Friday, July 19, 2013        Edition: #5028

Can You Believe This Sheet?

✳ Fans have been clamoring for a sequel and now Syfy network has confirmed that “Sharknado 2” is on the way and this time the action will take place in NYC. The first spoof horror film starred Ian Ziering & Tara Reid as a pair of unlikely heroes who end up saving Santa Monica CA from a series of shark-filled tornadoes. The made-for-TV movie took Twitter by storm even before it aired July 11th. Syfy is now offering “Sharknado” fans the chance to submit ideas online for the sequel’s subtitle. (Even the creators of this fluff film are surprised at its success.)
✳ Cory Monteith & Lea Michele were planning to wed, according to her grandfather. Albert Sarfati says Michele was left devastated when her on- and off-screen boyfriend was found dead from an alcohol-heroin overdose in Vancouver on the weekend. Another source confirms they were quietly hinting to pals they were making wedding plans. The acting couple, who met and fell in love on the set of “Glee” (FOX), went public with their real-life romance last year. (How will they ever write around this tragedy on the show? Seems impossible.)
– “Star Magazine”
✳ Taking a cue from Kim Kardashian’s baby daddy, Kanye West, Khloe Kardashian’s hubby, Lamar Odom, has told momager, Kris Jenner, that he doesn’t want to appear on ANY of the Kardashian reality TV shows from now on. A family insider says Lamar gets teased all the time by his NBA basketball buddies about appearing on the shows. It does nothing to help ‘his brand’ and exposes him to ridicule and scorn. (If you were worried about your rep, you shouldn’t have married a ‘K’.)
✳ It’s the incredible shrinking Snooki! 25-year-old former “Jersey Shore” star  Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi has become almost unrecognizable following an incredible 50-lb weight-loss off her tiny 4’-8” frame. Standing next to much taller castmate Jenni ‘JWoww’ Farley at this week’s “Self Magazine Rocks the Summer” event in NYC, she looked even tinier. And it’s all due to motherhood … Snooki has been on a fitness kick since having her first son Lorenzo 11 months ago. (She’s now so skinny she’s got that ‘alien head’ thing going on.)
– Mail Online

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Sunday hopefuls audition for the judges in Las Vegas. Rerun.
• “American Idol Live!” – Tonight in Kent WA the top 11 contestants from the latest “American Idol” season begin a 30-show trek that runs through August 31st in Nashville TN.
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Tonight Ciara (“Ciara”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Common (“The Dreamer, The Believer”). Rerun.
• Faster Horses Festival (Brooklyn MI) – This inaugural 3-day country music fest includes Dierks Bentley, Florida Georgia Line, Jason Aldean, and Luke Bryan among many others.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Jennifer Lopez (“Live It Up”) performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight ZZ Ward (“Til the Casket Drops”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Superhumanoids (“Parasite Paradise”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Goo Goo Dolls (“Magnetic”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Jesse & The Rippers (John Stamos’ band from the old “Full House” sitcom reunites).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Dawes (“Stories Don’t End”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Today Marc Anthony (“3.0”, out Tuesday).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Vampire Weekend performs. Rerun.
• “Summer Camp” (Slice) – Tonight the debut of a new reality-competition series hosted by former “American Idol” finalist Matt Rogers. 8 women & 8 men converge at a lakeside retreat in California for a battle of the sexes.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Today guest co-host Carnie Wilson (Wilson Phillips).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Today Fall Out Boy (“Save Rock & Roll”) performs.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Sara Bareilles (“The Blessed Unrest”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Today the Broadway cast of “Motown: The Musical”. Rerun.

• Black Crowes – Tonight their Summer tour kicks off in Nashville TN. It wraps August 15th in Rochester Hills MI.
• Blake Shelton – Tonight he embarks on his headlining “Ten Times Crazier Tour” beginning in Virginia Beach VA. Opening acts are Easton Corbin and Jana Kramer.
• Chris Brown – His upcoming Canadian shows are in jeopardy. A petition protesting his appearance at “Energy Rush” in Halifax NS August 31st is circulating. Due to the outcry, the promoter of a Toronto show is also considering postponing or canceling the July 26th gig.
• Jason Aldean – Saturday he plays another stadium event, this time at Chicago’s Wrigley Field.
• Justin Bieber – He’s had a tattoo of his mom’s eye inked on his arm. Creepy, no?
• Metallica – Today they appear on a Comic Con International panel in San Diego CA to promote their upcoming 3-D film “Through the Never”. The band will unveil a new theatrical trailer along with exclusive footage from the movie.
• Mumford & Sons – Today they open their first “Gentlemen Of the Road Stopover” of 2013, a 2-day festival in Lewes UK. As well as music, the events celebrate local people, food, and culture. Vampire Weekend is also on the bill.
• Pearl Jam – Tonight they play “An Evening With Pearl Jam” at Wrigley Field in Chicago, home of Eddie Vedder’s beloved Chicago Cubs.
• Robin Thicke – Former “Growing Pains” actor Alan Thicke (‘Dr Jason Seaver’) co-wrote a song for his son Robin’s new album. Let’s hope it’s less confusing than “Blurred Lines”.
• Tina Turner – Sunday the newlywed retired singer & her hubby, German producer Erwin Bach, host their wedding reception at their home on Lake Zurich in Switzerland. Designer Giorgio Armani is said to be among the 120 expected guests.
• U2 – This week at a ceremony in Paris, Bono received France’s highest cultural honor, Commander In the Order of Arts & Letters, for his contribution to music and his commitment to humanitarian causes.

• “The Conjuring” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Vera Farmiga & Patrick Wilson play a couple who work as paranormal investigators. When they attempt to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse, they find themselves caught up in the most terrifying case of their lives. Co-stars Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston. Directed by James Wan (“Saw”).
• “RIPD” ( PG-13 Fantasy Comedy ): Jeff Bridges & Ryan Reynolds star in the tale of a recently slain cop who joins the undead police officers working for the ‘Rest in Peace Department’ in order to try to find the man who murdered him. Co-stars Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker. Based on the offbeat graphic novel of the same name. Directed by Robert Schwentke (“RED”).
• “RED 2” ( PG-13 Action Comedy ): In this sequel to the unexpected 2010 hit, Bruce Willis returns as retired black-ops CIA agent ‘Frank Moses’ and reunites his unlikely team of elite operatives for a global quest to track down a missing portable nuclear device. Co-stars John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins. Shot in  Montréal. “RED 3” is already planned.
• Opening in limited release: “The Act of Killing” (Documentary); “Big Words” (Drama); “Blackfish” (Documentary); “D-Day” (Action Thriller); “Girl Most Likely” (Comedy); and “Only God Forgives” (Crime Thriller).

According to a new ranking based on total income over the past year …
5. Adam Sandler (“Grown Ups 2”) … $37 million.
4. Mark Wahlberg (“Ted”) … $52 million.
3. Hugh Jackman (“Les Misérables”, The Wolverine”) … $55 million.
2. Channing Tatum (“Magic Mike”) … $60 million.
1. Robert Downey Jr (“The Avengers”, “Iron Man 3”) … $75 million.

The first test runs of a lawnmower that could reach speeds of over 130 mph (209 km/hr) have taken place at the Circuit de Charade course in France. The vehicle, developed by Honda in collaboration with Team Dynamics, goes from 0-60 mph (95 km/hr) in roughly 4 seconds. It’s thought to be capable of breaking the lawnmower speed record, which stands at 96.5 mph (155 km/hr). So far, it briefly clocked just over 100 mph (160 km/hr). The high-powered motorcycle engine gives off a 130-decibel roar and creates flames from the exhaust. Honda says it’s working on the project to increase its ‘sporty credentials’. (And you thought your neighbor’s mower was noisy!)
– “Top Gear Magazine”

Camp Grounded in Anderson Valley CA is a new summer camp for adults that’s touted as “Where grown-ups go to unplug, getaway, and be kids again.” For 3 nights and $300, big-people campers give up their mobile devices, watches, and work jargon. Real names, ages, and alcohol are also verboten. The idea is to shed the daily grind during an off-the-grid weekend of pure unadulterated fun. Camp activities include Archery, Campfire Sing-Along, Horseshoes, Pillow Fights, and even Truth or Dare. There are also more unusual events like Laughing Contests and … Sneaking Out at Night. (What favorite kids’ camp memory would you like to re-create?)
– “New York Times”

• 53% of us shower in the morning, 29% in the evening. (Apparently the remaining 18% stink.)
• The average shower temperature is 101 F (38 C).
• The average shower uses up nearly 50 gallons of water (189 liters).
• 52% of people sing in the shower. (The other 48% wish they would drown.)
• “Singin’ In The Rain” is the favorite shower tune. (Ask listeners for other good suds songs.)
– VertiSpa survey


1947 [66] Brian May, Hampton UK, classic rock guitarist (Queen-“Bohemian Rhapsody”)/songwriter who collects royalties each time “We Will Rock You” is played at a sports event

1974 [39] Jason McGerr, Seattle WA, indie-rock drummer (Death Cab for Cutie-“You Are a Tourist”, “Soul Meets Body”)

1982 [31] Jared Padalecki, San Antonio TX, TV actor (‘Sam Winchester’ on “Supernatural” since 2005)

Guitarist Carlos Santana (Santana) is 66; Rock singer Chris Cornell (Soundgarden) is 49; Rock guitarist Stone Gossard (Pearl Jam) is 47; TV/movie actress Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 42; Fashion model Gisele Bundchen is 33; Rock guitarist Mike Kennerty (All-American Rejects) is 33; Dancer/singer/movie actress Julianne Hough (“Rock of Ages”) is 25.

Movie director Norman Jewison (“Moonstruck”) is 87; Cartoonist Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) is 65; Comedian-actor Robin Williams (“Good Will Hunting”) is 62; Comedian-actor Jon Lovitz (“Hot in Cleveland”) is 56; Country singer Paul Brandt (“I Do”) is 41; Movie actor Josh Hartnett (“Sin City”) is 35; Rock keyboardist Johan Carlsson (Carolina Liar) is 29.

• “Hemingway Days”, the 33rd annual festival saluting the noted author in Key West, Florida through Sunday. One highlight is the ‘Hemingway Look-Alike Contest’.
• “Stick Your Tongue Out Day”, for some long-forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder … only 1-in-14 of us can do that!

• “Cleat Dancing Day”, a day to see how much fun it is to tap dance wearing baseball cleats.
• “International Chess Day”, an annual observation since 1966 honoring the game that generates challenge, intellectual stimulation, and enjoyment for people of all ages.
• “Lollipop Day”, celebrating the 1908 invention of candy on a stick. Pieces of hard candy were put on the ends of pencils for kids to nibble earlier than that, but the treat had no name.
• “Ugly Truck Day”. Sure a brand new, shiny truck with all the gadgets working is a great thing, but an old ugly truck is something to cherish with pride! Or maybe that’s just a guy thing?
• “World Snail Racing Championships” in Congham, England. The racetrack has 2 concentric circles. Snails race from the inner to the outer circle, a distance of 13 inches (33 cm) … if the snail travels in a straight line.
• “Woodie Wagon Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of July to salute the vintage car body style (especially a station wagon) where the rear bodywork is constructed of wood framework with in-fill panels of wood or woodgrain-painted metal.

• “Creme Brulée Day”, saluting the French custard dessert that’s topped with burned sugar. If it’s done right, you can tap the top with your spoon.
• “Ice Cream Sunday”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Sunday of July, “Ice Cream Month”. Based on ice cream consumption figures, the top flavors are vanilla (30%), chocolate (10%), butter pecan (4%), strawberry (3.7%), and chocolate chip mint (3.2%).
• “Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you chow down on every chance you got: Burgers, Pizza, Hot Dogs, Tacos, Fries?

1961 [52] TWA (Trans World Airlines) shows the first-ever ‘In-Flight Movie’ (“In Love Possessed”, starring Lana Turner & Efrem Zimbalist Jr)

2003 [10] Thousands of fans join the Miami FL funeral procession of Latin music legend Celia Cruz

2003 [10] During a 14-hour surgery at Vienna’s General Hospital, a 42-year-old Austrian man receives the world’s 1st ‘Transplanted Tongue’

1994 [19] ‘Largest Bubble-Gum Bubble’ measures 23 inches (58 cm) in diameter (Fresno, California)

[Mon] Full ‘Buck’ Moon
[Mon] “Springsteen & I” screens in movie theaters
[Tues] “Who Do You Think You Are?” debuts (TLC)
[Tues] “Rock For Oklahoma” benefit concert (Oklahoma City)
[Wed] “Let It Be” opens on Broadway (NYC)
This Week Is … Space Week
This Month Is … Tahiti Awareness Month


• Brush teeth with air conditioner drippings.
• Keep TV on a low setting, no higher than channel 7.
• Post ridiculous messages that cause hundreds to turn off their computers.
• Turn off lights at Astros’ Stadium … would it really matter?
• Less A/C, more naps on top of the frozen peas at the supermarket.
• Separate the two-ply.
• Make fruit smoothies from leftover wiener water.
• Try not to fall asleep while leaning against the bug zapper.
• Quit drinking gas.
• Instead of electric fans, chimps waving wrestling magazines.

☎ Is the social-media bubble quietly deflating?

I’ve decided to have a child … but only to increase my ratings.

You are suffering from ‘bruxism’. What’s the prob?
a. You have itchy earlobes.
b. You grind your teeth. [CORRECT]
c. You have a wedgie.
– Magazine Monitor

Question: 7% of traffic accidents are caused by THIS, especially at this time of the year.
Answer: A bug (gnat, fly, mosquito, spider) in the car, distracting the driver.

The things that come to those who wait are what’s left behind by those who got there first.

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