Thursday, July 3, 2014        Edition: #5254

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Beyoncé has claimed the top spot on “Forbes” magazine’s new ‘Celebrity 100’ list, which ranks the most successful celebrities from movies, TV, music, sports, books, and modeling based on money and fame. Miami Heat forward LeBron James has landed in 2nd spot, with hip-hop mogul Dr Dre rounding out the top 3. Other musicians on the list include Bey’s husband Jay Z (#6), Rihanna (#8), Katy Perry (#9), Bon Jovi and Bruno Mars (tied for #13), and Miley Cyrus (#17).
★ 35-year-old actress Jennifer Love Hewitt has landed a new TV role on “Criminal Minds” just a few months after her most recent show, “The Client List”, was axed. It came to an end after 2 seasons due to a fall-out with Lifetime TV. But now CBS-TV has signed her up for a recurring role on its top crime drama in its upcoming 10th season. She’ll play ‘Kate Callahan’, an undercover FBI agent who joins the BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit). Hewitt is a small-screen stalwart, previously appearing in “Ghost Whisperer”, “Hot in Cleveland”, “Law & Order: SVU”, and “Party of Five”.
★ And increasingly weird actor Shia LaBeouf is voluntarily receiving treatment for alcohol addiction, as confirmed by his representative. She insists that reports suggesting he is in rehab are bogus, but vaguely admits he has taken ‘the first of many necessary steps towards recovery’. The news comes just days after LaBeouf was escorted out of a NYC theater following an alleged altercation with security staff after they caught him smoking … and patting peoples’ posteriors. He has subsequently been charged with disorderly conduct, criminal trespass, and harassment.

• British Summer Time (London UK) – The 1st of 2 long weekends in Hyde Park includes performances by Arcade Fire, Black Sabbath, Jake Bugg, Libertines, and Soundgarden.
• Festival d’été de Québec (Québec City QC) – Over 300 acts play 10 stages throughout the 11-day Summer Fest, including Billy Joel, Bryan Adams, The Killers, Lady Gaga, Queens Of the Stone Age, St Vincent, Snoop Dogg, Soundgarden, Tegan & Sara, and Young the Giant.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sia (“1,000 Forms of Fear”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Birth Of Joy (“Prisoner”).
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC) – The top 100 funniest jokes of the season so far.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Tove Lo (“Truth Serum”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Hozier (“From Eden”). Rerun.
• Ottawa Bluesfest (Ottawa ON) – The 20th edition of the city’s biggest musical extravaganza runs 11 days and features a mixed bag of acts: Blake Shelton, Blondie, Collective Soul, Foreigner, Journey, The Killers, Lady Antebellum, Lady Gaga, Styx, Tegan & Sara and more.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tune-Yards (“Nikki Nack”). Rerun.

• Justin Bieber – Just a week after cops were called to his new Beverly Hills CA condo, they’ve been summoned again as a party that included NFL QB Johnny Manziel, boxer Floyd Mayweather, actor Tyrese, and rapper Tyga got out of hand. Adding to the ruckus, a pack of female fans was screaming outside.
• Lil Wayne – He estimates his new album “Tha Carter V” is coming sometime in August, and a 2nd new release, “Da Other Album”, about 2 months afterward. Meanwhile, the 31-city “Drake vs Lil Wayne” co-headlining tour kicks off August 8th at Darien Center NY.
• Lorde – She’s had trouble during a recording session for the followup to her hit album “Pure Heroine” with a mysterious hum that keeps showing up on tracks. The “Royals” singer jokes on Twitter that the spooky sound is being caused by ‘ghosts in the studio’.
• Madonna – She’s pledged to help out her hometown of Detroit MI by contributing funds to 3 organizations: Detroit Achievement Academy, Downtown Youth Boxing Gym, and Empowerment Plan, which employs homeless women to sew coats and sleeping bags for other homeless in Detroit and elsewhere.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Gridlocked” – Allan Ungar is directing this indie action thriller that stars Dominic Purcell (“Prison Break”) as a former SWAT team leader who’s being job-shadowed by an arrogant movie star (Cody Hackman). Danny Glover (“Lethal Weapon” films) co-stars as the police chief. Shooting begins this coming Monday in Toronto and London, Ontario.
• “Ride Along 2” – Kevin Hart and Ice Cube reprise their roles as a security guard and an Atlanta cop in this sequel to the surprise hit comedy that was #1 at the box office for 3 weeks this past January-February. Olivia Munn (“The Newsroom”) is in talks to join the cast as a tough Miami homicide detective. The film is slated to hit theaters in January 2016.
• “Taliban Shuffle” – Tina Fey stars in this bigscreen adaptation of Kim Barker’s memoir about her experiences as a journalist in wartime Iraq and Pakistan, dealing with boredom interspersed with dashes of violence and the promiscuous war-correspondent culture. Fey is also producing the film, alongside her former “Saturday Night Live” boss Lorne Michaels.
• Whitey Bulger bio-film – This true-life crime drama stars Johnny Depp as infamous Boston gangster Whitey Bulger, who went undetected for years while on the FBI Most Wanted List. It co-stars Benedict Cumberbatch, Dakota Johnson, and Kevin Bacon. Originally called “Black Mass”, the film is currently untitled. What is known is that it’s now set for a Fall 2015 release.

Sleeping naked is good for your relationship, according to a new survey. One marriage expert says sleeping nude can definitely lead to a happier relationship because being naked in bed with your partner is both physically and emotionally intimate. A few highlights of the poll …
• 57% of those who report sleeping in the buff say they feel happy, compared with 48% of pajama wearers, and 43% of nightie wearers.
• People who wear onesies (who knew grown people still wear them?) are the unhappiest in their relationships, with 15% saying they’re unsatisfied.
• Biggest bedroom turn-offs include dirty clothes on the floor, eating in bed, stealing the covers, and wearing socks to bed.
• People aged 55-and-over are most likely to sleep naked. (Trouble is, it always looks like their ‘sleepwear’ need ironing.)

Just like Keurig made brewing individual cups of coffee a home and workplace staple, Synek wants to do the same for beer. Its single-beer dispenser is designed to bring all your favorite beer selections to a home tap. It uses vacuum-sealed cartridges that are inserted in the machine to keep up to a gallon of beer fresh for at least 30 days. Like some kegs, the gizmo pressurizes using carbon dioxide. Users can adjust the temperature to ensure the beer is chilled to perfection. Pre-orders for the dispenser are priced at $299; beer cartridges run about $1 each. The first batch of Syneks are expected to roll out in early 2015. (We can already get a single serving of cold beer … it’s called a can.)

In an experiment recently initiated by British Airways on a flight from London to NYC, passengers have been hooked up to portable sensors which measure the electrical fluctuations in brain neurons to indicate their levels of well-being. The sensors in turn are connected to a so-called ‘happiness blanket’ designed to illustrate people’s emotions through colors. When the fiber optics woven into the blanket turn red, flight attendants know the passenger is stressed and anxious, while a blue blanket is a sign the passenger feels calm and relaxed. So far, researchers have found that airline passengers are happiest when eating and drinking, and most relaxed when … asleep. (Well, duh.)

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi has praised his country’s space agency for its Mars exploration program, which launched an Indian-built rocket into space this week that’s expected to reach the red planet on September 24th. Specifically, Modi applauded the agency for keeping costs in line. The Mars project is costing $78 million, which the PM notes is well under the reported $100-million budget for the spaceship movie “Gravity”, starring Sandra Bullock. (Perhaps India’s space agency should give Hollywood execs some pointers on budget control?)

A Swedish man from Haninge, near Stockholm, has officially changed his name to be a tongue-twisting 63-words-long. Formerly known as Alexander Ek, he first changed his name when he was 18. Now 25, and 6 monikers later, he’s hoping to be verified as having the ‘World’s Longest Name’: Kim-Jong Sexy Glorious Beast Divine Dick Father Lovely Iron Man Even Unique Poh Un Winn Charlie Ghora Khaos Mehan Hansa Kimmy Humbero Uno Master Over Dance Shake Bouti Bepop Rocksteady Shredder Kung Ulf Road House Gilgamesh Flap Guy Theo Arse Hole Im Yoda Funky Boy Slam Duck Chuck Jorma Jukka Pekka Ryan Super Air Ooy Rusell Salvador Alfons Molgan Akta Papa Long Nameh Ek. He’s said to prefer being called Papah Long Nameh for short.

• There are 12 villages in France called Billy. And 6 called Silly.
– “Quite Interesting”
• The stadium for Italian football club Cagliari has no seats numbered 17 as the number is considered unlucky. Instead the seats are labeled 16b.
• There’s a house in England built entirely from trash, including 20,000 toothbrushes, 4,000 DVD cases, 2,000 antiquated floppy computer discs, and 2 tons of denim scraps.


1962 [52] Tom Cruise (Thomas Mapother IV), Syracuse NY, movie star (“Edge of Tomorrow”, “Mission Impossible” films)/wed to Katie Holmes (2006-12)/wed to Nicole Kidman (1990-2001)

1962 [52] Thomas Gibson, Charleston SC, TV actor (‘Aaron Hotchner’ on “Criminal Minds” since 2005)

1964 [50] Yeardley Smith, Paris, France, TV voice actress (‘Lisa Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1971 [43] Julian Assange, Townsville, Australia, journalist/publisher/activist/founder of WikiLeaks  BS FACTOID: Since June 19th, 2012 he’s been living at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, where he’s been granted political asylum.

1980 [33] Olivia Munn, Oklahoma City OK, movie actress (“Magic Mike”, “Iron Man 2”)/TV actress (‘Sloan’ on “The Newsroom” since 2012, “The Daily Show” 2010-11)

• “Compliment Your Mirror Day”. Participation consists of complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you. (This is much more fun if you have a prescription for medical marijuana.)

• “Dog Days of Summer” begin, according to “The Old Farmer’s Almanac”. Traditionally the hottest 40 days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, the name comes from the ancients who would sacrifice a brown dog at this time to appease Sirius, the Dog Star. “Air Conditioning Appreciation Days” run simultaneously, and today is also “Stay Out Of the Sun Day”.

• “International Plastic Bag Free Day”, a day to pick paper over plastic or, even better, a bag that’s reusable. ‘Disposable’ plastic bags are one of the world’s worst environmental problems.

2007 [07] Action-adventure “Transformers” opens in movie theaters, starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Josh Duhamel (after topping $700 million in worldwide box office it spawns 3 sequels, including the currently screening “Transformers: Age of Extinction”)

2012 [02] “The Amazing Spider-Man”, starring Andrew Garfield & Emma Stone, opens in movie theaters (goes on to gross over $750 million worldwide)

2012 [02] Longtime TV favorite Andy Griffith (“Matloack”, “Andy Griffith Show”) dies in Manteo NC at age 86. Is there anyone left who can still whistle the “Andy Griffith Show” theme song?

1969 [45] Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones is found dead of an apparent accidental drowning; 2 years to the day later (1971) Doors frontman Jim Morrison dies of heart failure in Paris (both join the ’27 Club’, an inexplicably long list of rock stars that have died at that age)

2002 [12] Elton John becomes the 1st performer to be granted an honorary doctorate from England’s Royal Academy of Music

1988 [26] Rocky Kenover sets a world record by skydiving 403 times within 24 hours, averaging  1 jump every 3 minutes using 7 planes, 10 pilots, and 50 parachute packers

[Fri] American Independence Day
[Fri] Independence From Meat Day
[Sat] Tour de France begins
[Sat] Bikini Day
[Sun Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
[Sun International Kissing Day
This Week Is … Canned Luncheon Meat Week
This Month Is … Tahiti Awareness Month


Want to be cremated but worry that your ashes will just end up buried in a cemetery or sitting in some boring urn? Fear not, there are several other options including …
✓ Comic Book – Longtime Marvel Comics editor Mark Gruenwald had his ashes mixed into the ink used in one of Marvel’s titles in 1996.
✓ Fireworks – Gonzo writer Hunter S Thompson literally went out with a bang, as his ashes were mixed into fireworks that were shot off during his 2005 memorial service.
✓ Keith Richards’ Nose – In 2007 he told music mag “NME” that he’d once snorted his father’s ashes. His publicist later dismissed the claim as ‘an off-the-cuff remark, a joke’.
✓ Pringles Can – After he died in 2008 at age 89, the snack food tube’s inventor, Fredric Baur, had his ashes placed in one of his receptacles before burial as requested.
✓ Frisbee – Wham-O manager Edward Headrick asked to have his ashes mixed into the plastic for a batch of Frisbees … one of which was to be accidentally landed on someone’s roof.
✓ Shotgun Shells – When vintage shotgun expert James Booth died in 2004, his wife asked an ammo company to mix his ashes into a batch of shotgun shells. Then his friends went hunting.
✓ Space – “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry’s ashes and those of 1960s icon and LSD advocate Timothy Leary went into orbit aboard the same spaceflight in 1997.
✓ Tattoo – A British tattoo parlor owner had a 7-inch portrait of his son tattooed on his chest using ink that had been mixed with his son’s ashes. The boy had tragically died at age 2.
✓ Diamond – A company called LifeGem can take the ashes of the departed and convert them into a synthetic diamond … at a price of $2,699 and up.
– Condensed from

I have a degree in Liberal Arts. Do you want fries with that?

☎ How many email addresses do you maintain? Why so many?

Question: More than a third of husbands say their wives do a much better job of THIS.
Answer: Negotiating deals.

Your conscience rarely stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.

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