Monday, July 25, 2011     Edition: #4556

Bully For You!

• Simon Fuller, former Spice Girls manager and creator of the “Pop Idol”-style TV competitions is suing FOX-TV, claiming he should be paid a substantial fee for the upcoming US version of Simon Cowell’s “The X Factor”. Fuller negotiated a hefty executive producer fee and credit on the UK version after a 2004 copyright-infringement lawsuit against Cowell, so now he’s expecting the same for the US version. (The first competitive singing talent show, “Major Bowes’ Original Amateur Hour”, debuted on CBS Radio in 1936. Should the Bowes family be suing?)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Actress Mila Kunis had the odd task of picking her own ‘butt double’ for new movie “Friends With Benefits” after telling director Will Gluck her derriere was off-limits. The “Black Swan” star agreed to get naked opposite Justin Timberlake for the saucy new movie, but insisted the camera could only capture a little ‘side boob’ … and no booty. So she agreed to help find her perfect body type from a line-up of gorgeous wannabes. (Why ‘casting director’ is a fun job.)
• Today Michael Jackson’s family are holding a press conference at the Beverly Hills Hotel where they’ll reportedly announce a tribute concert in his memory. The ‘huge event’ in Los Angeles will purportedly feature a number of ‘world famous artists’ and all proceeds will go to charity. Michael’s sister La Toya, brothers Marlon, Jackie & Tito, and mother Katherine are set to announce the details. (If this runs true to form, this gig will never get off the ground.)
– “In Touch Weekly”
• It’s reported Arnold Schwarzenegger will file revised, ‘more respectful’ divorce documents today in an LA court. The original docs filed last week not only sought to deny estranged wife Maria Shriver support, they also asked the judge to force her to pay lawyers’ fees. The revised response will apparently open the door to spousal support. (There’s the up-side of their son Christopher’s recent boogie-board accident … this fractured family is softening hard feelings.)
• And the toy company boss who gave ‘Barbie Doll’ her name has died at the age of 95. Elliot Handler, co-founder of Mattel, passed away from heart failure. His late wife Ruth created the doll in the 1950s and the business tycoon decided to name the famous blonde after their daughter Barbara. ‘Ken’ doll was similarly named after their son. (That’s incest!)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – KT Tunstall (“Tiger Suit”).
• “Dish Nation” (FOX) – Morning show personalities from 4 top radio stations in Atlanta, Detroit, NYC, and LA offer funny, fresh commentary on pop culture. Airing in selected markets this summer, but could expand if successful. Radio with pictures … what a concept!
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Big Talk (“Big Talk”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Greenhornes (“Four Stars”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Ray Davies (“See My Friends”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tim Robbins & The Rogues Gallery Band (“Tim Robbins & The Rogues Gallery Band”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Gomez (“A New Tide”).

• Blur / Gorillaz – Frontman Damon Albarn is set to record a new album in the Democratic Republic Of the Congo. He’ll travel to the Central African country with a team of producers and other artists with the intention of completing the project in a single week. It’s thought the Oxfam charity will receive the proceeds.
• Brad Paisley – “This Is Country Music” has become his 8th gold album now that it’s officially certified for shipment of 500,000 units.
• Chris Brown – The 22-year-old is attached to co-star in the upcoming romantic comedy “Think Like a Man”, an adaptation of the 2009 non-fiction book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” by comedian Steve Harvey. The movie centers on a relationship expert whose own personal life is a mess. (Sounds about right.)
• Justin Bieber – His debut fragrance ‘Someday’ is well on its way to becoming one of the year’s top-sellers, raking in $3 million in its first 3 weeks. But it’ll be getting some competition come next spring … his girlfriend Selena Gomez is also getting a perfume line.
• Kenny Chesney – His current tour employs over 110 people; it’s transported by 10 buses and 23 trucks. It takes 8 hours to set-up for each show as the stage alone weighs 80,000 lbs.
• Kings Of Leon – Tonight their North American summer tour kicks off in Orange Beach, Alabama.
• Luke Bryan – The “Country Girl (Shake It for Me)” singer’s full name is Thomas Luther Bryan, but his nicknames include ‘Lex’ and ‘Governor’.

We know they tag their kids with goofy monikers; and it seems they aren’t any easier on their pets. A few of the odd inventions the famous have come up with to call their furry friends …
• ‘Better Business Kisses Galore’ – That’s the actual burden a miniature poodle must bear, thanks to its owners Rebecca Romijn & Jerry O’Connell. For short, they call him ‘Better’.
• ‘Jackson P Muttley’ & ‘Jackie Lambchops’ – It should come as no surprise that Mariah Carey tagged her Jack Russell terriers strangely … she named her kids ‘Moroccan’ and ‘Monroe’.
• ‘Kitty Purry’ – Obviously a feline belonging to pop star Katy Perry, who’s obviously obsessed with perpetuating her own name.
• ‘Poupette’ – Model/actress Molly Sims seems to be a fan of the French. This is actually the perfect name for any small dog, if you ask us. Please make sure you ‘baguette’ afterward.
• ‘Sir Sleep-a-Lot’ – “Dancing With the Stars” hoofer Maksim Chmerkovskiy came up with this title for his always-exhausted bulldog. Clever … but too sweet for those with glycemia probs.
• ‘Soymilk’ – This is the name Gary Oldman, who just wrapped his role as ‘Sirius Black’ in the “Harry Potter” series, inflicted on his cat. We always thought he seemed cruel.
• ‘Thurman Murman’ – Actress Rachel Bilson named her terrier mix after the depressed kid in the dark comedy “Bad Santa”, thereby covering the categories ‘goofy-sounding’ AND ‘obscure’.
– Adapted from

A recent study from the New England Research Institute suggests that the so-called ‘male menopause’ is a myth. Researcher John McKinlay says the symptoms of hot flashes, excessive sweating, depression, and a lack of libido can be simply explained by … laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. The study finds that testosterone levels decline gradually, about 1% per year, far less than the drop in hormone levels of middle-aged women. And McKinlay says smoking, drinking, and weight-gain have far more impact on hormones than aging. (Then he got into his red Corvette convertible and sped off with his 23-year-old girlfriend.)
– ANI Science & Health

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 67% of newlyweds say they had more sex before marriage than afterward.
• 52% of women don’t like having their picture taken.
• 30% of people in a relationship say their significant other hogs the blankets.
• 28% of men are worrying about losing their job at any given time.
• 20% of women say they’ll be completely mortified if they start to look like their mothers.
• 13% of us brush our teeth from side-to-side.

Someday soon we may be biting down on bio-engineered teeth! Japanese scientists have extracted stem cells from molars in mice and placed them in a mold designed to grow teeth, then, once they’d developed, swapped them back into the jaws of the mice they extracted the cells from. In as little as a month, the teeth fused themselves to the jaw, nerve fibers were growing, and the mice were able to chew away problem-free. It’s another step towards a day when donors aren’t necessary, because patients can grow their own organs. (Which ‘spare parts’ would like to have on hand? How about eyeballs … so you never need glasses?)

According to an insurance company survey, these are the consumables most likely to cause accidents …
5. Hamburger
4. Chili
3. Taco
2. Hot Soup
1. Coffee

Want to keep your mind healthy and sharp throughout your life? Pick up an instrument! A new study has found that musicians might have brains that function better than their peers well into old age. Researchers tested the mental abilities of senior citizens and discovered that the musicians among them performed better at a number of tests; in particular, visual memory tasks. And musicians’ IQ scores prove higher overall than those who spend their lives listening to music rather than performing it. (5 words that refute this theory: Courtney Love, David Lee Roth.)

A new ranking of the all-time top Adult Contemporary artists based on chart performance …
10. Anne Murray
9. Lionel Richie
8. The Carpenters
7. Billy Joel
6. Chicago
5. Kenny Rogers
4. Barry Manilow
3. Barbra Streisand
2. Neil Diamond
1. Elton John

• A lion is most likely to eat you just after a Full Moon.
– “The Telegraph”
• The swimming pool sex scene in “Showgirls” (1995) has been voted the ‘Worst Sex Scene in Film History’
– “Empire Magazine”


1967 [44] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, TV actor (“Episodes” 2011, “Joey” 2004-06, “Friends” 1994-2004)/movie actor (“Jonah Hex”, “Charlie’s Angels” films)

1973 [38] Tony Vincent (Anthony Strascina), Albuquerque NM, Broadway actor (‘St Jimmy’ in “American Idiot” 2009-10, “We Will Rock You” 2003-05, “Rent” 1998-99)

1978 [33] Louise Brown, Oldham, England, world’s first ‘test tube baby’ (conceived outside her mother’s body using the new technique of ‘in-vitro fertilization’)

1985 [26] James Lafferty, Hemet CA, TV actor (‘Nathan Scott’ on “One Tree Hill” since 2003)

• “Act Like a Caveman Day”, a day to tune in to your wild and primal instincts. Pass me a thigh bone, would ya?

• “Culinarians Day”, a special day to salute anyone who cooks.

• “Hot Fudge Sundae Day” because … well, why not?

• “Merry-Go-Round Day”, the anniversary of the device’s first patenting 140 years ago (1871) by William Schneider of Davenport, Iowa. He did not invent it, however, as ‘carousel’ rides may go back as far as 500 AD.

1985 [26] Movie star Rock Hudson announces he has AIDS, the first high-profile celebrity to go public with the affliction

1990 [21] Before a ball game, Roseanne Barr sings an off-key rendition of the national anthem to a booing crowd at Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego CA, then scratches herself and spits

1999 [12] 30th anniversary edition of the “Woodstock Music Festival” ends after riots, fires, looting, hospitalizations from polluted drinking water, and 3 accidental deaths

2001 [10] Mariah Carey cancels upcoming engagements and checks herself into a Connecticut psychiatric hospital suffering from an ‘emotional & physical breakdown’

1871 [140] ‘Perforated Bathroom Tissue’ is patented by Seth Wheeler, Albany NY (“Better Than Corn Husks!”)

1923 [88] 1st ‘Home Movies’ shown (undoubtedly to an excruciatingly bored audience)

[Tues] All or Nothing Day
[Tues] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Tues] Coffee Milkshake Day
[Wed] Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
[Wed] Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day
[Wed] Walk on Stilts Day

Garlic Week / Lumberjack Week / Single Working Women’s Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
“Captain America: The First Avenger” opened in theaters on the weekend, but the following are unlikely to be getting the bigscreen treatment …
• ‘Easily-Wedgied Wally’
• ‘Halitosia’
• ‘Decorative Gourd Man’
• ‘The Lapdance Kid’
• ‘PMS Woman’ and her faithful sidekick ‘Yeasty Girl’
• ‘Omelet Makin’ Man’
• ‘Guano Boy’
• ‘The Mighty Colosto’
• ‘Beautiful-From-The-Neck-Down Woman’
– First published in “BS” 2007

Are we getting ruder? Give us an example.

You are hired to be part of a ‘claque’. Which should you practise?
a. Applauding. [CORRECT. It’s a group hired to applaud a performer.]
b. Singing.
c. Running.

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

Today’s Question: 4-out-of-5 men pick THIS as their favorite toy as a child.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A squirt-gun.

To get something done a committee should consist of no more than 3, 2 of whom are absent.

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