Tuesday, July 9, 2013        Edition: #5020

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

✳ No way around it, “The Lone Ranger” movie is a dud. It cost an estimated $250 million to make and Disney sank a further $175 million into a worldwide marketing campaign, taking its total budget to $425 million. But industry experts are now saying box-office and DVD sales will never get near that. It may earn a worldwide total of $275 million, which would mean a  $100 million-to-$150 million write-down. (Someone’s gonna need to do some ‘splaining!)
– HollywoodReporter.com
✳ This is a bit of a twist on traditional gender roles. “The Vampire Diaries” star Zach Roerig has launched a legal battle against his incarcerated ex-girlfriend in a bid to gain sole custody of their child. The actor, who plays ‘Matt Donovan’ on the CW show, has filed legal documents in Georgia applying for sole custody of the 2-year-old on the basis that the mother, Alanna Turner, is behind bars following 3 arrests for various crimes. The actor is also asking for Turner to pay child support. (What, from her 15-cents-a-day prison wages?)
– TMZ.com
✳ Following Alec Baldwin’s recent ‘homophobic outburst’ on Twitter, gay rights campaigners are demanding that Capital One drop the actor as the face of their corporation. Baldwin is still facing backlash from a hate-filled tweet aimed at a “Daily Mail” reporter who alleged Alec’s wife, Hilaria Baldwin, spent James Gandolfini’s funeral texting on her phone. The newspaper has since apologized to Baldwin, and Baldwin to the public at large for his boorish comments. (This guy has a long history of engaging mouth before brain, thanks to a way-too-short fuse.)
– AceShowbiz.com
✳ Katy Perry and John Mayer split back in March and since then the two seemed to have moved on, Perry linked with actor Robert Pattinson and Mayer with … well, most women. But now it seems the twosome are becoming an item all over again. Mayer dedicated the song “A Face to Call Home” to Katy during his “Born & Raised World Tour” stop in Milwaukee WI on the weekend. That came just a couple of days after Perry uploaded a picture of them enjoying July 4th fireworks together. (lf they really want privacy, they could hardly be less subtle.)
– ContactMusic.com

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Auditions continue.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Portugal. The Man (“Evil Friends”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Bacon Bros (“Philadelphia Road”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Preservation Hall Jazz Band.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Joseph Arthur (“Ballad of Boogie Christ”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – Contestants perform and face elimination; guest judge Erin Andrews.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Matt Nathanson (“Last Of the Great Pretenders”).

• Amy Winehouse – The exhibition “Amy Winehouse: A Family Portrait” is now on display at the Jewish Museum in London UK. It was created in collaboration with her brother, Alex, to showcase the Winehouse family tree and its cultural beliefs.
• Beyoncé – Her father and former manager Mathew Knowles has confirmed neither she nor her sister Solange attended his wedding in Houston TX last weekend as they both had ‘previous engagements’. (BS translation: They still haven’t forgiven him for the 2011 divorce from their mom Tina.).
• Florida Georgia Line – This week they remain atop the “Billboard” ‘Hot Country Songs’ chart as “Cruise” is #1 yet another week. They also top the ‘Country Albums’ chart with “Here’s To the Good Times”.
• Justin Timberlake – His latest video, “Tunnel Vision “, has been removed from YouTube for violating policies regarding nudity and explicit content. The 8-minute clip features naked women dancing in steam, though Timberlake is fully dressed. It’s been viewed over 1.1 million times.
• Kanye West – He is making a return to fashion with his first menswear line for French brand APC. The rapper’s new ‘capsule collection’ will feature jeans, T-shirts, and hoodies. ‘APC Kanye’ will go on sale later this month.
• Lady Gaga – Although she’s not personally involved in a legal battle between producer Rob Fusari and one-time collaborator Wendy Starland, she’s asked a judge to prevent documents containing ‘sensitive, private and personal’ info about her from becoming public in the case.
• Lil Wayne – Tonight his “America’s Most Wanted” tour in support of his latest album, “I Am Not a Human Being II”, starts at the Oak Mountain Amphitheatre near Birmingham AL. Also on the bill: 2 Chainz and TI. The trek wraps September 1st in Irvine CA.
• Michael Jackson – iTunes has released 2 massive compilations of his material. “The Indispensable Collection” contains all of his solo albums; and the 162-track “Ultimate Fan Extras Collection” has all extras from previous reissues, plus demos, rarities, and alternate versions of songs.
• Rod Stewart – Tonight a new TV documentary called “Can’t Stop Me Now”, about the now-68-year-old’s hard-living days on the road as a rock star, debuts on UK’s BBC 1.

• “Admission” ( PG-13 Comedy ): A Princeton admissions officer who is up for a major promotion takes a professional risk after she meets a college-bound alternative-school kid who just might be the son she gave up years ago in a secret adoption. Stars Tina Fey, Paul Rudd.
• “Dead Man Down” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Colin Farrell stars as the right-hand man of a NYC crime lord who is seduced by one of his boss’s victims (Noomi Rapace of  “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”), a woman seeking retribution. Co-stars Dominic Cooper, Terrence Howard.
• “The Host” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): When an unseen enemy threatens humanity by erasing memories, a woman risks everything to protect the people she cares about. Based on the novel by “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyer. Stars Saoirse Ronan, Max Irons, Jake Abel.
• “Spring Breakers” ( R-Rated Crime Dramedy ): 4 college girls land in jail after robbing a restaurant. They’re bailed out by a drug dealer (James Franco) who wants them to do some dirty work in return. Stars Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine.
• “Tyler Perry’s Temptation” ( PG-13 Drama ): An ambitious married woman’s temptation by a handsome billionaire leads to betrayal, recklessness, and forever alters the course of her life. Stars Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Vanessa Williams, Brandy Norwood, and Kim Kardashian.
• Also released today: “Angelina Ballerina: Mousical Medleys” (Animation); “Arthur C Clarke: The Complete Collection” (Documentary); “Barney: Imagine With Barney” (Family); “Bonanza: The Official 6th Season” (Vintage TV); “Dynasty: The 7th Season” (Vintage TV); “The Gatekeepers” (Documentary); “Mr Hockey: The Gordie Howe Story” (Biography); ‘Portlandia: Season 3” (TV); “Unforgettable: Season 1” (TV); “Warehouse 13: Season 4” (TV); and “Women Who Kill” (Standup Comedy).

Britain’s Prince William & Kate Middleton are preparing for the birth of the new royal baby any day now. Prince William’s childhood bodyguard, Ken Wharfe, says his experience working with the late Princess Diana enables him to predict the precautions the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge will need to keep their baby safe. Quote: “Given the political state of the world and the vulnerability of the royals, they need a lot of protection. In this terror-ridden world of ours, there’s a real risk of kidnap for this child.” (Is somebody lobbying for a job?)
– “Look Magazine”

Actual doctors’ written notes on patient charts …
∙ “She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”
∙ “Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.”
∙ “Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”
∙ “The patient refused autopsy.”
∙ “She is numb from her toes down.”
∙ “Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.”
∙ “The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.”
– ListsOPlenty.com

Tired of tossing and turning? Annoyed with your snoring spouse? Save your marriage … get a ‘sleep divorce’. According to UCLA psychiatrist Dr Judith Orloff, sleeping separate is becoming much more acceptable among couples, because good sleep equates to good health and good relationships. Studies show that couples suffer 50% more sleep disturbances if they share a bed. Proponents say sleeping apart for the sake of each person’s health is not a big issue for a loving mature relationship. (Now you need his ‘n hers bedrooms … and a nookie room.)
– QMI Agency

More than half of workers say they work under a great deal of stress. Here’s what to do …
✓ ID the Culprit – Pinpointing the source of your stress is the first step to combating it.
✓ Prioritize – Tackle the more difficult and important tasks first each day.
✓ Realistic Expectations – Set reasonable short-term and long-term goals for yourself.
✓ Avoid Interruptions – Set aside a specific period each day for returning e-mail & voicemail.
✓ Stay Healthy – Get plenty of sleep, drink water, eat nutritiously, exercise.
✓ Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – If you can change it, do it. If you can’t, let it go.
✓ Take Some Downtime – Regularly schedule breaks. Get up and stretch, go for a short walk.
✓ Delegate – Effective managers delegate and don’t micro-manage.
✓ Organize – Before leaving work, clean up your workspace and create the next day’s to-do list.
– CareerBuilder.com

The ‘Largest Building Ever Constructed’ has just opened in China. The 18-story, 1.7 million square-meter (18.3 million sq ft) glass-and-steel ‘New Century Global Center’ sits above a new subway station in Chengdu, a city of more than 14 million and one of China’s fastest-growing megalopolises. What’s inside? A 14-screen IMAX theater, shops, restaurants, offices, hotels, a Mediterranean village reconstruction, and a massive artificial beach that boasts realistic sunsets and sea breezes. How big is this place? You could fit 3 Pentagons or 20 Sydney Opera Houses inside its walls.
– Gizmodo.com

Concerned over of the surplus of wasted wood in his auto-manufacturing warehouses, Henry Ford decided to make charcoal briquettes and sell them as a cheap heating source. Though he didn’t invent briquettes, Ford knew they made outdoor cooking easier and saw an opportunity. Ford sold the business to a relative named Kingsford, and the company is still firing up cook-outs to this day.


1952 [61] John Tesh, Garden City NY, syndicated radio host (“Intelligence For Your Life With John Tesh”, with an estimated 14.5 million listeners across America, Canada, and the UK)/former TV host (“Entertainment Tonight” 1986-96)/quasi-musician (“Power of Love”)

1956 [57] Tom Hanks, Concord CA, movie actor (Academy Awards-“Forrest Gump”, “Philadelphia”)

1964 [49] Courtney Love (Harrison), San Francisco CA, sometime singer (Hole-“Nobody’s Daughter”)/sometime actress (“People vs Larry Flynt”)/Mrs Kurt Cobain (1992-94)

1968 [45] Xavier Muriel, San Antonio TX, rock drummer (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1975 [38] Jack White (Gillis), Detroit MI, rock musician (“Sixteen Saltines”, The Raconteurs-“Steady As She Goes”, White Stripes-“Seven Nation Army”)/movie actor (“Cold Mountain”)

1984 [29] Jacob Hoggard, Surrey BC, pop-rock singer (Hedley-“Kiss You Inside Out”, “On My Own”)

• “Ramadan” begins, the annual month-long Muslim fast that’s celebrated worldwide. The name comes from the 9th month of the Islamic calendar. The devout forego food during daylight hours for the entire time.
NET: http://www.holidays.net/ramadan

• “Sugar Cookie Day”, honoring the cookie that is so delicious, yet so simple. All you need is sugar, flour, butter, eggs, vanilla, and baking powder. (Mmm, smells so good!)

2004 [09] “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” opens in movie theaters, starring Will Ferrell & Steve Carell  BS FACTOID: The sequel “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” is coming December 20th.

1999 [14] Mick Jagger’s marriage to model Jerry Hall is officially annulled in a London court, eliminating 8 years of marriage and a 22-year relationship (and about $37 million)

1999 [14] Elton John checks into London’s Wellington hospital to have a pacemaker installed due to an irregular heartbeat

2005 [08] Daredevil skateboarder Danny Way uses a large ramp to jump over the Great Wall of China, becoming the 1st to clear the wall without motorized aid

2011 [02] South Sudan gains independence and secedes from Sudan to become its own country

2006 [07] The Fiat 500 Club Italia organizes the ‘World’s Largest Parade of Fiat Cars’, from Villanova d’Albenga to Garlenda, Italy (500 of them, of course)

[Wed] “Camp” debuts (NBC)
[Wed] Don’t Step On a Bee Day
[Wed] Hot Dog Night
[Wed] Piña Colada Day
[Thurs] Slurpee Day
This Week Is … Farriers Week
This Month Is … Make a Difference to Children Month


It’s “Nude Recreation Week”, a good reason to review some of the things that cause …
✗ In naked volleyball, money clip can be uncomfortable in anus.
✗ In naked baseball, sliding in to second is a real pain.
✗ In naked basketball, uncontrollable bouncing.
✗ Tough to keep your eye on the ball when playing a game naked.
✗ Your ‘uniform’ is starting to look awfully wrinkled.
✗ Mosquito bites in places you can’t even scratch.
✗ Splinters on the bench.
– With input from TheToiletPaper.com

☎ Is it rude to talk on a cellphone while being served? A British supermarket cashier recently refused to serve a customer talking on her cellphone at the checkout. The supermarket eventually apologized and offered store vouchers as compensation, even though 79% of people polled say that under no circumstances is it OK to use your phone while being served.

How to smuggle in booze. The most useful internet site ever?
NET: http://smuggleyourbooze.com/buy.php

I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but he kept taking things literally.

Question: According to a new poll, doing THIS for 10 minutes at a time ruins your self-esteem.
Answer: Looking in the mirror.

What you enjoy is much more important then what you have.

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