Tuesday, June 28, 2005        Edition: #3065
Ahhh, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Will Smith & wife Jada Pinkett Smith host the “2005 BET Awards” from Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre, featuring performances by Destiny’s Child, Mariah Carey & Missy Elliott, and presentations of special awards for actor Denzel Washington & soul singer Gladys Knight . . .
TONIGHT the NBC-TV reality series “Average Joe: The Joes Strike Back” debuts, the 4th installment of the series in which 18 ‘regular Joes’ attempt to win the heart of a woman, this time including a circus sideshow freak (in a new twist, the ‘Average Joes’ will get a makeover to help their cause) . . . Recording mogul Damon Dash is shooting what’s described as an ‘urban version’ of “The Apprentice” (“You’re dead!”) . . . Italian designer Donatella Versace has announced that 42-year-old Demi Moore will replace Madonna as the latest face of the Versace fashion house, beginning with print ads in AUGUST . . . “Live 8″ organizers are coordinating a ‘real-time petition’, a massive text-messaging campaign to be scrolled as a backdrop to the concert stage in each participating city (the target is to generate 20 million messages in support of ending global poverty) . . . The Three Tenors (Placido Domingo, Luciano Pavarotti & Jose Carreras) are considering a reunion at the 2006 World Cup in Germany, if they can find time to rehearse (and a sufficiently sturdy stage) . . . 19-year-old “OC” star Mischa Barton and her on-again, oil-heir boyfriend, 24-year-old Brandon Davis, are said to be house-hunting – in France . . . And new stats show that DVDs of TV shows totaled $2.8 million in sales in 2004 (apparently thanks to people who don’t realize that “Friends” and “Seinfeld” reruns air on free TV roughly 27 times a day).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big &  Rich – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Duran Duran – TONIGHT the classic rockers do the “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Geoff Byrd – The Portland OR native quit teaching high school for a music career and first made a name for himself as an acoustic opener for local bands. His band got early exposure through the Website GarageBand.com, which is devoted to emerging artists.
• George Strait – TODAY his new album “Somewhere Down in Texas” is out.
• Hope Partlow – She grew up on a farm near Drummonds TN. “Who We Are” is the theme song for Fran Drescher’s new TV show “Living With Fran”.
• John Stevens – Remember the syrupy throwback ballad singer on “American Idol”? TODAY the red-headed reincarnation of Dean Martin releases his first album called simply, “Red”.
• Michael Tolcher – The Lovejoy GA-born “Mission Responsible” singer honed his chops busking on the street and entertaining inmates at the Atlanta Federal Penitentiary, where his dad was the chaplain.
• Oasis – Word is Mary-Kate Olsen visited their dressing room after their NYC gig in Madison Square Garden and partied so hard she had to be carried out afterward by her bodyguard.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Pacifier” (Disney Comedy – DVD): Vin Diesel stars as a Navy SEAL who must fight the bad guys at the same time as he babysits 5 out-of-control children and deals with their off-beat Romanian nanny (Carol Kane). Co-stars Faith Ford, Brittany Snow & Brad Garrett.
• “Gunner Palace” (Documentary DVD): Director Michael Tucker’s portrait of the lives of American soldiers in Iraq features unprecedented footage he obtained while spending 2 months living with the 2/3 Field Artillery, a group known as the ‘Gunners’, who are holed up in a bombed-out pleasure palace built by Saddam Hussein.
• “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” (Dramady – DVD): Kimberly Elise plays the ‘perfect wife’ whose ‘perfect life’ in a nice house with a rich husband falls apart after he admits to an affair. On the eve of their 18th wedding anniversary, he announces he wants a divorce and tosses her out of their mansion. Based on a play by Tyler Perry, who portrays the movie’s pot-smoking, gun-toting, much beloved grandmother.
• Also out on DVD: “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Indecision 2004″, and “Jimi Hendrix: Deluxe Edition”.

EAT SLOWLY, GET SKINNY:
Inspired by watching an Italian take a long time to enjoy a meal in Venice, inventor William Curry has come up with a mechanical device to help others develop the habit. His egg-shaped, battery-operated ‘Powerseed’ blinks a green light every 30 seconds to signal that it’s time to take a bite. Then, every 5 minutes, it sends a steady light for 3 seconds to encourage eaters to think about what they’re eating and consider whether they are still hungry. Curry himself used the gizmo to help shed 20 lbs. (We were gonna try using Powerseed this morning but during breakfast [co-host] ate it.)
– “NY Times”

YOU JUST GOT YOUNGER:
An international team of researchers from the University of New York in Stony Brook and the Vienna Institute of Demography have redefined what it means to grow old. The new definition: It’s not how long you’ve been alive that counts, but rather how many years you have left. As life expectancy has lengthened, the whole idea of middle age has shifted, making 40 the new 30. And 50 is the new 40. It’s true! People who are nearing retirement are as vigorous and healthy as middle-aged people were a century ago. (The bad news is … your mother-in-law’s gonna be around another 47 years.)
– “The Telegraph” / “Nature”

TOP 10 DRIVING DISTRACTIONS:
Based on collected stats about the cause of traffic accidents …
1. Rubbernecking (looking at a crash, vehicle, roadside incident or traffic) … 16%
2. Driver fatigue … 12%
3. Looking at scenery or landmarks … 10%
4. Passenger or child distraction … 9%
5. Adjusting music system … 7%
6. Cellphone … 5%
7. Eyes not on the road … 4.5%
8. Not paying attention, daydreaming … 4%
9. Eating or drinking … 4%
10. Adjusting vehicle controls … 4%

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET:
Testing has begun on Japan’s new Shinkansen ‘Bullet Train’, which can travel up to 360 km/hr (233 mph). The train, expected to be in service by 2011, features ear-like air brakes along the roof for emergency stops in the event of earthquakes.  Running faster is not the only goal for the hi-tech train. The test runs are also to see if technology designed to ensure safety, reduce noise and swaying works. (233 mph? Geez, you’d get to work before you left!)
– BBC News

TO DI FOR:
In her upcoming book “Diana: The Last Word”, Simone Simmons claims that Princess Diana & John F Kennedy Jr enjoyed a passionate affair. The alleged tryst occurred at NYC’s Carlyle Hotel in 1995, rumored to be the same place JFK Sr met with Marilyn Monroe. A self-described ‘energy healer’, Simmons was a frequent guest at Kensington Palace and claims Diana once told her that she and John-John ended up in bed together within hours of first meeting due to ‘pure chemistry‘. (Ain’t it handy that neither are around to refute it – no lawsuits!)
– “Daily Mirror”

FACING THE MUSIC:
Researchers at Princeton University have determined that we judge people’s competence, trustworthiness and likeability based solely on their facial features. Those who have the classic ‘baby face’ look are consistently judged to be less competent. What is a baby face? It’s round with large eyes, a small nose, a high forehead and a small chin. (Doh! It’s ‘Homer Simpson’.)
– “ Science” / Reuters

THE PERFECT SIZE:
Single women should focus on the number 20.85. Scientists believe this is the ultimate body mass index (BMI) for a woman to attract men. Women who meet this standard measure of height against weight find it easier than larger or slimmer women to find a perfect match, new reports show. Many famous women these days are too skinny to meet the standard. (Being a ‘10′ isn’t good enough. Now you gotta be a ‘20′.)
– “Daily Mail”

FAKE PLASTIC:
Brastraps.com has introduced a ‘new and revolutionary underwire bra’ endorsed by “Extreme Makeover” plastic surgeon Dr Daniel Man that’s actually intended to create the appearance of breast implants. The ‘Evolution by Margarita’ has built-in sculpted graduated cups designed to create a ‘can’t-be-natural’ look. (For the woman who can’t afford implants but wants the prestige of looking like she has ‘em?)
NET: http://brastraps.com/evolution.htm
– “Social Studies”

GIGGLES ON THE SEA:
Cruise company Ocean Village is launching what it says is the world’s first holiday devoted to – laughter therapy. When the ‘Laugh Alive’ cruise sets sail around the Mediterranean in SEPTEMBER, passengers will have the chance to participate in workshops in ‘Laughter Yoga’, ‘Improvisation’ and ‘Creative Storytelling’. Laughter has been proven to have numerous health benefits including the release of endorphins, which work as a natural mood lifter. ([Co-host] must have left his in his other pants this morning.)
– Ananova

THE BULL SHEET 06.28.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [79] Mel Brooks (Kaminsky), Brooklyn NY, really rich Broadway producer (“The Producers”)/movie director (“Blazing Saddles”)/widower of actress Anne Bancroft  COMING UP: “The Producers: The Movie Musical”, based on the Broadway show which, ironically, was based on his 1968 film.

1948 [57] Kathy Bates, Memphis TN, movie actress (Academy Award-“Misery”)

1966 [39] John Cusack, Evanston IL, movie actor (“The Runaway Jury”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Paul Bunyon Day”, celebrating the famous American fable about the giant lumberjack who performed incredible feats such as scooping out the Great Lakes to get water for his blue ox ‘Babe’ (why the heck was he blue – Mad Cow?) The stories date back to the 1800s, then appeared in newspapers in the early 1900s and turned Paul Bunyon into part of American folklore.

TODAY is “Tapioca Day”, honoring that stuff you put in pudding that looks like fish eyes.

TODAY is “Columnists Day”, because even newspaper columnists deserve their own day. (Well, maybe not [local columnist].)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [07] 1st TV ratings week in which more viewers watch cable channels than broadcast channels (yeah, that Home & Garden channel is rivetting, isn’t it?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1994 [11] 1st ‘UV Index’ reading, measuring daily ultraviolet exposure from the sun’s rays (US Environmental Protection Agency)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [21] England’s Melvyn Switzer sets ‘Loudness Record for Snoring’ (85.5 decibels)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Camera Day
[Wed] “War of the Worlds” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Meteor Day
[Thurs] Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
[Thurs-July 10] Montréal Jazz Festival
[Fri] Canada Day (no BS service)
This Week Is . . . Helen Keller Deaf-Blindness Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Soul Food Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
YOU KNOW IT’S GONNA BE A BAD DAY WHEN …

• The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
• Your 4-year-old tells you that it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
• Your own sister forgets your birthday … your twin sister.
• You go to hang up the clothes you wore home from the party last night … and there aren’t any.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
• Your car payment, house payment, and your girlfriend are all 3 months overdue.
• You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could take a 1-month trip anywhere in the world and money wasn’t a consideration, where would you go?
• If you could teach your mate to do 1 thing, what would it be?

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A GUY:
Show up naked.
Bring beer.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• What are you talkin’ about? I’m a great cook … I always get the Pop Tart out of the toaster in one piece.
• Before he got a job in radio he worked in a candy factory proofreading M&Ms.
• She would have dialed 9-11 but she couldn’t find ‘11′ on the phone.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 31 is the average age for a man to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Get a divorce. (“Men’s Health”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A ‘promiscuous person’ is someone who’s getting more sex than you are.

 


Printer Friendly Version