Monday, July 29, 2013        Edition: #5034

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

✶ Fans will soon be able to experience the thrilling sensation of watching “Sharknado” on a much bigger screen. The SyFy network cult movie that became a social-media sensation will screen in 200 select movie theaters this Friday at midnight. A rep for Regal Entertainment Group thinks the spoof disaster movie could develop into an ongoing interactive theater experience, along the lines of the infamous 1975 cult film “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”.
✶ NBC-TV is planning to air a 4-hour miniseries starring actress Diane Lane as former US Secretary of State and first lady Hillary Clinton. The miniseries “Hillary”, about the once, and possibly future, presidential candidate will recount Clinton’s life as a wife, mother, politician, and cabinet member from 1998 to present. The series will likely air in the Spring or Summer of 2015 The part of Bill Clinton has not yet been cast.
✶ The ongoing saga of increasingly confused (bad) actress Amanda Bynes continues. Her mother has assured Amanda’s court-appointed lawyer she doesn’t want any of her daughter’s money, she only wants the troubled starlet to get the medical attention she needs. Lynn Bynes is seeking temporary conservatorship in court, but the judge has delayed the action because Amanda is still in hospital for 2 more weeks. Another hearing has been set for August 9th.
✶ And sources close to Lindsay Lohan say that once her 90-day-court-ordered rehab finishes up she’ll head to London for some R&R, the first stop on a European adventure. The story has it that she’s booked a one-way ticket with no return date as yet. Lindsay is said to believe the trip will give her some privacy during her post-rehab days. And everyone knows an overseas vacation is the best way to keep your nose clean, right?

• “Breaking Pointe” (CW) – Season 2 debut of the behind-the-stage series that follows the Ballet West dance company in Salt Lake City, Utah.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – The Lumineers (“The Lumineers”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Franz Ferdinand (“Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – OneRepublic (“Native”). Rerun.
• Helpmann Theatre Awards (Sydney, Australia) – The 13th annual theater awards presented by Live Performance Australia at the Sydney Opera House. Nominees include “The Addams Family”, “Legally Blonde The Musical”, and “The Secret River”. A stage musical version of “King Kong” is presented a special award for ‘Outstanding Theatrical Achievement’. Live music nominees include Bruce Springsteen, Coldplay, Gotye, and Keith Urban.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Pepper (“Pepper”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gold Fields (“Black Sun”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Virgins (“Strike Gently”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – James McCartney (“Me”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Phillip Phillips (“The World From the Side Of the Moon”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Emblem3 (“Nothing to Lose”, out tomorrow).

• Beyoncé – Sources tell “Hollywood Reporter” her long-awaited new album has been delayed further as she has scrapped as many as 50 songs she has worked on for the project. While bits of new material have surfaced in ads and online, no official release has yet been announced.
• Frank Ocean – He’s suffered a tear in one of his vocal chords on the first night of a tour of Australia and has had to cancel the remaining itinerary, including an appearance at the Splendour In the Grass festival on the weekend. He was slated to play 4 headlining shows Down Under.
• Garth Brooks – Garth is a grandpa after his middle daughter August, who was born in 1993, gave birth to a girl last week. The new grandchild has been named Karalynn.
• Jason Aldean – Friday night he broke the all-time attendance record at Frontier Days in Cheyenne, Wyoming, selling close to 25,000 tickets. The previous mark was held by George Strait.
• Katy Perry – She has surpassed Lady Gaga as the most-followed woman on Twitter, with just shy of 39.9 million followers, compared to Gaga’s 39.25 million. Justin Bieber remains the most-followed with almost 42.3 million.
• Kings of Leon – Fred Armisen (“Saturday Night Live”, “Portlandia”) will direct their upcoming webcast concert on August 9th, live from Shepherd’s Bush in London, England. The show will be streamed on YouTube and VEVO.
• Lady Gaga – She will perform at the “2013 MTV Video Music Awards” August 25th in what is expected to be the first live performance of her as-yet-unannounced lead single (rumored to be titled “Applause”) from her upcoming album “ARTPOP”.
• Luke Bryan – He had to call off a show in Albuquerque, New Mexico on Friday night when a massive storm hit. Heavy rain and high winds led to power cuts throughout the area and the decision was made to postpone the concert until September.
• Postal Service – A new documentary on the reunited band has debuted online. The 14-minute film, titled “Some Idealistic Future”, was partially shot at a concert at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn NY.

Researchers at Case Medical Center in Cleveland OH have found that poor sleepers show increased signs of skin aging, including fine lines, uneven pigmentation, and reduced elasticity. On the other hand, people who consistently sleep well recover more efficiently from stressors to the skin, such as sunburn. Self-perception of attractiveness is also significantly better among subjects who sleep well compared to those who didn’t. (This can be confirmed via the ‘Morning Mirror Test’. OMG! Aggghhhh!)
– Agence France-Presse

Acting out a ritual before eating something may actually enhance the food’s flavor, according to University of Minnesota scientists. Examples of rituals that seem to produce this effect …
✓ Having “Happy Birthday” sung and blowing out candles before digging into a slice of cake.
✓ Saying grace before a family meal on a special occasion.
✓ Preparing your cup of coffee ‘just right’ … a little bit of cream, a half-packet of sugar, etc.
A related experiment shows that elongating the time between performing the ritual and eating the food magnifies the effects. Most participants find food tastes better after waiting. (True of many things besides dining!)
– “Psychological Science”

The ‘big box’ retail concept was launched in the early 1990s. But now auto parts/hardware/housewares chain Canadian Tire is joining a growing list of big retailers experimenting with smaller format stores in local neighborhoods, including Walmart and Rona home centers. The first ‘Canadian Tire Express’ store is only about 6,000 sq ft, much smaller than its big box locations, which average 35,000 sq ft. Why go small? People are changing their shopping behavior. They want it closer to home and easier to get to. Walmart is moving strongly into neighborhood markets, trying out stores as small as 15,000 sq ft, a tenth the size of some of its supercenters. (The true antidote to online shopping … convenient location, personalized service.)

Some of the people at your fitness center who can make you blow a gasket …
✗ ‘The Slob’ – Always forgets to wipe down the gooey machine when done.
✗ ‘The Rule Breaker’ – Ignores the time limit even when you’ve clearly signed up for a machine.
✗ ‘The Stinker’ – The girl who showers in perfume; the guy who’s redolent with cologne.
✗ ‘The Coach’ – Seemingly comes out of nowhere and tries to push your performance.
✗ ‘The Non-Stop Talker’ – Talks to you even when you’re wearing a headset … set on 10.
✗ ‘The Judge’ – Has a ‘way better’ workout routine than you and makes fun of yours.
– Condensed from

New Swiss research suggests the Full Moon may not make you howl, but it might make you toss and turn in bed. Using data from a sleep study that followed more than 30 volunteers over the course of 3 years, scientists found that, on average, it takes people 5 extra minutes to fall asleep on the 3-or-4 nights surrounding a Full Moon, and they sleep for 20 fewer minutes. They also exhibit lower melatonin levels, lower EEG activity related to deep sleep, and report feeling less refreshed the next day. The findings seem to confirm the common belief that the lunar cycle messes with our sleep. (Try closing the curtains, dummy!)

Holding your hands up over your head on a rollercoaster really does enhance the physical sensation of the experience, because it stretches the torso.


1953 [60] Ken Burns, NYC, Emmy Award-winning writer, producer, documentary-maker (“The Dust Bowl”, “The Civil War”)

1953 [60] Tim Gunn, Washington DC, fashion consultant/TV personality (“Project Runway”, “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style”)/author (“A Guide to Quality, Taste & Style”)

1953 [60] Geddy Lee, Toronto ON, classic rock singer-bassist (Rush-“Far Cry”, “Test for Echo”)

1953 [60] Patti Scialfa, Deal NJ, classic rock singer (E Street Band-“Born In the USA”, “Glory Days”)/Mrs Bruce Springsteen since 1991

1966 [47] Martina McBride (Schiff), Medicine Lodge KS, country singer (“A Broken Wing”, “This One’s For the Girls”)

1973 [40] Wanyá Morris, Philadelphia PA, pop-R&B singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”, “End Of the Road”)

1974 [39] Josh Radnor, Bexley OH, TV actor (‘Ted Mosby’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)

1977 [36] Danger Mouse (Brian Burton), White Plains NY, pop recording artist (Gnarls Barkley-“Crazy”, Broken Bells-“The High Road”)/record producer (Gorillaz-“Demon Days”, The Black Keys-“El Camino”)

• “International Lasagna Day” celebrating the famous Italian dish that’s become a worldwide favorite. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice. However, everybody seems to have their own secret ingredient. What’s yours?

• “International Tiger Day”, set aside to promote a global system for protecting the natural habitats of tigers and to raise public awareness and support for tiger conservation issues.

• “Lipstick Day”, celebrating the cosmetic that has allowed women to quit biting their lips to make them appear pinker.

• “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, an annual event that started when a local farmer noticed it always seems to rain on July 29th. They now claim it’s rained on this date in 113 of the 138 years since. Today’s forecast: 20% probability of precipitation only. Oops!

2000 [13] High-profile acting couple Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston wed in Malibu, California (they separate after 4-and-a-half years, thanks to that hussy Angelina)

2006 [07] Actor Mel Gibson issues a lengthy statement apologizing for his drunk driving arrest the day before and for ‘despicable statements’ made toward the deputies who arrested him in Malibu, California (the entire incident is a career killer). Here’s the infamous mugshot …

2005 [08] An anonymous bidder plays $1 million at auction for the original handwritten lyrics to The Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love”

1958 [55] ‘NASA’ (National Aeronautics & Space Administration) is established

1988 [25] Reg Morris of Walsall UK sets world record for ‘Crawling on Hands & Knees’ at 28.5 miles or 45.9 km (his wife still refuses to take him back)

2003 [09] Boston’s Bill Mueller becomes the 1st player in Major League Baseball history to hit grand slam home runs from both sides of the plate in a single game, leading the Red Sox to a 14-7 win over the Rangers in Texas)

[Tues] Cheesecake Day
[Tues] Father-In-Law Day
[Tues] Support Public Education Day
[Tues] Paperback Book Day
[Wed] “The Smurfs 2” opens in movie theaters

Fancy Rat & Mouse Week / Single Working Women’s Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Whyzit we don’t get goosebumps on our faces?
• Whyzit everyone drives BELOW the speed limit when there’s a cop car in sight?
• Whyzit a sandwich shop will charge you extra for anything additional on a sandwich but won’t reduce the price if you tell them to hold something off?
• Whyzit there are 5 syllables in the word ‘monosyllabic’?
• Whyzit the least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish?
– First published in “BS” 2003.

✗ “Less talk, more veal!”
✗ “It’s better than a poke in the eye!”
✗ “Fine, don’t listen. See if we care.”
✗ “We let you listen for free!”
✗ “Our music is more likely to be pleasant than that of those who also have radio stations, but can’t boast of this with the same degree of confidence as we.”
– First published in “BS” 1997.

☎ Name a place that should definitely be off-limits for smartphone use.

You often hear married guys bragging, “WE’RE pregnant!” but you hardly ever hear them say, “WE’RE dying.”

The ‘Web Economy BS Generator’ can provide you with all the gobbledygook and bafflegab you need to sound like a genius on the job …

Question: THIS was ranked most attractive uniform for a man in a recent poll of women.
Answer: Doctor.

The longer you keep your temper, the better it will get.

Scott Pugh @ 90.1 FM The Heat [CRNC] Welland, Ontario; Rochelle Scheepers @ Heart 104.9 FM Cape Town, South Africa; Richard Woods @ 98.3 CIFM Kamloops, British Columbia; Sean Dwyer @ 102.8 Chorley FM Chorley UK.

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