Friday, June 24, 2005        Edition: #3063
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEKEND some 150,000 fans are expected for the UK’s annual “Glastonbury Music Festival” which features The Killers, Coldplay, Keane, White Stripes and international DJs in a unique outdoor ‘Silent Disco’ where participants will be given special headsets so they can listen to music as loud as they like and dance all night – without neighbors hearing a peep . . .
THIS FALL 10 celebrities who aren’t known for singing will compete in a new edition of “American Idol” to be called “Celebrity Idol”, which will pony up $1 million to the winner’s favorite charity . . . Martha Stewart won’t reveal what her catchphrase (her version of “You’re fired”) is going to be on the spinoff show “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” but promises we’ll find it ‘quite different’ (“Screw off!”?) . . . The retro reality show “Hit Me Baby One More Time” has plummeted from being NBC-TV’s most popular summer show to 37th in the TV ratings overall (it’s falling faster than the careers of the has-beens on the show) . . . Municipal councillors in Prince George BC have voted to cancel a controversial AUGUST 27th pay-per-view event called “Battle of the Hockey Enforcers” which would have put 16 former NHL, semi-pro, university and junior hockey ‘tough guys’ on the ice for a series of brawls (council decided it was a rip-off of the local weekly live action show ‘Saturday Night in Prince George’) . . . Lindsay Lohan has been removed from “Herbie: Fully Loaded” posters because the blond-haired, bean-pole actress no longer resembles the red-headed, busty girl she was in the picture . . . The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has decided it will NOT create an Oscar category for stunts, saying it’s trying to find ways to reduce the number of awards not increase them . . . And word has it Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughan have been looking very friendly on the set of their new film “The Breakup”, currently filming in Chicago, even showing a little affection in between scenes (aww, ain’t that sweet for poor widdle Jen?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – TONIGHT they do the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Gwen Stefani – Her next single “Cool” is about a relationship gone wrong but the couple moves on to become friends. She admits it was inspired by her ex-boyfriend, No Doubt bass player Tony Kanal.
• John Mellencamp – TONIGHT he & John Fogerty kick off a summer tour in Cincinnati OH.
• Lil’ Kim – TODAY she faces sentencing for lying to a federal grand jury about a 2001 shootout at a NYC radio station that involved her entourage. She could be facing up to 20 years in prison.
• Rascal Flatts – THIS MORNING they’re on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Bewitched” (PG-13 Comedy): In this bigscreen riff on the Elizabeth Montgomery TV sitcom that aired from 1964-72, Will Ferrell plays an actor who tries to revive his career by remaking a classic TV show about a witch, but unknowingly he casts a real witch in the lead role (Nicole Kidman). Kidman was instructed not to twitch her nose in public (her character’s trademark way of casting a spell) until after the film was released. Before she was cast as ‘Samantha’, Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz & Alicia Silverstone were all considered.
• “Land of the Dead” (R-rated Horror Thriller): The last humans on Earth live in a walled city to protect themselves as the living dead have taken over the world. Simon Baker, John Leguizamo & Dennis Hopper star. The 4th in fimmaker George Romero’s zombie films that include “Night of the Living Dead” (1968), “Dawn of the Dead” (1978), and “Day of the Dead” (1985). Partly filmed in Toronto.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 99.4% of dental hygienists are women.
• 56% of workers eat food left out around the office at least once a week.
• 52% of us have taken X-rated pictures with our significant other.
• 40% of adults have done ironing at home while naked or nearly naked.
• 36% of men wouldn’t go on a 2nd date with a woman if they didn’t like what she was wearing.
• 30% of married women don’t know how much money their husbands make.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES:
A new study published in the journal “Nature” finds that the brain appears to use relatively few cells to record something it sees. When scientists sampled brain cell activity in people who were looking at pictures, they found that specific cells reacted to a particular famous person, landmark, animal or object. In one case, only one single cell was activated to recognize photos of Halle Berry. (Cool, you know what this means? We may be just one cell away from deleting all memory of Paris Hilton!)
– CTV News

SOON MALL RATS WILL WEAR SARIS:
What will reportedly become the ‘World’s Largest Shopping Mall’ is set to be built in India. The ‘Mall of India’, located on the Delhi-Jaipur highway, will cover more than 32 acres and feature parking for 10,000 cars. (They’re lying –  West Edmonton Mall covers 121 acres and can park 20,000-plus vehicles. But just to make sure it doesn’t lose the title, it will annex Red Deer.)
– “Times of India”

SHOOTING BLANKS:
In a bit of a role reversal, infertility is becoming a bigger problem for men than women, according to scientists. A report from the European Society of Human Reproduction & Embryology that tracks trends in fertility treatments suggests that sterility in men is becoming more common as female infertility improves. The latest treatment for men who produce few or weak sperm is called ‘intra-cytoplasmic injection’. (Owww! Don’t even like the sound of that!)
– “Times of London”

CURVY WOMEN LAST LONGER:
Curvaceous, voluptuous women are more likely to live longer than their slimmer friends. For good looks and good health, the feminine ideal really should be an hourglass figure with well-defined hips. Think Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sophia Loren. It turns out that those wide hips help protect women against potentially fatal heart conditions, according to researchers from the Institute of Preventative Medicine in Copenhagen. Why? Hip fat appears to contain a beneficial natural anti-inflammatory protein hormone called adiponectin that actually prevents arteries from swelling up and becoming blocked. Here’s the magic number: Your hips need to measure 40 inches with a dress size of 14 for the most benefit. (Seen Courtney Love lately? She’s gonna live forever!)
– “Manchester Evening News”

HUFFERS ARE GONNA HATE THIS:
BP has developed a ‘lite gasoline’ that doesn’t intoxicate people who sniff it. Huffing gas is a problem in many remote Aboriginal communities in both North America and Australia, especially among teens, and it can cause brain damage. BP spent a year developing what it’s named ‘Opal’, a gasoline with no lead and less than 5% aromatics. (Now kids will be forced to mainline it.)
– “New Scientist”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP”
• THIS WEEK Japanese restaurant chain Lucky Pierrot began serving a deep-fried whale burger, topped with lettuce & mayo. (‘The Big Moby’?)
• Wimbledon referee Alan Mills wants to crack down on grunting tennis players. THIS WEEK Russian babe Maria Sharapova, the defending women’s champ, was recorded by an unofficial ‘gruntometer’ at 101.2 decibels while on Center Court . ([Co-host] just got really turned on.)
• Here’s the new trend in wedding gifts – money registries. Yep, more and more couples are  now asking for ‘donations’ in lieu of a wedding gift to help defray the costs of the wedding or a mortgage, while others solicit cash for honeymoon expenses. (“RSVP. Gift registry with T-D Canada Trust …”)
• 22-year-old British artist Ebony Andrews is making usable art from – roadkill. For instance, she recently made a beheaded owl into an extremely unique desk organizer. (Problem is, you have to write everything in red ink.)

DID YOU KNOW?:
• Bank robberies are most often committed on Friday.
• On an average day, Americans eat 350 slices of pizza … every second!

AND WE QUOTE:
 “I don’t think that’s what’s needed to win an Oscar for me. Personally I think there are other things you can do to show people you have talent.”  – Actress Lindsay Lohan when  “Access Hollywood” asked if she’d ever do a nude scene.

THE BULL SHEET 06.24.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [63] Mick Fleetwood, Redruth UK, classic rock band leader/drummer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”) who now co-owns auction house Fleetwood Owen

1949 [56] John Illsley, Leicester UK, classic rock musician (Dire Straits-“Money for Nothing”)

1958 [47] Jean Charest, Sherbrooke QC, Québec Premier since 2003 (Liberal)/former federal PC leader

1961 [44] Curt Smith, Bath UK, classic rock musician (Tears for Fears-“Everybody Wants To Rule the World”)

1967 [38] Sherry Stringfield, Colorado Springs CO, TV actress (‘Dr Susan Lewis’ on “ER” 1994-96, 2001-present)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Pop singer Carly Simon (“You’re So Vain”) is 60; Pop singer George Michael (Faith”) is 42; Guitarist Sean Kelly (Sixpence None the Richer) is 34; TV actress Linda Cardellini (“ER”) is 30.
 
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Classic rocker Mick Jones (The Clash) is 50; TV actor/pop singer Chris Isaak (“Wicked Game”) is 49; TV actor Mark McKinney (“Kids in the Hall”) is 46; Rocker Colin Greenwood (Radiohead) is 36; TV actor Sean Hayes (“Will & Grace”) is 35; Movie actor Chris O’Donnell (“Batman & Robin”) is 35; Country singer Gretchen Wilson (“Redneck Woman”) is 31.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Puerto Rico] “San Juan Day”

TODAY to July 3rd, Diana Krall, Sonny Rollins & Dr John are just a few of the performers scheduled for this year’s “TD Canada Trust Downtown Jazz Festival” in Toronto, which takes place at Nathan Phillips Square and nearly 40 other local venues.

TODAY is “St-Jean Baptiste Day”, the “Fête Nationale” holiday, in the province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across the country. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers.

TODAY is the annual “Celebration of the Senses”, when you’re encouraged to treat yourself to stimulation of each of your 5 senses. (First, everyone take off your shoes …)

TODAY is the 7th annual “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International as a way to ‘lick’ workday blahs.
PHONER: 336.983.9222 (Pet Sitters International, King NC)
NET: http://www.petsit.com/tydtwd/default.asp

SUNDAY is “Log Cabin Day”, honoring the structure that has become the ‘American Folk Dwelling’, a symbol of both self-reliance and practicality. When people started moving west across the country, they needed homes that could be built fast. The log cabin was the answer since it could be built with materials found on hand. Presidents Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln were both born in log cabins. The state of Michigan holds it’s annual “Log Cabin Day” on the last SUNDAY of JUNE when the public is invited to visit historic, authentic, unique and picturesque cabins statewide.

SUNDAY is “Sense of Humor in Bed Appreciation Day”. (So [co-host], what’s it like being laughed at?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1880 [125] 1st performance of “O Canada” (surprise, it’s in Québec City!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1922 [83] ‘AFPA’ (American Professional Football Association) changes name to ‘NFL’ (National Football League) and ‘Chicago Staleys’ become ‘Chicago Bears’

1923 [82] The ‘Peanut Butter Cup’ is invented by HB Reese

1947 [58] 1st documented ‘UFO’ sighting (pilot Ken Arnold reports ‘9 silvery discs appeared out of nowhere’ over Mt Rainier WA, later dubbed ‘flying saucers’ by a newspaper reporter)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1973 [32] 15-year-old Marlene Raymond limbos under a flaming bar at just 6 1/8 inches

COMING UP . . .
[1 week today] Canada Day
[Sat] Log Cabin Day
[Mon] Discovery Day (NL)
[Mon] Canadian Multiculturalism Day
[Mon] Decide to be Married Day
[Mon] HIV Testing Day
[Mon] Special Recreation for Disabled Day
[Tues] Paul Bunyan Day
[Tues] Columnists Day
[Wed] Camera Day
[Wed] “War of the Worlds” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is . . . Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week
This Month Is . . . Fireworks Safety Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• Are there really 26 vitamins in all but some of the letters are yet to be discovered?
• Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
• How do you tell when you’ve run out of invisible ink?
• What is a ‘free gift’? Aren’t all gifts free?
• Can you set a laser printer to ‘stun’?
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?

BS ‘IT PAYS TO BE IGERNANT’:
Your contestant must get the answers to the following rapid-fire questions WRONG in order to win [what they CAN’T say is in brackets]. Hey, it’s harder than it seems!
• What’s the US national holiday coming up in July called? [4th of July; Independence Day.]
• What’s the Canadian national holiday coming up July 1st called? [Canada Day]
• This is the activity featured in the TV reality show “Dancing With the Stars”. [Ballroom Dancing.]
• Name 3 common toppings for a hot dog. [Ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, etc.]
• What’s the name of the Major League Baseball team based in St Louis? [Cardinals; Cards.]
• Something you might toast on a campfire. [Wieners; marshmallows.]
• This is said to be the ‘color of the season’ for this summer’s fashions. [White.]
• Something you commonly do at the beach. [You decide.]
• The kind of car featured in the new movie “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. [VW; Beetle; Bug.]
• 14% of men believe this is grounds for divorce. [An overweight wife.]
• Name a band that will be featured at “Live 8″. [Can’t say any act that’s lined up.]

BS ‘SING LIKE A MARTIN’ CONTEST:
Got Coldplay tix to give away? Have phone contestants attempt to mimic Chris Martin (whose vocals are frankly beginning to all sound the same). Here’s the big restriction, however – they can’t sing any words whatsoever, only Martinesque falsetto oohs and ahhs.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could star in a love scene with any living actor or actress, whom would you want to act with and where would you want it filmed?
• What truly awful baby names pretty much guarantee that a kid will someday get beaten up? (“Weekly World News” suggests Fanny, Tucker, Precious, Adolf, Rosepetal Hummingbird, Harry & Dick.)
• The Canadian “Live 8″ concert lineup is being criticized for being lame. What one homegrown act would you add to spice it up?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More of THESE are blue than any other color.    
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toothbrushes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Hot dogs are best when served with a ball game.

FREE SHEET:
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