Thursday, July 17, 2014        Edition: #5264

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ Will it be ‘Thora’? Marvel Entertainment has announced that ‘Thor’, the God of Thunder himself, is no longer worthy of ‘Mjolnir’, the mystical Asgardian hammer. A woman – as yet unidentified – will now wield it. Does this mean a woman will take over in the upcoming 3rd movie in the series or will it just impact on the comic books? It’s not clear at the moment. What is clear is that Marvel is making a big push to reach out to females, an audience the industry is often accused of ignoring. The new “Thor” comic will debut in October.
– “Wall Street Journal”
★ TV show creator Shonda Rhimes is taking over Thursdays. She already produces 2 of the night’s biggest hits, “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scandal” for ABC, and now she’s getting a 3rd hour on Thursday which she’ll fill with a new legal drama, “How to Get Away With Murder”. Viola Davis stars as a law professor trying to solve a murder mystery. The show debuts September 25th and is slated to run 15 or 16 episodes, which would seem to be enough time to wrap up the 1st murder case and launch a 2nd one.
– E! Online
★ Lena Dunham, creator and star of HBO’s “Girls”, has announced via Twitter that she’s hitting the road to promote her new book of essays entitled “Not That Kind of Girl”, which will be hitting bookshelves September 30th. During the 12-stop tour she’ll read excerpts from the book, autograph copies, and answer audience questions. The trek will also include special guests. A full list of tour dates and locations can be found on Dunham’s website …
– “Boston Globe”
★ 2014 isn’t even over and Richard Linklater’s critically acclaimed latest film “Boyhood” is already drawing Oscar buzz. While Academy Award nominations aren’t due until next January,  British bookmaking firm Ladbrokes has already listed it at 10-to-1 odds to win ‘Best Picture’, and posted Linklater at 5-to-1 to win ‘Best Director’. “Boyhood”, starring Ethan Hawke, was filmed over 12 years with the same cast and follows a boy called ‘Mason’ from age 6-to-18. It debuted at Sundance Film Festival in January, was released last week in the UK, and opens wide across North America this Friday.
– “Metro”

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Sky Blu (“Pop Bottles”). Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Weird Al Yankovic (“Mandatory Fun”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Pharrell Williams (“G I R L”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Trey Songz (“Trigga”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – You Won’t (“Skeptic Goodbye”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – St Vincent (“St Vincent”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jason Mraz (“Yes!”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”).

• Arcade Fire – Their album “Reflektor” and Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” are among the 10-album shortlist for Canada’s annual Polaris Music Prize. The eventual ‘Canadian Album Of the Year’ winner will be presented with a cash prize at a gala on September 22nd.
• Blink-182 – Frontman Tom DeLonge has announced via Instagram that rehearsals have begun for a new album. The announcement was accompanied by a photo of the 3 band members as teenagers, sporting horrifically outdated hairdos..
• Drake – Last night he hosted ESPN’s annual “ESPY Awards” in Los Angeles. He’s confirmed that his upcoming 4th album will be titled “Views From the 6”, but says he won’t begin work on it until after his co-headlining tour with Lil Wayne, which starts August 8th.
• Gwen Stefani – She’s bringing her husband along to help out when she takes over as a coach on “The Voice”. Gavin Rossdale will serve as adviser for ‘Team Gwen’ during the upcoming 7th season, which kicks off September 22nd on NBC-TV.
• Pharrell Williams – He’s being tapped to curate the soundtrack for “NBA 2K15”, the upcoming new version of the basketball videogame set for an October 7th release. Word has it songs from System Of a Down and Strafe will be included.
• Garth Brooks – He’s announced he’ll kick off his world tour on September 4th at the Allstate Arena in Chicago IL. Brooks has not played Chi-town in 17 years.
• Train – Their 7th studio album, “Bulletproof Picasso”, now has a street date of September 16th. The 12-track set includes the newly-released single “Angel in Blue Jeans”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Brony Tale” – Morgan Spurlock’s newest documentary is a film about men … who like ‘My Little Pony’ (‘Brony’ is the nickname given to an adult male fan). They’ve become such a phenomenon that there are conventions, websites, and even psychological studies devoted to them. The doc is available on demand and also screens in a few of select theaters this month.
• “The Deep Blue Goodbye” – Christian Bale is in early talks to star as ‘Travis McGee’ in this screen adaptation of John D MacDonald’s 1960s book series about a ‘salvage consultant’ who recovers others people’s property for a fee. Along the way he gets into trouble fighting bad guys and wooing women. Leonardo DiCaprio is a co-producer on the project.
• “Fast & Furious 7” – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is hinting that the upcoming 7th instalment of the street-racing franchise may be his last even though 3 more films are being considered. The box office has more than doubled since he joined the series as ‘Marshall Luke Hobbs’. Production on “Fast & Furious 7” was completed last week. It’s due in theaters April 3, 2015.
• “The Last Witch Hunter” – “Fast & Furious” actor Vin Diesel stars in this supernatural action project. He plays a semi-immortal witch hunter who’s forced to partner with his natural enemy, a female witch, to stop a villainous witch queen from unleashing a plague on humanity. 27-year-old actress Rose Leslie (“Game of Thrones”) co-stars. The film is due in 2015.

Sweeping shots of skiers on mountains and other stunning aerial footage usually takes an entire crew, or at least a skilled pilot and a great cameraman. But soon you’ll be able to accomplish these kinds of shots with … your own personal drone. ‘Hexo+’ is an autonomous aerial drone camera that is controlled via a smartphone app. Is there a market for this? You betcha. The company that makes the gizmo has secured a whopping $1.2 million in Kickstarter funding … and its original goal was only $50,000. The ‘Hexo+’ drones purchased on Kickstarter will ship in May 2015. They’re priced at circa $700. (The air is soon to get even more polluted.)

• Investigations – Including snooping by private eyes.
• Dronies – Like selfies … but taken with a drone.
• Bartending – Cosmopolitan Marquee Dayclub in Las Vegas offers poolside bottle service via drone.
• Laundry – A Philadelphia PA dry cleaner uses drones to deliver clean clothing.
• Fast-Food – Burrito Bomber has plans to offer the 1st airborne Mexican food delivery.
• Modern Love – A man delivered his now-wife a diamond ring via drone. How romantic.
• Drugs – San Francisco startup QuiQui (‘quickie’) plans to deliver prescription drugs … in as little as 15 seconds. (Sorry, no medical marijuana.)

Ever spent some time trying to haggle with a utility, cable TV, or wireless company? A few tips on how to avoid arguments with customer service reps …
✓ Don’t Be a Jerk – Make your initial approach in a friendly fashion. It’s easy to go from co-operative to competitive, but difficult to go the other way around.
✓ Push the ‘Up’ Button – If the first rep stonewalls you and says there’s nothing he or she can do for you, ask to speak to a supervisor … and don’t take no for an answer.
✓ Threaten to Bail – Almost all of these companies have a ‘Retention’ or ‘Loyalty’ department dedicated to keeping you as a customer. Find out what it’s called … and ask for it.
(What’s the best deal you’ve pulled off negotiating with a CSR?)
– “Men’s Health”

The future of war may have just changed. There’s a new ‘smart’ bullet that can change direction mid-air to track down its target. DARPA, the research arm of the USA’s Defense Department, has developed the Exacto system, which uses a 4-inch-long bullet with an optical laser sensor and a miniature central processing unit to command electromagnetic steering. Unlike most rifle bullets, Exacto has no spin. Instead, it travels like an electronic dart with fins that guide it in mid-air. A sniper team can control the bullet after firing to ensure accuracy at a distance of over a mile away. (Great. Still no cure for cancer.)

You can tell your kids ‘no’ means ‘no’, but how do you actively show them that their consent and the consent of others is important? A few tips …
✓ Actually listen and react when your child says the word ‘no’. Even during tickle fights. (Wait for them to ask to be tickled again.)
✓ Don’t contradict children when they describe their feelings (“I’m hungry!”/”No you’re not, you just ate!”). Teach them to trust their instincts
✓ Give them a choice whether they want to hug or kiss an adult when the option is presented. (Even if it’s an auntie.)
✓ Teach them respect for elders, but don’t use age and size as a power play. Someday they may need to respectfully stand up for themselves against people more powerful than they are.
– Condensed from

• Every 5 seconds, about 21 babies are born in the world.
• Every 5 seconds, the average person blinks.
• Every 5 seconds, 6 hours worth of YouTube video content is uploaded.
• Every 5 seconds, 300 new Instagram pictures are uploaded.
• Every 5 seconds, about 9 people die in the world.


1935 [79] Donald Sutherland, Saint John NB, still-working movie actor (“Hunger Games” movies)/TV actor (‘Michel Dorn’ on “Crossing Lines” since 2013)/actor Keifer Sutherland’s pop/Hollywood Walk Of Fame (2011)

1947 [67] Duchess of Cornwall (Camilla Parker Bowles Windsor), Plumpton UK, Prince Charles’ longtime mistress whom he finally wed in 2005

1954 [60] Angela Merkel (Kasner), Hamburg, Germany, 8th German Chancellor since 2005/listed by some sources as ‘World’s Most Powerful Woman’

1960 [54] Mark Burnett, London UK, really rich TV producer (“Survivor”, “Celebrity Apprentice”, “The Voice”)

1964 [50] Craig Morgan, Kingston Springs TN, country singer (“Bonfire”, “That’s What I Love About Sunday”)

1975 [39] MIA (Mathangi ‘Maya’ Arulpragasam), London UK, pop singer-songwriter (“Paper Planes”, “Bad Girls”)/fashion designer/artist

1976 [38] Luke Bryan, Leesburg GA, country singer (“Play It Again”, “That’s My Kind of Night”)

1979 [35] Mike Vogel, Abington PA, TV actor (‘Dale Barbara’ on “Under the Dome” since 2013)

• “Air Conditioning Day”, celebrating the 1902  invention of the 1st practical air conditioner by Buffalo NY engineer Willis Carrier. Ahhh … thank-you!

• “Hemingway Days”, the 34th annual festival saluting the noted author in Key West FL through Sunday. A highlight is the ‘Hemingway Look-Alike Contest’ which draws greybeards from all over.

• “National Baby Food Festival”, the 21st annual through Saturday in Fremont MI, home of Gerber Products. Events include a ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’ and ‘Adult Baby-Food-Eating Contest’.

• “Wear Crazy Socks to Work Day”, another excuse to goof off on-the-job, this time while laughing and pointing at one another’s feet. Multicolored toe socks, anyone?

• “World Day for International Justice”, celebrated on the anniversary of the adoption of the ‘Rome Statute’, the treaty that created the International Criminal Court in 1998.

1917 [97] British royal family 1st uses surname ‘Windsor’ in an attempt to rid itself of its German heritage (and the hard-to-spell ‘Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’)

1976 [38] Opening ceremony for the 1st Olympic Games held in Canada (Montréal)

1941 [73] NY Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio doesn’t get a hit, bringing his ‘Consecutive Game Hitting Streak’ to a close after 56 games since May 16th (a record that still stands)

1982 [32] 52-year-old Don Bennett of Seattle WA becomes 1st ‘One-Legged Mountain Climber’ to hop to the top of 14,408-ft Mount Rainier

[Fri] “Planes: Fire & Rescue”; “The Purge: Anarchy”; “Sex Tape” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Nelson Mandela International Day
[Sat] Television Critics Association Awards (LA CA)
[Sat] Hot Dog Day
[Sun] Ice Cream Sunday
This Week Is … Sports Cliché Week
This Month Is … Women’s Motorcycle Month


• Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
• If men are so competent how come you always see signs reading ‘Danger! Men at Work’?
• How much Healthy Choice Ice Cream can you eat before its no longer a healthy choice?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
• When they say ‘instant credit’ don’t they actually mean ‘instant debt’?
• Why do people who know the least seem to know it the loudest?

☎ If the ice cream truck from your childhood showed up in front of your house today, what old favorite would you order?

Recent experiments show that male monkeys will pay (in juice) to look at what?
a. Bananas.
b. “Orange Is the New Black”.
c. Pictures of female monkey bottoms. [CORRECT]

Can we hear the difference between hot and cold? Turns out, yes we can. Hear for yourself …

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30 am!?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Question: THIS works almost all of the time on TV, but in real life only about 10% of the time.
Answer: CPR.

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

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