Tuesday, July 24, 2018 Edition: #6261

Never Accept a Substitute – Ask For Pure “BS”!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ In case you need another reason to be jealous of Meghan Markle’s new life as a duchess, Queen Elizabeth has reportedly given her and Prince Harry a brand new “cottage.” But actually, it seems that “cottage” is code for “fancy sprawling mini-mansion” in the language of royals. Not only does the home, known as Windsor’s ‘Adelaide Cottage’, have “a coved ceiling with gilded dolphins and rope ornament from a 19th Century Royal yacht”, there’s a marble Greco-Egyptian fireplace. It also features seven gated entrances and exits to Windsor Castle so the newlyweds could come and go without worrying about being photographed.
-Cosmopolitan
★ Sharon Tate’s sister, Debra, has had a change of heart over Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming flick about the Manson Family, after a face-to-face with the director. Tarantino reached out to her to break the ice and address her concerns over his project, called “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”. Debra Tate says she voiced her concerns and he heard her out, then explained the movie’s plot, which made her feel much better. She says she now believes Tarantino has honorable intentions, and says, “This movie is not what people would expect it to be when you combine the Tarantino and Manson names.”
(Translation: “Money talks…”)
-TMZ
★ Russell Brand has become a father for the second time. The comedian and his wife Laura – who already have 20-month-old Mabel together – welcomed another daughter earlier this month. The couple stayed quiet throughout the pregnancy but last month they were pictured as they walked near their home in England, and Laura’s baby bump couldn’t be concealed.
-MSN
★ Elmarie Wendel, who played Mrs. Mamie Dubcek on “3rd Rock from the Sun”, has died. Wendel’s daughter J.C. says that she was “a great mom and a badass dame.” Wendel had a long history in show business. In addition to “3rd Rock” she was the voice of Aunt Grizelda in “The Lorax.” She also was featured on “The George Lopez Show,” “Seinfeld,” “NYPD Blue,” “Knight Rider,” “General Hospital,” “The Facts of Life,” “The Jeffersons” and “Murphy Brown.”
-TMZ
★ After being released from jail early, former “Dukes of Hazzard” star John Schneider has asked the court to restore his original jail sentence for unpaid spousal support in June. Schneider recently revealed that he is “leveraged to the max” when it comes to money and said that he would “unlikely” be able to comply with the court’s conditions to pay his wife what she is owed. So, instead, Schneider has asked the court to let him serve his full sentence.
-PageSix

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Mandy Moore, Elsie Fisher, Dennis Lloyd
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Amy Poehler, Harland Williams, Tomi Adeyemi, Ashley McBryde
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Tatiana Maslany, Michael McFaul, Brian Huskey
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tony Shalhoub, Bo Burnham, Nate Smith
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Tom Cruise, Kacey Musgraves
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Cedric the Entertainer, Julian Dennison, Tuxedo & Zapp ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Joao Franco, Colin Macy-O’Toole
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Henry Golding
• “The Talk” (CBS): Rebecca Ferguson, Elizabeth Wagmeister
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Henry Cavill, Katie Lowes
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Alex Rodriguez, Christina Hendricks, Lea Michele, Darren Criss ( R )
• “Born Behind Bars” (A&E): Stephanie hopes for the early release that will enable her to bring her daughter home even though she hasn’t completed her drug abuse treatment; inmate nanny Ruthanne desperately wants to reunite with the son she hasn’t seen in a year.
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Judge Cuts 2

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake – paid more than $10,000 to treat residents of a lucky L.A. neighborhood to ice cream on Friday. While it was a promotion for his “Scorpion” album, he says he thought it’d be a “cool thing to do on a hot day for the community.”
• Louis Tomlinson – will be a judge on “The X Factor” next season. He’ll sit alongside Robbie Williams, Ayda Williams Simon Cowell and Sharon Osborne. Ayda Williams is an actress and has been married to Robbie for eight years.
• 6ix9ine (aka Tekashi69) – The rapper was attacked, robbed and kidnapped after filming a music video in Brooklyn. Sources say that hooded gunmen knocked him unconscious by pistol whipping him, then entered his home and stole $750,000 of jewellery and $15,000-$20,000 in cash. His daughter and her mother were in the property at the time but not hurt.
• Pink Floyd – An opera based their album “The Wall” made its U.S. debut in Cincinnati on Friday. “Another Brick in the Wall” runs through July 31.
• Journey – Recent activity by former frontman Steve Perry has sparked speculation that he could possibly be preparing to return to work, after effectively retiring from music in 1995. Toad the Wet Sprocket posted video of Perry joining them in the studio, and a Facebook fan page has posted that an “Interview with Steve will be on CBS Sunday Morning Oct. 7.”
• Gary Numan – says he no longer listens to any music at home. He says that he ”can’t remember” the last time he put some music on while relaxing around the house. He does, however still go to concerts when he can.
• Brad Paisley and Toby Keith – head up the nominees for the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame Class of 2018. Both are nominated in the category of songwriter/artist, along with Ronnie Dunn and Eddy Raven. This year’s inductees will be announced in August, and an induction ceremony will be held in the fall.
• Darius Rucker – reunited onstage with his old rock group ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ at Suntrust Park, the home of the Atlanta Braves. Although the group still gets together for a few shows every year, Rucker said that the band hadn’t played a stadium show in “a long, long time.” They were on a bill with Lauren Alaina and Luke Combs, and headliner Jason Aldean.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Life of the Party” (PG-13, Comedy): After her husband abruptly asks for a divorce, a middle-aged mother returns to college in order to complete her degree. (Melissa McCarthy, Matt Walsh)
• “Breaking In” (PG-13, Mystery/Suspense): A woman who will stop at nothing to rescue her two children being held hostage in a house designed with impenetrable security. (Gabrielle Union, Billy Burke)
• “Love After Love” (Not Rated, Drama): Following the death of their father, two sons deal with the trials of their own lives while watching their mother explore new beginnings of her own. (Andie MacDowell, Chris O’Dowd)
• “Little Pink House” (Not Rated, Drama): A small-town nurse named Susette Kelo emerges as the reluctant leader of her working-class neighbors in their struggle to save their homes from political and corporate interests bent on seizing the land and handing it over to Pfizer Corporation. (Catherine Keener, Jeanne Tripplehorn)

A FARMYARD TALE:
If you are one of the many people who in recent years have raised their children to believe that milk comes from almonds, this could be of great interest to you. While it is true that the nut milk industry is growing by leaps and bounds, and that today’s children in America drink just over half as much dairy milk as they did in the 1970s, that’s not necessarily a good idea. Some people make an effort to stay away from cheese and butter, in addition to that udder major dairy product, milk, to avoid the perceived health risks of dairy fats (mostly saturated). But a new study in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed that people with higher and lower levels of dairy fats in their blood had the same rate of death over a 22-year period. The researchers concluded that dairy-fat consumption later in life “does not significantly influence total mortality.” In other words, the conventional wisdom that whole-fat dairy is bad for heart disease is untrue. And other recent studies back that up.
(Excellent. Order me a pizza with triple cheese! And butter.)
(This report brought to you by the Milk Marketing Board…)
(So have a cow, man.)
-TheAtlantic

BAKED DOG TREATS:
If your dog is one who gets spooked by fireworks…or thunderstorms…or vacuum cleaners…or his own shadow…here’s something you might not have tried to calm him: marijuana. Or, at least marijuana products. Cannabidiol chews, massage oils and dog treats are selling out at some pet supply stores. CBD products are derived from hemp, the same cannabis plant as pot but one which contains little or no THC, the component that provides the high. They are available without a prescription. One pet supply store manager says that both she and her customers have seen CBD products help dogs relax, and they seem to help with pain management as well. However, at this point, the American Veterinary Medical Association discourages the use of CBD products on pets.
(They’re selling like hotcakes…actually more like Doritos!)
(It calms them? Sure, until the cops come to the door!)
(***See ‘BS Phone starter, below***)
-ChicagoTribune

HIGHEST PAID CELEBRITY WOMEN:
(Past 12 months, according to Forbes ‘Celebrity 100′ list)
1. Kylie Jenner ($166.5 million)
2. Judy Sheindlin ($147 million)
3. Ellen DeGeneres ($87.5 million)
4. Katy Perry ($83 million)
5. Taylor Swift ($80 million)
6. Kim Kardashian West ($67 Million)
7. Beyoncé Knowles ($60 million)
8. J.K. Rowling ($54 million)
9. Pink ($52 million)
10. Lady Gaga ($50 million)
-Forbes

BS CHRONOMETER 07.24.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [69] Michael Richards, Culver City CA, TV actor (“Kramer” on “Seinfeld” 1989-1998, “Kirstie” 2013-2014)

1951 [67] Lynda Carter, Phoenix, AZ, TV actress (“Wonder Woman” 1975-1979)

1968 [50] Kristin Chenoweth, Broken Arrow OK, TV actress (“The Good Wife” 2012, “Glee” 2009-11)/movie actress (“The Boy Next Door”)/Broadway actress (“Wicked”)

1969 [49] Jennifer Lopez, Bronx NY, pop singer (‘On the Floor’)/TV personality (“American Idol” 2011-12, 2014-15)/movie actress (“The Boy Next Door”)

1975 [43] Eric Szmanda, Milwaukee WI, TV actor (‘Greg Sanders’ on “CSI” 2000-15)

1982 [36] Elisabeth Moss, LA CA, TV actress (“The Handmaid’s Tale” since 2017, ‘Peggy Olson’ on “Mad Men” 2007-15, “The West Wing” 1999-2006)

1982 [36] Anna Paquin, Winnipeg MB [raised Wellington NZ], TV actress (“True Blood” 2008-14)/movie actress (“X-Men” films, 1994 Oscar-“The Piano”) COMING UP…”The Irishman” 2019

1998 [20] Bindi Irwin, Buderim, Australia, TV show host (“Jungle Girl” 2007-2008, “Bindi’s Bootcamp” 2015, “Dancing With the Stars” season 21 winner)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cousins Day”, to honor cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t. (You might as well enjoy them, because you’re stuck with them, and there’s nothing you can do about it!)

• “Drive-Thru Day”, honoring the businesses that allow you to shop without leaving your vehicle. There are drive-thru banks, coffee shops, fast-food restaurants, florists, ice cream bars, liquor stores, marriage chapels (Las Vegas), and pharmacies. What’s the weirdest you’ve seen? Ours is a funeral home.

• “Tell an Old Joke Day”, a good excuse to dust off your best chicken-crossing-the-road zinger and then ask listeners to tell their best jokes … but only if they’re under 5-years-old. (What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!)

• “Tequila Day”, celebrating Mexico’s national booze that’s becoming increasingly popular in other drinks beside margaritas. But we still like it the old fashioned way – a little salt, a slice of lime and … ay caramba!

• “Amelia Earhart Day”, honoring the famous aviation pioneer. During an attempt to make a circumnavigational flight of the globe in 1937, Earhart disappeared over the central Pacific Ocean. To this day, theories and speculation still exist about the cause of her disappearance. Some theories involve conspiracies, and even alien abductions.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Hot Fudge Sundae Day
[Wed] Red Shoe Day
[Thurs] Aunt and Uncles Day
[Thurs] Chili Dog Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [31] The movie biography of Richie Valens, “La Bamba” opens. The soundtrack includes a hit version of the title song by Los Lobos

TODAY IN MUSIC . . .
1982 [36] Thanks to its use in the movie “Rocky III”, ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor hits #1 for the first of six weeks

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1534 [484] Jacques Cartier lands in Canada, claiming it for France

1995 [23] 1st woman to announce a network baseball game (Suzyn Waldman on “ABC Monday Night Baseball”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2005 [13] US cyclist Lance Armstrong wins a record 7th consecutive Tour de France (all 7 titles later stripped due to doping)

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Married women were banned from watching the ancient Olympic games. The penalty was execution.
✓ Ancient Romans running for office wore a distinctive toga called the “toga candida.” Hence the word “candidate.”
✓ The winner of the first modern Olympic Marathon stopped at a tavern mid-race for a glass of wine.
✓ The word “soccer” originated as a slang abbreviation of the word “association”.
✓ The city of Lusail, Qatar, host of the 2022 FIFA World Cup Final game, does not exist yet.
✓ More than 1 in 20 soccer injuries are caused by celebrating goals on the pitch.
-FactSlides

BS WHAT MY PHONE SAYS BEHIND MY BACK:
• “Dude’s got a staring problem.”
• “OMG…you should see what this tool looks like when he opens the camera forward facing. Chins for days.”
• “And he tries to blame ME for his typos…”
• “Don’t you think 78 selfies is plenty?”
• “No one liked your tweet. Stop checking.”
• “Man! The things this guy asks Google!”
• “This guy still calls people, what is his problem?”
• “There’s a lotta lint in that pocket!”
• “Over here, dumbass! Don’t leave me on mute next time!”
• “We get it. You don’t like Trump!”
-Twitter

MORE LESSER-KNOWN LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE:
You’ve likely heard of Newton’s Law of Gravity, but have you heard of these uncommon laws of physics?
• You will always run out of popcorn the moment the movie actually begins.
• The end of a roll of cellophane tape will always vanish if contact is not maintained.
• A barber will always interpret the word ‘trim’ as ‘buzz it all off’.
• A fitted sheet will never stay on a mattress.
• When your blanket is horizontal instead of vertical, you will shift furiously … until your blanket is still somehow horizontal instead of vertical.
• You will get nothing but vowels in “Scrabble”.
• There will always be too many potato chips for the amount of dip … or vice versa.
• You will always launder your Chapstick … your melted Chapstick..
• A USB plug will never be inserted the correct way on the first try … or the second.
• You will only notice your fly is open after an entire day of interacting with others.
– Adapted from BuzzFeed.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What bizarre thing is your dog afraid of? Dog owners’ answers to this question in a recent survey included umbrellas, bacon frying, a mug with his own picture on it, blimps, puppies, white things…and his own farts.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The problem isn’t that obesity runs in my family. The problem is no one runs in my family.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a survey, what is the number one thing that family members do around the house that makes dads angry?
Answer: Leaving the lights on.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well.


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