July 26 2018

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Thursday, July 26, 2018 – Edition: #6263

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Mila Kunis blames herself for her breakup with Macaulay Culkin. Kunis and Culkin dated for eight years before it all came crashing down in what she calls a “horrible, horrible breakup.” One for which Kunis was apparently at fault. She opened up about the split during her appearance on Dax Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast, saying “You know, it’s been so long … I feel like enough time has gone by…I think enough mutual friends have been like, everybody kind of forgave everybody for what went down.” She did not, however, specify the reason for the split.
(Please don’t tell me she flew off somewhere and forgot about him…)
★ Paris Jackson was so serious about making sure her alleged stalker was kept away that she showed up to court and spoke on the pain the situation has caused. Michael Jackson’s daughter appeared at the courthouse in L.A. Tuesday morning to testify against Nicholas Lewis Stevens, who she claims has an “unhealthy obsession” with her that has evolved into outright stalking. Stevens was also present during the hearing, at which the judge agreed long-term protection was needed and ordered Stevens to stay at least 100 yards away from Jackson for the next three years.
★ Kylie Jenner sits atop the ‘2018 Instagram Rich List’. In this year’s edition, the 20-year-old cosmetics mogul soared past her half-sister Kim Kardashian. The top dog of the 2017 list was Selena Gomez, who falls to second place this year. ‘Hopper HQ’ determines the list based on follower count, average engagement and posting frequency. They figure that Kylie’s cost per post is $1 million, with Selena netting $800,000 and Kim drifting behind at $720,000.
★ Former MTV VJ Jesse Camp has been found, several days after his family reported him missing. According to the Riverside, CA Police Department, Camp is no longer considered to be a missing person and was “contacted by a local law enforcement agency a short time ago and not in need of any assistance. His family has been notified.” Camp’s sister, Marisha Camp, revealed he was missing last week through a concerned message on social media.
★ He’s made a career out of playing the strange, the unusual and the downright bizarre. Now, Johnny Depp could be stepping into the shoes of late cryptocurrency billionaire Matthew Mellon in a potential biopic. At the age of 21, Mellon inherited trusts worth $25 million. He would eventually invest $2 million of it in the cryptocurrency XRP, known widely as Ripple, and turned it into a $1 billion fortune. Mellon died in April at the age of 54 after battling addiction for most of his adult life. Depp is said to be interested in playing the role.
(I’ve heard about his financial situation. Depp is interested in playing ANY role!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Sam Heughan, the Interrupters
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Leslie Jones, Vanessa Kirby, Greta Van Fleet
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Martha Stewart, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Nate Smith
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Debra Messing, Nick Offerman, Elon Gold
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Ed Helms, Miles Brown, the Breeders ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Rosanna Arquette, Laverne Cox
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Van Jones, Bo Burnham, Elsie Fisher
• “The Talk” (CBS): Josh Groban
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Lauren Cohan
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kendall Jenner, Becca Kufrin, Portugal. The Man ( R )
• “The Gong Show” (ABC): Celebrity judges Alyson Hannigan, Will Arnett and Lil Rel Howery praise, critique and gong unusually talented and unique performers.
• “Match Game” (ABC): The Season 3 finale features panelists Jack McBrayer, Christina Ricci, Ice-T , Jane Krakowski, Tituss Burgess and Nikki Glaser.
• “The Great Food Truck Race” (FOOD): Season 9 premiere

• Demi Lovato – was hospitalized Tuesday after an apparent drug overdose, according to a source close to her family. This comes weeks after the singer, who has struggled with substance abuse, revealed she had recently suffered a relapse. She was said to be in ‘stable’ condition.
• Ariana Grande – says she has ”never been better” after stepping back from social media. After a fan noted she wasn’t posting on Twitter as much as she used to, Grande replied: ”Bc it destroyed my mental health and was horrible for me.” She also confirmed she would be withdrawing from Instagram and Twitter ”for a little while” and focus on Snapchat, noting that it seems less ”negative” than other social media platforms.
• Paul McCartney – In advance of his upcoming album “Egypt Station”, he returned to Abbey Road Studios, the scene of some of his biggest musical triumphs with The Beatles. McCartney performed a “secret show” and thrilled fans when he did a solo recreation of The Beatles’ “Abbey Road” album cover, walking across the same road 49 years after the classic photo.
• Steven Tyler – talked about his past drug addiction in an interview that aired on the weekend. He said that he has such an addictive personality that he “didn’t stop to the point of hurting my children, hurting my life, hurting my family, hurting my band.” He said drugs led him down a dangerous road: “I went down the worst path. I went down the rabbit hole. I went chasing Alice.”
• Iron Maiden – will perform with an exact replica of the Spitfire plane at their UK ‘Legacy Of The Beast Tour’ concerts. Singer Bruce Dickinson says the plan was to make it actual size, but they had to scale it back by 10% in order for it to fit on some festival stages.
• Rod Stewart – is streaming a new song called “Didn’t I”. It is the lead single from his forthcoming album “Blood Red Roses”. The new album, Stewart’s 30th studio effort, comes out September 28 and is described as a deeply personal collection of ten originals and three covers.
• Joe Walsh – will be joined by Chris Stapleton and Don Henley for his second annual VetsAid benefit concert Nov. 11 in Tacoma, Washington. James Taylor and Haim are also on the bill.
• Roseanne Cash – The four-time Grammy winner, who has actively advocated against gun violence for more than two decades, will receive the Americana Music Association’s “Spirit of Americana” Free Speech Award. It will be presented on September 12th at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium.
• Kenny Chesney – hopes that his new album, “Songs for the Saints” changes lives. The album is a fundraiser for the island of St. John, which was devastated by hurricane Irma last year and destroyed Chesney’s home there. He has also donated new music instruments to a music school there.

If you had no idea of the correct answer and someone asked you how old you are, what would be your best guess? In short, how old do you feel? Scientists are finding that your ‘subjective age’ may be a huge factor in understanding why some people appear to flourish as they age – while others fade. In a study, most people claim they felt about eight years younger than their actual chronological age. But some felt they were older than their actual age – and the consequences were serious. Feeling between 8 and 13 years older than your actual age resulted in an 18-25% greater risk of death over the study periods, and greater disease burden. In other words, if you feel young, you’ll actually age more slowly!
(And THAT, my friend, is why I still giggle when I pass gas!)
(How old I feel is directly related to what time it is. Or what day it is!)
(How old do I feel? You tell me first!)

Quick! What do you call it when people get up in front of a crowd and singing popular songs to recorded music? Everyone is going to say karaoke…but most of us are going to say it wrong. That’s because it is one of the most mispronounced words in the English language….and it’s not even really in the English language. Most people pronounce “karaoke” as “CARE-ee-OH-key.” But, if we were to pronounce it properly, we would say the “kara” part the same way we do in “karate” (which, for the record, is pronounce kah-RAH-tay, not ka-ra-tee). The “oke” is actually a shorter version of the Japanese word for orchestra, okesutora, and sounds like “okay.” Which means that the correct pronunciation would is “kah-rah-OH-kay.” And by the way? ‘karaoke’ means “empty orchestra” in Japanese.
(Funny…I always sing the wrong WORDS too!)
(And mispronouncing the word is definitely not the WORST crime I’ve committed against it!)
(I’ve gotta say that “empty orchestra” is appropriate in some cases!)

➠ Proximity to a Starbucks: Between 1997 and 2014, homes within a quarter-mile of a Starbucks increased in value by 96 percent on average, compared to 65 percent for all homes. (You heard that right. A Starbucks. Not a hospital. Not a library. Not even a neighbor with a pool and a liquor store!)
➠ Blue kitchens and blue bathrooms: Homes with blue kitchens sold for a $1,809 premium, compared to similar homes with white kitchens. (Mine STARTED white!)
➠ Trendy features: Things like barn doors and farmhouse sinks sell faster and for a premium. In 2016, listings with “barn door” in the description sold for 13.4 percent more than expected — and 57 days faster than comparable homes without the keyword. (I thought ‘Starbucks’ was a trendy feature!)
➠ How close you are to a city: If you own a home in a major metropolitan area, you’re most likely sitting on a significant (and rapidly appreciating) financial asset. The average urban home is now worth 35 percent more than the average suburban home. (Detroit was excluded from the study for humanitarian reasons…)
➠ Some other factors:
• Houses with black front doors fetch $6,271 more
• Tuxedo-style kitchen cabinetry is worth $1,500 more
• Periwinkle walls bring $2,800 above asking
• Blue bathrooms bring $5,400 above asking

The price of gasoline in North Korean capital Pyongyang has fallen by almost half since March. Fuel is sold by the kilogram there, and this week, it sold for US$1.24 per kg. That’s about US$1.11 per litre. Analysts suspect fuel is finding its way into the isolated economy from China and elsewhere despite U.N. sanctions.


1943 [75] (Sir) Mick Jagger, Dartford UK, singer (Rolling Stones-‘Start Me Up’, ‘Satisfaction’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1945 [73] Helen Mirren (Ilyena Lydia Mironoff), London UK, movie actress (“Trumbo”, “The Queen”)/TV actress (“Elizabeth I”, “Prime Suspect”)

1949 [69] Roger Taylor, Dersingham UK, classic rock drummer (Queen-‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘We Will Rock You’)

1959 [59] Kevin Spacey (Fowler), South Orange NJ, TV actor (‘Frank Underwood’ on “House of Cards” 2013-17)/movie actor (“Baby Driver”, “The Usual Suspects”)

1964 [54] Sandra Bullock, Arlington VA, movie actress (“Speed”, “The Blind Side”) COMING UP “Bird Box” 2018

1965 [53] Jeremy Piven, New York City NY, TV actor (“Entourage” 2004-2011, “Mr. Selfridge” 2013-16) COMING UP… “All Star Weekend” 2019

1967 [51] Jason Statham, Shirebrook, England, movie actor (“The Expendables”, “Transporter” films”) COMING UP…”The Meg” 2018

1973 [45] Kate Beckinsale, London UK, movie actress (“Pearl Harbor”, “Underworld”)

1993 [25] Taylor Momsen, St. Louis MO, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-2012)/movie actress (“How The Grinch Stole Christmas”)/singer (“The Pretty Reckless”)

“All or Nothing Day”. This is it, folks – balls to the wall, give ’er all you’ve got, the time has arrived, take no prisoners, it’s now or never, bring your ‘A’ game, give 110% … and any other hackneyed self-help cliché you can think of. (Or just relax.)

• “Aunts & Uncles Day”, honoring a very special pair of relatives. Among other things, they may be …
✓ Someone you can talk to about things you can’t discuss with parents.
✓ Your backup caretaker when mom & dad went out, or were at work.
✓ Real characters at family get-togethers.
✓ Someone who has taken you to fun places and events.
✓ Someone whose house was a great place for a sleep-over, especially if you have cousins.
✓ The ones who’ve given you great gifts for special occasions.
✓ Sound counsel and advice.

• “Coffee Milkshake Day”, celebrating the Summer cooler that’s also a pick-me-up.

• “Bagelfest Day”, this crunchy on the outside and chewy in the middle bread is very popular in the USA and Canada. Served with a variety of toppings as well as produced in a variety of flavors, bagel shops are a staple in many communities.

• “Chili Dog Day”, saluting the tasty combination of topping a hot dog with fiery hot chili. Genius! (But messy.)

[Fri] Bagpipe Appreciation Day
[Fri] Crème Brûlée Day
[Sat] Hamburger Day
[Sat] Day of the Cowboy

2006 [12] The buzz film “Little Miss Sunshine”, starring 9-year-old Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, Toni Collette, and Steve Carell, opens in movie theaters

2006 [12] Paul McCartney’s 1st-ever guitar is sold at an Abbey Road Studios auction for £330,000 (about a half-million dollars)

2015 [04] In a field near Cesena, Italy, 1000 musicians and singers play Foo Fighters ‘Learn to Fly’ simultaneously to encourage the band to play a show in their city for the first time in nearly 20 years. The next day, Dave Grohl posts a video, saying in Italian: “We are coming. I promise.”

2005 [13] Mumbai, India receives 99.5 cm of rain (39.17 inches) within 24 hours, bringing the city to a complete halt for over 2 days


✓ The two animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.
✓ If a wolf is kicked out of his pack, he never howls again.
✓ Crabs have teeth in their stomach.
✓ Jellyfish have no heart.
✓ Squirrels can’t burp.
✓ Emus can’t walk backward.

Highlight bits culled from 25 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Real statements from insurance forms in which drivers attempt to summarize accident details in as few words as possible …
• “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”
• “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”
• “In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
• “I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”
• “My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
• “I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”
• “I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”
• “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
• “I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”
• “A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.”
– First published in “BS” in 2010.

• ‘Vulnerable’ (Playing ball without a cup.)
• ‘Communication’ (Firing off a text before taking off for a weekend with the guys.)
• ‘Commitment’ (Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.)
• ‘Flatulence’ (An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.)
• ‘Making love’ (What men have to call ‘boinking’ to get women to ‘boink’.)
• ‘Remote control’ (A device for scanning through all 300 channels every 2 minutes.)
• ‘We’re going to be late.’ (Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.)
• ‘You cook just like my mother used to.’ (She also used the smoke detector as a meal timer.)

With the closing of two of the last three Blockbuster stores in the U.S., what other retail establishments do you predict will become outmoded and disappear in the next 20 years?

Honesty may be the best policy, but remember that by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Question: 20% of us do THIS at work at least twice a week, and no one ever knows about it. What is it?
Answer: Show up late

Two things define you: the way you manage things when you have nothing, and the way you behave when you have everything.

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