Tuesday, July 2, 2013        Edition: #5015

Get a Load Of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ “Bridesmaids” star Kristen Wiig has revealed that she turned down a major offer to make a sequel to the mega-hit film which made $288 million in worldwide box office. She wrote the script for the hit 2011 comedy and co-starred alongside Melissa McCarthy and Maya Rudolph. She admits “Bridesmaids 2” would be incredibly lucrative. Quote: “We would have made a lot of money if there was a second one, but that’s not my goal in my creative life.” (Wow … someone in Hollywood with scruples!)
– “Harper’s Bazaar”
✳ All performances of Cirque du Soleil’s “Ka” at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas have now been canceled until further notice as a result of the company’s first fatal accident in its more than 30-year history. Saturday night 31-year-old Paris-born performer Sarah Guyard-Guillot somehow slipped free of a safety wire and plummeted 50 feet to her death. Initially, many in the audience thought it was part of the show. The performance was immediately suspended and patrons were offered refunds. (Considering the risks involved and dangers faced in these shows, it’s surprising this hasn’t happened before.)
– “Las Vegas Sun”
✳ Celebrity chef Paula Deen’s persecution for using a racial slur continues. Her name is being stripped from buffet restaurants owned by Caesars as part of the continuing fallout that’s already cost her a TV cooking show and several endorsement deals. Caesars says its decision to rebrand its restaurants in Joliet, Illinois; Tunica, Mississippi; Cherokee, North Carolina; and Elizabeth, Indiana, was a ‘mutual one’ with Deen. (BS translation: Fetch us a 10-foot pole.)
– TIME.com
✳ What do tennis stars listen to before a big match? Here’s what some of the top Wimbledon contenders have in their headphones this week: Roger Federer chills out to The National; Rafael Nadal listens to the soothing sounds of Spanish guitars; Novak Djokovic listens to early Oasis tunes; and local favorite Andy Murray’s Spotify playlist boasts AC/DC, John Mellencamp, Rod Stewart, Robin Thicke, and Ed Sheeran. (What’s the best song to help pump you up?)
– ContactMusic.com
✳ And recently retrieved taped interviews with legendary “Citizen Kane” actor-director Orson Welles (1915-85) are the basis for movie historian Peter Biskind’s new book “My Lunches With Orson”, to be published July 16th. A few samples of Welles deliciously dissing on the stars …
> Alfred Hitchcock: “Egotism and laziness.”
> Bette Davis: “I never could stand looking at her, so I don’t want to see her act.”
> Charlie Chaplin: “Arrogant”.
> Jimmy Stewart: “Can be a bad actor.”
> Joan Fontaine: “Has just two expressions”.
> Laurence Olivier: “Stupid.”
> Marilyn Monroe: “I used to take her to parties before she was a star. Nobody even glanced at Marilyn.”
– NewYorker.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Talent auditions continue.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Paul McCartney (“Wings Over America Remastered”). Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Dropkick Murphys (“Signed & Sealed in Blood”). Rerun.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Ian D’Sa (Billy Talent); Cone McCaslin (Sum 41).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ciara (“Ciara”, out July 9th).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – He’s My Brother, She’s My Sister (“Nobody Dances In this Town”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Luke Bryan (“Spring Break: Here to Party”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – Top 20 hopefuls perform and face elimination.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) –  The-Dream w/Kelly Rowland (“IV Play”). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carly Rae Jepsen – The 27-year-old admits her relationship with 26-year-old musician Matthew Koma is ‘hard work’ because it takes a lot of planning and organization to make enough time for it in her busy schedule. She still tries to see the NYC native once a week.
• Icona Pop – The Swedish duo’s worldwide hit “I Love It” is atop the new singles chart in the UK, shoving aside Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” after 4 weeks.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s now issued an apology to anyone she may have offended by performing a private show June 29th for the 56th birthday of Turkmenistan dictator Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. Human Rights Watch has labeled Turkmenistan one of the world’s most repressive countries.
• Jordin Sparks – The 23-year-old singer-actress has lost 50 lbs over a 2-and-a-half year period and has maintained her shapely new figure by working out with singer-boyfriend Jason Derulo.
• Michael Jackson – Choreographer Wade Robson, who’s filed a lawsuit against Jackson’s estate, has reportedly asked his lawyers to request that the FBI release secret files which suggest the King of Pop paid out $35 million to silence other alleged abuse victims.
• Spice Girls – Melanie Chisholm & Emma Bunton showed up to watch the final curtain on “Viva Forever!” in London’s West end on the weekend. Producers have closed the stage show based on their hits 8 months early due to slow ticket sales. The show has been savaged by critics.
• 311 – This Summer marks the 11th consecutive year they’ve headlined amphitheaters with their “Unity Tour”. It gets underway tonight in Kansas City MO and runs through August 4th in Las Vegas NV.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “56 UP” ( NR Documentary ):The 8th film in director Michael Apted’s documentary series that began interviewing fourteen 7-year-olds from diverse backgrounds all over England in 1964 and has revisited them every 7 years since. A unique insight into the individual hopes, dreams, and challenges of everyday lives.
NET: http://firstrunfeatures.com/56up/
• Also released today: “The Autobiography of Nicolae Ceausescu” (Documentary); “Best of Warner Bros 20 Film Collection Comedy” (Compilation); “The House I Live In” (Documentary); “Last Resort: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Legends Of the Old West” (Western Collection); “The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV); and “Why We Laugh: Funny Women” (Comedy).

THE TAMING OF THE ROACH:
North Carolina State University researchers have invented remote-controlled cockroaches that they expect will be used as search-and-rescue units, sent to disaster zones to hunt for survivors and relay back info that will help map damage. To create a cyborg cockroach, scientists embed a chip with a wireless transmitter-receiver onto a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach, making a cute little roach backpack. It’s wired to the cyborg’s antennae and sensory organs on its abdomen and can trick the hapless insect into believing it has bumped into a wall and must turn. By simulating walls, scientists can effectively steer the bug. (Rescued by a cockroach … how embarrassing would that be?)
– Sourced from “Christian Science Monitor”

BEST THINGS TO EAT AFTER A WORKOUT:
Experts say protein and carbs are 2 key ingredients to a good post-workout meal. A few healthy alternatives for chowing down after working up a sweat …
✓ Eggs
✓ Quinoa [KEEN-wah]
✓ Orange Juice
✓ Bananas
✓ Salmon
✓ Blueberries
✓ Whole-Grain Pita & Hummus
✓ Dried Fruit & Nuts
✓ Pineapple
✓ Sweet Potatoes
✓ Kiwi
Most importantly … eat something! And drink water.
– Adapted from Buzzfeed.com

WHY YOUR PLATINUM CARD SUCKS:
Qatar National Bank has teamed with MasterCard to launch a diamond-embedded credit card to ‘meet the lifestyle needs’ of its super-rich customers. The invitation-only QNB Private World Elite MasterCard is touted as an ‘experience-based service platform’ for the bank’s jet-set clientele. It has no pre-set spending limit and owners get personal travel advisors, a 24/7 luxury lifestyle concierge, bespoke personal shopping experiences, and invitations to ‘insider priceless experiences’. (Such as receiving your monthly bill.)
– TheAfricanWorld.tv

CREATIVE NEW WAYS BUSINESSES ARE SCREWING OVER EMPLOYEES:
• Offering Commissions for Sales That Will Never Happen – Increasingly, consumers are ‘showrooming’, examining merchandise in a traditional brick & mortar store, then buying it online at a lower price. This leaves in-store sales reps with far fewer sales commissions. The secret is … the store and the online site are often owned by the same company.
•  Avoiding Benefits by Only Hiring Temps – By hiring temps, businesses can sidestep paying for benefits and healthcare for new employees. It also means they can fire them and hire someone else at will. Plus, they can use temp workers to cut the hours of their full-timers.
• Paying Employees With a Debit Card – On the surface, it sounds convenient. Pay is deposited directly into a debit account. No pay stubs, no signatures, no bank visits required. Seems ideal. That is, until you look at the fees attached to your card.
– Condensed from Cracked.com

BS AMAZING CREEPY CRAWLY FACTS:
• The average duvet is home to 20,000 live dust mites.
• Dishcloths can be purged of 99% of their bacteria after 2 minutes in a microwave.
– Magazine Monitor

BS CHRONOMETER 07.02.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [66] Larry David, Brooklyn NY, TV actor-director (“Curb Your Enthusiasm” since 2000)/TV producer-writer (co-creator of “Seinfeld” 1990-98)

1949 [64] Roy Bittan, Queens NY, rock keyboardist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band)

1983 [30] Michelle Branch, Flagstaff AZ, country singer (The Wreckers-“Leave the Pieces”)/pop singer (w/Santana-“The Game of Love”)

1985 [28] Ashley Tisdale, West Deal NJ, movie actress (“Scary Movie 5”)/TV actress (“Hellcats” 2010-11, “High School Musical” films)

1986 [27] Lindsay Lohan, NYC, famous train wreck/movie actress (“Liz & Dick”, “Mean Girls”)/multi-visit rehab veteran

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Be Nice to People You Don’t Like Day”. Just for one day … then tomorrow you can go back to being the grouchy old boor you usually are.

• “Freedom From Fear of Public Speaking Day”. There are a lot of self-help books, how-to classes, and support groups but – truth be told – some of us will never be comfortable with it.

• “I Forgot Day”, set aside to make up for all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that you forgot to acknowledge over the past year. (What’s the lamest excuse anyone ever laid on you?)

• “World UFO Day”, a day in which individuals and groups are encouraged to gather together to watch the skies for unidentified flying objects.
NET: http://www.worldufoday.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1996 [17] “Independence Day”, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, and Jeff Goldblum, opens in movie theaters and grosses $100 million in 7 days … a new record (“ID2” is in the works for 2014)

1997 [16] Sci-fi comedy “Men in Black”, starring Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones, opens in movie theaters (eventually spawns 2 sequels, including 2012’s “MIB3”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2001 [12] UK’s Liverpool Airport is renamed John Lennon Airport

2005 [08] The “Live 8” concerts are held simultaneously all over the world to benefit impoverished African nations, featuring performances by Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Brian Wilson, Chuck Berry, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, The Who, and a reunited Pink Floyd, among dozens of others

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1992 [21] Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones becomes a grandfather for the 1st time with the birth of ‘Assisi Lola Jackson’ by his daughter Jade

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [31] Larry Walters of San Pedro, California uses a lawn chair harnessed to 45 helium-filled weather balloons to rise to an altitude of 16,000 feet (lands 8 miles away in Long Beach)

2002 [11] Adventurer Steve Fossett becomes first to fly solo around-the-world nonstop in a hot air balloon (later disappears during a 2007 flight and is declared legally dead in 2008)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] “Despicable Me 2”; “The Lone Ranger” open in movie theaters
[Wed] Compliment Your Mirror Day
[Wed] Stay Out Of the Sun Day
[Thurs] US Independence Day (4th of July)
[Thurs] Ottawa Bluesfest begins (Ottawa ON)
[Thurs] 2013 Montreux Jazz Festival begins (Switzerland)
This Week Is … International Chicken Wing Week
This Month Is … Family Reunion Month

BULL’S BITS


BS THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR LITTLE LEAGUE UMPIRE:
✗ “Strikes are the ones in the middle, right?”
✗ “You better hit a home run, kid … I got 50-grand riding on this game.”
✗ “Losing team cleans out my garage!”
✗ “Does this padding make me look fat?”
✗ “Hey, watch it with the foul tips, I got a mickey of rye in my hip pocket.”
✗ “Let’s hurry this up … I don’t want to be here when they find the real umpire.”
✗ “Hey, is your mom single?”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
How many of you out there believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands …

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which is the only kind of fish to have eyelids?
a. Electric Eel.
b. Shark. [CORRECT, according to “Focus” magazine.]
c. Mascara Fish.

• Which are the only 2 perennial vegetables?
a. Asparagus and rhubarb. [CORRECT. The others need to be replanted each year.]
b. Lettuce and peas.
c. Broccoli and [co-host].

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Which celeb has become ‘selfie’ obsessed? (Our top 3: Rihanna, Bynes, and Bieber.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: In a poll of people aged 100 and over, most cited THIS as the key to their longevity.
Answer: Keeping in touch with family and friends.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is no rest for the wary.


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