Wednesday, July 13, 2016 – Edition: #5773

Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

★ “Battlefield” could soon be coming to TV. The videogame franchise, which has amassed more than 60 million players worldwide, is getting an adaption from Paramount TV. While a network is not yet attached, the plan is to bring the Electronic Arts first-person shooter game, known for delivering an expansive war experience, to the small-screen. The producers promise to develop the TV series with the same commitment to robust storytelling that has made the game a runaway success for nearly 15 years.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ Whoopi Goldberg is sticking around “The View” (ABC) for at least 1 more year. Quote: “Will continue [to] annoy some, delight others.” Goldberg’s announcement comes hot on the heels of Michelle Collins’ exit last month. A replacement for Collins has yet to be announced, and it’s unclear if current panelists Joy Behar, Raven-Symoné, Candace Cameron Bure, and Paula Faris will all return with Goldberg in the Fall.
– “USA Today”
★ The new USA Network TV series “Shooter” has been postponed a week. The 10-episode 1st season of the sniper drama had been set to launch July 19th, but has been set back to July 26th in light of the real-life sniper shootings in Dallas TX. The drama, which stars Ryan Phillippe and Omar Epps, opens with the sound of a gunshot along with real-life images of historical incidents of gun violence. It’s based on the 2007 Mark Wahlberg film of the same name. Seems public consciousness of mass shootings lasts less than 3 weeks now.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And the next season of “Fargo” (FX) has found its female lead. Actress Carrie Coon (“The Leftovers”) is set to star opposite Ewan McGregor in Season 3 of the anthology series. McGregor is taking on the dual roles of brothers ‘Emmit & Ray Stussy’ in what will be his first regular role on TV. Season 3 is rumored to take place in 2010, following the events of the breakout drama’s 1st season. It’s unclear how or if it will tie into the events from the first run. Production on the new season is set to begin later this year for a 2017 debut.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The judges push their favorites through to the next round; guest judge Reba McEntire.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – 50 Cent (“Street King Immortal”).
• “ESPY Awards” (ABC/CTV 2) – John Cena hosts this live special celebrating the best moments of the year in sports.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Garbage (“Strange Little Birds”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Plague Vendor (“Bloodsweat”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Broods (“Evergreen”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Shelters (“The Shelters”).
• “Mr Robot” (USA/Showcase) – The most-talked-about series of 2015 returns with its Season 2 debut.
• “Suits” (USA/Bravo) – In the Season 6 premiere of the long-running workplace drama ‘Mike’ (Patrick J Adams) transitions to prison life.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Benjamin Clementine (“At Least for Now”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Eve (“Lip Lock”). Rerun.

• AC/DC – Bassist Cliff Williams says that, after 40 years, he is retiring from the iconic rock band at the end of their current tour (September 20th). That would leave guitarist Angus Young as the only original member left in the band.
• Alessia Cara – Her upcoming Fall tour begins September 29th in Silver Spring MD and winds up in Toronto ON November 2nd. Ruth B, currently riding the success of her hit single “Lost Boy”, is the opening act.
• Garbage – The female voice heard moaning at the beginning of “#1 Crush” (the remixed 1996 Nellee Hooper version from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack) is actually Madonna. The vocals were sampled from Madonna’s song “Bedtime Story”, which Hooper also co-produced.
• Jason Aldean – His 7th studio album is titled “They Don’t Know” and features the hit single “Lights Come On”. It arrives September 9th.

The future of beachside ice cream eating is here! Lincolnshire sunbathers in the UK (yes, they exist) will soon be able to have their frozen treats delivered direct to their deck chairs, thanks to the UK’s first ice cream delivery drone. A rep for Mablethorpe Rock & Ices Limited says initial trials of their pioneering drone delivery along the 4-mile Mablethorpe seafront have proven successful. They are now waiting for official safety approval from the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) to launch their new flying gelato service. Ice cream is ordered using the ‘Ice Me’ smartphone app. (Robots flying fully loaded ice cream cones suspended on a pole over unsuspecting beach-goers’ heads? What could possibly go wrong?)
– “Metro”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of us admit to suffering ‘brain freeze’ within the last 2 weeks.
• 50% of married women have difficulty remembering where they went on their first date with their husbands.
• 40% of women get their hair cut for their drivers license photo.
• 25% of us change the bathroom tissue roll to the ‘proper position’ when visiting someone else’s house.
• 23% of us say we trust our auto mechanic more than our boss.
• 20% of households still have a waterbed. (Likely in a box in the garage.)

Pokémon GO is a new interactive, augmented reality game that allows you to find, capture, and train Pokémon in the real world right from your smartphone. The app has become a huge sensation after its surprise release just last week. The app’s innovation is its use of augmented reality (AR). Pokémon are placed within real-life views captured by your phone’s cameras. The locations in the game actually correspond to real places, and you discover new Pokémon by roaming around with the app open. The game features so-called PokéStops, which are recognizable landmarks in whatever area you’re in. When you interact with them, you receive handy items like Pokéballs and eggs, which help you along on your journey. (Brilliant! Another excuse for people to meander around in traffic totally distracted by their phones.)

A new ranking of the famous folks who made the most in the past year …
1. Taylor Swift (pop singer) – $170 million.
2. One Direction (pop group) – $110 million.
3. James Patterson (prolific author) – $95 million.
4. [tie] ‘Dr’ Phil McGraw (TV personality) / Cristiano Ronaldo (soccer star) – $88 million.
6. Kevin Hart (actor/comedian) – $87.5 million.
7. Howard Stern (TV personality/radio host) – $85 million.
8. Lionel Messi (soccer star) – $81.5 million.
9. Adele (pop singer) – $80.5 million.
10. Rush Limbaugh (radio personality) – $79 million .

Children who suck their thumbs or bite their nails are less likely to develop some allergies, a new University of Otago-McMaster University study suggests. The explanation is that exposure to germs can strengthen the body’s immune system. The study analyzes stats about 1,000 people in New Zealand assessed periodically between ages 5 and 32. About a third were frequent thumb-suckers or nail-biters as children. Their risk of developing an allergy later in life to things such as dust mites or pets has proven to be about 33% lower than children who did not have the habits. Researchers say the habits shouldn’t be encouraged, but there does appear to be a positive side to them. (Is 38 too late to take up thumb-sucking? And does it need to be your own thumb?)
– BBC Health

• ‘Vulnerable’ (Playing ball without a cup.)
• ‘Communication’ (Scratching out a note before taking off for a weekend with the guys.)
• ‘Commitment’ (Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.)
• ‘Flatulence’ (An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.)
• ‘Remote control’ (A device for scanning through all 300 channels every 2 minutes.)
• ‘We’re going to be late.’ (Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.)
• ‘You cook just like my mother used to.’ (She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too.)
• ‘Making love’ (What men have to call ‘boinking’ to get women to ‘boink’.)

A study claims the more unpopular, uncommon, or feminine a boy’s name, the greater his chances of ending up in jail. After analyzing over 15,000 names, researchers have concluded that boys with odd names are more likely to be ridiculed by peers and face discrimination in the workplace which causes them to engage in socially delinquent behavior. Among the most troublesome names (in North American at least) are Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell, and Walter. A previous study at the University of British Columbia calculated that for every 10% increase in the popularity of a name there’s a 3.7% decrease in the number of trouble-making kids with that name. (In that case, no kid named Michael should ever do anything bad.)
– “Orlando Sentinel”

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Chaos Fatigue’ – Mental exhaustion and stress caused by constant political crises and upheavals. (Are we there yet?)
• ‘Patriphobia’ – Fear of one’s own country or one’s compatriots. (Especially those with bad hair.)
• ‘Who-Gives-a-Sexual’ – Not caring about other peoples’ sexual preferences. A term coined in Smirnoff ads.

As we get better at treating age-related diseases such as cancer and dementia, humans might add 20-to-30 years to both the average person’s lifespan and the longevity of the world’s oldest people. So say scientists investigating new and existing drugs that may help slow the aging process. If humans do end up living at least another 25 years on average – to about age 100 – it will influence when we have kids, what kind of careers we have, and whether we have 2nd, 3rd, or 4th careers. At least one researcher believes the first human to live to be 150 has already been born. The age 150 is 21% older than the oldest person ever documented, Jeanne Calment of France, who died in 1997 at age 122. (Another ancient, Cecilia Laurent of Laval QC, died this past May at 120.)

Cotton candy used to be known as ‘fairy floss’.


1942 [74] Harrison Ford, Chicago, IL, movie actor (“Star Wars” films, “Indiana Jones” movies)

1957 [59] Cameron Crowe, Palm Springs CA, movie director-screenwriter (“Almost Famous”, “Jerry Maguire”)/musical documentary maker (“Pearl Jam Twenty”, “The Union”)

1962 [54] Tom Kenny, Syracuse NY, voice actor (“Spongebob Squarepants”, ‘Rabbit’ in “Winnie the Pooh”)

1974 [42] Deborah Cox, Toronto ON, club/dance/R&B singer (“Higher”, “Beautiful U R”)

1988 [28] Steven R McQueen, LA CA, TV actor (‘Jimmy Borrelli’ on “Chicago Fire” since 2015, “Vampire Diaries” 2009-15)/grandson of legendary late actor Steve McQueen

1989 [27] Leon Bridges, Atlanta GA, R&B singer (“Smooth Sailin'”, “Coming Home”)

• “Beans ‘n Franks Day”. (Tomorrow is ‘Evacuate the Studio Day’).

• “Embrace Your Geekness Day”, a great day to be a Geek … or to know a Geek. Some people view the term with a negative connotation. Are they jealous of your knowledge and skills, perhaps? Yeah, that’s it.

• “French Fries Day”. The ‘french’ has nothing to do with France, but the method of preparation. Food that’s chipped into pieces is said to be ‘frenched’. It’s thought that french fries most likely originated in Belgium.

• “Gruntled Workers Day”. We always hear about ‘disgruntled’ workers, but what about people who are happy with their jobs and can’t wait to go to work each day? Gruntled workers, this is your day … ya eager-beaver keeners.

2015 [01] 50 Cent files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection (coincidentally, the move comes just days after a jury rules he must pay $5 million to a woman suing over a sex-tape case)

2016 [00] Theresa May 1st becomes British prime minister, succeeding David Cameron (she is the 2nd woman to become PM, following Margaret Thatcher)

1976 [40] ‘Longest Bagpipe Concert’, featuring 4 student pipers, ends after 100 (ungodly) hours (Salisbury, Rhodesia)

[Thurs] Pemberton Music Festival begins (Pemberton BC)
[Thurs] International Nude Day
[Fri] Forecastle Festival begins (Louisville KY)
[Fri] Pitchfork Music Festival begins (Chicago IL)
[Sat Celebration Of the Horse Day
This Week Is … Rabbit Week
This Month Is … Honey Month


• Titanium Mountie.
• Canadarm face slapper.
• Ballistic beavernauts.
• 120 mm maple-syrup mortar.
• Peacekeeping robot that attacks you by surprise.
• Bioengineered crazed lumberjack choppers.
– Thanks to Wynn Quon

☎ What are some things you shouldn’t say at work? How about …
• I took the interns out for shots last night … pretty sure they won’t be in this morning.
• The employee handbook is more like a list of ‘suggestions’, right?
• A co-worker and I are arguing about whose job sucks more. Want to be the final judge?
• Mind dimming the lights in the office a bit? Rough night.
• I probably shouldn’t take that project … I’ll probably have a new job locked down by the time it’s due.
• I’m starting to feel sick tomorrow.
• I’ve been fired from every job I’ve had.
• God help me if I end up working here as long as you have!
• I can definitely do that after I take this FaceTime call with my friend.
– Adapted from

Yesterday I knew nothing. Today I know all of that.

Question: When it comes to losing things, men are 3 times more likely to lose THIS than women.
Answer: Their hearing.

Honesty is like an ice cube. Once it melts, that’s the end of it.

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