Wednesday, July 29, 2015        Edition: #5505

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

★ Comedic actress Melissa McCarthy & her actor/director husband Ben Falcone have landed a deal to executive produce a TV series based on her rise to fame. The “Bridesmaids” duo are teaming up with TV Land for a comedy called “Friends With Melissa”. It’s inspired by their pals who worked with them in the sketch comedy troupe The Groundlings. McCarthy, who’s preparing to head back to her Emmy Award-winning role in sitcom “Mike & Molly”, appears in the pilot episode.
★ “Empire” co-stars Trai Byers & Grace Gealey are engaged. The proposal happened over the weekend and coincided with Gealey’s 31st birthday on Sunday. The twosome first met on the set of the FOX-TV series last year. Gealey plays ‘Anika Calhoun’ on the show, the step-mother of Byers’ character ‘Andre Lyon’. Rumors of their relationship began in March of this year and began circulating again after they were recently photographed together at a wedding. Neither has yet publically confirmed the news of their engagement.
– “Us Weekly”
★ And a musical adaptation of “American Psycho” is heading to Broadway. The stage version of Bret Easton Ellis’ controversial 1991 novel will have its debut in February 2016 at an as-yet-unnamed NYC theater. Broadway veteran and movie actor Benjamin Walker (“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”) stars as bloodthirsty maniac ‘Patrick Bateman’, the role originally played by Christian Bale in the 2000 movie. The musical version won rave reviews during an SRO run in London last year. That production featured former ‘Doctor Who’ Matt Smith.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – A celebration of the show’s 10th anniversary with memorable highlights from the past decade.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ringo Starr (“Postcards from Paradise”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kiesza (“Sound Of a Woman”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tyler, The Creator (“Cherry Bomb”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Colleen Green (“I Want to Grow Up”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Joss Stone (“Water For Your Soul”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Alessia Cara (“Know-It-All”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – X Ambassadors (“VHS”).

• Ed Sheeran – He has a recurring role in the new FX medieval series, “The Bastard Executioner” that’s currently shooting in UK. He has a recurring role as ‘Sir Cormac’, an ambitious protégé of a high-ranking church elder, according to “Hollywood Reporter”.
• Ellie Goulding – The Brit singer has sparked further speculation she’s recorded the latest ‘James Bond’ theme after posting a pic captioned ”That’s a wrap!” taken outside London’s Abbey Road Studios where the themes are often recorded. “Spectre” hits theaters in October.
• Enrique Iglesias – He’s reportedly left his longtime record label Universal and signed with Sony Music after being offered one of the most lucrative contracts in the company’s recent history. He joins fellow Latin stars Marc Anthony, Ricky Martin, and Shakira in the Sony line-up.
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl tells “Q” magazine he’s regaining strength in his broken leg with a rigorous physiotherapy routine, including ‘air-drumming’ to Led Zeppelin tracks 3 times a day. Quote: “Sports doctors, take note.”
• Guns N’ Roses – Guitarist DJ Ashba has decided to leave the band and focus on his other project, Sixx:AM. He’s officially been G N’ R’s touring guitarist for 6 years, though they haven’t played a gig since their Las Vegas residency in Spring 2014. That’s likely why he’s left.
• Lil Wayne – He and his former label have been hit with a lawsuit from record producer David Banner over alleged unpaid royalties. Banner claims he’s not been paid for tracks he produced with Weezy for Young Money Records. He says unpaid bill totals over $150,000.
• Little Big Town – Due to Jimi Westbrook’s ongoing recovery from vocal cord surgery, they’ve had to cancel more concerts. According to the band’s official website, their next scheduled appearance is now October 8th in Bemidji, Minnesota.
• One Direction – Zayn Malik is working with Frank Ocean’s producer, Malay. The former 1D singer has been spending time in the studio with the Grammy-winning producer in Los Angeles over the past week as he works on tracks for his debut solo effort.
• Rolling Stones –  Keith Richards may have quit cocaine nearly a decade ago, but says he still enjoys a marijuana wake-up call. The 71-year-old singer tells “Mojo” magazine, “I smoke regularly, an early morning joint. Strictly Californian.”
• Sam Smith – He tells UK’s Magic FM his recent vocal cord operation was a blessing in disguise as it gave him time off with family and friends, and allowed him to evaluate changes in his life since his rise to fame. In some areas, he admits, his life has changed for the worse.

• “Vacation” ( R-Rated Comedy Adventure ): In this remake of the hit 1983 comedy, Ed Helms stars as ‘Rusty Griswold’, who takes his family on a road trip to ‘Walley World’ in order to spice things up with his wife (Christina Applegate) and reconnect with his sons (Skyler Gisondo, Steele Stebbins). Cameos by original stars Chevy Chase & Beverly D’Angelo.
• Opening today in limited release: “Listen to Me Marlon” (Documentary).

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Embeefen’ – To become fleshier; to make or become more robust or vigorous. (“His embeefening face reminds me of vintage John Candy.”)
• ‘Jengatecture’ – Building designs that consist of a series of stacked, offset boxes. (“The development’s Jengatecture makes it seem like it was built by a 4-year-old.”)
• ‘Yo-Pro’ – Short for a ‘young professional’. (“The price of lofts has skyrocketed since droves of yo-pros moved into the neighborhood.”)

Today Microsoft is launching ‘Windows 10’. Over the past month it’s encouraged ‘Windows 7’ and ‘Windows 8.1’ users to ‘reserve’ their free upgrade with a notification on their task bar (that little flag in the bottom right corner). If you’re flagged, you’ll receive the upgrade automatically, which you can activate whenever you want. A few features that are changing …
✗ Windows Media Center is no longer a part of the OS.
✗ Watching DVDs will require separate playback software, at least initially.
✗ The card game ‘Hearts’ is gone.
✗ Desktop Gadgets (calendar, clock, etc) will disappear.
✗ Windows 10 ‘Home’ users will not have the option of deferring updates; they’ll be automatic.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 80% of us say the sound of our stomachs growling has caused embarrassment at work.
• 46% of us say a new person appears more attractive to us if they have a dog.
• 40% of us have gotten into an argument in the car over the GPS.
• 35% of us think blowing your nose is one of the worst things you could do on a dinner date.
• 21% of admit to stealing bathroom tissue from a restaurant at least once.
• 15% of divorcing women say they felt they came 2nd to their partners’ love of videogames.

• There are more than 10,000 planes in the air right now. There are about 100,000 passenger flights scheduled every single day.
• 3 billion people flew on airplanes in 2013. There were 210 fatalities. The odds are very long.
• Statistically, flying is by far the safest form of travel. You are 22 times more likely to be in an accident on the way to the airport in your car than during your flight. You have a greater chance of dying by falling out of your bed.
• If you do die on an airplane, it’s more likely to be from a heart attack or choking on your food.
• Airplanes are inspected constantly, after every single flight.
• Planes are no more likely to fall from the sky during turbulence than in normal conditions.
(But odds are you’ll forget all of these facts the moment it happens.)
– Adapted from

According to a new poll of adults asked to choose a fantasy job from a list, these are the top picks …
10. Vampire Slayer
9. Jedi Knight
8. Fairy Godmother
7. Tooth Fairy
6. Greek God
5. Time Traveler
4. Dinosaur Trainer
3. Superhero
2. Hogwarts Professor
1. Minion

If you think your dog’s feet smell like corn chips, you’re not alone. The term ‘Frito Feet’ has been coined to describe the peculiar scent.


1953 [62] Ken Burns, NYC, Emmy Award-winning writer, producer, documentary-maker (“The Dust Bowl”, “The Civil War”)

1953 [62] Tim Gunn, Washington DC, fashion consultant/TV personality (“Project Runway” since 2004, “Under the Gunn” 2014)/author (“A Guide to Quality, Taste & Style”)

1953 [62] Geddy Lee, Toronto ON, classic rock singer-bassist (Rush-“Far Cry”, “Test for Echo”)

1953 [62] Patti Scialfa, Deal NJ, classic rock singer (E Street Band-“Born In the USA”, “Glory Days”)/Mrs Bruce Springsteen since 1991

1966 [49] Martina McBride (Schiff), Medicine Lodge KS, country singer (“A Broken Wing”, “This One’s For the Girls”)

1973 [42] Wanyá Morris, Philadelphia PA, pop-R&B singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”, “End Of the Road”)

1974 [41] Josh Radnor, Bexley OH, TV actor (“How I Met Your Mother” 2005-14)

1977 [38] Danger Mouse (Brian Burton), White Plains NY, pop recording artist (Gnarls Barkley-“Crazy”, Broken Bells-“The High Road”)/record producer (Gorillaz, The Black Keys)

• “International Lasagna Day” celebrating the famous Italian dish that’s become a worldwide favorite. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice. However, everybody seems to have their own secret ingredient. What’s yours?

• “International Tiger Day”, set aside to promote a global system for protecting the natural habitats of tigers and to raise public awareness and support for tiger conservation issues.

• “Lipstick Day”, celebrating the cosmetic that has allowed women to quit biting their lips to make them appear pinker.

• “National Chicken Wing Day”, first proclaimed in 1977 by Buffalo NY mayor Stan Makowski. Legend has it that spicy ‘Buffalo Wings’ were invented at the city’s Anchor Bar in 1964. Chicken wings were previously used for soup … or simply thrown away.

• “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, an annual event that started when a local farmer noticed it always seems to rain on July 29th. They now claim it’s rained on this date in 114 of the 141 years since. Today’s forecast: 40% probability of a late-night shower or thunderstorm.

2000 [15] High-profile acting couple Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston wed in Malibu, California (they separate after 4-and-a-half years, thanks to that hussy Angelina)

2005 [10] An anonymous bidder plays $1 million at auction for the original handwritten lyrics to The Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love”

2005 [10] Astronomers announce their discovery of the dwarf planet Eris (larger than Pluto)

2003 [12] Boston’s Bill Mueller becomes the 1st player in Major League Baseball history to hit grand slam home runs from both sides of the plate in a single game, leading the Red Sox to a 14-7 win over the Rangers in Texas)

2013 [02] In one of the largest-ever jewelry heists, close to €103 million in diamonds and other jewels are stolen from the Carlton Intercontinental Hotel diamond show in Cannes, France

[Thurs] Cheesecake Day
[Thurs] International Day of Friendship
[Thurs] Chili Dog Day
[Fri] “Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Talk In an Elevator Day
[Fri] System Administrator Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Fancy Rat & Mouse Week
This Month Is … Share a Sunset With Your Lover Month


Toddlers are often funny, cute, and cheeky, but some days they can be a handful. A few reasons why …
✓ A 5-minute walk takes hours as they stop to inspect every single stone, blade of grass, and crack in the pavement.
✓ You always have pockets full of pebbles and dead leaves you’ve been given as ‘presents’.
✓ Half your day is spent chasing a tiny naked human around the house.
✓ They’d rather fail miserably than accept the help of any grown-up.
✓ They can be perfect angels all day but the moment guests arrive they turn into monsters.
✓ Eye-poking, hair-pulling, and a slam to your nose with a sippy cup are all hilarious … to them.
✓ They’re happy to smear snot all over their faces but will wipe off your loving kiss in an instant.
✓ When you finally get the exact drink and cup they asked for, they’ll have changed their mind.
✓ They won’t eat a carrot but they’ll happily eat crap off the floor.
✓ Whether it’s a kitchen knife, your dinner, or a cellphone, to your toddler they are all ‘MINE’.
– Adapted from

☎ ‘Fess up! What’s your absolute worst piece of clothing that you refuse to toss out?

What’s the most-consumed fruit in North America?
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Coffee Bean [CORRECT]
– “Bathroom Reader”

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

Question: Aside from having a vacation or staycation, THIS is the #1 thing we do when taking time off from work.
Answer: Go to a wedding.

A good pun is its own reword.

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