Thursday, June 9, 2005        Edition: #3052
Sheet For Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Jimmy Fallon hosts the pre-taped “2005 MTV Movie Awards” (MuchMusic in Canada), featuring performances by Mariah Carey & Eminem, a 20th anniversary reunion of the cast of “The Breakfast Club”, and appearances by Nicole Kidman, Hilary Swank, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba & Lindsay Lohan (and don’t fail to miss another gag-worthy Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes make-out session on the red carpet!) . . . TONIGHT John Fogerty (CCR), Isaac Hayes (“Shaft”), Bill Withers (“Ain’t No Sunshine”) & Steve Cropper (Booker T & The MGs) are among the 2005 inductees to the “Songwriters Hall of Fame” being honored in NYC . . . TONIGHT’s edition of the NBC-TV retro-talent series “Hit Me Baby One More Time” (the top summer reality show debut so far) features The Knack, The Motels & Vanilla Ice (there’s something really sad about these has-beens desperately seeking recognition again) . . . Organizers of the “Live 8″ concerts have announced another called “Long Walk to Justice” featuring Annie Lennox, Travis, Snow Patrol, Dido and others in Edinburgh, Scotland on JULY 6th, just as G8 leaders gather in nearby Gleneagles (all the concerts will be carried live online at AOL in the ‘biggest interactive event in history’) . . . “Us Weekly” reports Paris Hilton looked at a couple dozen engagement rings before settling on a flawless 24-carat, emerald-cut diamond with platinum band – worth $5 million (Paris Latsis had to ask daddy for a raise on his allowance) . . . And we saw this coming – Nestor Estrada, the NYC hotel employee who was attacked by Russell Crowe, has lawyered up with a personal-injury ambulance-chaser who’s promising to sue for at least a million and possibly earnings-for-life due to damages caused by the ‘frightening incident’ (the sad thing is, he’ll likely be given a couple-hundred-grand just to go away).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – Their 1980 album “Back in Black” (produced by Mutt Lange) has just been certified for sales of 21 million copies, tying it for 5th place with Billy Joel’s “Greatest Hits Vol 1 & II” on the RIAA’s all-time best-sellers list.
• Brooks & Dunn – Their next album, expected for a late summer release, will include Sheryl Crow and Vince Gill providing harmonies on one track.
• Coldplay – TONIGHT their ‘Live’ performance on MuchMusic gets a replay at 6 pm ET.
• Foo Fighters – TONIGHT they’ll appear on the “MTV Movie Awards”, then again on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
THIS WEEK a script based on the popular video game “Halo”, financed & developed by Microsoft, was simultaneously submitted to each Hollywood studio and put up for bid (talk about your direct approach!) . . . After several delays, “Mission: Impossible 3″ will finally start shooting in Italy JULY 18th (it was originally scheduled to be in theaters by now) . . . If the upcoming superhero movies “Batman Begins” & “Superman Returns” are hits, we’re likely to see a future film featuring both of them, in which ‘Bruce Wayne’s’ girlfriend dies and the ‘Dark Knight’ blames the ‘Caped Crusader‘ . . . Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum (“Phantom of the Opera”) & Mike Vogel (“Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”) have been added to the cruise ship passenger list for the remake of the 1972 disaster flick “The Poseidon Adventure” . . . Nicolas Cage & Will Smith will share time in the comedy “Time Share, about 2 families who accidentally get booked into the same vacation condo the same week (hijinks ensue) . . . The release of the “Pink Panther” remake starring Steve Martin has been pushed back from AUGUST to FEBRUARY, usually a sign of problems (such as poor reaction from test audiences) . . . 37-year-old Molly Ringwald says she’s interested in making a sequel to her 1984 hit “Sixteen Candles”, because ‘the time seems right’ (to her, the time seems right for ANY work) . . . And director Joel Silver is set to shoot a bigscreen version of “Wonder Woman” in Australia and one of the leading candidates for the lead role is the suddenly red-hot Katie Holmes.

HAVE A COW:
TODAY in a wacky Dairy Queen stunt to promote its new ‘MooLatte’ frozen drink, a year’s supply of the frozen coffee drinks will be awarded to – anyone who shows up with a cow at participating outlets! It sounds like a fun promotion but franchise owners and public health officials have several concerns: What if cows violate health regulations by sticking their heads in doorways or drive-thru windows? What about kids petting cows while eating ice cream? And what about all those cow patties? Perhaps that’s why less than 40 of Dairy Queen’s 572 Canadian outlets are expected to participate. (Including Melfort SK … good excuse for a CJVR remote, ain’t it Bill?)
– CNEWS

SEARCHING FOR ELVIS:
A worldwide search to find the top impersonator of ‘The King’ is being staged by an Elvis Presley museum. The ‘Elvis-A-Rama Museum’ will hold open auditions in Las Vegas in AUGUST, then move into elimination round events on 4 continents. The winner will be crowned on a reality TV show and given a recording opportunity. (Why not hold a competition to find a local candidate?)
– BBC News

WORN OUT WORDS:
Each year, Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste Marie, Michigan collects a list of words and phrases that should be banished from the English language due to overuse or misuse. The  2005 list includes …
• Enemy Combatants – Can you have friendly combatants?
• Carbs – Low carbs, high carbs, no carbs, carb-friendly … it’s getting sickening!
• You’re Fired! – Even more worn out than “The Apprentice” show.
• Blog – Sounds like something your mother would slap you for saying.
• Zero Percent Financing – Why not just say ‘no interest’?
• Flip Flopping – Belongs at the beach, not in a political dialogue.
• Improvised Explosive Device – As opposed to what used to be referred to as a bomb or mine?
• Safe & Effective – It shouldn’t be a selling point, it should be a requirement!
• Body Wash – Also known as ‘soap’.
• All New – Referring to TV shows. Why can’t they just say ‘new’ or ‘not a rerun’?
• ‘Izzle’–speak – By far, the abomination that received the most nominations.
And what words are eating you?
NET: http://www.lssu.edu/banished/current.php

NEW ORLEANS IS SINKING & I DON’T WANNA SWIM:
By 2100 much of southern Louisiana may sink into the Gulf of Mexico. And the Texas coastline, including Galveston, could soon follow. That’s the controversial conclusion of a new report published by the US National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration that finds the northern Gulf of Mexico is sinking much faster than geologists previously thought – as much as 5 feet per century. (Oh oh. Anyone interested in my beach property in Biloxi?)
– “Houston Chronicle”

ANOTHER REASON TO THROW YOUR PHONE AWAY:
Carrying a cellphone in your pocket or on your belt could lead to infertility, a new report claims. A UK study of men aged 18-to-35 found those who carry a phone in this way have lower sperm counts by almost 15% than those who didn’t. Their sperm was also found to have lower mobility and a weaker concentration. (That’s why girls now ask their dates, “Are you on the cellphone?”)
– “Daily Mail”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 77% of employers agree that a man is a better employee if he’s a father.
• 70% of us warm up leftovers in the microwave at least twice a week.
• 55% of all Americans, 15 and older, are married.
• 40% of us believe we possess ‘common sense’.
• 29% of men who take a paternity test are found not to be the father.
• 20% of us have impacted wisdom teeth.
• 19% of women with university degrees keep their maiden name after they marry, a trend that’s diminishing not growing.

BULL’S INTERNATIONAL MOOS:
• THIS WEEK in the Serbian village of Odzaci traffic came to a halt and locals fled indoors when it started raining – frogs. Thanks to a whirlwind sucking up the little hoppers from a nearby lake, thousands of them fell from a huge green ‘cloud’ in the sky. Some villagers feared it was the end of the world. (This is the way the word ends, not with a bang but a ribbit.)
• Wildlife experts in India’s northeastern state of Assam are experimenting with ‘red chili bombs’ to keep wild elephants away from villages. (Phew! Seems [co-host] has been doing some experimenting himself.)
• After 3 men broke into her Ulyanovsk home brandishing guns and demanding money, a 41-year-old Russian housewife flung herself at one of them and managed to hold him captive for more than an hour by – sitting on him. The 20-year-old thief suffered swollen and bruised limbs. After all, the woman weighs 270 lbs!
• The monsoon rains needed for crops in Nepal have been delayed this year so more than 100 women took matters into their own hands in the remote mountain village of Darbang. They smeared their faces with black powder and danced naked, hoping the Hindu god Mahadev would be pleased and give them rain. (Gee, the forecast is looking a little dry here also …)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Women are more likely than men to smile when giving bad news.
• Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings.

THE BULL SHEET 06.09.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1915 [90] Les Paul (Polfuss), Waukesha WI, electronic music pioneer whose first electric guitar was made by placing the tone-arm of a record player into the back of an acoustic guitar/inventor of multi-track recording/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)  FACTOID: AUGUST 30th he’ll release his first new studio album since 1978, Les Paul & Friends’ “American Made, World Played”.

1961 [44] Michael J Fox, Edmonton AB, movie actor (“Back to the Future” series)/ex-TV actor (“Spin City” 1996-2000) who quit his hit sitcom to launch the Michael J Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research after being diagnosed with the syndrome

1963 [42] Johnny Depp, Owensboro KY, movie actor (“Finding Neverland”, “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”)  COMING UP: Plays ‘Willy Wonka’ in “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” (JULY 15th), and returns as ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ in “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” (JULY 7, 2006).

1965 [40] New Zealand man with world-record 2,310 first names (you oughta see his driver’s license!)

1981 [24] Natalie Portman (Hershlag), Jerusalem, Israel, movie actress (“Star Wars: Episode I-III”, “Closer”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Donald Duck’s 71st Birthday”. On this date in 1934, he was ‘born’ out of the imagination of Walt Disney as the speech-impaired, web-footed movie star of the animated short “The Wise Little Hen”. His voice was provided by Clarence Nash.

TODAY through Sunday the annual “CMA Music Festival” (formerly known as “Fan Fair”) takes over downtown Nashville with musical performances, autograph sessions, family activities, sports events and more. Among the artists appearing are Gretchen Wilson, Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts, Montgomery Gentry, Dierks Bentley, Julie Roberts, LeAnn Rimes, Big & Rich, Jessi Alexander, Sara Evans, Joe Diffie, Tracy Lawrence,  Aaron Tippin, Lee Ann Womack & Travis Tritt. Lynyrd Skynyrd have canceled their appearance due to vocalist Johnny Van Zant’s severe case of strep throat.
NET: http://cmafest.com/2005

TONIGHT the “NBA Finals” begin with the defending champ Detroit Pistons tipping off against the Spurs in San Antonio TX (9 pm ET on ABC-TV). Will Smith performs his hit “Switch” before the players are introduced for the opener. New US citizen Alanis Morissette sings the anthem.
NET: http://www.nba.com/finals2005/index.html

TODAY is “Nursing Assistants’ Day” honoring all CNAs, the caregivers who often get stuck with the dirtiest jobs.
NET: http://www.dbmmgt.com/websuite_Career_Nursing_Assistants

THIS WEEK is “Little League Week”, celebrating the founding of Little League Baseball in 1939 in Williamsport PA with 3 teams. At the time, a $35 donation was enough to purchase uniforms … for all of them! The 2005 “Little League Baseball World Series” is scheduled for August 19-28th.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1822 [183] 1st patent for ‘False Teeth’ (and 1st kid drinks the glass of water on grandma’s night stand)

1899 [106] 1st ‘Moving Staircase’ built, forerunner of the ‘Escalator’

1923 [82] 1st ‘Armored Car’ is introduced by Brinks

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [12] Last Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup as Montréal Canadiens beat LA Kings 4 games to 1 for their 24th championship

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Yo-Yo Day
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Sat] 2005 Belmont Stakes
[Sat] Betty Picnic Day
[Sun] Kitchen Klutzes Day
[Sun] Children’s Sunday
[Mon] Juggling Day
This Week Is . . . Brain Tumor Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Pest Control Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
10 THINGS YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO DO:

10. Have a kid.
9. Get skinny.
8. Get a degree.
7. Become a ‘buff’.
6. Rock on.
5. Habla espanol (or parlez francais).
4. Go AWOL.
3. Switch careers.
2. Mend a fence or build a bridge.
1. Sample haggis.
– “Forbes”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• In your opinion, which animal is the most beautiful?
• If you could have a servant come to your house every day for 1 hour, what would you have them do?

BS INTERVIEW:
Forensics investigator William McDonald has been researching the so-called ‘Loch Ness Monster’ for 12 years. He claims to now have evidence that for the first time reveals what the creature is, proves its existence, and explains why it is only seen in blurry photos. McDonald is also prepared to reveal why the Scottish Highland Government is covering up information about the monster’s true identity.
PHONER: 480.330.7553 (Argonaut-Grey Wolf Productions, Mesa AZ)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Falls are the #1 cause of injury in the home. What’s #2?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Running into glass doors.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The morning is wiser than the evening.
– Russian proverb

 


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