Wednesday, July 2, 2014        Edition: #5253

Get a Load Of This Sheet!

★ Though NBC-TV canceled “Community” in May after 5 seasons, the comedy has now received a reprieve from an unexpected source … Yahoo!. After producers unsuccessfully shopped the cult comedy to cable channels, Netflix, and Hulu, Yahoo! has swooped in to save the day at the last minute. Under its video arm, Yahoo Screen, it’s committed to challenging the more established streaming services. It’s thought that screening “Community” could provide a springboard for that goal. The 13 episodes of its 6th season will screen this Fall.
★ “Rescue Me” star Denis Leary is returning to FX network with a new comedy. He’ll produce and star in “Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll”, a 10-episode series that follows ‘Johnny Rock’, a middle-aged musician trying to reunite his band 2 decades after they blew a chance at stardom due to booze, drugs, and problems with their significant others. The dark comedy, which will be shot in NYC, will feature original music and occasional appearances by real-life rock stars. It’s set to premiere sometime in 2015.
★ And ‘Grumpy Cat’ made more money in a mere 12 months as an Internet sensation than most of us will make in 10 years. It’s depressing but true. The dwarf feline with the overbite (real name: Tardar Sauce) had amassed an estimated $1 million by last September for her owner, single mom and former waitress Tabatha Bundensen. That’s thanks to genetics and Ben Lashes (real name: Benjamin Clark), a ‘Meme Talent Manager’. Yep, he reps the weird things that go viral on social media. His other clients? ‘Keyboard Cat’, ‘Nyan Cat’, Mike Tyson’s face tattoo and … ‘Ridiculously Photogenic Guy’.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – More hopefuls perform for the judges.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Kelly Rowland (“Talk a Good Game”). Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Magnetic”). Rerun.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tegan & Sara (“Heartthrob”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Robin Thicke (“Paula”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Shanghai Restoration Project (“The Classics”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Stromae (“Racine Carrée”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – We Are Scientists (“TV en Francais”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – The top 20 dancers tackle their 1st performance show.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Chrissie Hynde (“Stockholm”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Robin Thicke again.

• Bruce Springsteen – His new short film titled “Hunter of Invisible Game” will debut on his official website on July 9th. Few details have been announced, though it’s reported that the film may mark Springsteen’s debut as a co-director.
• Dolly Parton – She’s causing a bit of a kerfuffle in Britain as TV viewers are accusing her of lip-syncing during her weekend performance at the Glastonbury festival.
• Motley Crue – Tonight the North American leg of “Motley Crue: The Final Tour” kicks off in Grand Rapids, Michigan and hits 72 markets before heading overseas in 2015. Special guest for the trek: Alice Cooper.
• Robin Thicke – His #AskThicke campaign to promote his new album “Paula” didn’t work out so well. A couple of samples: “Do u gel ur hair with the grease from ur own personality?”; “If one of your songs played in a forest and no one was around to hear it, would it still be sexist and gross?”; and “On a scale of R Kelly to Phil Spector, how do you intend to ‘Get Her Back’?”
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger has shot a video intro for the new Monty Python stage show that lampoons them as ‘a bunch of wrinkly old men reliving past glories onstage in order to line their bank accounts’. He’d know about that.
• The Who – They’ve announced the first leg of what they expect to be their farewell tour (we’ve heard this several times before). “The Who Hits 50” tour will play UK arenas this November and December, before heading across the pond to North America at some point in 2015.

• “Deliver Us From Evil” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Eric Bana plays a NYC police officer who’s investigating a series of seemingly connected crimes. He joins forces with an unconventional priest (Édgar Ramírez), who is schooled in the rituals of exorcism, to combat the demonic possessions that are terrorizing the city. Co-stars Olivia Munn, Chris Coy.
• “Earth to Echo” ( PG Family Adventure ): After receiving a bizarre series of encrypted messages, a group of tech-savvy young teens begins a bicycle-based campaign to aide an alien who needs their help. The character named ‘Munch’ is a direct nod to “The Goonies” movie (1985). Stars Teo Halm, Astro, Reese Hartwig, Ella Wahlestedt.
• “Tammy” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Melissa McCarthy plays a woman who hits the road with her profane, hard-drinking grandmother (Susan Sarandon) after losing her job and learning that her husband has been unfaithful. Co-stars Kathy Bates, Allison Janney. McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone, is making his directing debut on this film.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 55% of us drink 3 or more cups of coffee per day.
• 45% of men admit to making a complete fool of themselves while opening a bottle of wine.
• 38% of women lose interest in a potential male partner after learning he lives at home with his mommy.
• 29% of men have worn sunglasses at night because they think it makes them look cool.
• 25% of men don’t know how to turn on a washing machine.
• 16% of office employees have a candy jar.

Japan’s Softbank Corp has introduced what is said to be the first robot that understands and reacts to human emotions. The 121 cm (48 in) human-like robot named ‘Pepper’ can recognize facial expressions and tone of voice using 2 cameras and 4 microphones. She can also dance, rap, sing, and crack jokes but it’s hoped she will also have a practical use when she goes on sale in February for about $1,900. Its makers think the most important role of robots of the future will be as kind and emotional companions who enhance our daily lives by bringing happiness and constantly surprising us. (“I bought these new shoes on sale today. You like?”)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Hedge City’ – A safe, stable city with extremely high real estate values caused by foreign investors buying up properties as a hedge against instability in their own countries. Other people who live in a hedge city can find themselves priced right out of the real estate market.
• ‘Nerdsplaining’ [nerd + explaining] – Explaining in an overly intellectual, obsessively detailed way, particularly when the topic is obscure or highly technical. You can generate your own hi-tech bafflegab using this online ‘Jargon Generator’ …
• ‘Time Confetti’ – Doing specific things during brief scraps of time scattered throughout the day, ie: writing emails, finishing a project, working on a hobby. Some say our anxiety is being fueled by the fact that we do very little these days in chunks of concentrated time.

• A Wisconsin woman has found her missing wedding ring in an odd place. Apparently, her dog Tucker had been keeping it safe in his stomach for years. A few days after the family food thief ate an entire popsicle – stick included – Tucker threw up. The ring surprisingly appeared in the dog puke. It seems the popsicle stick may have forcibly moved the ring from where it was lodged in the dog’s stomach. The owner says she simply cleaned it up using toothpaste … and her toothbrush. (Eww!)
– ABC News
•  A graphic designer from British Columbia has produced a CV to make him stand out from the crowd by printing it on … a custom-made 4-pack of beer. Brennan Gleason started work on the idea during his final year at the University Of the Fraser Valley. Each bottle shows examples of his portfolio, with his personal details on the cardboard crate. Did it work? Uh-huh. His new job is Creative Director for Vancouver-based digital marketing agency Techtone. (He’s hoping to generate enough experience for a case of 24.)
• And a YouTube video of a young guy putting on his pants without using his hands has racked up nearly a million hits. The supple Chinese chap bends and arcs his body into a variety of shapes to ease his trousers up his legs and over his rear end. And with the clip set to a Muzak version of Europe’s 1986 hit “The Final Countdown”, it’s nearly impossible not to admire. (This is what passes for accomplishment in the digital age.)

• Seniors are the fastest-growing group of bicycle users.
• More than 1-in-10 cars in the United States has been recalled so far this year.
– “Washington Post”
• Early risers are more unethical at night, while night owls tend to be more immoral in the morning.
– “Harvard Business Review”


1949 [65] Roy ‘The Professor’ Bittan, Queens NY, rock keyboardist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band)

1983 [31] Michelle Branch, Flagstaff AZ, pop/country singer (w/Santana-“The Game of Love”, The Wreckers-“Leave the Pieces”)

1986 [28] Lindsay Lohan, NYC, sometime movie actress (“Liz & Dick”, “Mean Girls”)/multi-visit rehab veteran  BS FACTOID: She makes her stage debut in “Speed-the-Plow”, premiering this September in London’s West End.

• “Be Nice to People You Don’t Like Day”. Just for one day … then tomorrow you can go back to being the grouchy old bear you usually are.

• “Freedom From Fear of Public Speaking Day”. There are a lot of self-help books, how-to classes, and support groups but – truth be told – some of us will never be comfortable with it.

• “I Forgot Day”, set aside to make up for all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that you forgot to acknowledge over the past year. (What’s the lamest excuse you’ve heard?)

• “World UFO Day”, a day in which individuals and groups are encouraged to gather together to watch the skies for Unidentified Flying Objects.

1996 [18] “Independence Day”, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, and Jeff Goldblum, opens in movie theaters and grosses $100 million in 7 days … a new record

1997 [17] Sci-fi comedy “Men in Black”, starring Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones, opens in movie theaters (eventually spawns 2 sequels, including 2012’s “MIB3”)

1992 [22] Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones becomes a grandfather with the birth of ‘Assisi Lola Jackson’ to his daughter Jade (in 2014, he’s become a great-grandfather)

2001 [13] UK’s Liverpool Airport is renamed ‘John Lennon Airport’

2005 [09] “Live 8” concerts are staged simultaneously worldwide to benefit impoverished African nations, featuring performances by Elton John, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, Pink Floyd, Stevie Wonder, and The Who among dozens of others

1994 [20] 27-year-old Colombian soccer player Andres Escobar is killed outside a bar in retaliation for deflecting a ball into his own goal in a 2-1 loss to the USA at the World Cup

2002 [12] Adventurer Steve Fossett becomes 1st to fly solo around-the-world nonstop in a hot air balloon (later disappears during a 2007 flight and is declared legally dead in 2008)

1982 [32] Larry Walters of San Pedro, California uses a lawn chair harnessed to 45 helium-filled weather balloons to rise to an altitude of 16,000 feet (lands 8 miles away in Long Beach)

[Thurs] Ottawa Bluesfest begins (Ottawa ON)
[Fri] Independence Day (USA)
[Fri] British Summer Time Festival begins (London UK)
[Fri] Calgary Stampede begins (Calgary AB)
[Fri] Essence Festival begins (New Orleans LA)
[Fri] Sasquatch! Festival begins (George WA)
[Fri] Wireless Festival begins (Birmingham UK)
This Week Is … International Chicken Wing Week
This Month Is … Family Reunion Month


A group of whales is a ‘gam’ or ‘pod’; a group of cats is a ‘clowder’ or a ‘clutter’. And for the record, it’s a ‘kindle’ of kittens, a ‘charm’ of goldfinches, and a ‘cloud’ of gnats. And how about these BS groups …
• Leech of lawyers
• Buff of nudists
• Grovel of loan applicants
• Hoist of shoplifters
• Probe of proctologists
• Blur of optometrists
• Hush of librarians
• Tipple of drunks
• Volume of publishers
• Lecture of teachers
• Crush of winemakers
• Gabble of deejays

My sex life is like a Ferrari. I don’t have a Ferrari.

A special few, less than 1% of us, will do what today?
a. Receive a raise.
b. Celebrate a birthday. [CORRECT]
c. Get lucky.
– “Fascinating Facts”

☎ Some of us may be as mad as hell at Facebook for running a massive psychology experiment on unsuspecting users, but are you angry enough to quit the social network? It’s just come to light that in 2012, it attempted to gauge if positive or negative updates in News Feeds could alter the emotional state of 700,000 unwitting test subjects … so it fed fake material.

Question: According to experts, our ability to do THIS peaks at age 7.
Answer: See ghosts.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

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