Wednesday, July 15, 2015        Edition: #5495

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

★ Tonight actor Michael Fassbender takes on the iconic role of ‘The Dude’ in a live reading of the script from the 1998 cult classic movie “The Big Lebowski”. The “X-Men” star is assuming the part originally played by Jeff Bridges during another installment of director Jason Reitman’s ‘Live Read Series’ in Montréal QC. Reitman previously directed a live performance of the script in 2012, with Seth Rogen taking the role of a hapless slacker who gets involved in a criminal scheme due to a case of mistaken identity. Joining Fassbender at the read is stand-up comedian, writer, and voice actor Patton Oswalt, who frequents Reitman’s live script reads.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ Former “30 Rock” star Tracy Morgan is still recovering from the horrific accident when his limo collided with a truck in New Jersey, killing his friend Jimmy McNair and leaving Morgan with serious injuries, including head trauma and a broken leg and ribs. Since then, he’s slowly but steadily been recuperating, and a newscaster from a NYC station has recently spotted him driving a Lamborghini around the Big Apple. After months of undergoing regular physiotherapy sessions to learn how to sit, stand, and walk again, Morgan previously stated his next goal is to escort fiancée Megan Wollover down the aisle without a cane when they wed in August.
★ And Pulitzer Prize-winning comic strip “Bloom County” is back … at least temporarily. The comic strip’s creator Berkeley Breathed has posted new material on Facebook more than a quarter-century after the strip went dark. The storyline involves ‘Opus the Penguin’ awakening after what he discovers from ‘Milo’ is a 25-year nap. Separately, a posted photo of Breathed shows him at his computer with the caption: “A return after 25 years. Feels like going home.” It’s not clear whether the revival is a one-off, or if “Bloom County” is back for an indefinite stay.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The judges’ favorite acts from Season 10 auditions.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Newly ‘bankrupt’ 50 Cent (“Street King Immortal”, due in September).
• “Dating Naked” (VH1) – The nude matchmaking show is back for another season. This year there are 2 primary daters, and 4 contestants arrive each week to compete for their favor.
• ESPYs (ABC) – Joel McHale, the 43-year-old actor best known for his role as ‘Jeff Winger’ in “Community”, hosts the 2015 awards for athletic achievement over the past year at LA’s Nokia Theater. The ‘Arthur Ashe Award for Courage’ is being presented to … Caitlyn Jenner.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Robert Delong (“Just Movement”). Rerun.
• “Lachey’s Bar” (A&E) – Debut of a new docu-series about brothers and former 98 Degrees boy-band members Nick (41) and Drew (38) Lachey opening a sports bar & grill in their hometown of Cincinnati OH. Nick quote: “I’ve closed a lot of bars, (but) never opened one.”
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jemaine Clement (Flight Of the Conchords). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Kid Cudi (“Speedin’ Bullet to Heaven”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Anderson East (“Delilah”).
• Legacy of Hope Concert (Brooklyn NY) – Performers at the annual fundraiser at Barclays Center include Chic, Common, and Robin Thicke. The nonprofit is helping fund the Nelson Mandela Children’s Hospital in Johannesburg, South Africa. Tonight’s concert is live-streamed.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Shawn Mendes (“Handwritten”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Alan Jackson (“Angels & Alcohol”, out Friday)
• “Twinning” (VH1) – Debut of a new reality competition in which 12 sets of twins compete head-to-head for $222,222.22.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – 1960s girl group The Crystals.

• Ariana Grande – She will not be charged for licking donuts. Riverside County Sheriff’s Department has confirmed it investigated a video of her tonguing treats at a Wolfee Donuts shop in California, looking for ‘deliberate food tampering’. However, the shop owner has since decided not to press charges. (Are you kidding, after all that free publicity?)
• Backstreet Boys / *NSYNC – BSB’s Nick Carter is writing, directing, and starring in a Syfy channel spoof movie called “Dead 7” (think “Sharknado” in the Old West). Bandmate AJ McLean will join him in the film, as will *NSYNC’s Joey Fatone. Carter’s also asked One Direction’s Niall Horan to play his onscreen brother, but he’s likely a tad busy touring.
• CCR – Classic rocker John Fogerty has filed a breach of contract suit against 2 of his former Creedence Clearwater Revival bandmates over their use of the group’s name. In the lawsuit, Fogerty alleges the band is not honoring a 2001 agreement over use of the name. It’s unclear how much compensation he’s seeking. (This is ugly … and it’s been going on for years.)
• Eli Young Band / Andy Grammer – The 2 acts have teamed up to release a new version of Grammer’s #1 pop hit “Honey, I’m Good”. The new countrified version is now available on iTunes. Grammer’s original version topped the iTunes ‘Pop’ chart.
• Kendrick Lamar – He’s been hit with a lawsuit over a photo taken during a 2011 trip to Africa showing a woman breastfeeding 2 children. Giordano Cipriani claims he shot the pic and Lamar has been using it to promote a song off his “To Pimp a Butterfly” album since February. Cipriani is seeking $150,000 for each time the image has been used, as well as legal fees.
• Little Big Town – Their mega-hit single “Girl Crush” is atop the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart for an 11th consecutive week, setting a new record for the longest #1 run by a group (of at least 3 members) in the chart’s history. (On a Wednesday … in the rain.)
• Meghan Trainor – She’s gotten the all-clear from docs after her recent vocal cord hemorrhage and resumed her “M Train Tour” in St Louis MO last night. She’ll wrap up the slate of shows in Atlantic City NJ in September.
• OMI – The breakout international artist from Jamaica has announced a handful of tour dates in support of his global hit “Cheerleader”. The schedule gets underway tonight in NYC.
• Tyga – The “Rack City” hitmaker (real name Michael Nguyen-Stevenson) is being sued for $1.6 million plus damages for allegedly not fulfilling promotional obligations with a clothing line called ‘Last Kings’ in 2013; and then setting up ‘Egypt Kings’, a rival and similarly-named brand.
• Ted Nugent / Kid Rock – They’ve teamed up to record a defiant Confederate flag anthem entitled “Kiss My Rebel Ass”. Nugent reportedly wrote the tune a day after Kid Rock invited anyone protesting his use of the former Southern banner at his concerts to “kiss my ass”.

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 89% of employees would prefer their boss did not call or text them after work.
• 74% of Summer camps do not let kids bring electronic devices.
• 59% of us run late about once a week due to taking an overlong shower.
• 51% of us think texting during a meal is downright rude.
• 49% of men surveyed say they believe baseball exists in heaven.
• 19% of us would be turned off by someone talking about past medical issues on a first date.

Today online retailer Amazon is unleashing its first-ever Black Friday-style ‘Prime Day’ sale. The ‘Prime Day’ blowout is being held to celebrate the e-commerce company’s 20th anniversary. It will include thousands of deals, with new ones as often as every 10 minutes. But … it’s exclusively available to ‘Prime’ members, who pay $99 a year to get free 2-day shipping plus access to music & video streaming. In response Walmart is launching a rival sale today, promising more than 2,000 online-exclusive price ‘rollbacks’. The special lower prices will last 90 days. Walmart is also reducing the minimum order for free shipping from $50 to $35 for at least 30 days. Not to be left out, Best Buy has a Black Friday sale planned for July 24-25. (A lot less work is about to get done around the office.)

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Distraction Addict’ – A person whose attention is easily and constantly drawn away from the task at hand. (As an example, let’s say you were … man, could I ever use a coffee … oh look, there’s a cloud shaped like a platypus …”)
• ‘Phantom Offer’ – A nonexistent offer to purchase (or in some cases, rent) a property, used to coerce those making real offers into raising their prices. (This month the Real Estate Council of Ontario has introduced new regulations to crack down on this sleazy practice.)
• ‘Shift Parenting’ – An approach to childcare in which the parents take turns to look after the children between work shifts. (“Didn’t you hear the whistle? Time for shift-change, honey. Oh … also time for diaper change. Sorry.”)

Ever considered how your overall demeanor is affected by that tipple or two? University of Missouri psychologists have studies the impact of alcohol and identified 4 main types of drunk personalities …
✓ ‘The Hemingway’ – 40% fit this category. They change only slightly despite drinking large qualities, retaining a level of conscientiousness and intellect.
✓ ‘The Mary Poppins’ – Around 15% of drinkers fit the mold. They remain friendly, cooperative, compassionate, and agreeable after having a few. Or more.
✓ ‘Mr Hyde’ – About 23% of us become increasingly disagreeable with each drink. Hydes are most likely to experience blackouts. Also most likely to be arrested for drunken behavior.
✓ ‘The Nutty Professor’ – Describes 20%. This is someone who suddenly gains confidence after imbibing. Most likely to be introverted when sober and MUCH more extroverted drunk.
(What types have they’ve left out? The ‘David Hasselhoff’ – crawls around on the floor? The ‘Lindsay Lohan’ – 1 drink and takes her clothes off?)
– “Daily Mail”

A small Italian town is transforming its main square into a giant version of the boardgame “Risk” (‘Risiko’ in Italian) for a 2-day tournament. The piazza in Sant’Eufemia a Maiella will be covered with a 650-square-meter (7,000-square-foot) board as part of the event later this month. It’s billed as the world’s biggest game of “Risk” by the event’s organizers. Artist Liberio Furlini spent 15 days painting the huge political map of the world used in the game. Super-sized playing pieces designed to fit the gigantic board will be used by those taking part. (Vladimir Putin might take issue with the claim that this is the largest version of the game.)
– “Il Centro”

The light emitted by 200,000 galaxies makes our universe a shade of beige. Scientists at Johns Hopkins University have christened the color ‘cosmic latte’.
– “Mental Floss Magazine”


1961 [54] Forest Whitaker, Longview TX, movie actor (“The Butler”, Oscar-“The Last King of Scotland”)/movie director (“First Daughter”, “Hope Floats”)

1971 [44] Jim Rash, Charlotte NC, TV actor (“Community” 2009-15)/screenwriter (“The Way Way Back”, “The Descendants”)

1972 [43] Scott Foley, Kansas City KS, TV actor (‘Capt Jake Ballard’ on “Scandal” since 2013, “Grey’s Anatomy” 2010-11)/ex-Mr Jennifer Garner (2000-04)

1973 [42] Brian Austin Green, Van Nuys CA, TV actor (“Anger Management” since 2012, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” 2008-09)/wed to actress Megan Fox since 2010

1977 [38] Ray Toro, Jersey City NJ, rock guitarist (My Chemical Romance [2001-13]-“Welcome To the Black Parade”, “Famous Last Words”)

• “Be a Dork Day”, an annual excuse to wear goofy clothing, not brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and trip over your own feet. (In other words, act normal.)

• “Gummi Worm Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey candies first created by German company Trolli in 1981. ‘Gummi’ means ‘rubber’ in German.

• “Pet Fire Safety Day”, a day to consider ways to keep your 4-legged friend(s) safe from house fires. A few tips …
– Extinguish all open flames before leaving your home. Pets are curious about fire.
– Keep collars and leashes at the ready in case you have to evacuate quickly.
– When leaving pets alone, keep them near entrances where firefighters can easily find them.
– Write down the number of pets in your house on a static cling and attach it to a front window.

• “Respect Canada Day” as declared by the US-based ‘Wellness Permission League’, a day to ‘show we know it’s not some strange northern province of America’.

• “St Swithun’s Day”, honoring the 7th-century Bishop of Winchester. According to legend, if it rains on St Swithun’s Day it will rain for the next 40 days. If it is clear, no rain will fall for 40 days. (Sort of a saintly Groundhog Day.)

• “Tapioca Day”, honoring that stuff you put in pudding that looks like fish eyes.

2005 [10] The Johnny Depp movie “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory” opens in theaters

2011 [04] “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2” (last in the series) opens in movie theaters (grosses $1.3 billion in worldwide box office, #7 all-time)

2000 [15] Paul Young, lead singer of Mike & The Mechanics, dies of a heart attack at age 53

2000 [15] Classic rocker Bob Seger’s 62-ft sailboat ‘Lightning’ wins its division in the 78th annual Mackinac Race from Port Huron MI to Mackinac Island (MACK-ih-gnaw’)

2003 [12] AOL Time Warner disbands Netscape; non-profit spin-off Mozilla Foundation is established the same day (maker of Firefox, the best web browser?)

2006 [09] Twitter is launched, quickly becoming one of the largest social media platforms

2007 [08] 125-year-old Philadelphia Phillies become first Major League Baseball team to lose 10,000 games as St Louis Cardinals beat them 10-2 (Phillies established in 1883 as ‘Philadelphia Quakers’, later called the ‘Philadelphia Blue Jays’ in the mid-1940s)

[Thurs] Pemberton Music Festival begins (Pemberton BC)
[Thurs] World Snake Day
[Fri] “Ant-Man”; “Trainwreck” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Forecastle Festival begins (Louisville KY)
[Fri] Pitchfork Music Festival begins (Chicago IL)
[Fri] Eid-Al-Fitr (Muslim)
This Week Is … Baby Food Week
This Month Is … Horseradish Month


• ‘Candied Kumquat’
• ‘Burnt Garfield’
• ‘1970s Shag Carpet’
• ‘Burnt Sienna’
• ‘Sultry Yam’
• ‘Chicken Curry’
• ‘Old Iguana’
• ‘Muted Lichen’
• ‘Dark Wheelbarrow Rust’
• ‘Worn Saddle’
– Thanks to Mollie Swayne

☎ What common cliché is actually true?

He’s been working hard 24/7. 24 hours-a-week, 7 months-a-year.

Question: Doing THIS for 12 straight hours would burn 1 entire pound of body fat.
Answer: Playing ping-pong.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Printer Friendly Version