantic-thriller “Ghost” opens in movie theaters, starring Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze, and Whoopi Goldberg (who wins the Oscar for ‘Best Supporting Actress’)

1985 [30] An estimated 2 billion worldwide watch or listen to “Live Aid” rock concerts in Philadelphia PA and London UK, donating more than $225 million to the cause of Ethiopian famine relief

1930 [85] 1st ‘World Cup’ soccer competition begins in Montevideo, Uruguay with 14 countries participating (2 weeks later Uruguay takes the championship, defeating Argentina)

1976 [39] ‘Longest Bagpipe Concert’, featuring 4 student pipers, ends after 100 (ungodly) hours in Salisbury, Rhodesia

[Tues] 86th Major League Baseball All-Star Game (Cincinnati OH)
[Tues] Harper Lee’s “Go Set a Watchman” published
[Tues] Cow Appreciation Day
[Tues] International Nude Day
[Tues] Shark Awareness Day
[Wed] “2015 ESPYS” (ESPN)
[Wed] “Dating Naked”, “Twinning” debut (VH1)
[Wed] Be a Dork Day
[Wed] Gummi Worm Day

Baby Food Week / Rabbit Week / Sports Cliché Week / Ventriloquism Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Real statements from insurance forms in which drivers attempt to summarize accident details in as few words as possible …
• “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”
• “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”
• “In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
• “I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”
• “My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
• “I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”
• “I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”
• “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
• “I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”
• “A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.”
– First published in “BS” 2010.

● ‘Vulnerable’ (Playing ball without a cup.)
● ‘Communication’ (Scratching out a note before taking off for a weekend with the guys.)
● ‘Commitment’ (Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.)
● ‘Flatulence’ (An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.)
● ‘Making love’ (What men have to call ‘boinking’ to get women to ‘boink’.)
● ‘Remote control’ (A device for scanning through all 300 channels every 2 minutes.)
● ‘We’re going to be late.’ (Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.)
● ‘You cook just like my mother used to.’ (She also used the smoke detector as a meal timer.)
– First published in “BS” 1997.

☎ What’s your worst corporate training experience?

I just found out that the word ‘karaoke’ is Japanese for ‘tone deaf’.

Here’s an odd group – and it’s NOT a put-on – ‘Christian Nymphos’. (OMG … OMG … OMG.)

Question: Over 80% of THESE will finish on time today.
Answer: Airline flights.

Bureaucrats cut red tape … lengthwise.

Pete Montana @ 93.1 Moose FM [CHMT] Timmins ON; Shilynne Cole @ 97.1 QMG [WQMG] Greensboro NC; Tricia Fisher @ 101.8 WCR-FM Wolverhampton UK; Zo Battle @ WOKS Columbus GA; Lil Wallace @ Soul 106-3 [WSRB] Chicago IL; Lee Anthony @ My Country 99.1 [KDWD] Marceline MO; Chris Koppin @ Classic Hits 107.7 [CKDO] Oshawa ON; Margaret Mary Lim @ Class 95 FM Singapore; Gareth Cottrell @; and Julia Wells @ 92.3 The Dock [CJOS] Owen Sound ON.

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