Friday, July 15, 2011        Edition: #4550
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

“Us Weekly” magazine is reporting that longtime partners Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are getting married (for reals this time, it claims), sometime within the next few months at the Chateau Miraval in Correns, France (why marriage now? – you can’t get divorced without it!) . . . After actress Mila Kunis accepted a YouTube invitation to attend the annual Marine Corps Ball as a soldier’s date, a female marine has now asked Justin Timberlake to come as her date (this is starting to smell like a PR setup for “Friend With Benefits”, out next week) . . . Rescued kidnap victim Jaycee Dugard’s book, “A Stolen Life”, sold 175,000 copies in just its first day of release this week, a new record for publisher Simon & Schuster (she even had the guts to voice the audio book version herself) . . . Actor Orlando Bloom’s model-wife Miranda Kerr has revealed she named their baby ‘Flynn’ after an ex-boyfriend who passed away (how’d you like to carry that load around in your marriage?) . . . “Harold & Kumar” movie actor Kal Penn is leaving his job at the White House’s Office of Public Engagement next month and joining the TV cast of “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) this fall (will VP Joe Biden join “The Big Bang Theory”?) . . . Actors Ryan Reynolds (ex-Mr Scarlett Johansson) & Charlize Theron (who dumped longtime partner Stuart Townsend last year) have apparently been dating for months, and were both so simple-minded they forgot to tell anyone (does this guy have all the luck or what?) . . . Actor Daniel Baldwin has filed for divorce, claiming his wife threatened to kill him shortly before she was arrested for DUI in Portland OR (maybe she could do a bulk job on all the brothers for us?) . . . And the famous ones from “Glee” (FOX) are leaving: Lea Michele, Cory Monteith, and Chris Colfer are all making a hasty exit at the end of the upcoming Season 3 (before we all get tired of the show and stop watching – and they have to try to play high school students at age 40).

• “Bayfest” (Sarnia ON) – The annual lakeside music festival’s 2nd weekend features country acts Trace Adkins, Montgomery Gentry, and George Canyon tonight; and Lady Antebellum, Rodney Atkins, and Aaron Pritchett on Saturday.
• “Breaking Bad” (AMC) – Sunday is the 4th season premiere, kicking off star Bryan Cranston’s bid for a 4th consecutive “Emmy Award” for ‘Lead Actor In a Drama Series’.
• “Craven Country Jamboree” (Craven SK) – The self-described ‘World’s Greatest Country Music Festival’ through Sunday features Big & Rich, Darius Rucker, Johnny Reid, Rascal Flatts, Ronnie Dunn, and Sugarland among many others.
• “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO) – Sunday Larry David returns with the 8th season premiere of one of the most influential TV sitcoms of the past decade. This season the show shifts to NYC.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Minnie Driver (“Seastories”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Today Chris Colfer (“Glee”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Oldies singer Paul Anka, one of the original teen idols.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Brad Paisley (“This Is Country Music”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Parachute (“The Way It Was”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (“Beat the Devil’s Tattoo”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Foster the People (“Torches”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Billy Ray Cyrus (“I’m American”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tonight Naughty By Nature (“Anthem Inc”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Justin Timberlake (“Friends With Benefits”); musical guest Lady Gaga (“Born This Way”).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Chris Brown (“FAME”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Shaggy (“Shaggy & Friends”).

• The Beatles – A new Martin Scorsese-produced documentary about George Harrison, featuring home movies, interviews, and never-before-seen material debuts October 5th on HBO.
• Beyoncé – Her new album “4” continues to reign at #1 on the sales chart for a 2nd straight week, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Blake Shelton – It’s been revealed his new album “Red River Blue” (out Tuesday) was a bit of a rush job. He wasn’t even scheduled to begin recording it until this week, but it was fast-tracked due to his recent successful turn as a mentor on “The Voice” (NBC).
• Blink-182 – Their new single “Up All Night” premieres this morning at 7:30 am PST on their official website.
• DMX – The oft-incarcerated rapper was supposed to leave Arizona’s Yuma prison this week, but he has earned himself another 30 days in jail due to drug possession behind bars.
• Dolly Parton – Sunday in Knoxville, Tennessee the 65-year-old country icon launches a world tour in support of her latest album “Better Day” that will also visit the UK, Ireland, and Australia.
• Jay-Z/Kanye West – They’ve now release the track-list for their long-in-the-works collaborative album “Watch the Throne”, but there is still no firm release date. (No matter how good, it’ll never live up to the long, long, wait.)
• Wyclef Jean – He tells MTV News that his next album is titled “Feel Good Music”, but it is still a work in progress as he’s taking his time. (Having found no other countries he’d like to rule.)

• “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 2” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): The teen wizard battles ‘Lord Voldemort’ in the 2nd half of the 2-part adaptation of JK Rowling’s climatic book, the 8th & final instalment of the highest-grossing film franchise ever ($6 billion+). Stars Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman. Children have grown into adults during the span of this landmark series.
• “Winnie the Pooh” ( PG Animated Family ): 5 stories from AA Milne are woven together using traditional animation (because the world needs a Disney movie that doesn’t feature the voice of Larry the Cable Guy). While out looking for some honey, ‘Pooh’ is pulled into a quest to save ‘Christopher Robin’ from an imaginary culprit. Voice cast includes Jim Cummings (“Gnomeo & Juliet”), Craig Ferguson (“Late Late Show”), and John Cleese (“Monty Python”).

• “Rango” ( PG Animated Adventure ): Johnny Depp voices the role of an ordinary chameleon who accidentally winds up in the town of ‘Dirt’, a lawless outpost in the Wild West in desperate need of a new sheriff. Voice cast also includes Abigail Breslin, Bill Nighy, Isla Fisher.

Imagine how magical your life would be if you had these abilities …
• ‘Bedazzling Hex’ – A complex spell used to make people or objects appear to be invisible.
• ‘Bubble-Head Charm’ – Creates an airtight chamber of oxygen so the caster can breathe underwater … or avoid really unpleasant smells.
• ‘Episkey’ – A spell for minor cuts and injuries, keeps the accident-prone from telltale scars and heals battered athletes on the field.
• ‘Expecto Patronum’ – Conjured up by focusing on your happiest memory, it provides protection against dark magic.
• ‘Flying Charm’ – It’s this spell, not the brooms, that gives ‘Harry’ and friends the power to fly at will.
• ‘Lumos’ – A spell that creates luminous tools … from fireworks to the always-useful wand night-light.
• ‘Packing Charm’ – Zips everything you’ll need into your trunk, then sends your pack packing ahead of you.
• ‘Undetectable Extension Charm’ – Makes a common handbag into a moving van-sized storage facility, giving a girl the ability to store plenty of provisions inside her purse … even though it looks normal-sized.
– Condensed from

Engineers at MIT have been busy creating all sorts of solar-powered fun, but their latest innovation promises to make the solar panel manufacturing process easier than ever before. They have discovered a process by which solar panels can be printed on an average sheet of paper, meaning these solar cells are not only bendable but foldable. (Now all the toys you buy your kid will be labeled: ‘Paper Not Included’.)

It’s now estimated that some 11 million people are being affected by the ongoing drought in East Africa, the worst in 60 years. According to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, the world needs to move fast or the human cost will be ‘catastrophic’.
– CBC News


1961 [50] Forest Whitaker, Longview TX, movie actor (2007 Oscar-“The Last King of Scotland”, “Panic Room”)/movie director (“First Daughter”, “Hope Floats”)

1972 [39] Scott Foley, Kansas City KS, TV actor (“Scrubs” 2002-04, “Felicity” 1998-2002)/movie actor (“Scream 3”)/ex-Mr Jennifer Garner

1973 [38] John Dolmayan, Beirut, Lebanon, rock drummer (System Of a Down-“Spiders”, “Innervision”)

1973 [38] Brian Austin Green, Van Nuys CA, TV actor (“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” 2008-09, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-2000)/wed to actress Megan Fox (2010)

1977 [34] Ray Toro, Jersey City NJ, rock guitarist (My Chemical Romance-“Welcome To the Black Parade”, “Famous Last Words”)

NFL analyst Jimmy Johnson (“Fox NFL Sunday”) is 67; Classic rock drummer Stewart Copeland (The Police) is 59; Movie actor Will Ferrell (“Old School”) is 44; Rock singer/guitarist Ed Kowalczyk (Live) is 40.

Movie actor Donald Sutherland (“Horrible Bosses”) is 76; Duchess of Cornwall (Camilla Parker Bowles Windsor) is 64; Actor David Hasselhoff (“Dodgeball”) is 59; TV producer/writer Mark Burnett (“Survivor”) is 51; Country singer Craig Morgan (“Bonfire”) is 47; Country singer Luke Bryan “Country Girl [Shake It for Me]”) is 35.

• “Buck Moon”, the full moon of July, so-named for the season when buck deer develop new antlers. It’s variously known as “Hay Moon”, “Thunder Moon”, and “Wort Moon”.
• “Gummi Worm Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey candies that are always good for grossing out girls. They were first created by the German company Trolli in 1981.
• “Respect Canada Day” as declared by the US-based ‘Wellness Permission League’, a day to ‘show we know it’s not some strange northern province of America’.
• “St Swithun’s Day”, celebrated worldwide in honor of the 7th-century Bishop of Winchester. According to legend, if it rains on St Swithun’s Day it will rain for the next 40 days. If it is clear, no rain will fall for 40 days.

• “Hot Dog Day”, a highlight of “Hot Dog Month”. And vegetarians are in luck too: July is also “Veggie Hot Dog Month”. The idea of slapping a wiener on a bun is attributed to one Anton Feuchtwanger, a Bavarian sausage seller. Thank goodness he didn’t name it after himself! (“I’ll have a foot-long Feuchtwanger, please.”)
• “Talk To a Telemarketer Day”. Instead of just angrily hanging up, take a moment to be polite and friendly. Learn who and where they are … then angrily hang up.
• “Woody Wagon Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of July to celebrate the stationwagon car that featured wooden side panels (often stenciled metal) which made its debut in the 1940s. It’s since been romanticized as a symbol of a carefree lifestyle, typically surfing.

• “Ice Cream Sunday”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Sunday of July, “Ice Cream Month”. Based on ice cream consumption figures, the top flavors are vanilla (30%), chocolate (10%), butter pecan (4%), strawberry (3.7%), and chocolate chip mint (3.2%).

1996 [15] MSNBC debuts simultaneously on cable TV & online

2009 [02] “Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince” opens in movie theaters at 12:01 am

1999 [12] Rolling Stones report income of $337 million over the past 2 years, a result of 147 concerts in front of close to 6 million fans

2000 [11] Classic rocker Bob Seger’s 62-ft vessel ‘Lightning’ wins its division in the 78th annual ‘MackinacRace’, a sailboat race from Port Huron to Mackinac Island, Michigan

1902 [109] ‘3M Company’ founded (the people who purposely hide the end of the Scotch Tape)

1929 [82] 1st ‘airport hotel’ opens, in Oakland CA (‘Mr & Mrs Smith’ check in)

2003 [08] Mozilla Foundation is established, a nonprofit organization devoted to keeping the Internet ‘open source’ (developer of the ‘Firefox’ web browser, ‘Thunderbird’ email software)

2007 [04] 125-year-old Philadelphia Phillies become first Major League Baseball team to lose 10,000 games as St Louis Cardinals beat them 10-2 (Phillies established in 1883 as ‘Philadelphia Quakers’, later called the ‘Philadelphia Blue Jays’ in the mid-1940s)

[Mon] Mandela Day
[Mon] Get Out Of the Doghouse Day
[Mon] Global Hug Your Kid Day
[Mon] Caviar Day
[Tues] Stick Your Tongue Out Day
[Tues] Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day
[Wed] Moon Day
[Wed] Fortune Cookie Day
This Week Is … Therapeutic Recreation Week
This Month Is … Women’s Motorcycle Month


Sure, you’ve heard “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight; red sky at morning, sailor’s take warning.” But are you familiar with these old sea sayings?
• “When swells roll steady from east to west, all aboard must clean up their (erp!) mess!”
• “Stars to ye right, tie the jib tight. Stars to ye left, we’re not paying you to sit out here and look at the damn stars all night, OK?”
• “A hazy circle round the sun … life jackets are not to be worn as a makeshift hats!”
• “A pod of dolphins at your bow, don’t everyone rush to the front at the same time please!”
• “If the wind bears the scent of lavender afore noon, grab a plunger and meet me in the head.”
• “Should a mob of gulls follow your mast … I thought I told you morons to stop feeding the seagulls!”
– Thanks to Sloan Schang

British worm research indicates that a male’s life is shortened by failure to control which?
a. His Lust. [CORRECT. Male worms that give up on constantly chasing female worms live twice as long as females. Males that keep up the chase die young.]
b. His Eating.
c. His Sleeping.

If you could re-name yourself for a day, what would you call yourself?

Just one more reason we love Dave Grohl (Warning: Strong Language) …

A family reunion is when relatives get together to talk with their mouths full.

Today’s Question: The #1 profession that causes headaches is ‘accountant’; THIS is #2.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Librarian’.

If you’re rich, it’s ‘eccentric’; but if you’re poor, it’s just ‘weird’.

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