Monday, July 18, 2016 – Edition: #5776

Sheet Happens!

★ 72-year-old Mick Jagger is going to be father of an 8th child, this time with 29-year-old Melanie Hamrick. The Stones frontman has been dating the ballerina since 2014. Hamrick will reportedly NOT be moving to London with Jagger. She is going to end her dance career and move out of NYC to settle down in either LA or back home in Connecticut. Jagger became a father for the first time back in 1970. (Does anyone else wonder if this is Mick’s retaliation after Jerry Hall married Rupert Murdoch?)
★ Actress Liv Tyler and Dave Gardner (aka David Beckham’s best bud) had their 2nd child last week, a girl called Lula. Their other child is a boy called Sailor. If those names sound vaguely familiar, it’s because ‘Sailor’ and ‘Lula’ were the names of Nicholas Cage and Laura Dern’s characters in the oddball 1990 David Lynch film “Wild At Heart”. (Based on that, their next child will presumably be named either ‘Dropshadow’ or ‘Uncle Pooch’.)
★ The distributor of Idris Elba’s new movie “Bastille Day” has asked French cinemas to pull the action thriller following the Bastille Day attack in Nice, France on Thursday. Advertising and promotions for the movie were intially halted, then the film itself was pulled completely on Saturday as France began its 3-day period of mourning. In the movie, which was released in the UK in April, Idris stars as a former CIA agent who teams up with a pickpocket, played by “Game of Thrones” actor Richard Madden, to stop a terrorism mission. (Oops, way too soon!)
★ And movie star Matt Damon is teasing that a 5th ‘Bourne’ movie is likely to be made but admits he’s too old to play the role much longer. The 45-year-old is returning to play the special agent for a 4th time in ‘Jason Bourne’ (out July 29th) following a 9-year break, and is sure the franchise will continue but admits he may not be part of it. The latest film – which co-stars Alicia Vikander, Tommy Lee Jones, and Julia Stiles – required Damon to undergo 90 minute high-intensity gym sessions every day for 10 weeks and eat only vegetables and protein for months before filming. (For another 25 mill or so? No problem.)
– “The Guardian”

• Alternative Press Music Awards (Columbus OH) – Tonight’s annual honors are hosted by Alex Gaskarth & Jack Barakat of All Time Low at the Schottenstein Center. Performers include Babymetal, Beartooth, Good Charlotte, Papa Roach, and Yellowcard. Marilyn Manson receives the career achievement ‘Icon Award’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Last Bandoleros (“Where Do You Go?”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Soft Moon (“Deeper”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – SWMRS (“Drive North”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Maren Morris (“Hero”).
• Republican National Convention (ABC/CBS/NBC/PBS) – The anointing of Donald Trump begins tonight at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland OH. The 4-day GOP gathering includes appearances by UFC president Dana White, “SI” swimsuit model-golfer Natalie Gulbis, actor Antonio Sabato Jr (“General Hospital”), and actress Kimberlin Brown (“The Young & The Restless”). Rumored speakers Mike Tyson, Tom Brady, Don King, Bobby Knight, and Mike Ditka are now said to NOT be expected on the dais.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 dancers perform; 1 is eliminated.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Troye Sivan (“Blue Neighbourhood”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Fat Joe & Remy Ma (“All the Way Up”).

• Ciara – Here’s a likely explanation of confusion about the actual date of their wedding: they didn’t become legally married until 3 days after their lavish ceremony in an English castle earlier this month. Word has it that it wasn’t made official until July 9th in King County, Washington.
• Demi Lovato – Reports say she’s split from her new boyfriend. It seems a brief fling with MMA fighter Guilherme Vasconcelos has ended. She previously dumped her long-term actor- boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama last month.
• Ellie Goulding – She’s being forced to pull out of a series of gigs after doctors have warned her that her voice is going to ‘burn out’ from exhaustion if she maintains the hectic schedule she’s been following of late.
• Michael Jackson – His former physician (and ex-con) Dr Conrad Murray has a tell-all book called “This Is It” being published tomorrow. Among its outlandish claims …
– Michael wanted to marry British friend Mark Lester’s 12-year-old daughter or, if she refused, 11-year-old “Harry Potter” star Emma Watson.
– Michael confessed that he lied when he blamed vitiligo, a lack of pigment, for his gradually whiter skin.
– Michael made his daughter Paris apply skin bleaching cream, even though she had the whitest complexion of his children.
– Michael sometimes disguised himself as a ‘clown’ or a ‘stroke victim’ in order to party with hookers.
• One Direction – “Entertainment Today” reports that Zayn Malik left the boy-band after an alien appeared to him in a dream.
• Taylor Swift – A Colorado judge has denied her request to give evidence behind closed doors in the case of an alleged groping. She’s fighting a slander lawsuit from a former KYGO Denver radio personality, who claims he lost his job after she falsely accused him of touching her butt backstage during a meet-and-greet in 2013.
• U2 – “La Parisienne” magazine reports Bono was dining with friends on the terrace of upmarket restaurant La Petite Maison in Nice, France when the Bastille Day horror began. The restaurant staff pulled down shutters and patrons hid inside until given the all-clear. Eventually the group was rescued by armed police.

Research shows that having a beard is just as hygienic as having a clean face … possibly more so. In stark contrast to earlier research that found beards could be as dirty as toilets, researchers who swabbed the faces of 400+ male hospital workers have found that clean-shaven men are 3 times more likely to carry bacteria on their faces than bearded men. One reason may be that shaving causes tiny cuts on the skin where bacteria can fester. While the study is quite small, it suggests at the very least that the cleanliness of facial hair deserves to be judged on a case-by-case basis. And there’s more good news for men with beards … “GQ” reports facial hair keeps perspiration close to the face for a nice cooling effect in Summer. (Ahh … nothing more refreshing than sweaty public hair.)

Clouds aren’t where they used to be and their shifting patterns don’t bode well for the planet, say scientists. Satellite images collected between 1983 and 2009 show 2 trends: clouds have been migrating away from the Equator toward the Earth’s poles, meaning dry zones in mid-latitude areas are expanding; and the tops of those clouds are reaching higher into the atmosphere, which indicates a thicker cloud barrier has formed, one that traps heat radiation instead of letting it escape into space. The upshot is that both changes suggest clouds will worsen climate change instead of relieving it. One fuzzy area is how much of this shift is attributable to humans and how much to 2 large volcanic eruptions that occurred during the time period studied. (Either way, it’s just about time to wheel out the handcart.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

Always sending the ‘heart-eyes’ emoji? You’re probably a little obsessive and filled with love. Big fan of the ‘poop’ emoji? Then you, uh, seemingly love poop. According to Twitter, the most used emoji on its social network vary from country-to-country. The UK’s current favorite is the ‘despairing crying face’ (a result of Brexit?). The same goes for Canada and the US. Japan, South Korea, Italy, and France, on the other hand, are more loved up with variations on ‘hearts’ being tops. India, Mexico, and South Africa all seem very positive and grateful, judging from their favored use of ‘prayer hands’ emoji. Twitter has also found that people tweet more ‘beer’ emoji than ‘coffee’ emoji; and that there are more ‘full heart’ emoji used than ‘broken heart’ emoji. (Aww.)

People touch their smartphones 2,617 times a day on average.
– “Network World”


1950 [66] (Sir) Richard Branson, London UK, business entrepreneur (CEO of Virgin Group since 1966)/founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Galactic, Virgin Mobile, Virgin Records, etc/estimated net worth $5.2 billion as of 2016

1961 [55] Elizabeth McGovern, Evanston IL, TV actress (‘Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-16)

1964 [52] Wendy Williams, Ocean Township NJ, TV personality (“The Wendy Williams Show” since 2008)/former radio ‘shock jockette’

1967 [49] Vin Diesel (Mark Vincent), NYC, movie actor (“Fast & Furious” films, “The Chronicles of Riddick” films)

1975 [41] MIA (Mathangi Arulpragasam), London UK, rapper/record producer (“Paper Planes”)/visual artist/activist/photographer/fashion designer/model

1980 [36] Kristen Bell, Huntington Woods MI, movie actress (“Zootopia”, “Frozen”)/TV actress (“House of Lies” 2012-16, “Veronica Mars” 2004-07) UP NEXT: “Frozen 2”.

1981 [35] Michiel Huisman, Amstelveen, Netherlands, TV actor (‘Daario Naharis’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2014, “Orphan Black” 2014-15)

1982 [34] Priyanka Chopra, Jamshedpur, India, TV actress (‘Alex Parrish’ on “Quantico” since 2015) COMING UP: “Baywatch” 2017.

• “Caviar Day”, saluting the mega-expensive roe (eggs) of the sturgeon fish, proving that we’ll eat just about anything if it is given an attractive name and costs a lot of money.

• “Get Out Of the Doghouse Day”, sort of like a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card from the game of “Monopoly”. In trouble with somebody you care about? This is the day to apologize, mend hurts, and try to get back to normal.

• “Global Hug Your Kid Day” … like you need an excuse.

• “Nelson Mandela International Day”, the 5th annual as initiated by the UN in honor of the late civil rights leader and former South African president. Celebrated on his birth date (1918-2013).

• “World Listening Day”, to celebrate the practice of listening as it relates to the world around us, environmental awareness, and acoustic ecology. A joint effort of the World Soundscape Project, World Listening Project, and World Forum for Acoustic Ecology.

2008 [08] ‘Batman’ sequel “The Dark Knight” opens in movie theaters, setting a record of $158 million with its opening weekend domestic box office (eventually wins Heath Ledger a posthumous Oscar for his portrayal of ‘The Joker’)

2008 [08] Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood enters rehab to battle alcohol abuse (the move follows tabloid speculation about the state of his 23-year marriage to former model Jo Wood)

2012 [04] King Jong-un, son of King Jong-il, is announced as official ‘Supreme Leader of North Korea’ and also now holds the rank of ‘Marshal in the Korean People’s Army’ (as well as ‘Grand Poobah’)

2014 [02] announces its new ‘Kindle Unlimited’ program, a subscription service providing borrowing rights to a large selection of books for a monthly fee (like the Public Library … only not free)

2013 [03] The government of Detroit MI, $20 billion in debt, files for the largest municipal bankruptcy in USA history

[Tues] Full ‘Buck’ Moon
[Tues] Flight Attendant Safety Professionals Day
[Tues] Stick Out Your Tongue Day
[Wed] International Cake Day
[Wed] Comic-Con International begins (San Diego CA)

Baby Food Week / Captive Nations Week / Everybody Deserves a Massage Week / Independent Retailers Week / Parenting Gifted Children Week / Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Week / Zookeeper Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
A poll of kids reveals the things they most hate to hear from their parents. Among the most disliked …
• “Is your room clean?”
• “Because I said so.”
• “Turn down the music!”
• “Go ask your father.”/”Go ask your mother.”
• “Get off the phone.”
• “Eat it, it’s good for you.”
• “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
• “We’ll see.”
– First published in “BS” 2014.

Wondering how to stay cool this Summer? Here are 5 heat-blasting and hydrating foods to add to your menu …
✓ Blueberries – Add them to smoothies, salads, and yogurt. Or just eat them on their own.
✓ Cilantro – You can add it to soups, stir-fries, quesadillas, and tacos for a cooling effect.
✓ Cucumber – Naturally hydrating as it’s 96% water. Add cukes to sandwiches or salads.
✓ Mint – Lemon mint tea has amazing cooling effects. Mint also peps up a potato salad.
✓ Watermelon – Thirst-quenching on it’s own, or add it to salads and chilled soups.
– First published in “BS” 2012.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

You’ve just encountered a ‘haboob’. What is it?
a. An error in a smartphone app.
b. An intense dust storm. [CORRECT. A large one enveloped Phoenix AZ 5 years ago today (2011).]
c. An enhanced breast.

☎ If you knew that you only had a year left to live, what would you do?

Question: 60% of brides say they dread THIS the most about their wedding.
Answer: The best man’s speech.

If you don’t change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.

Richard Berman @ Spirit FM Helsinki, Finland; Andy & Britney @ Power 99 [CFMM] Prince Albert SK; Mark Johnson @ Pioneer 90.1 [KSRQ] Thief River Falls MN; and Scott Raible @ 93.7 Praise FM [CJLT] Medicine Hat AB.

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