Friday, July 20, 2018 – Edition: #6259
Don’t You Just Love the Smell of BS in the Morning?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have reportedly called time on their on/off relationship once again. First, they cancelled their wedding after apparently clashing over the issue of children. Now, Cyrus is thought to have broken things off with Hemsworth after realizing that she isn’t ready for marriage and parenthood. Less than a year ago, the couple were rumoured to have gotten married in a secret ceremony in Malibu, but obviously that turned out not to be the case.
★ Is the feud coming to an end? “Fast and the Furious” co-stars Tyrese Gibson and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson have been having beef, but now, Gibson finally seems to realize that it was a mistake to call Johnson out publicly. Now, Gibson is admitting that he did not behave in a ‘professional’ manner. As fans of the franchise know, the feud was reignited by Gibson when he slammed The Rock on social media and threatened to quit the series when Johnson had the ninth film’s release date pushed back in order to release his spin-off. Gibson told the Red Pill podcast that although he and Johnson haven’t discussed their differences yet, he’d like to very soon.
★ Cory Monteith’s mom, Ann McGregor, is opening up about her son’s death five years after the Glee star’s accidental overdose. She says that Monteith admitted he was using drugs again in December 2012, seven months before his death. He checked back into a monthlong treatment program in April 2013. But around then, he also had “massive” dental work that his mom believes could have affected his sobriety. She said: “He didn’t have enough drugs in his system to kill him, but for some reason it did because of his intolerance [built up by periods of intermittent sobriety].
★ Princess Eugenie will invite 1,200 members of the public to her wedding. The royal – who is the daughter of Queen Elizabeth’s son Prince Andrew and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson – will marry Jack Brooksbank at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle on October 12, and the couple are launching a public ballot, which will see successful applicants invited into the grounds to be a part of the celebration.
(That’s ONE way to fill the seats!)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Janelle Monae
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Colin Quinn, Sen. Tammy Baldwin, Missy Robbins ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Audra McDonald, Billy Eichner, Thirty Seconds to Mars ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jennifer Garner
• “The Talk” (CBS): Rosanna Arquette, Rashad Jennings
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Denzel Washington, Lior Suchard
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Benedict Cumberbatch, Keith Urban ( R )
• “In Search Of” (HISTORY): After replacing Leonard Nimoy as Spock in the Star Trek franchise, Zachary Quinto now replaces him as host of this revived investigative series from the 1970s (which Nimoy began hosting after the death of original host Rod Serling)
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Samuel L. Jackson, James McAvoy, Bruce Willis, Sarah Paulson, Anya Taylor Joy, M. Night Shyamalan
• “Four Weddings” (TLC): Season 7 premiere
• “Kids’ Choice Sports Awards” (NICKELODEON): Hosted by NBA star Chris Paul.
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): The cast of “Aquaman”
• “Watch What Happens Live” (BRAVO): Monique Samuels, Sherri Shepherd
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Taylor Swift – made reference to National Snake Day on stage in Cleveland on Tuesday. She has taken the snake theme to the next level throughout her “Reputation” tour, which seems to have a connection to a dig that Kim Kardashian made at her exactly two years ago. As Swift belted out ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ while surrounded by her usual array of blow-up snakes, she told the crowd that National Snake Day is her “favourite day of the year.”
• Michelle Williams – A few days after she reportedly checked herself into a mental health facility to seek help for depression, the Destiny’s Child member posted: “I recently listened to the same advice I have given to thousands around the world and sought help from a great team of healthcare professionals.”
• Cher – has recorded an album of Abba covers, following her appearance in the new musical film “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again”. According to her: “It’s not what you think of when you think Abba, because I did it in a different way.”
• ABBA – Bjorn Ulvaeus says that when the group got together recently to record for the first time since 1982, “It took seconds and we were back like yesterday.” They have two new songs set for release in December.
• Imagine Dragons – Their new song, ‘Natural’ will be the theme song for ESPN’s college football coverage this fall. Singer Dan Reynolds says the song is about “Being willing and able to stand up to whatever adversity comes your way.”
• Phil Collins – will release a career-spanning box set on Sept. 28. Fittingly called “Plays Well With Others”, it will include his collaborations with Eric Clapton, Paul McCartney and Robert Plant, among many others. The collection comes out a week before the kickoff of Collins’ first U.S. tour in years.
• Bruce Springsteen – His intimate one-man show, ‘Springsteen on Broadway’, is coming to Netflix. The special was directed Thom Zimny, who previously filmed documentaries for ‘Born to Run’, ‘Darkness on the Edge of Town’, and ‘The River’. The Netflix special debuts December 15, coinciding with the final night of the show.
• Granger Smith – His comedy alter ego, Earl Dibbles Jr. has a new book. “If You’re City, If You’re Country” explores the different meanings of terms like “chasing a buck” depending on where you’re from. It comes out Aug. 21.
• Cole Swindell – has announced the six-date “All of It Tour”. Yup, six dates is all of it. The tour, which launches on Aug. 17 in St. Louis, coincides with the release of his third studio album, “All of It”, on the same day.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again” (PG-13, Comedy/Musical): In this sequel to Mamma Mia!, Sophie learns about her mother’s past while pregnant herself. (Lily James, Amanda Seyfried, Meryl Streep)
• “The Equalizer 2” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure): Robert McCall serves a justice for the exploited and oppressed, but how far will he go when that is someone he loves? (Denzel Washington, Bill Pullman)
• “Unfriended: Dark Web” (R-Rated, Horror): A teen comes into possession of a new laptop and soon discovers that the previous owner is not only watching him, but will also do anything to get it back. (Rebecca Rittenhouse, Betty Gabriel)
• “Blindspotting” (R-Rated, Comedy/Drama): A timely and wildly entertaining story about the intersection of race and class, set against the backdrop of a rapidly gentrifying Oakland. (Daveed Diggs, Rafael Casal)
• “McQueen” (Not Rated, Documentary): A documentary of Alexander McQueen’s rags-to-riches story, celebrating a radical and mesmerizing genius of profound influence. (Alexander McQueen, Gary James McQueen, Janet McQueen)
The town of Marlinton, West Virginia holds what they call their annual ‘Roadkill Cookoff’. This is where chefs compete to see who can make the tastiest dishes with animals often found by the side of the road. Attendees can wander around, indulging in the likes of fried venison wontons, snapping turtle stew, teriyaki-marinated bear, and squirrel gravy over biscuits. To be clear, it’s not required that the ingredients are actual roadkill, but they must be the sort of animals that commonly find themselves the victims of traffic accidents. That could include opossum, groundhog, deer, rabbit, crow, and yes, squirrel. Lots of squirrel. First prize is $1,200.
(But I’m pretty sure the REAL first prize is the purdy gal who takes home the coveted crown of ‘Miss Roadkill’!)
(Mmmm! Chili con carnage!)
(But once it’s cooked, how do these people chew it?)
WAKE UP BY SMELLING THE COFFEE:
Worldwide, the number-one way to wake up after you wake up is to have a cup of coffee. But a new study says that the mere SMELL of the miracle drink is enough to give you a boost in the morning. The Journal of Environmental Psychology reports that when 114 university students were asked to take a math test, half were assigned an exam room which contained the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee, and half a room without. Participants who were in the Starbucks-esque environment scored significantly higher than students deprived of the scent. The subjects said later that they felt emboldened by the coffee smell, and believed they would be more cognitively focused and better equipped to deal with the math problems.
(Sounds like they had a cup of placebo!)
(My problem would be the drool on the test paper!)
(So….what would the smell of decaf do?)
WEIRD GRAVEYARD INVENTIONS:
➣ The Safety Coffin: In the late 19th century, these employed a bell or other noise-making apparatus that could be manipulated by a person trapped inside a buried coffin to alert those aboveground. Many also included a hatch that would let fresh air in. (But by the time you woke up to open it, you’d be dead!)
➣ The Waiting Mortuary: A slightly more practical approach to avoiding premature burial, this showed up in Germany in the 19th century. Corpses wearing bells were laid out inside stately halls and monitored day and night for signs of revival. (Or decomposition…)
➣ Reusable Coffins: In 18th century Austria, they grew so concerned about Vienna’s extravagant funerals (not to mention dwindling wood supplies) that the reusable coffin was invented. It had a trap door in the bottom through which corpses, wrapped in sacks, would be discreetly dropped into their graves. The coffin could then be reused. It never caught on then, but you can get them today!
➣ Mortsafes: In the 19th century, grave robbers prowled cemeteries looking for fresh corpses to sell to medical schools. In Scotland, they invented the mortsafe, a heavy wrought-iron cage or stone placed over gravesites to prevent the theft of corpses. (Grave problem…grave solution!)
➣ Coffin Torpedos: When incidents of corpse stealing increased after the U.S. Civil War, Americans had a more explosive way of theft-proofing their graves—the coffin torpedo. This was either a modified firearm that shot lead balls when triggered by the opening of the coffin lid or a landmine-like device that sat atop the coffin and would detonate if the grave was disturbed.
(Which would, of course, disturb the whole cemetary!)
BS CHRONOMETER 07.20.18
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947  Carlos Santana, Autlan de Navarro, Mexico, rock guitarist (‘Smooth’ (w/Rob Thomas)”, “Black Magic Woman”)
1966  Stone Gossard, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-‘Jeremy’, ‘Last Kiss’)
1969  Josh Holloway, San Jose, CA, TV actor (‘Sawyer’ on “Lost” 2004-2010, ‘Will Bowman’ on “Colony” 2016-2017)
1971  Sandra Oh, Nepean ON, TV actress (“Grey’s Anatomy” 2005-14)/movie actress (“Under the Tuscan Sun”, “Sideways”)
1980  Gisele Bundchen, Três de Maio, Brazil, among the highest-paid models in the world since 2004/wed to NFL quarterback Tom Brady (New England Patriots) since 2009
1988  Julianne Hough, Sandy UT, movie actress (“Rock of Ages”, “Footloose”)/country singer (‘That Song In My Head’)/TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars”)/married to ex-NHL player Brooks Laich. COMING UP…. “Bigger” 2018
Folk singer Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam (‘Wild World’) is 70; Movie actor Jon Lovitz (“Grown Ups 2”) is 61; TV actress Alysia Reiner (“Orange Is the New Black”) is 48; Country singer Paul Brandt (‘Get a Bed’) is 46; TV actor Josh Hartnett (“Penny Dreadful”) is 40; Country singer Brad Mates (Emerson Drive-‘Who We Are’) is 40
TV game show host Alex Trebek (“Jeopardy”) is 78; Movie actor Danny Glover (“Lethal Weapon”) is 72; Movie actor Albert Brooks (“Finding Dory”) is 71; Rock musician Don Henley (Eagles-‘Hotel California’) is 71; Movie actor Willem Defoe (“Spider-Man”) is 63; Pop singer Selena Gomez (‘Hands to Myself’) is 26
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Chess Day”, an observance since 1966 honoring the game that generates challenge, intellectual stimulation, and enjoyment for people of all ages. There are estimated to be 605 million regular chess players around the world. A surprisingly stable 70% of the adult population has played chess at some point during their lives. (Except they play on their tablet now…)
• “Lollipop Day”, celebrating the 1908 invention of the famous candy on a stick. Pieces of hard candy were put on the ends of pencils for kids to nibble much earlier than that, but the treat had no name. So here’s to lollipops!
• “Moon Day”, the anniversary of the 1st lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the Moon. Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin joined him later, while Michael Collins remained orbiting above. A few things you likely didn’t know about the lunar landing … NET: http://tinyurl.com/l5p7kb
(Celebrate how you want, but please don’t do the obvious!)
• “Ugly Truck Day”. Sure a brand new, shiny truck with all the gadgets is a great thing, but there’s something noble about an old ugly truck. Or maybe that’s just a guy thing?
• “Nap Day”, grab a chaise lounge out in the yard, spread a blanket at the beach, string a hammock between two trees or curl up on your bed under a ceiling fan with the air conditioner cranked.
• “Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you chow down on every chance you got: Burgers, Pizza, Hot Dogs, Tacos, Fries, Chocolate?
• “Tug-of-War Day”, an annual celebration of the competitive sport in which 2 teams hold opposite ends of a large rope and attempt to pull the other towards them in order to win. The spectacle has a long and ancient history all over the world. (And works best if there is a mudpit in the middle!)
• “Legal Drinking Age Day” so if you’re 21, 19, or 18 depending on where you are… cheers…because it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!
• “Hammock Day”, honoring the most relaxing thing you can swing between 2 trees. It’s the perfect excuse to slow down and loaf during the ‘Dog Days of Summer’.
• “Ratcatchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.
• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’. (**Caution**) (Sounds odd … but it’s tucking frue.)
• “Parents Day”, observed in July, likely at the behest of some long-suffering mom or dad somewhere (didn’t we just have Mother’s and Father’s Days?)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2012  ‘Batman’ sequel “The Dark Knight Rises” opens in movie theaters and eventually garners over $1 billion in worldwide box office
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2017  Chester Bennington of Linkin Park is found dead, a suicide by hanging. The 41 year-old was close friends with Chris Cornell, who died in similar fashion two months earlier.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1969  Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin step out from Apollo spacecraft 11 to become the first to walk on the moon. 600 million watch live global broadcast
2005  Canada becomes the 4th country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage (after the Netherlands, Belgium, and Spain)
2015  USA and Cuba resume full diplomatic relations after 5 decades
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2006  German student Torsten Lauschmann claims to have organized a record 600 million people in the Western Hemisphere to jump simultaneously on “World Jump Day” in order to reset the Earth’s orbit and fix global warming (turns out to be a hoax ‘art installation’)
2014  Northern Irish golfer Rory McIlroy wins the British Open, making history with his 3rd major championship … at age 25
BS WACK FACTS:
✓ 96% of candles sold are purchased by women.
✓ Venetian blinds were invented in Japan.
✓ Rubber bands last longer when kept refrigerated.
✓ The side of a hammer is called a cheek.
✓ The yo-yo was originally used as a weapon for hunting the in the Philippines.
✓ The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
BS THIS WEEKEND, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DRINK AND . . .
• Pass out in the sun
• Run with scissors
• Do a eulogy
• Get a tattoo
• Laugh at the same time
• Tell your family what you’ve kept bottled up inside for YEARS!
• Order anything online
• Accept a dare
• Not invite me
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
July is “Ice Cream Month”, a good excuse to review –
LEAST POPULAR BS ICE CREAM FLAVORS:
• Hardened Toothpaste Mint Swirly
• Cocktail Wiener Supreme
• Baskin-Robbins Gravy Ripple
• Chunky Tuna & Fudge
• Ben & Jerry’s Monkey Clumps
• Old Fashioned Grease & Weasel
• Raspberry Rash
• Low-Fat Pralines & Trout
– First published in “BS” 1997
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your most creative way to keep cool in the summer heat? How about …
– Visit the frozen food aisle at the supermarket. Lie down on the peas.
– Put a wet handkerchief on the back of your neck. It could start a new fashion fad!
– Run cold water over each of your wrists for 10 seconds. It will reduce your temperature for roughly an hour.
– Go downstairs to your basement and lay on the floor.
– Soak a t-shirt in the sink, wring it out, put it on, and sit in a lawn chair.
– Keep a spray bottle handy to mist yourself at night. Explain the damp sheets to your spouse.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About 50% of millennials say THIS will happen to them. What?
Answer: Become a millionaire
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.