Monday, July 22, 2013        Edition: #5029


Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Who could say no to George Clooney? Eva Longoria, apparently. A source close to Clooney (52) claims the actor tried to woo the former “Desperate Housewives” star (38) while he was still dating Stacy Keibler earlier this year. Though he actively pursued her with texts and calls, Longoria made it clear she would not be with him until he was completely single. But by the time George broke up with Stacy, Eva had already found love with someone else: Ernesto Arguello, with whom she continues to have a relationship. The bottom line, according to the snitch: “George and Eva never hooked up.”
– “Us Weekly”
✳ Simon Cowell will face Cheryl Cole in court over a $5-million compensation claim. Simon fired  the 30-year-old Brit singer/TV personality from the judging panel of the US version of “The X Factor” in 2011 after just 2 lackluster appearances at auditions in LA and Chicago. While she was still paid $1.8 million for the entire season, she claims she was promised $2.2 million for a 2nd season, regardless of the outcome of the first. She also wants legal fees and further expenses. Simon is likely to be called to court as a key witness in the case.
– “Daily Mirror”
✳ Brit royal Prince Harry is set to race actor Dominic West (“The Wire”) across Antarctica as part of a charity challenge to reach the South Pole. Each will lead a team on the 208-mile (335-km) “Walking With the Wounded South Pole Allied Challenge” in November-December. Teams from the UK, US, and the Commonwealth (including Australia and Canada) will be made up of military personnel who’ve been wounded in battle. Prince Harry took part in the group’s previous trek to the North Pole in 2011, but had to leave early to attend his brother’s wedding.
NET: http://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/southpole2013/
– Contactmusic.com
✳ New Jersey governor Chris Christie is scheduled to appear on Michael J Fox’s new sitcom, aptly titled “The Michael J Fox Show”. The governor’s office has confirmed reports that the Republican politician will guest-star in a cameo on an episode of the series sometime this Fall, though NBC-TV is yet to announce the specific air-date. Chrsitie’s appearance follows other high profiles guest shots on late-night talk shows and on NBC’s “Saturday Night Live”. Political observers think he may be testing the waters for a presidential run in 2016.
– Zap2it.com
✳ It seems that “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy” will put their rivalry aside for a moment. The Matt Groening comedy will be featured in a crossover episode with the Seth MacFarlane sitcom to be called “The Simpsons Guy”. The special episode reportedly will air in Fall 2014. It’s said that “Simpsons” cast members Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, and Hank Azaria are set to lend their voices for the mash-up episode, in which the ‘Griffins’ embark on a road trip and encounter ‘Homer’ and his family in Springfield.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Bacon Bros (“Philadelphia Road”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Sara Bareilles (“The Blessed Unrest”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kings of Leon (“Mechanical Bull”, out September 24th); Ronald Isley (Isley Bros).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Franz Ferdinand (“Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Kenny Chesney (“Life On a Rock”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Joe (“Double Back: Evolution of R&B”). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Atoms For Peace – This week’s gigs at London’s Roundhouse by Thom Yorke’s side project can be viewed online via a new music platform. Soundhalo is producing high-quality video content for fans immediately after each show. Users can watch sample clips for free through an app, then pay for each track performed or a flat rate for the entire gig.
• Bruce Springsteen – Tonight the documentary film “Springsteen & I” screens in select movie theaters in a one-night-only event. Compiled by director Ridley Scott, the movie is comprised of a number of short films made by fans interlaced with live performances.
• Dierks Bentley – Tonight he headlines the “Country Cares Concert” in Prescott Valley AZ, benefitting families of the Granite Mountain Hotshots, the 19 firefighters who lost their lives last month fighting the devastating Yarnell Hill wildfire. Also on the bill: The Band Perry, David Nail, Randy Houser.
• Florida Georgia Line – “Cruise” is again #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart this week. The mega-hit was released 51 weeks ago.
• Jay Z – His new album “Magna Carta Holy Grail” has become his 13th #1 album on the sales chart, extending his record for most #1 albums by a solo act, according to Billboard.com. He’s 2nd among all artists only to The Beatles, with 19. “Billboard” also reports that Jay has dropped the hyphen from his name; in fact hasn’t been using it for 2 years.

BOREDOM’S A KILLER:
Recent research finds that a boring job can actually kill you. Howzat? You may adopt high-risk behaviors to relieve the boredom, thus leading to a higher risk of death. Here are a few of the jobs rated highest for boredom …
5. Laundry Worker
4. Envelope Stuffer
3. Flag Person
2. Nighttime Security Guard
1. Tollbooth Operator
(Lighthouse Keeper used to be on the list, but there aren’t hardly any left.)
– Reference.com

NOT A LOOKER:
A recent poll of 1,000 British parents has found that 18% were privately disappointed with the looks of their newborn baby. It seems the majority suffer their disappointment in silence, choosing to put on the brave face society expects. Of the 18%, more than half did discuss their woeful feelings with their spouses; and 8% also relayed their displeasure to others in their lives, likely to the chagrin of said ugly baby. The good news is, by age 2 or 3, many ‘ugly’ babies’ grow to look adorable. (What do you say when someone shows you a pic of their less-than-gorgeous new babe? How about: “Wow, looks just like you!”)
– Mail Online

BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE:
✓ Don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging.
✓ Can gain weight without worrying.
✓ Can use your free time however you wish.
✓ Control your own finances.
✓ More time for your favorite activities.
✓ Don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits.
✓ Can be as spontaneous as you want.
✓ Can focus on your career.
✓ Never have to compromise.
✓ Can flirt as much as you please.
– AskMen.com

THE REAL REASON YOU’RE FEELING EDGY:
Uptight? Quit staying up half the night! A lack of sleep can make you more anxious, says a new study from UC Berkeley. Researchers found that sleep-deprived people show significantly more activity in brain regions associated with anxiety. And in experiments, those who are naturally anxious to begin with see the biggest activity spike. The solution, of course, is to get more sleep. One way to start: A regular workout program, even if it starts as just a brisk walk of a few blocks. (Step 2: Get a job that doesn’t involve dragging your sorry butt into a radio station at 4 am.)
– “Men’s Health”

FOR THE RECORD:
23-year-old Toronto-born ‘extreme sport drummer’ Tom Grosset has broken the world record for the number of strokes recorded in 1 minute, with 1,208 single strokes. That means his hands were moving over 20 times per second every second for a full minute, as recorded by the Drumometer, a machine that detects the speed of drummers’ hands and feet. The new record was set at the WFD (World Fastest Drummer) Extreme Sport Drumming event in Nashville TN.
– Telegraph.co.uk

BS AMAZING ANIMAL FACTS:
• Elephants kiss.
• Grizzly bears hate getting their ears wet.
• Monkeys floss.
– BBC News Magazine

BS CHRONOMETER 07.22.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [73] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy!” since 1984)

1946 [67] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Lethal Weapon” films)

1947 [66] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (“Finding Nemo”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [66] Don Henley, Linden TX, classic rock musician (“Boys of Summer”, The Eagles-“Hotel California”)

1955 [58] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, movie actor (“Spider-Man” films, “Platoon”)

1964 [49] David Spade, Birmingham MI, TV actor (“Rules of Engagement” 2007-13, “8 Simple Rules” 2004-05, “Just Shoot Me” 1997-2003)/movie actor (“Grown Ups” movies, “Jack & Jill”)

1981 [32] Keegan Allen, Gold Hill OR, TV actor (‘Toby Cavanaugh’ on “Pretty Little Liars” since 2010)

1992 [21] Selena Gomez, Grand Prairie TX, pop singer (“Come & Get It”, & The Scene-“Who Says”)/movie actress (“Spring Breakers”, “The Muppets”)/TV actress (“Wizards of Waverly Place” 2007-12)/Justin Bieber’s on-and-off girlfriend

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Buck Moon”, the Full Moon of July, so-named for the season when buck deer develop new antlers. It’s variously known as “Hay Moon”, “Thunder Moon”, and “Wort Moon”.

• “Hammock Day”, honoring the most relaxing thing you can swing between 2 trees. It’s the perfect excuse to slow down and loaf during the ‘Dog Days of Summer’.

• “Health, Happiness With Hypnosis Day”, celebrating the therapeutic value of hypnosis as a tool in promoting well-being. (“You are getting sleepy …. very sleepy …”)

• “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.

• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’. (Sounds odd but it’s tucking frue.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [15] ORCA-FM signs on in Vancouver, featuring all whale sounds, all the time (perhaps a more popular format for your competitor?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1979 [34] 1st pro golfer to shoot below his age (legendary 67-year-old pro Slammin’ Sam Snead shoots a 66)

1983 [30] Dick Smith completes the 1st solo helicopter flight around-the-world

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1983 [30] World record low temp recorded as mercury dips to -128F (-89C) in Vostok, Antarctica

1989 [24] Youngest pilot to fly around-the-world (11-year-old Tony Aliengena, San Juan Capistrano, California)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] “Who Do You Think You Are?” debuts (TLC)
[Tues] “Rock For Oklahoma” benefit concert (Oklahoma City)
[Tues] Hot Enough For Ya Day
[Wed] “Let It Be” opens on Broadway (NYC)
[Wed] Drive-Thru Day
[Wed] Tequila Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Captive Nations Week / Independent Retailers Week / Parenting Gifted Children Week / Scrabble Week / Zookeeper Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS ALEX TREBEK’S NEVER SAID ON “JEOPARDY!”:
• “Today’s categories are: ‘What’s That Smell?’, ‘STDs’, and ‘Kama Sutra Positions’”
• “Sorry, but our new format says that you must phrase your answers in the form of a haiku.”
• “You have all that money and knowledge, but you’re still going home alone tonight, aren’t you Geek-Boy?”
• “I’m sorry, that’s incorrect; we’re going to have to sever another finger.”
• “You can’t buy a vowel here, ya dumb ass!”
– First published in “BS” 2009.

BS SIGNS IT’S BEEN A HOT SUMMER:
● Hot dog vendors dabbing sweat from forehead with open buns.
● Arsonists taking week off to set fires at seashore.
● Chefs placing cool salmon fillets under their arms.
● Only convertibles being used for drive-by shootings.
● Drivers spraying themselves with ‘Pam’ to keep from sticking to car seats.
● Kids using asphalt instead of ‘Play-doh’.
● Before telling you the temp, your thermometer says, “My friend, you better sit down.”
● Heatstroke making you so delirious you find watching golf exciting.
– First published in “BS” 1998.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS ‘THIS OR THAT’:
You run down the list rapid-fire while your guest picks one from each pair …
• Go away for vacation or stay at home?
• Destination: mountains or beach?
• Working on a holiday or being stuck with your relatives?
• Hotels or camping?
• Long weekends here & there or a full 2-week vacation?
• Outdoor concert or baseball game?
• Hamburgers or hot dogs?
• Boating or hiking?
• Carefully planned vacation or play it by ear?
• Lemonade or ice cold beer?
• Swimming pool or beach?
• Sneakers or sandals?

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the absolute sexiest job for a guy? And for a woman?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Immortality is my short-term goal …

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Even if it was obvious, half of us would never tell a work colleague THIS.
Answer: They smell bad.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is no job so small that it can’t be made longer by listening to advice.

LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW:
Nate Cooper @ 96.9 The Fox [KUPH] West Plains, Missouri; Clinton Lang @ West Coast FM, Windhoek, Namibia; Kure Onesimus @ Highland 101.5 FM Jos, Nigeria; Conrad Knorr @ Q93.3 Country [CKSQ] Stettler, Alberta; and Ron Warner @ KEXS Excelsior Springs, Missouri.


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