July 19 2018

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Thursday, July 19, 2018 – Edition: #6258

The BS Press!

★ ‘Pawn Star’ Richard Harrison made it clear that although he loved all of his sons, he was cutting one of them out of his will and putting his famous kid in charge of the estate. Harrison’s original will named his wife and three children as beneficiaries. However, in 2017 he signed an updated document that specifically omitted his son. The documents state, “I would like to express my love and affection” for Christopher, but cut him out of the will. The reality star, known as the Old Man, died June 25 after a battle with Parkinson’s Disease.
(And from now on, he’ll be known to Christopher as ‘Mean Old Man’!)
★ Getting the kids involved in sport is a pretty common thing for parents, and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are no different. Prince William and Duchess Catherine attended the Wimbledon Men’s Finals to watch Novak Djokovic and Kevin Anderson battle it out. But after meeting with Djokovic following his big win, the second-in-line to the throne made it clear he was trying to get his two eldest children, Prince George and Princess Charlotte, involved in tennis. The Cambridge clan are a famously sporty family, so we have no doubt George, Charlotte and Louis will follow in their parents’ footsteps.
(If they can find a way to keep the corgis from chasing the balls…)
★ Another must-see family movie is on the way. Nickelodeon and Paramount Pictures have announced that the beloved children’s cartoon “Rugrats” will not only return with 26 episodes, but there will also be a live-action movie. The movie, featuring computer generated characters, is slated to hit theaters in November 2020. “Rugrats” first aired in 1991, ending in 2004. The reboot, which will focus primarily on the daily adventures of toddlers Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil and Angelica, will also include new characters.
(And by ‘must-see’, I mean you must-see it whether you want to or not!)
★ “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” is going to become a stage musical. The movies starred Amber Tamblyn, America Ferrera, Blake Lively and Alexis Bledel, who played best friends about to separate for the summer for the first time in their lives. The four decide to share a pair of jeans that fit them all perfectly over the course of the summer. Both pics were based on Ann Brashares’ novels and grossed a combined $83 million worldwide.
★ A 25 foot statue of Jeff Goldblum has appeared in front of Tower Bridge in London to mark the 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park. The statue is situated in Potters Fields, and sees the actor lying on his side with his shirt open – reflecting one of the film’s most famous scenes. Earlier this year, Goldblum reprised the role for a cameo in “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.”
★ Cedric The Entertainer will be honored with the 2,640th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in a ceremony today.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jim Gaffigan, Antonio Brown, Imagine Dragons
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Pierce Brosnan, Pusha T featuring 070 Shake
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Denzel Washington, Rep. Joe Kennedy III, Carmen Lagala
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Amanda Seyfried, Katy Tur, Brandi Carlile, Emmanuelle Caplette
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Amanda Peet, Johnny Knoxville, Dave Blaine ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Olivia Munn, Keegan-Michael Key, Sterling K. Brown, Thomas Jane, Trevante Rhodes, Alfie Allen, Augusto Aguilera, Jake Busey, Yvonne Strahovski, Shane Black
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Charlamagne Tha God, Joel McHale
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jeanine Pirro
• “The Talk” (CBS): David Alan Grier, Scott Evans, guest co-host Erin Andrews
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Constance Zimmer, Matt Cooper, Bea Miller
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Steve Harvey, Samira Wiley, Jon Dorenbos ( R )
• “Trial & Error: Lady, Killer” (NBC): In the Season 2 premiere, Josh Segal and Associates get their first case: defending the eccentric First Lady of East Peck, who was found with her husband Edgar’s corpse in a suitcase in her trunk.
• “Snowfall” (FX): Season 2 premiere
• “The Grand Hustle” (BET): Series premiere. T.I. brings 16 hustlers from around the country to compete for a spot in his Grand Hustle empire. Contestants are challenged to literally make something out of nothing.

• Katy Perry – admits her ”heart was broken” last year by the mixed response to her album ‘Witness’ and says she has been working hard to improve herself. Perry says she had “bouts of situational depression”, which lead her to seek “a new foundation” by getting help at the Hoffman Institute in California.
• Britney Spears – claims to have created a “fragrance for all.” Her latest perfume, ‘Prerogative’, is being marketed as gender-neutral. This is her twenty-fourth fragrance, and has notes of pink pepper, espresso foam and amberwood. (I’d hope that by the 24th time, she’s finally got it right!)
• Ed Sheeran – is the world’s top grossing concert act so far this year with earnings of $214 million. Bruno Mars is #2 with $114 million. That’s according to a list released by Pollstar.
• The Rolling Stones – are the world’s top grossing rock act so far this year, with earnings of $100 million. The Eagles are next with $84 million, according to Pollstar.
• The Guess Who – have a new single, ‘Playin’ on the Radio’ available on streaming services now. A new album “The Future IS What it Used to Be’, comes out September 14. The only original member is drummer Garry Peterson.
• Sade – is working on a new album. Her collaborator Stuart Matthewman says that the two have “a bunch of songs” for a follow-up to 2010 album “Soldier of Love.” He says: “[Sade’s] not interested in the fame or any of that [other] stuff. She likes to put out art. So when it’s ready, it will come out.”
• KISS – have announced a 40th-anniversary set of trading cards. Yes, 4 decades after the band’s original trading cards, this batch will arrive in October. The cards feature “a select group of Kiss’ fan-favorite photos and artists portraying the world-renown rock band in all their glory, plus Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley signed cards!”
• Luke Bryan – made #45 on Forbes’ 2018 “Top 100 Highest-Paid Celebrities” list with earnings of $52 million. Garth Brooks is #59 with $45.5 million and Kenny Chesney #87 with $37 million.
• Kacey Musgraves – has announced a North American leg for her ‘Oh, What A World: Tour’ in support of her “Golden Hour” album. The North American leg will kick off January 9th in Indianapolis and wrap up March 21st in Birmingham, AL.

And now, because absolutely nobody asked for them….Introducing….high-heeled Crocs! Nobody has ever accused the ‘Crocs’ line of footwear of being on the cutting-edge of fashion, and these’ll be no exception. The foamy shoe brand has introduced “Cyprus V” Crocs, a high-heeled version of the classic clog. These new eyesores are available on Amazon in black and platinum and in wild orchid, which is apparently a color. How much? A little more than you’d expect to pay for anything with the word ‘Crocs’ written on it. $80-$225.
(It’s funny, just the other day my neighbor was saying that she wished she had a way to do her gardening in high-heels!)
(Crocs and high-heels: Two things that I wouldn’t be caught dead in!)
(Actually someone DID ask for high-heeled Crocs…comedians.)

This is more for the guys, but it might be fun for the ladies to listen and see if they agree. What is the single most effective way for a man to increase his sex appeal? Is it to buy some fancy new clothes? Hit the gym? Buy a red Corvette (hahahahaha!)? Manscape? None of the above, although those can’t hurt. (Except maybe the Corvette…). According to a McMaster University study, 62 percent of women want a man who makes them laugh. That’s it. But guys have to remember this: Guy humor is different from girl humor. Men laugh at a guy who can rip on other guys in the dressing room. And pass gas. Women are attracted to a guy who can make fun of himself. And according to the study, when a man can make others laugh at his own expense, that shows confidence, and that’s perhaps the second most appealing trait.
(I’m fairly sure #3 is Crocs…)
(I can make women laugh. Oh, can I make women laugh…)
(Nothing about an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Star Wars in there, huh?)

2018 will be remembered as the year that it became cool to hate straws. After a number of restaurants and cafes made announcements about their efforts to minimize the use of plastic straws, or to ban them outright in some locations, Starbucks, the largest food and drink retailer in the U.S., announced last week that it will be going completely strawless at its 28,000 stores worldwide by 2020. It will now top all its cold drinks with fancy strawless lids. Sounds great. Cue the accolades from environmental groups and A-list celebs. But it turns out, according to an investigation done by Christian Britschgi for Reason.com, by doing so, Starbucks will actually be increasing its plastic use. The new ‘Nitro’ lids that Starbucks is leaning on to replace straws are made up of more plastic than the company’s current lid/straw combination. Now, Starbucks patrons are topping most of their cold drinks with either 3.23 grams or 3.55 grams of plastic product, depending on whether they pair their lid with a small or large straw. The new nitro lids weigh either 3.55 or 4.11 grams, depending again on lid size. This means that Starbucks’ plastic consumption is bound to increase, although it’s anybody’s guess as to how much.
(Hey, as long as 7-11 finds a way to continue “Free Slurpee Day”, these places can do whatever they want with the straws!)
(If they want people to stop using straws, they should only offer them with hot drinks!)

➢ The times you made them feel safe (or unsafe): They will remember those moments you chased the monsters from under their bed or held them after a nightmare, but they’ll also remember the times when your temper became the monster they feared.
➢ The times you gave them your undivided attention: When you stop what you’re doing to have a tea party or go outside to throw a ball or jump on a trampoline with them will be memories etched into their minds and hearts forever.
➢ The way you interacted with your spouse: Our kids are forming their views of love in large part by watching how we treat our husband or wife. (Well, out goes THAT nickname!)
➢ Your words of affirmation and your words of criticism: They’ll base their sense of identity, capability and even self-worth largely upon the words you speak to them. Even in correction, be sure your words are full of love, encouragement and positive reinforcement.
➢ Your family traditions: They’ll be remembered fondly, whether it’s a weekly family movie (or game) night, a place you regularly travel for family getaways, the way you celebrate birthdays and special events or any other special tradition. (Hopefully this doesn’t include EXTENDED family traditions. Those can be brutal!)
(I’m kinda hoping that it’ll be a long time before they need to remember me!)


1947 [71] Brian May, Hampton UK, classic rock guitarist-songwriter (Queen-‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘We Will Rock You’) The Queen biopic “Bohemian Rhapsody” arrives in theaters on November 2nd

1962 [56] Anthony Edwards, Santa Barbara CA, TV actor (“ER” 1994-2008)/movie actor (“Top Gun”, “Revenge of the Nerds”)

1974 [44] Jason McGerr, Seattle WA, indie-rock drummer (Death Cab for Cutie-‘You Are a Tourist’, ‘Soul Meets Body’)

1976 [42] Benedict Cumberbatch, London UK, TV actor (“Sherlock” 2010-2017)/movie actor (“The Imitation Game”, “Avengers: Infinity War”) COMING UP…”Mowgli” 2018

1982 [36] Jared Padalecki, San Antonio TX, TV actor (‘Sam Winchester’ on “Supernatural” since 2005)

1983 [35] Trai Byers, Kansas City KS, TV actor (‘Andre Lyon’ on “Empire” since 2015)/movie actor (“Selma”)

• “Flight Attendant Safety Professionals Day”. In celebration, please take your seats and fasten your seatbelts. Also make sure your seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position. And please turn off all personal electronic devices. (And for the love of all that is holy, please, no more singing flight attendant viral videos!)

• “Stick Your Tongue Out Day”, for some long-forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder … only 1-in-14 of us can do that!

• “Daiquiri Day”, An engineer named Jennings Cox supervised a mine in a village named Daiquiri in 1898. After work, Cox and his colleagues would gather at the local bar. One day Cox mixed Bacardi, sugar, and lime into a glass of ice. Named after the Daiquiri mines, the drink became a popular staple in Havana.

• “Triple Play Day”, marking the 1st MLB unassisted triple play, which was accomplished on this day in 1909 by one Neal Ball of the Cleveland Naps. It’s one of the rarest events in baseball.
(Why do they call it a ‘triple-play ball’ rather than a ‘Neal Ball’?)

• “New Friends Day”, celebrating brand-new friends, those fine and fabulous folks that have recently come into our lives to brighten our days with camaraderie and joy (and make our old friends jealous…).

• “Get to Know Your Customer Day”, a reminder about how important good customer service is for any business. (celebrated in January, April, July and October…and every happy hour if you REALLY get to know them!)

[Fri] Chess Day
[Fri] Nap Day
[Sat] Junk Food Day
[Sat] Woodie Wagon Day

1961 [57] TWA (Trans World Airlines) shows the first-ever ‘in-flight movie’ (“In Love Possessed”, starring Lana Turner & Efrem Zimbalist Jr)

1986 [32] Genesis hit #1 on the US singles chart with ‘Invisible Touch’. The band’s former lead singer Peter Gabriel was at No.2 with ‘Sledgehammer’.

2014 [04] Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine weds Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

2017 [01] ‘Depacito’ by Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee becomes the most streamed song ever, at 4.6 billion views (currently around 5.3 billion)

2003 [15] During a 14-hour surgery at Vienna’s General Hospital, a 42-year-old Austrian man receives the world’s 1st ‘Transplanted Tongue’


✓ For every human on Earth there are 1.6 million ants.
✓ Squirrels can’t burp.
✓ Pigeons put off things they don’t want to do even if it causes problems later.
✓ Elephant babies suck on their trunks the way human babies suck their thumbs.
✓ Coffee was originally called ‘Arabic Wine’ when it was first brought to Europe.
✓ Frowning burns more calories than smiling.

Best of BS:
✗ The uniform includes a name tag, a hairnet, and an orange vest with a fluorescent yellow ‘X’.
✗ Each day begins with the North Korean pledge of allegiance.
✗ They make everyone share the whistle.
✗ A sign in the restroom reads: ‘Employees Must Wash Each Other’.
✗ Your parents lie and tell people you’re temporarily working as a stripper.
✗ A big part of your day involves dodging Federales and the opposing cartel.
✗ Even the interns berate you with “Out of the way, loser!”
✗ To go home at the end of the day you have to escape.
-First published in BS in 2015

What is your earliest Internet memory? Logging on to a Bulletin Board (BBS)? Becoming a member of AOL? Sending stupid jokes by email? That horrible dial-up sound?

Everybody’s been saying it wrong! LINK: https://tinyurl.com/y92zacma

Who decided to call it “marijuana possession” and not “joint custody?”

Question: 3% of us say THIS about our boss. What?
Answer: I can’t trust him/her.

Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.

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