July 27 2018

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Friday, July 27, 2018 – Edition: #6264

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Mark Wahlberg and Leonardo DiCaprio have starred in two films together — but it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Wahlberg referenced past turmoil with DiCaprio in a speech he gave Tuesday at UCLA, saying that when they were set to work on “The Basketball Diaries”, “He didn’t want me for the part, and I didn’t think he was right for the part. We both had to really learn how to respect each other, and we earned it.” Wahlberg added that he and DiCaprio eventually resolved their issues. They went on to star in “The Departed” — for which Wahlberg earned an Oscar nomination and the two have been photographed together at basketball games and Hollywood functions.
★ Chris Hardwick will return as host of AMC’s “Talking Dead” series following an investigation into allegations that he was abusive to former girlfriend Chloe Dykstra. Hardwick will return as host of “The Walking Dead” and “Fear the Walking Dead” aftershow as of Aug. 12 for the “Fear the Walking Dead” midseason premiere. He was suspended from the role by AMC last month after Dykstra penned an essay accusing Hardwick of being emotionally and sexually abusive during their relationship.
★ Conor McGregor has agreed to a plea deal that will keep him out of jail and allow him to resume his fighting career. McGregor and his teammate Cian Cowley pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in Brooklyn, N.Y.  The judge ordered McGregor to undergo five days of community service and one to three days of anger-management classes. McGregor has also been ordered to pay restitution for the bus attack that left two UFC fighters injured.
★ Donald Trump has once again taken a hit in Hollywood after his star on the Walk of Fame was re-vandalized. LAPD officers responded around 3:30 AM Wednesday after reports of a man ripping up Trump’s star with a pickaxe. Shortly after, a man turned himself into the Beverly Hills Police Department and is currently being questioned by officers. Trump’s star has been the target of many attacks, including from one guy who destroyed it with a sledgehammer.
★ Now director James Gunn’s planned “Starsky And Hutch” reboot has been axed – but it has nothing to do with his Twitter scandal. At this point, it’s still unclear why Amazon Studios bosses backed out of the project, but a spokesperson says that executives backed out of the project months ago, long before the Twitter scandal. Meanwhile, Gunn’s friends and colleagues in the movie industry are offering up their support, with many signing a petition urging Disney bosses to reinstate him as the director of the third “Guardians of the Galaxy” film.

• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Laura Linney
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Kristin Chenoweth, Andrew Rannells, Emmanuelle Caplette ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Sandra Bullock, Sarah Paulson, Awkwafina, Shawn Mendes ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Alan Alda
• “The Talk” (CBS): Simon Pegg
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Glenn Close, John Cho
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lawrence, Lindsey Vonn, Laverne Cox, Meghan Trainor ( R )
• “Orange Is the New Black” (NETFLIX): Season 6 premiere
• “Cash Cab” (DISCOVERY): Shark Week Edition
• “Jeff Lynne’s ELO: Wembley or Bust” (SHOWTIME): Jeff Lynne’s ELO plays a concert for a full audience at Wembley Stadium on June 24, 2017.

• “Pink Collar Crimes” (CBS): Series premiere. A soccer mom robs banks after she drops her children off at school.
• “Love on Safari” (HALLMARK): An American web designer inherits an animal reserve in South Africa. A no-nonsense ranger takes her on a safari in hopes that she will fall in love with the land, the animals and him.

• “Cheerleader Nightmare” (LIFETIME): While flying a drone, a teenager sees her boyfriend cheating with the school’s head cheerleader. When the cheerleader turns up murdered, her boyfriend becomes the prime suspect, and only she can find the real killer before another murder takes place.
• “Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis” (COMEDY): Celebrities including Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Edward Norton, Nikki Glaser, Lil Rel Howery and Jeff Ross roast actor Bruce Willis.

• Demi Lovato – Since her widely reported overdose Tuesday afternoon, her hospital has allegedly been on total lockdown. A source is saying that “The hospital has placed two security guards outside of her room and has been instructed to not let anyone that Demi’s mom hasn’t approved to visit her”.
• Drake – The start of his summer tour with Migos has been delayed. The “Aubrey & the Three Migos” tour was set to begin last night in Salt Lake City. No official word on why, but it will now start on August 10 in Kansas City. The majority of the postponed shows now have rescheduled dates and tickets for the original nights will be honored.
• Bobby Brown – will open a domestic violence shelter in Atlanta in the name of his late daughter.  The Bobbi Kristina Brown Serenity House will also have a 24-hour crisis intervention line. Bobbi Kristina was Brown’s daughter with Whitney Houston.
• Billy Joel – says older artists like his friend Sir Elton John shouldn’t release new music because it damages their legacy. Quote: ”There are artists who continue to record because they feel like that’s what keeps them relevant. But if the quality of their work deteriorates, it drags down the entire catalogue.” Joel’s last studio album of new pop music was released in 1993.
• The Who – Singer Roger Daltrey has detailed the title and release date of his long-awaited memoir. “Thanks A Lot Mr. Kibblewhite: My Story” will be published in the UK on Oct. 18 and in the US on Oct. 23. Mr. Kibblewhite was Daltrey’s “draconian headmaster” during the singer’s rebellious teenage years.
• AC/DC – Fans down under reacted in anger after Australia Post apparently tripped up in an attempt to pay tribute to the band with a set of collectible stamps. The service accidentally used artwork from the North American versions of “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” and “High Voltage”, along with an EP that was never released in Australia.
• Joan Jett – The trailer for the upcoming biopic “Bad Reputation” is now streaming. It opens with Jett discussing the first piece of advice she received when she began taking guitar lessons at age 13: “Girls don’t play rock ‘n’ roll.” A present-day Jett responds with a stone-faced “bull.”
The movie hits theaters and streaming services on Sept. 28.
• Maren Morris – says that one of her dream collaborators would Carrie Underwood….and she has already taken steps to make it happen. She says “I wrote to Carrie a few weeks ago [hoping] that we could do something together. So, [maybe there will be] a collaboration one day.”
• The Judds – A new exhibit honoring them at The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum will debut next month. Set to open Aug. 10 and run for 11 months, ‘The Judds: Dream Chasers’ will chronicle the journey Naomi took as a single mother all the way to her rise to fame with her daughter and a career that racked up 14 No. 1 songs, five Grammys, nine CMA Awards and seven ACM Awards.

• “Mission: Impossible – Fallout” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): Ethan Hunt and his IMF team, along with some familiar allies, race against time after a mission gone wrong. (Tom Cruise, Henry Cavill, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg)
• “Teen Titans Go! To the Movies” (PG, Animation/Family): A villain’s maniacal plan for world domination sidetracks five teenage superheroes who dream of Hollywood stardom. (Kristen Bell, Nicolas Cage)
• “Hot Summer Nights” (R-Rated, Drama): A likable but socially awkward recent high-school graduate is spending the summer before college visiting his aunt on Cape Cod. He struggles to find his place-until he meets the local bad-boy who peddles marijuana to well-off vacationers. (Timothée Chalamet, Maika Monroe)
• “Puzzle” (R-Rated, Drama): A suburban mother discovers a passion for solving jigsaw puzzles, which unexpectedly draws her into a new world – where her life unfolds in ways she never could have imagined. (Austin Abrams, Mandela Bellamy)

Not that long ago, the big question was whether or not there was water on Mars. Well, that wasn’t the BIG question. The big question had to do with little green men. But the other question was whether there is water on Mars. NOW, the big question might be about the price of waterfront property. Scientists have discovered a 12-mile lake of water. On Mars! It lies beneath the red planet’s southern ice cap. It is the first time a large stable body of liquid water has been discovered on Mars. And it could have larger implications. As the leader of the study puts it: “This is the place on Mars where you have something that most resembles a habitat, a place where life could subsist.” They aren’t thinking there is anything like fish or alligators or beaver there, but similar conditions on earth provide ideal conditions for many kinds of microorganisms. NASA’s Mars probe began its mission in 2011 with the objective of discovering whether or not microbial life could ever have been supported there.
(This is starting to sound more and more like a movie…one with a very bad ending for people!)
(But if they’ve already discovered the ‘southern ice cap’, doesn’t that mean they’ve already discovered water?)
(And right now, Elon Musk is trying to figure out how to send a submarine….)

No one knows for certain why we laugh. Despite decades of research, scientists and doctors have yet to identify a convincing physiological reason. Philosophers and psychologists, too, have struggled to come up with convincing social rationale for laughing. But we do know this: When we laugh, the human body undergoes some serious transformation. And there are many health benefits to a good belly laugh or an evening at the comedy club. Those benefits include:
• Burning calories: Not many, but it can help.
• Firing up your brain: For it to be funny, we must analyze and process jokes and absurd situations. A wee I.Q. boost. (Don’t think about why the chicken crossed the road for too long…)
• Endorphin boost: Laughing actually brightens your mood through a chemical reaction in your brain. (And you don’t need to roll anything up…)
• Relax: The relaxed feeling you get after a fit of laughter is similar to the one you get after a workout. And it can last for up to an hour.
• Immune system boost: It increases your body’s production of antibodies and T-cells that fight off disease and boost your immune system. Laughing increases your pain tolerance and decreases your blood pressure too.
• Stress levels plummet: People with a strong sense of humor become less depressed and anxious than those with a less developed sense of humor.
• Reinforces relationships: Laughing in a group forms strong social bonds. (That explains why my co-workers are so tight. They laugh together all the time. At me.)
(So laughing is good. Except for that face you make. That’s not good!)
(Maybe those doctors we were talking about should just lighten up and try to get the joke!)
(Laughter is the best…..aw, YOU know!)

• The average man spends 3,350 hours (about 140 days) of his life shaving.
• Your beard would be approximately 30 feet long if you never shaved.
• You would put on an extra pound (in hair) every 16 years if you never shaved.
• Dry beard hair is as tough as copper wire of the same thickness.
• A whisker is 70% easier to cut after being soaked 2 minutes in warm water.
– First published in “BS” 2002.


1970 [48] Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Rudkobing, Denmark, TV actor (‘Jaime Lannister’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2011)

1972 [46] Maya Rudolph, Gainesville FL, TV comic (“Maya & Marty” 2016, “Saturday Night Live” 2000-07, 2012, 2015) movie actress (“The Angry Birds Movie”, “Bridesmaids”)

1975 [43] Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, MLB baseball player (NY Yankees)/14-time All-Star/3-time AL MVP/2014 season suspension for doping/dating J.Lo

1977 [41] Jonathan Rhys Meyers (O’Keeffe), Dublin, Ireland, TV actor (“Dracula” 2013-14, “The Tudors” 2007-10)/movie actor (“Mission: Impossible III”, “Bend It Like Beckham”)

1984 [34] Taylor Schilling, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Piper Chapman’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)

News anchor Scott Pelly (“CBS Evening News”) is 61; TV actress Lori Loughlin (“Full House”) is 54; Entrepreneur Dana White (“UFC”) is 49; Rapper Soulja Boy (‘Crank That [Soulja Boy]’) is 28
Fashion Consultant Tim Gunn (“Project Runway”) is 65; Singer Geddy Lee (Rush-‘Tom Sawyer’) is 65; Country singer Martina McBride (‘Independence Day’) is 52; TV actor Josh Radnor (“How I Met Your Mother”) is 44

• “Bagpipe Appreciation Day”, celebrating the ancient musical instrument that’s viewed by some as an obnoxious, migraine-inducing tool of cacophonic destruction. (Good for funerals though)
Here is some pipin’ that we can get into:
NET: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbY8eNkaW4k

• “Korean War Veterans Armistice Day”, commemorating the 1953 negotiated cease-fire that ended the war on the Korean peninsula. During the 3 years of fierce struggle, over 600,000 Allied lives were lost.

• “Scotch Day”, celebrating the malt (or grain) whisky that was originally exclusive to Scotland. All Scotch must be aged in oak barrels for at least 3 years. The first written mention of Scotch whisky is in the Exchequer Rolls of Scotland from 1495.

• “Walk on Stilts Day”, celebrating the feat most often seen in parades and at the circus. Stilt-walking is an ancient art that only requires a pair of stout sticks and lots of practice. (And maybe some extra butt padding)

• “Collingwood Elvis Festival” through Sunday in Collingwood ON, which culminates with one of the largest Elvis tribute artist competitions anywhere. Why an Elvis fest here? Something to attract Summer visitors to this ski resort.
NET: http://www.collingwoodelvisfestival.com

• “Milk Chocolate Day”, an excuse for chocoholics everywhere to chow down!
• “World Hepatitis Day”, to create awareness that 1-in-12 people worldwide is living with either chronic hepatitis B or C, far higher than the prevalence of HIV or any type of cancer.
• “Hamburger Day”, honoring the world’s favorite sandwich, whose origins can be traced back as far as the Middle Ages. These days, close to 6 billion burgers are served annually by restaurants. Hamburger meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter-pound hamburger patties (or 360 double-burgers!)

• “International Lasagna Day” celebrating the famous Italian dish that’s become a worldwide favorite. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice.
• “National Chicken Wing Day”, first proclaimed in 1977 by Buffalo NY mayor Stan Makowski. Legend has it that spicy ‘Buffalo Wings’ were invented at the city’s Anchor Bar in 1964.
• “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, an annual event that started when a local farmer noticed it always seems to rain on July 29th. They now claim it’s rained on this date in 115 of the 144 years since.
• “Lipstick Day”, celebrating the cosmetic that has allowed women to quit biting their lips to make them appear pinker.

1984 [34] The Prince film “Purple Rain” is released. In the movie, he plays as an upstart musician who clashes with his band. It parallels his life story, but is not strictly autobiographical.

2003 [15] Legendary comedian, movie actor, and TV host Bob Hope dies at age 100 at his home in Toluca Lake, California

1983 [35] Madonna releases her self-titled first album. While it doesn’t burn up the charts and is derided by Rolling Stone (which calls her voice “irritating as hell”), it eventually spawned the hits ‘Holiday’, ‘Borderline’ and ‘Lucky Star’.

2012 [06] The Beatles return to the “Billboard” album chart with the compilation “Tomorrow Never Knows”, their first album exclusive to iTunes that had never been previously released

1999 [19] Tony Hawk becomes the first skateboarder to land a “900”

2012 [06] Queen Elizabeth II opens the 30th Olympics in London, UK (with some help from 007)


✓ Jonah Hill snorted so much fake cocaine during filming of “The Wolf of Wall Street” that he got bronchitis.
✓Shaquille O’Neal owns 17 Auntie Anne’s Pretzel restaurants, 150 car washes, 155 Five Guys restaurants and 40 24-hour gyms.
✓ In 2009, Coolio attempted to stage-dive, but no one in the crowd caught him. Instead, they beat him up and stole his shoes.
✓ Only 2% of humans have green eyes, the rarest of eye colors.
✓ The inventor of revolving doors did so because he hated opening doors for women.
✓ In 2007, a couple divorced after discovering they had an online affair with each other under fake names.

• Ironing Man
• Co-Dependence Day
• Worms on a Plane
• Mission: Plausible
• Rambo: First Paper Cut
• The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
• Conan the Librarian
• The Last Auction Hero
• Batman Begins…Making Excuses
• Single Jeopardy
• Cry Hard

Best of BS:
• Isn’t this bar great? It’s perfect for putting your drink on it.
• A lot of people think it’s weird that I carry my grandfather’s picture in my wallet, but I think it’s a great reminder of what he meant to me. Plus, the mortician did such a lovely job.
• Bet you can’t guess my name. It’s Steven!
• Listen, I bet my friend over there that I would come over and get your number. Please? If I lose I have to buy his drinks all night.
• Want to see something cute? (Holds up a mirror.) Isn’t this just the cutest little mirror?
• I can never figure women out. One minute they’re ignoring you at a bar – the next, they’re calling for security.
(First published in BS in 2017)

What is the weirdest ‘home remedy’ that you’ve ever heard of?

On the Sixth Day, God created man, the sort of result you often get when you go in to work on a Saturday.

Question: According to a study, THIS is the #1 thing that people judge you on. What?
Answer: Your teeth

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.

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