Monday, June 27, 2005        Edition: #3064
More From the Sheethouse!

WEEKEND TABLOID TRASH:
• 32-year-old “ER” actor Goran Visnjic (‘Dr Luka Kovac‘) will reportedly screen-test for the next ‘James Bond’ film, “Casino Royale”, in London this WEDNESDAY. Actors Clive Owen & Daniel Craig have also recently been linked to the role. (“Ananova”)
• “The Shield” star Michael Chiklis claims that ‘more than half’ of Hollywood’s leading men are bald. He says they’re faking it with hair attachments or full-out wigs. He refuses to name names. (“Maxim”)
• Britney Spears is in talks with “Vanity Fair” to pose naked just weeks before she’s due to give birth to her first child. The idea is to shoot the pics during her 7th month of pregnancy so the issue can hit newsstands before she gives birth this fall. The magazine famously photographed a pregnant Demi Moore for a 1991 cover. (“Life & Style”)
• Brad Pitt has been spotted wearing  a sterling silver ‘non-commitment ring’ by Han Cholo. It gets its name from the fact that it’s missing a stone, meaning nothing is set in stone. (World Entertainment News Network)
• “Bourne Identity” star Matt Damon has purchased a $10.3 million, 9-bedroom mansion on  Miami’s ‘Millionaire’s Row’ that formerly belonged to late Bee Gees singer Maurice Gibb. He’s setting up house with girlfriend Luciana Barroso next to neighbors Billy Joel, and the other Bee Gees, Barry and Robin Gibb. (“Daily Dish”)
• What do Ray Romano, Charlize Theron, Steve Martin, Annette Bening & Vanna White have in common? They’re all getting stars on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame” NEXT YEAR. (“E!”)

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
“Man Can See One Second Into Future!”
“Small Moons Orbit Fat Man!”
“Honesty Falls to 3rd as ‘Best Policy’!”
“Little Girl Actually Sings Her Heart Out!”
“One-Legged Man Sues Store for Making Him Buy a Pair of Shoes!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – The “American Idol” winner is the 1st country artist to ever debut at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot 100′. “Inside Your Heaven” is the best-selling single of 2005 so far.
• Coldplay – TONIGHT they kick off their 2005 world tour at London’s Crystal Palace Athletics Stadium.
• Destiny’s Child – Kelly Rowland has reconciled with her football player boyfriend Roy Williams (Dallas Cowboys) and the pair are making marriage plans again.
• Elton John – His annual “White Tie & Tiara Ball” attracted a raft of celebs, including Joss Stone, David & Victoria Beckham, Liz Hurley, Hugh Grant, Sharon Stone, Rod Stewart & Elle Macpherson. Party animal Elton set an African theme by having exotic animals like  giraffes and zebras brought in to roam the grounds of his Windsor UK mansion.
• Good Charlotte – They’ll play the Tokyo “Live 8″ concert, along with Bjork, McFly, and Japanese musicians Dreams Come True, Def Tech & Rize.
• Gwen Stefani – Her new fashion line of women’s casual clothing & accessories will be out JULY 5. Future plans call for the addition of men’s, children’s, babies’ and plus-size clothing.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s reportedly stealing a page from Paris Hilton and designing a line of jewelry … for dogs.
• Spice Girls – They will apparently NOT reunite for “Live 8″ as Mel B (‘Scary’) couldn’t be talked into it.
• Tim McGraw – TODAY he’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Toby Keith – TONIGHT he does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ CALENDAR:
• TONIGHT Tom Cruise hosts a special screening of “War of the Worlds” for fans in LA.
• TONIGHT all of NBC-Universal’s TV networks air the 3-minute trailer for Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” at 8:59 pm ET.
• TONIGHT “Rockin’ the Corps”, a concert film featuring artists such as Destiny’s Child, Kiss, Cedric the Entertainer & Ted Nugent that was filmed at Camp Pendleton Marine Base in San Diego, gets a one-time showing at over 100 movie theaters in 74 markets.

BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE:
Where’s the best place to sit in a movie theater? Experts say the best place to experience the sound system is one-third of the way up from the rear exit, a few seats from the center. The reason? Most sound technicians check audio levels from the center seat about two-thirds of the way back from the screen, and since the sound is equalized for the center, you want to sit slightly off-center to enhance the stereo effect.
– “Social Studies”

YOU ARE WHO AGAIN?
• What do you do if you wake up next to someone whose name you don’t remember? Check the medicine cabinet for prescription bottles, search a wallet, or just call them ‘honey’.
• How can you stop a wedding? Pull the fire alarm, or fake a seizure.
• How can you figure out your date’s gender? Check for hairy knuckles or an Adam’s apple.
• How do you escape a bad date? Fake an emergency, or slip out the window.
– “The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook”

BS AMAZING FACT:
If a song makes you cry, chances are 99-1 that you’re a man. Very rarely is a woman moved to tears by music. (Just about anything else … but not music.)

AND WE QUOTE:
“I always try to keep people focused on my music, so I don’t parade around in a bra top and hot pants.”  – 33-year-old Brit singer Dido in “Daily Mail”.

THE BULL SHEET 06.27.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [46] Lorrie (Loretta Lynn) Morgan, Hendersonville TN, country singer (“Gonna Leave The Lights On”, “Out of Your Shoes”)/Mrs Sammy Kershaw (her 5th marriage)

1975 [30] Tobey Maguire, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (“Spider-Man 1 & 2″, “Seabiscuit”)  COMING UP: “Spider-Man 3″ in 2007.

1976 [29] Leigh Nash, New Braunfels TX, pop singer (Sixpence None the Richer-“Kiss Me”)

1991 [14] Madylin Sweeten, Brownwood TX, TV actress (‘Ally Barone’ on “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canadian Multiculturalism Day
• “National HIV Testing Day”
• “Special Recreation for Disabled Day”

TODAY is “Discovery Day” in Newfoundland & Labrador, a public holiday celebrating the date John Cabot 1st landed in Newfoundland aboard the ‘Matthew’.

TODAY is “Decide To Be Married Day”, focusing on the joys of the ball-and-chain. Ask listeners for advantages to being married that you rarely hear about.
BS NEWLYWED DICTIONARY:
• Bride – A woman who looks happy but isn’t … the look is triumph.
• Kissing – A method of getting 2 people so close together that they can’t possibly see anything wrong with each other.
• Marriage – A process much like a cafeteria: you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best … and pay later.
• Sex Drive – A physical craving which appears at puberty and ends at marriage.
• True Love – A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
• Wife – A person who only lasts as long as a marriage, however, an ex-wife is forever.
• Smart Wife – One who makes her husband feel as if he is head of the house when, in reality, he is only chairman of the entertainment committee.
• Husband – What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed.
• Smart Husband – One who thinks twice before saying nothing.
– “Quinn’s Devious Dictionary”

TODAY is “Sunglasses Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the 1942 debut of ‘Ray-Ban Sunglasses’. Shades as we know them today are a 20th century phenomenon. In the 1930s, the military commissioned glasses that would protect pilots from sun glare. But they didn’t become a real fad until the 1960s when an ad campaign asked, “Who’s Behind those Foster Grants?”.

Dozens of gophers are being caught and assigned names in preparation for THIS WEEKEND’S annual “World Super Gopher Derby” in Eston SK. It’s such a landmark event for the town, they erected a statue of a giant 8-ft gopher on the main street in 1987.
PHONER: 306.962.4444 (Municipal Office)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1929 [76] 1st ‘Color TV’ demonstrated (it only takes 40 years to catch on)

1995 [10] Actor Hugh Grant is caught engaging in ‘lewd conduct’ with Hollywood hooker Divine Brown in a rented BMW

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1859 [146] The melody of the world’s most-sung song “Happy Birthday to You” is composed by Louisville KY school teacher Mildred J Hill (published in 1893 as “Good Morning To All” with lyrics written by her sister Patty Smith Hill).  According to statistics, the song is sung somewhere in the world every minute of every day.

1994 [11] 1st music release on the Internet (Aerosmith-“Head First”)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1980 [25] “O Canada” unanimously accepted by House of Commons and Senate as Canada’s national anthem, with ‘special allowance for possible changes of words’ (written by Calixa Lavallee & Adolphe-Basile Routhier, it was officially proclaimed Canada’s national anthem a few days later on July 1, 1980)

2000 [05] 1st ever ‘Underwater Leg’ of an Olympic torch relay, through Australia’s Great Barrier Reef on the way to Sydney

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1949 [56] ‘Largest Canadian Majority Government’ in history as Louis St Laurent’s Liberals win 191 seats to 41 for Conservatives, 13 for CCF and 10 for Social Credit

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Paul Bunyan Day
[Tues] Columnists Day
[Wed] Camera Day
[Wed] “War of the Worlds” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Meteor Day
[Thurs] Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
[Thurs-July 10] Montréal Jazz Festival
[Fri] Canada Day (no BS service)
This Week Is . . . Assistant Principals Week
This Month Is . . . Fireworks Safety Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REALLY ROTTEN SUMMER CAMPS FOR KIDS:
• Roadkill Culinary Camp
• Learn-to-Swim or Else Camp
• Father Larry’s Naturalist Altar Boy Camporee
• Camp Itchibug of Muskoka
• Lil’ Toiler Textile Mill & Summer Camp
• Incontinent Palomino Trail Riding Camp
• Bring-Your-Mommy Sissy-Boy Camp
• Skeeter Camp of the Canadian North
• Mr & Mrs Cranky’s Camp for Kids Whose Parents Don’t Love Them, Don’t Want Them Around, and Won’t Even Pay for a Halfway Decent Camp

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• One thing I’ve learned in this biz … never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
• I lost a bundle playing the slots on the weekend. I’ve finally figured out gambling is just a way of getting nothing for something.

BS ANIMALIA:
• Pigs don’t sweat at all. How do they cool off?
a) They roll in the mud.
b) They catch breezes in their oversized ears.
c) They lose moisture through their noses. [CORRECT]

• Which breed of dog has webbed feet and 2 coats of fur?
a) Newfoundland [CORRECT]
b) Labrador Retriever
c) Manitoba Mallard

• What’s a baby eel called? Is it an….
a) Elvis?
b) Elver? [CORRECT]
c) Eely?

• Which animal has been successfully trained to herd sheep?
a) Pigs
b) Geese [CORRECT]
c) Snakes

• A common house fly processes visual information….
a) Slower than humans?
b) 5 times faster than humans?
c) 10 times faster than humans? [CORRECT. Explaining why they’re so hard to swat.]

• Spain literally means….
a) The land of rabbits. [CORRECT]
b) The home of the bulls.
c) Horse pasture.

BS WEB GOODIES:
• Find out what your name is an acronym for with the online ‘Cyborg Generator’. We found out Da Bull is an acronym for ‘Biomechanical Unit Limited to Learning’.
NET: http://www.cyborgname.com
• Give on-air lessons on how to heckle or run a contest for the best heckling with the help of the online ‘Baseball Heckle Depot’, compiled by Michael Tolley of Toronto. A few examples of good umpire heckling: “If you’re just gonna watch the game, get a ticket!”, “We know you’re blind, we’ve seen your wife!”, and how about “When your dog barks twice, it’s a strike!”.
NET: http://www.heckledepot.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 17% of men think about THIS every single day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A former lover.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When success turns your head, you’re facing failure.

 


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