Thursday, July 27, 2017 – Edition: #6022

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, says that he was once asked to curb some of the show’s content by executives at 21st Century Fox. The man behind the longest running scripted show in broadcast history has revealed he was asked to ease up on jokes about Fox News. The request was in reference to an episode that aired in 2010, when a tagline reading ‘not racist, but No. 1 with racists’ appeared on a Fox News helicopter.
(Hey Fox!  Have you seen your show ‘Family Guy’ at all?)
★  You might not think of Alex Trebek as much of a matchmaker, but for two contestants, love was in the air when they appeared on ‘Jeopardy’.  Teachers Maryanne Lewell and Michael Townes got married on July 7 after they met while competing in the annual ‘Jeopardy! Teachers Tournament’ about four years ago.  Trebek couldn’t make it to the wedding, but he did send them a congratulatory email.  It said in part; “Although Maryanne and Michael are not the first couple to have met at ‘Jeopardy’ and gone on to be married, they participated in one of our best Teachers Tournaments.”
(Jeopardy.  At least they are going into marriage with realistic expectations…)
★ Robert Pattinson is ‘’kind of’’ engaged to singer FKA Twigs. The two have been dating since 2014, and after rapper T-Pain let it slip in 2015 that the pair had become engaged, Pattinson has finally come close to giving a confirmation of the news. When asked if he had in fact popped the question, Robert said: ”Yeah, kind of.”
(Sounds like the kind of proposal that she will always cherish…)
★  Johnny Depp is fighting to have allegations that he suffers from ‘psychological issues’ and a ‘compulsive spending disorder’ struck from the record in his ongoing legal battle with his former business managers. Depp has been locked in a bitter lawsuit with Joel and Robert Mandel from The Management Group (TMG) since January, when he sued them for fraud and negligence, claiming their mishandling of his finances had caused him to run up debts of more than $40 million.
★ Barbara Sinatra, the widow of Frank Sinatra, has died at 90.  She was the icon’s fourth wife. At the time of his death in 1998, the couple had been married for 22 years — making their marriage his longest.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Billy Crystal, Chris Bianco, Casey James Salengo ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Michael Strahan, Jill Kargman, Slayer
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Samantha Bee, Gillian Jacobs, Spoon
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tyra Banks, Sen. Chris Murphy, OneRepublic, Brad Wilk
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Matt Bomer, Niecy Nash, Brendan Gleeson, Julia Michaels
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Jonah Ray, Bonobo, J.D. Dillard ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Masha Gessen
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy): Mac DeMarco, Amanda Seales, Brett Gelman
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Hale, Anna Chlumsky, Reid Scott, Matt Walsh, Kevin Dunn, Gary Cole, Sam Richardson, Mastodon ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Matt Bomer
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Thomas Jackson
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kelsey Grammar, Sean Valentine, guest co-host Nico Tortorella
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): John Boyega, Betty Gilpin, guest co-host Andy Cohen
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Hot topics ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Jude Demorest, Chris Hardwick, Linda Miller Nicholson ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Ernie Hudson ( R )
• “Boy Band” (ABC): “Soundtrack Hits” The remaining 13 boy band hopefuls perform iconic songs from the movies; the new bands build bonds.
• “Battle of the Network Stars” (ABC) “Cops vs. TV Sitcoms” Celebrities include Erik Estrada, Larry Wilcox, Kelly Hu, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe and Lorenzo Lamas.
• “Hollywood Game Night” (NBC): “The More You NeYo” Michael Bolton, NeYo, Nick Lachey, Vanessa Lachey, Chris Parnell and J.B. Smoove.
• “Big Brother” (CBS): A house guest is evicted; the head of household competition.

• Taylor Swift – One of the most interesting categories in the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards announced this week will see best pals Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift going head to head with frenemy Katy Perry in the ‘Best Collaboration’ category.  Gomez is named for her song ‘We Don’t Talk Anymore’ with Charlie Puth. Swift was listed for her work with Zayn Malik on ‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’.  Perry is up for her  work with Calvin Harris and Pharrell Williams on ‘Feels’.  The 2017 MTV Video Music Awards will air August 27.
• Justin Bieber – word has it that the reason that he cancelled the remaining 14 dates of his tour is that he wants to ‘reconnect with his faith’ and possibly start his own church.
• Kanye West – Amber Rose claims he has ”bullied” her for seven years following their break-up in 2010.
• Drake – is no stranger to getting tattoos that hold very special meaning to him. He has permanently memorialized his late uncle, grandmother, mother and his father’s mugshot. Now, he has added a portrait of rapper Lil Wayne to his tricep.
• Pink – her new song ‘What About Us’ will drop on August 10, according to an online teaser.
• The Weeknd – made it back from Paris to Los Angeles on Sunday in time to celebrate Selena Gomez’s birthday. He performed in Lollapalooza Paris the day before he flew home for his lunch date with Gomez.
• Kid Rock – A poll shows that he has a slight edge over incumbent Democrat Debbie Stabenow in his battle for a senate seat.  Thirty percent said they would vote for Rock, while twenty-six percent said they would vote for Stabenow. Forty-four percent were still undecided.
• Darius Rucker has announced the release details for his fifth studio album. ‘When Was the Last Time’ is due out on Oct. 20.
• Miranda Lambert – closed out her set at the Faster Horses Festival with a U2 cover. Lambert, who had tweeted last month that ‘The Joshua Tree’ concert was life changing, delivered a country version of ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” during her encore.
• Luke Bryan – allowed a fan to violate his ‘no butt-grabbing’ rule in Kansas City.  Frances Stanaway, an 88-year-old who’s fighting a terminal illness, got the chance to meet Bryan before his show, and he made an exception for her. In a photo, the Luke Bryan superfan can be seen with a huge smile on her face as she rests her hands on the singer’s rear end, while Bryan strikes a silly pose, mugging for the camera.

Finally!  Girls can drink beer!  A Czech Republic brewery has created a ‘lifestyle beer’ called ‘Aurosa’ that supposedly embodies “a woman’s strength and a girl’s tenderness.”  We’re not sure what ‘girl’s beer’ might taste like, but the bottle is very attractive.  It looks to be the shape of a small wine bottle, but the glass is painted a smoky pink color.  Very attractive, and very girlie.  According to the company, their beer was designed to “celebrate femininity in all its forms.”  The problem is, according to online reaction, women want none of it.  With its recent launch in the U.K., the #BeerForHer has been receiving more attention – and it’s not good.  Some commenters have called the company out, sarcastically thanking them for finally giving women the opportunity to drink beer, and thanking them for creating a beer that they will be able to hold without their delicate hands getting tired, or having to ask their husband to hold it for them.  Despite the backlash and accusations of sexism, the company says they will continue to sell their “girlie” beer.  ‘Aurosa Beer For Her’ is available online for US $13.  Plus shipping.  Each!
(Why has no one mentioned what it tastes like?)
(Couldn’t be worse than the last Czech beer I tried!)
(They already have beer for women….it’s called Coors Light!)

One of the great things about summer is a refreshing dip in a swimming pool on a hot day.  But there is always that lingering thought….is there, like….PEE in here?  Short answer: Yes.  In fact, according to a survey, one-fifth of people admit to peeing in a pool at least once.  And that is just the ones who admit it.  But the good news is that although there is always going to be pee in a public pool, there probably isn’t much.   Researchers from the University of Alberta have come up with a technique that estimates how much urine is in the water.  And with their system, they found that the average 220,000-gallon public pool contained about 20 gallons (75L) of pee, and a 110,000-gallon pool contained about 8 gallons (30L) of pee.  Yes, 20 gallons of wee sounds like a lot, but in a 220,000-gallon pool, that’s only 0.01% of the total liquid – in other words, a drop in the ocean.  Despite urine being sterile, certain compounds in urine have been found to react with disinfectants that can lead to eye and respiratory irritation.
(And the thought of swimming in it can make you kinda sick, too!)
(So, to be clear, having a shower isn’t the only thing I should do before going swimming?)
(Of course you could swim in the ocean…the toilet of the entire water kingdom….)

OK Moms, brace yourselves…dirt is good for kids!  Sanitizing and sterilizing your little one’s environment is one of any parent’s most natural instincts. But Jack Gilbert, who is a scientist and the author of a new book called ‘Dirt is Good: The Advantage of Germs for Your Child’s Developing Immune System’, says that exposure to dirt and other things that most parents would lose their minds over if their kids ever were exposed to them, is actually beneficial to our children’s immune systems.  He says that parents tend to go a little overboard (who, us?) when it comes to over-sterilizing. And we should feel free to let them play in the mud and enjoy friendly licks from the family dog without worrying about germs.  And when it comes to a dropped pacifier, while the 5-second rule isn’t really a thing, parents shouldn’t be hesitant to pop that thing right back into their child’s mouth unless it has fallen somewhere there might be dangerous material on the floor.  He also says that allergies can be the result of parents trying to protect their kids too much. This causes our kids’ immune systems to become hyper-sensitized, which can trigger inflammatory reactions like asthma, eczema, and food allergies.
(Look, dear! It seems I’m not such a horrible parent after all!)
(Yeah…I’d still clean the dummy off if it fell on the floor in here…!)
(Ok, it’s fine for the kids to play in the mud…but why do they always have to do it RIGHT before we are leaving for Grandma’s?)


1972 [45] Maya Rudolph, Gainesville FL, TV comic (“Maya & Marty” 2016, “Saturday Night Live” 2000-07, 2012, 2015) movie actress (“The Angry Birds Movie”, “Bridesmaids”)

1973 [44] Abe Cunningham, Long Beach CA, alt-rock drummer (Deftones-”Tempest”, “Change”)

1975 [42] Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, MLB baseball player (NY Yankees)/14-time All-Star/3-time AL MVP/2014 season suspension for doping/current J.Lo boy toy

1977 [40] Jonathan Rhys Meyers (O’Keeffe), Dublin, Ireland, TV actor (“Dracula” 2013-14, “The Tudors” 2007-10)/movie actor (“Mission: Impossible III”, “Bend It Like Beckham”)

1984 [33] Taylor Schilling, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Piper Chapman’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)

• “Bagpipe Appreciation Day”, celebrating the ancient musical instrument that’s viewed by some as an obnoxious, migraine-inducing tool of cacophonic destruction. (Good for funerals though.)

• “Korean War Veterans Armistice Day”, commemorating the 1953 negotiated cease-fire that ended the war on the Korean peninsula.  During the 3 years of fierce struggle, over 600,000 Allied lives were lost.

• “Scotch Day”, celebrating the malt (or grain) whisky that was originally exclusive to Scotland. All Scotch must be aged in oak barrels for at least 3 years. The first written mention of Scotch whisky is in the Exchequer Rolls of Scotland from 1495.

• “Chili Dog Day”, saluting the tasty combination of topping a hot dog with fiery hot chili. Genius! (But messy.)

• “Walk on Stilts Day”, celebrating the feat most often seen in parades and at the circus. Stilt-walking is an ancient art that only requires a pair of stout sticks and lots of practice. (And maybe some extra butt padding.)

• “Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day”, to help them get to know their real environment. (Please note: all plants must be on a leash.  Venus Flytraps must be in a cage.)

[Fri] Buffalo Soldiers Day
[Fri] Hamburger Day
[Fri] Milk Chocolate Day
[Sat] National Cheese Sacrifice Day
[Sat] Dance Day
[Sat] Chicken Wing Day

2003 [14] Legendary comedian, movie actor, and TV host Bob Hope dies at age 100 at his home in Toluca Lake, California

2006 [11] The company behind online file-sharing service Kazaa agrees to pay record labels over $115 million in damages for music piracy

2012 [05] The Beatles return to the “Billboard” album chart with the compilation “Tomorrow Never Knows”, their first album exclusive to iTunes that had never been previously released

1999 [18] Tony Hawk becomes the first skateboarder to land a “900”

2012 [05] Opening ceremony of the 2012 Summer Olympics at Olympic Stadium in London UK


• An annoyed camel will spit at a person.
• Pea crabs (the size of a pea) are the smallest crabs in the world.
• The pig is rated the fourth most intelligent animal.
• The heart of a blue whale is the size of a small car.
• The tongue of a blue whale is as long as an elephant.
• It is impossible to out-swim a shark  (Just ask Michael Phelps) – sharks reach speeds of 70 km/h (44 mph). Humans can RUN about 35 km/h (21 mph).

• Isn’t this bar great?  It’s perfect for putting your drink on it.
• A lot of people think it’s weird that I carry my grandfather’s picture in my wallet, but I think it’s a great reminder of what he meant to me.  Plus, the mortician did such a lovely job.
• Bet you can’t guess my name.  It’s Steven!
• Listen, I bet my friend over there that I would come over and get your number.  Please?  If I lose I have to buy his drinks all night.
• Want to see something cute? (Holds up a mirror.) Isn’t this just the cutest little mirror?
• I can never figure women out.  One minute they’re ignoring you at a bar – the next, they’re calling for security.

☎ What common cliché do you find to be true….again and again?

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Question: The average man first does this at age 34. What is it?
Answer: Trims ear hair

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

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